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This might seem like a bold, hyperbolic claim, but it just so happens to be true: I have no regrets about my eating disorder. Of course, there are some behaviors I am not proud of, relationships I have worked fiercely to restore, and memories I still flinch at. But in terms of actual regret, I simply think it's a wasted emotion. While I have absolutely no desire to relive those 15 years of battling anorexia, this formative chapter in my life transformed me into who I am right now—a person for whom I feel genuine love and respect. So if you'll indulge me for a few minutes, I will unpack why I have no regrets about my eating disorder.
On July 16th, 2022, the new three-digit Suicide and Mental Health Crisis Hotline went into full effect. The transition from a 10-digit number to the more convenient and memorable 988 is a positive step toward adequate and widely-accessible mental health resources for all. Moreover, the hotline is no longer solely for suicidal individuals but open to anyone facing a mental health crisis. The overall messaging behind this change is perhaps the most impactful. We hear you; we see you; we'll show you not only through our words but through our actions.
Many individuals, including myself, can take notice of subtleties later when they are no longer the object of verbal abuse. It shocks me as I look back and replay many of these instances in my head. There were several reasons why, however, I never recognized it as abusive, which led me to remain in the same situation for years.
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is the first major mood disorder I suffered from as a kid. However, I did develop early symptoms of bipolar disorder as a teen as well, and that later led to schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder is a very extreme form of what is commonly known as premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Untreated, I don’t have minor bouts of irritability or sadness during my period--I have full-on depression accompanied by suicidal thoughts. The way I treat my PMDD is with birth control pills.
We all experience cycles or patterns of behavior that we want to change. Those of us who have experienced binge eating disorder (BED), or eating disorders in general, know the pain and frustration that is felt when you are trapped in a cycle of disordered, destructive eating. It is especially frustrating when you try to recover and leave behind your old cycles and patterns and you realize you're still stuck in a binge eating cycle.
I didn't get a say in my birth. My mother and father took the executive decision to procreate without my input, and I landed on the scene in the April of 1985 before I could register any objections. Upon my arrival, the doctors deduced a few things: I was a boy. I was healthy. And, given the amount of wailing and thrashing, I appeared mildly inconvenienced by this whole birth scenario. For nearly 32 years after that, the doctors didn't miss much--except to diagnose me with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Before I knew anything about borderline personality disorder (BPD) or antidepressants, I knew that pharmaceutical drugs were bad. Or, at least that's what I was told growing up. I learned from a young age not to trust therapists or doctors. Doctors wanted to poison your body, and therapists wanted to poison your mind. Why would I think that? Well, because then it would be easier for them to control you.
Something I have found about having chronic anxiety is that this often leads to avoiding triggers, which includes avoiding conflict. For example, you might find it difficult to set boundaries in a relationship, or you might find that you've been putting off having a difficult conversation with your supervisor at work. For me, this might look like walking away from arguments or being as diplomatic as possible in an interaction with someone to avoid some sort of conflict.
Many individuals are familiar with the fight, flight, freeze, or appease response to trauma. However, one thing I have learned after years of exposure to verbal abuse is that this automatic response can lead to detrimental procrastination in other areas of my life. 
I'll admit, it's difficult sometimes to separate a discussion of mental health from a discussion of race. It's difficult to separate a discussion of anything from a discussion of race, for that matter. During my mental health journey, while adapting to the nuances of navigating my illness, it was not lost on me that race itself was another nuance to navigate. This is just one example of a very long list of factors that felt completely out of my control. Although difficult to accept, realizing that I couldn't fix everything opened me up to more healing and more peace throughout my mental health journey. I realized I didn't have to feel guilty for compartmentalizing race and my mental health. This can be applied to any factor that may feel out of your control and cause added strain on your pursuit of mental wellness. It's okay to let go and prioritize yourself.

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VC
Just this weekend I had my aunt over to the house for the first time for her birthday weekend and it was a disaster. I don't usually drink vodka, but I bought it for her and I ended up drinking way too much on Saturday into early Sunday morning. My boyfriend has a habit of bringing up past issues we have had when we have company or in a group setting, knowing I don't lie it, but he does it anyway. This one story he talked about with my aunt, he already talked about with two other groups in the past month, even though we discussed it and dealt with it. I was furious and argued with him because he wants to bring these things up just to be right, he doesn't care how it makes me feel.

So I drank more because I was furious. And around 1am Sunday morning, I went to the washroom and fell back against the toilet tank and broke the tank. Water spilled out and seaped through to our ceiling below, causing some water damage. And a little dripped to our neighbors place below us.

I am taking ownership and doing everything to fix it, and have decided to stop drinking completely. But it is important for your significant other to be supportive as well. We talked about everything the next day calmly, but he stills rubs it in my face. I am well aware of what I did and feel bad about it, since it also happened in front of my aunt, who is like a mother to me. I know I did a bad thing, but I don't believe in making someone feel worse than they already do. Show support for those you love and help them through the situation. We feel bad enough as it is.
Hk
My child has Autism and ADHD. I try so hard to hold patience and understanding for him but find myself snapping even moments after saying I won’t scream, I won’t react. I hate myself for it and hope he grows up okay. I don’t know what to do. I think he tries to get on my nerves on purpose sometimes although he says he doesn’t. I just wish I had the patience of a saint.
HK
Thank you for sharing, I'm going through a similar thing with my BF. Although we've only been together a year and a half, it feels like a lifetime because of the highs and lows. He decided to ghost me last week, and it nearly killed me tbh. I don't feel like I can walk away tho, when I said I loved him and would be there I meant it. So I have decided to do a similar thing to you, just drop off a small gift and a positive 'thinking of you/I'm still here for you' type note. Its freaking hard tho, cos at the same time I have to move on and look after myself, and it feels like Im leaving my love behind. Mental illness is such a curse, being with him has taught me levels of empathy I never knew I was capable of. I just need to make sure to prioritise myself while supporting him. I have no idea wha the outcome will be, and living with that uncertainty is the hardest thing. I hope, and pray that we will be together, but have to face that fact that I don't control that. And still be true to myself and support him, because I know he's at the lowest ebb of his life.
Tim Johnson
Are there varying degrees of bi polar such that if you have a less severe case then doing without medication is a possibility?
Frances Van
I also have ADHD and have been lost since birth. Do we all wonder...with a 50/50 chance of turning left or right, why am I wrong 90% of the time? I get disoriented in hotel bathrooms, even in my household bathroom if I don't turn the light on. I panic and begin feeling my way along the wall looking for the light switch or door and end up stumbling into the bathtub. When I go to places unfamiliar, I count my steps and say aloud each turn I take so I can backtrack. Otherwise, I will end up in an operating room, restaurant kitchen, or set off an emergency exit alarm. For the person wondering if it's lack of attention, not for me, and probably not the others when alone. With ADHD you pay attention when something is important to you. When you find yourself in a dark, desolate area with your gas fragments empty or you make one wrong turn and end up in another city; directions quickly become important to you Unfortunately, trying to navigate without N-S-E-W understanding is like opening a can without a can opener. So you decide to just stick with places you're familiar with, work and home. A car stops and asks you for directions. You say I'm sorry, I don't know this area. Then you wait for the car to drive away before carrying the mail back into your house. Lastly, According to 23 and Me, they detected a variant associated with having a worse sense of direction.