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I have bad dreams pretty much every night. They take place in different locations, with different people, but the nightmare is always the same. I am desperately trying to get people from my past to accept and love me. Despite my best attempts, I am always rejected. Everyone always hates me and I feel completely worthless and unworthy to be around anyone. When I wake up, I feel sad and depressed. Not my favorite way to start the day.
When everyday my ToDo list is filled with ToDidn’ts, here’s how I keep my spirits up.
I hope my bipolar can get better; I dream to be free of bipolar disorder. Oxford dictionary defines hope as an expectation and a desire combined. It's synonyms are wish, ambition and dream. I dream of sunshine, freshly mowed grass and the absence of bipolar disorder. Can my dream become a reality? Can my bipolar get better? How can I accomplish this?
There you are knee deep in errands and you suddenly remember what it is you forgot to do last night before you went to bed. Quick! Write it down before you forget! Until I learned to do this simple act, many wonderful ideas were lost to the ether—never to be thought again. A reader suggests one way to prevent that from happening.
I thought I would discuss what I use as my favorite tools and resources for learning about and dealing with my anxiety and phobias. Reading Material- The biggest help that I have gotten has been from the book The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook Fourth Edition by Edmund J. Bourne. The guidance in this book touches on everything that I can think of on how to manage your anxiety and phobias. I highly recommend trying to find this book at your local library. I was hopeless and this book gave me the motivation to take control of my life again. Main things that helped me were learning about Self Talk, Positive Affirmations and Mistaken Beliefs.
Amanda_HP
I first noticed depression symptoms in the spring of 1990. At the time, I was a part-time college professor, with three healthy children, a loving husband, a beautiful home, and money in the bank when clinical depression (aka major depression) grabbed me and brought me to my knees. When I was finally diagnosed with clinical depression, I asked how can I be depressed? We knew about situational depression, but very little about clinical depression.
Amanda_HP
Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) is a treatment for depression and other psychiatric disorders. One source of information for this essay is the article in Psychiatric Services in the September 2001 issue, entitled “Electroconvulsive Therapy.” ECT treatment is administered by trained professionals in a medical setting. Usually a psychiatrist and an anesthesiologist are present. While I am not a provider of ECT, I have referred patients with depression for this treatment. I refer patients for ECT when other types of treatment have been ineffective in treating a mood disorder. This is a particularly attractive option in persons with severe, recurrent depression who are at risk for suicide.
What do you say to taking chances? Starting fresh. Being you, but better. Would you take a chance to live the life you've always dreamed of? Would you do anything to trash your bipolar life and evolve into an improved you? Jump off the edge even if you're afraid. You're worth it.
We live in scary times. Between the recession and natural disasters, you never know when a crisis could hit your home. Many people are one pay check away from losing everything. We live in scary, stressful times. It makes sense that now is the time to plan and prepare for what may lie ahead. We can't predict the future, but we can do our best to prepare for it. And if we are prepared, we won't have as much fear.
How do you prevent yourself from leaving things behind all the time? Let me introduce to you my patent-pending ADHD Fuddy Duddy System™!

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Natasha Tracy
Hi Sam,

Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry you're having such overwhelming experiences. That sounds hard.

I would say that when I get really wrapped up in talking to myself because of hypomania, it's similar but I don't feel like I'm in an imagined place or dreaming. That's the part that may be concerning.

If you're experiencing distress because of these experiences, you absolutely should tell your doctor -- and make it clear that it's causing your distress. It does sounds like it falls into the mild psychosis category, but that doesn't occur with cyclothymia. That only occurs in bipolar I. Of course, you may be experiencing bipolar and psychotic symptoms, just in an unusual way. (There is a category of bipolar disorder for this called "Other Specified Bipolar and Related Disorder.") https://www.healthyplace.com/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-types/what-are-the-types-of-bipolar-disorder

Experiences like that are normally treated with antipsychotics. A low dose of one of those medications may be just what you need. Antipsychotics are serious medication, though, so you want to carefully consider whether you think it's worth taking them. Thoroughly discussing your options with your doctor should help you make that decision: https://www.healthyplace.com/thought-disorders/schizophrenia-articles/antipsychotic-medications-for-treating-psychotic-illness

If you choose to go down the medication route, go slowly and continually assess along the way. There are many antipsychotics available, so it can take time to find the right one for you.

It's really good that you've recognized these issues in yourself. Now you can work on lessening them.

Good luck.

-- Natasha Tracy
Amanda F.
To Cassie Peterson- I am 16 and just recieved my Sacrement of 10th grade confirmation on May19th.All of us girls had to wear,white,poofy,short sleeve,floor length dresses with a veil,wrist length gloves and under our dresses,a white undershirt with a 10 ply thick cloth diaper,white adult size rubberpants,white tights and the white patent leather shoes! The parish gave each of us girls the white rubberpants and our moms had to make the diaper.Our tights had to be the high waist kind to completely cover our diaper and rubberpants.Our moms used baby powder on us when they put the diaper and rubberpants on us,so we all smelled of babypowder! It was a little embarrassing for all of us girls,as the boys knew we all had to wear the diaper and rubberpants under our tights.Towards the end of my party,mom took the diaper off of me and i had to wear the rubberpants under the tights untill bedtime!
Wboobo
Not helpful but very kind and very professional
Carol
I am so sorry to hear you are battling myeloma - horrible disease. I feel for you and understand your post completely!!
Emily W
Thank you I need to read this. So many articles seem go from the adult child side and basically says the mother is always wrong I admit I am not perfect. But latitude I have to given them is not given back - no respect.. All I ever wanted to do is love & support them and let find their way. They are very successful adults my children I did /do not have any hidden agenda just try my best. Yet I feel like I have walk on eggs shell and if I voice an opinion it often seem as negative or criticism which it is not. What makes it worst is my husband their father can say the same things and his comments are greeted warmly, he is praised Really starting to feel I need to be invisible in family occasions. Just smile and listen yet feel so emotional that if I say something I met with hostile response.