Depression Says I Don't Care About Anything
I'm experiencing a profound depression right now, and I can tell you that I don't care about anything. I was thinking about how little I care. Good things have happened. Bad things have happened. But I don't care. Nothing touches me enough for me to actually care about it. Depression has definitely convinced me that I don't care about people, places, things, and everything in between.
'I Don't Care,' Says the Depressed Brain
Or, at least, depression has convinced my brain that I don't care about anything. Depression seems to have wrapped my brain in a thick, wet, uncomfortable, heavy, woolen blanket to the point where nothing like caring might escape. Nothing to care about comes in. No caring from me about anything goes out. When I look at the world, I feel nothing of the caring sort. There is a complete disconnection.
But as I said, my depression has my brain convinced that I don't care. It doesn't have my mind convinced of the same. Nope, my mind is out there, fluttering by, reminding me that not only are there things I care about on a normal day, but there are also things I care about right now.
Even Depressed, 'I Don't Care' Isn't True
Exhibit A is the war in Ukraine. I care deeply about the suffering through which the Russian and Ukrainian people are going right now. I truly feel the caring for that tragedy. I suppose the enormity of that suffering is so huge that caring about it becomes bigger and stronger than me and maybe even a blanket-wrapped brain.
And then there are my cats. I adore the little creatures. I care about my cats deeply. I suppose it is the depth of this caring that makes it exist even when it feels like caring about almost anything else has fallen away.
What's more, even though I'm depressed and feel like I don't care, my mind can remind my brain that I have not always felt that way, and it's unlikely I will always feel that way. Yes, depression robs you of the ability to really care for many things, but bipolar depression changes over time, and so does its effect on you. My mind remembers this even when my brain cannot.
Feeling like you don't care because of depression is real and painful and awful. I'm not here to say it's anything else. What I am here to say, though, is don't buy into the lie that depression is telling you. Don't buy into it when depression says you simply don't care. You do. You do care. You may care only about one thing, but you care. You may care only slightly, but you care. And perhaps most importantly, even if the caring is sucked from your marrow, remember that it won't always be that way. Depression will tell you that you don't care, and you never will. Don't believe this lie. You are a lovely, caring person. Your brain is just a little broken right now.
Tracy, N. (2022, March 3). Depression Says I Don't Care About Anything, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, February 2 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2022/3/depression-says-i-dont-care-about-anything
Author: Natasha Tracy
I struggle with this a lot. I tend to just blame my meds. I feel like they dim everything down and make me not have responses or connect to anything. Makes me not want to be on them. I seem to remember depression being different before meds. There were times when I really *did* care. I know it's easy to blame depression, but I'm not sure it's the whole story.
Thank you for your comment. There are other people who feel similarly when it comes to medication. I feel like if medication is dimming everything in your life, it may not be the right medication or the right dose for you. That's definitely something to discuss with your doctor.
And you're right, it's good to look at the whole picture when it comes to any symptom/side effect.
-- Natasha Tracy