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A little while ago I wrote about my experience with eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. I had never heard of EMDR until my therapist, who specializes in trauma therapy, introduced it to me as a way to treat the panic and anxiety I experience associated with a trauma I recently suffered. Now, I'd like to share how I feel immediately following an EMDR session.
Naturally, every victim of verbal abuse has a unique story. While some circumstances may be similar, each person's healing journey from abuse will take its own path and timeline. For myself, it took many years before I was ready to face my past and deal with it to begin healing. As I continue my journey, I have met and spent time with many other abuse survivors who were at different phases of their healing.
Self-harm fanfiction can be a tool for healing or a harmful trigger to self-injure. It all depends on the writer's intent and the reader's discretion.
Living alone has either been the best thing for me or the worst, and it fluctuates often. As an adult living with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), it's easy to stray from the task at hand or spend a whole day doing nothing, which is why I strive to make my apartment ADHD-friendly.
I recently realized there is a safety to wanting nothing. In spite of the fact that wanting nothing in and of itself is horrible, that safety can actually feel comfortable -- especially after a long time.
Receiving affirmation does not come naturally to me. My instinctive reflex is to feel uncomfortable whenever someone compliments me—even if the person doling out this kindness is a family member, close friend, or my partner. I automatically want to minimize the compliment so as to deflect attention as far from myself as possible.
I have aphantasia, a neurodiversity (a different way of thinking), whereby I am unable to visualize. Most of you reading this now can easily imagine a sunset, a calm lake, or fluffy white clouds against a crisp, blue sky. I simply cannot conjure images. Having a blind imagination, as it's sometimes called, used to trigger my anxiety insomuch as my inability to visualize used to cause frustration, anger, confusion, shame, and a feeling of failure.
During my mental health journey, I have experienced the harmful effects of stigma with regard to learning disabilities and mental illness. In school, students bullied me for being the last person to finish tests. Therefore, I thought I was stupid. The stigma placed upon me by my classmates led me to shame (or stigmatize) myself. Thankfully, I have gained many strategies to stop self-stigma from controlling my life. Here are five techniques I use to stop self-stigma.
"Wow, you look so pretty in that dress." -- Compliments like these are hard to accept when you have anxiety. 
Around this time last year, I decided to cancel my gym membership and practice yoga at home to support my binge eating disorder (BED) recovery. I wanted to try a new way of exercising that would help me lean into my recovery. I'd been experiencing a deep shift of motivation in my recovery, and I was encouraged by my counselor and my partner to try something new. I had a feeling I'd outgrown my gym routine, and I wanted to experience a new way to interact with my body. 

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Comments

Liana M. Scott
Hi Cheryl. It's good to know that there are others who experience EMDR treatment the same way. Thanks for sharing your comment.
Cheryl Wozny
Yes! I have the same intense exhaustion after an EMDR treatment. My therapist always says that I should not plan for activities or tasks after my session and to take it easy the rest of the day. Completely normal.
Terry Cliffe
I came to look at your well written extensive work here on the internet to discover the difference between depression and self pity. I don't think one is separate to the other personally. For me self pity is a judgmental phrase used by people who don't understand others who are suffering a the beginnings of a depressed state of mind, mild or severe and has no real definition "Feeling sorry for yourself" linked "to pull yourself together" only adds to the isolation that is created around a person who is suffering unless they have learnt a process to pull themselves together or the person who is judging them knows. Your links into explaining the Victim mode helps the understanding of how we get there. You might find the "drama triangle" an addition to your work. Terry C
D S
I haven’t gone a single day without a song in my head for as long as I can remember (30 years?). And I tell you, when you go into a room to have a meeting and you have ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’ stuck in your head, where it has been for hours, it is frustrating and suuuuuuper difficult to concentrate.
I do have some songs that help melt some of the loudest songs to a more dull roar that I will try to particularly put in my head. But it switches too fast. Like a child fiddling with a radio.
And it isnt just songs, it is words and phrases with no tune, like words like “archipelago” or “vernacular” or “haberdashery”.
My family doctor had no idea. My psychiatrist was the first to mention ‘auditory hallucinations’ but I am not so sure that is correct.
I have tried so many methods to get rid of the songs, like the shout it out variation. But activities like that usually push my mania, (which is already pushing at the seams with the songs)over the edge.
I can’t focus on reading, I can’t meditate because my brain is having a dance party which just pushes me on edge and diving for my playlist to put on something different.
Alice
Hi,
I self harmed for a few weeks, ending a fortnight ago. I’m OK with seeing my scars (I don’t get triggered and I’m not inclined to do it again) and my parents know about them, but I still feel apprehensive about letting them see the scars and talking to them about it. However, I’m going on a swim camp soon, and need to sort something out (like long swim pants or something). How do I start that conversation?