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Getting clean from self-harm isn't easy, and when you're in a dark place, just trying to get better can seem like too much effort for too unlikely a reward. But the work to recover from self-harm is worthwhile—I promise.
Facing verbal abuse can be traumatic for anyone, especially when it continues for years, like in my experience. After existing in a world that includes regular abusive treatment, it can be difficult to see past your own painful situation.
When I was a young woman, before my first psychotic episode, I was incredibly independent. I frequently traveled internationally to Egypt and Brazil to visit my parents, who worked overseas. I also took road trips from Seattle to as far as San Diego by myself. Those days of independence are long gone. As someone with a severe mental illness, I need to connect and rely on people more than I ever imagined, but though I have schizophrenia, I am not a burden.
The combination of confrontation and anxiety is a significant issue for me. We've all had to make that dreaded call to customer service to report an issue. Something has gone wrong, so you're already ticked off, but you do your best to proceed politely. Or, at least, I do. Most times, the issue is resolved quickly and with minimal upset. But then there's that one frustrating experience where nothing goes right, and the resolutions are unacceptable, which triggers so much anxiety that you feel you'll either explode or simply shut down.
Did you know that the most helpful treatment for borderline personality disorder (BPD) is age? According to a 16-year-long study, 88 percent of patients no longer met the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" criteria for BPD after eight years, while 99 percent remitted after 16 years. I just turned 30 myself, and my BPD symptoms have greatly improved over the past 12 years. This is my experience with BPD since becoming an adult.
Most of my thoughts and beliefs about recovery focus on what I can integrate into my routine to help me change harmful patterns. I practice observing my patterns, which manifest in many ways. I observe how I react to stress, how I listen and respond to others, and how I think about myself and others. This is a lot to observe and try to change, and lately, I'm narrowing my focus on my ability to show myself compassion in recovery.
With the holiday rush approaching, I sometimes catastrophize everything that can go wrong while working in retail. My anxiety makes it difficult to enjoy life. But last week, taking a much-needed vacation helped me find joy and relaxation. My mother and I took a holiday-themed bus tour to Dollywood. We didn’t have to pack food or book the hotel, as that was done by the tour company. To learn about how the trip helped me find joy, continue reading this post.
When I had nothing but my mental health struggles, I had writing. I had no answers. I had no knowledge of how to fix or stop my pain. I only had emotions simultaneously carving out and bursting from my aching chest, so I tried to put them into words. In doing so, without knowing it, I was writing my way to recovery.
Healthy coping tools like self-harm comfort audio can play a critical role in the process of getting and staying clean from nonsuicidal self-injury.
Although therapy has immensely benefited me, I've learned it is okay to take a break from therapy. There were times I did not want a break. Sometimes I counted down the days until my next appointment, feeling like it would never arrive. During my darkest days, I talked to a therapist every week, sometimes multiple times a week. However, I also experienced times when I didn't want to talk about my feelings or work through any issues at all. At times, I was not motivated to do the internal work I knew I had to do.

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Justaguy
Thank you, i hurt my friend so much that surprised how he haven't blocked me yet.
But it is that horrible, wish i could transfer all the pain i've caused to myself, even if i would die
Rani Johnson
My 12 year old biological daughter was living her first 10 years of life with her father and his family in a different state until my daughter called me on the phone and wanted to visit. I had 50 % custody and visitation rights.
My parents and I drove down to visit her and when we got there, my daughter told us that her father and his family were physically and emotionally and sexually abusive and that they didn't feed her for weeks on end. Of course we didn't know if it was true or not, so we got a lawyer and I got emergency physical custody of her.
Fast forward two years of her in my custody and she has had some serious behavioral issues- lying, stealing, destruction of property, manipulation, triangulation-pitting one family member against another, self harming, suicidal thoughts, depression and severe anxiety. We've had her in outpatient and inpatient programs multiple times and her behavior is not getting better. A month ago, she claimed that she wanted to kill herself and murder everyone else in the family. In a panic, her teachers and school social worker called the state and had her assessed and put in inpatient again. Now my 70 year old geriatric parents took temporary guardianship of my child and had me thrown out of their house, all because she's saying I was physically and emotionally abusing her. The same story she had about her father, that turned out to be a big fat lie.
My point is my daughter is severely mentally ill and my poor parents believe her lies and I wonder how long it will take for my daughter to turn on them, too.
Roger
The same thing happened to me once before . I believe I was abducted and this was not the first time .
A
Although this reply is 5 years later...this is exactly how I feel. I was abused from age 6-10 by an older cousin. I find now that it's impossible for me to be monogamous. After a certain period of time I can no longer have sex with partner, when we get too close it feels incestuous. I'm ruining a good relationship right now because I've cheated. It feels like it will never end.
Amanda
Hi, I found this from googling the very same experience. I grew up and read like crazy to escape, realized it because of a trauma response TikTok where I just want to run away. Got to thinking the ways I did run away were mostly into books. Ever since I moved out of my parents house three years ago and then out of my sister’s house and in with my BF my drive to read dropped off a cliff. I feel safe with him in a way I’ve never felt before. He has been helping me heal past trauma and with it I have become so much more aware of just how my life before was all about survival. I unfortunately didn’t get to move out of my family’s toxic environment until I was 29 (driving anxiety from getting hit by a truck meant I didn’t even have a license till 27). But would be interesting to talk with someone else with the same trauma response experience.