Blogs
What can a misshapen carrot teach us about the standards we set for ourselves as people with borderline personality disorder?
I recently wrote about 15 Ways to Make Yourself Feel Better After a Bad Day, and I want to expand upon this topic to talk about how we can all feel better in our day-to-day lives. One thing that really stresses me out is clutter. Just the sight of clutter - piles of paper and knick-knacks - makes my body tense up and my mind worry. So I finally decided to do something about it.
"If you drink too much caffeine your head will explode," my son said today. I reassured him that while too much caffeine isn't healthy, heads don't explode from overindulgence. Explaining the irrational nature of his fears puts my son's mind at ease. But what if he had Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder? Maggie, our guest on the HealthyPlace Mental Health Radio Show, says Exposure Therapy is far more effective treatment for OCD than explanations and reassurance.
There's a lot about anxiety that I don't know, but I do know that no matter what variety you're dealing with, it's tough. I can't afford to just sit around and let the waves roll in, no matter how much that might seem like a good idea sometimes.
There are people who think loneliness and children with psychiatric illness go hand in hand in a vicious circle--a child's illness causes him to withdraw; his withdrawal causes society to retreat from him even further. There are others who define themselves as introverts and insist they are not "mentally ill," they are "just" introverts.
Which came first--the introverted chicken, or the mentally ill egg?
Vagus nerve stimulation (VNS) is exactly what it sounds like--stimulation of the vagus nerve in your neck. Stimulation takes place by using electrical impulses (a nice way of saying shocks). When the vagus nerve is stimulated, that stimulation is then carried to various other parts of the nervous system and this is what is thought to be its method of action. This stimulation may alter neurotransmitters like norepinephrine and GABA.
OK, I know, that’s complicated. In short, they zap a nerve in your neck and that’s carried to the brain where it does stuff.
When I was first diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, I did what I always do when faced with something I have no idea how to handle: I went to the library. As a rule, I don't read autobiographical accounts of DID but I voraciously digested everything else I could get my hands on. Most of the literature agreed on the basics of Dissociative Identity Disorder treatment, including the consistent message that establishing internal communication is an essential first step, second only to stabilization. "Ask inside" quickly became the most irritating, eye-roll inducing directive I heard. I hated it for one reason: it didn't work.
It seems to me that navigating life with a mental illness is a full-time occupation. Not only that, it can feel awfully futile at times - like Sisyphus ceaselessly rolling his rock up a mountain only to watch it tumble back down again. Employed or not, the 2 million plus Americans with bipolar disorder are certainly working. Marked by shifts between dramatically high and low moods, bipolar disorder is a serious psychiatric condition that can be fatal, particularly during depressive episodes. I suspect that managing the symptoms of bipolar disorder is a job in and of itself.
You woke up this morning with dread in your heart—you slept in and were late for a meeting with your boss. When you arrived to your meeting, you started wishing you never had; this so-called meeting turned out to be a nice way to tell you that the company you have busted your derriere over for the past 2 years is doing some ‘corporate restructuring’ and you will be out of a job at month’s end. On the way home, the weather reflects your stormy disposition and you end up getting soaked in the torrential downpour in your nice new suit and splashed by an obnoxious driver.
October is one of our household's more hectic months. My biggest time consumers are Bob's birthday and Halloween (our favorite holiday). My birthday gets thrown in there somewhere (I refuse to cop to when or which one it is). There are about umpteen school "holidays" when the kids are home. And, of course, there's that day that strikes fear in the hearts of parents and children alike...
Parent/Teacher Conference Day.
Well, eventually, the depression demons took hold and he told me on August 5th 2023 that he decided he wanted to just move to MT and isolate himself from everyone. He had been offered a free place to stay if he did some maintenance. He is very handy and that type of situation was very ideal because it was flexible; he only worked on things on the days he was physically up to it.
We talked every night like "normal" up until he left on April 14th 2023. We had a long distance relationship then and so I didnt get to see him in person often and didnt see him that last week. He told me one last time that he loved me and he was sorry to hurt me and I have not heard from him since. He didnt even tell his parents or sister he was leaving.
I still love him as much as I ever have even though it has been over a year since we last spoke. I just had dinner with a close friend who was always very critical of him because often he would have to cancel plans last minute due to the Crohn's or because he would go dark for weeks at a time. She told me tonight that he is a selfish person and that if he truly loved me he would have gotten help for the depression. Oddly, she has been depressed before and suicidal which you would think would make her more understanding. I asked her if when she contiplated suicide was she selfish? She said yes. I said but are you a selfish person and she said no. I said that was the same for him. Sure him leaving me and his family was "selfish" but at his core, is he selfish? Absolutely not. She thinks because she was able to conquer her depression that if he really loved me, he would have fought his depression. It makes me sad to think she cant see the amazing guy that is buried under the depression. I know, without a doubt, if he did get a handle on the depression, that he would NOT be selfish at all. It is hard to understand why others cant see the true person under the depression.
I hope those that are struggling know that not everyone will abandon you in your time of suffering. There are people out there that see the real you and would do anything to help.
I encourage all those suffering from depression to not only tell your loved ones what you are going through, but also to seek professional help. And for those of you who love a person suffering from depression, have compassion and understanding for their struggle. Know they do not intentionally hurt you and deep down they still love you even if they cant show it.
Thanks for reading.
p.s. I also struggle with depression and anxiety but I did get help and between medication and coping techniques, I am able to be myself again.
From the story you told, it sounds like you know when your partner's alters switch.
I'm sorry this was written in the first/second person. But maybe apply this to your situation with a grain of salt.