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We all experience cycles or patterns of behavior that we want to change. Those of us who have experienced binge eating disorder (BED), or eating disorders in general, know the pain and frustration that is felt when you are trapped in a cycle of disordered, destructive eating. It is especially frustrating when you try to recover and leave behind your old cycles and patterns and you realize you're still stuck in a binge eating cycle.
I didn't get a say in my birth. My mother and father took the executive decision to procreate without my input, and I landed on the scene in the April of 1985 before I could register any objections. Upon my arrival, the doctors deduced a few things: I was a boy. I was healthy. And, given the amount of wailing and thrashing, I appeared mildly inconvenienced by this whole birth scenario. For nearly 32 years after that, the doctors didn't miss much--except to diagnose me with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Before I knew anything about borderline personality disorder (BPD) or antidepressants, I knew that pharmaceutical drugs were bad. Or, at least that's what I was told growing up. I learned from a young age not to trust therapists or doctors. Doctors wanted to poison your body, and therapists wanted to poison your mind. Why would I think that? Well, because then it would be easier for them to control you.
Something I have found about having chronic anxiety is that this often leads to avoiding triggers, which includes avoiding conflict. For example, you might find it difficult to set boundaries in a relationship, or you might find that you've been putting off having a difficult conversation with your supervisor at work. For me, this might look like walking away from arguments or being as diplomatic as possible in an interaction with someone to avoid some sort of conflict.
Many individuals are familiar with the fight, flight, freeze, or appease response to trauma. However, one thing I have learned after years of exposure to verbal abuse is that this automatic response can lead to detrimental procrastination in other areas of my life. 
I'll admit, it's difficult sometimes to separate a discussion of mental health from a discussion of race. It's difficult to separate a discussion of anything from a discussion of race, for that matter. During my mental health journey, while adapting to the nuances of navigating my illness, it was not lost on me that race itself was another nuance to navigate. This is just one example of a very long list of factors that felt completely out of my control. Although difficult to accept, realizing that I couldn't fix everything opened me up to more healing and more peace throughout my mental health journey. I realized I didn't have to feel guilty for compartmentalizing race and my mental health. This can be applied to any factor that may feel out of your control and cause added strain on your pursuit of mental wellness. It's okay to let go and prioritize yourself.
It's important, for a variety of reasons, to keep in touch with the events of the world around you. But what do you do when the news triggers your self-harm urges?
It's been over a year since I said goodbye to my sweet pup, Cannelle, a cocker spaniel. I adopted her when she was 18 months old and was blessed to have her by my side for 13 years. Throughout that time, Cannelle helped me in ways that she, of course, could not comprehend. My pup helped me through bouts of mental illness, among other things.
July 12, 2022, was when my life changed forever. On this day, I got diagnosed with double depression, and I have been unable to come to terms with it. Even though I suspected it for a while, I don't know how to accept this as my reality. And I know it will be many moons before I do so.
I tell myself that I write about borderline personality disorder (BPD) because I want to help others struggling with BPD and crisis, among other things. But, if I'm truly being honest here, I'm not writing to others — I'm writing to a former me. I'm writing to the me who spent hours Googling my behavior looking for answers. I'm writing to the me desperately seeking relief from my inner torment. I'm writing to a me I assume is long gone. This time, however, I want to write to a different me. This time, I want to write to the me that thinks she made it to the other side. I want to write to the me who pretends to have some kind of authority on getting through BPD. This time I want to write to today's me.

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Lisa
Hi, this is something I am really struggling with as a PT with ADHD. Hopefully others might have some recommendations?
Bipolar 2
My father passed away suddenly 3 years ago. I suffered for 2 years. Cried every day. No one could help me. I’m bipolar. No one validated my grief. My father was my Alamo, he was my last line of defense in hard times. He was my go to guy because he loved me unconditionally… now I have no one, My advice is this, no one cares when you suffer like we do. They begin to avoid you, and you end up alone. No one listened to me, and I lost many of relationships. Find solace in others who know your pain, ie. those who have bipolar complicated grief. You have to just suffer thru it, and it will probably be two years before it really eases off. I know that’s bleak, but it’s the road we travel. Just Try not to become bitter like me, I’m also in a bipolar depression right now, so I apologize, for my candid reply. But I know your pain, and my heart hurts for you. May God comfort you in times of despair and longings for dad.
Lisa
Hey Lisa,
Yes, it happens to me as well. I can't seem to remember if I had taken my supplements because I take too many types so I space them out in days. People ask me if I take them regularly, I say, yes, i take them 3 times a week. :). I took an online test, and not only does it say I may have ADHD, it also says I may have 5 other conditions: OCD, Bipolar, Dyscalculia, Depression and Language Processing Disorder.
XY
Mental disorders do not excuse violence. A lot of people with dissociative disorder including myself are not violent like you are describing, but the anger within us, or the angry part within us is a form of protection of the host (The body, the self)
Seems like your ex?girlfriend has other issues besides DID and you are not responsible for her, there is nothing "you could have done" only things she should have done, or not done.

If I were you, I would move on and focus on the trauma that she has caused you, and how it is affecting you. At the end of the day, the only person who is sure so be there for you, is you. So you gotta treat yourself better and care for yourself.

My thoughts are with you, hope you will be alright.

xx
Mary-Elizabeth Schurrer
Hi Hugo,

Thanks so much for sharing! I definitely concur—mindful eating can be such an instrumental practice in eating disorder recovery, as well as health maintenance overall.