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This August, I underwent knee replacement surgery and had a schizoaffective episode. I didn’t think getting this surgery would affect my mental health as much as it did. Here’s how I ended up in a schizoaffective episode.
The difficulty of living with this anxiety was the eventual development of a perception of weakness about myself. Anxiety and low self-esteem often go hand-in-hand because of this perceived inability to achieve unrealistic standards, and so with that constant feeling of inadequacy can come a feeling of weakness associated with a lack of control over situational stressors.
Being a caregiver to a person with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) isn’t easy. Everyday interactions, from things as simple as disputes over how one loads the dishwasher to parenting decisions between a caregiver and the person with PTSD, can be challenging. In fact, a caregiver might feel like they don’t even recognize the loved one they’re living with post-trauma. However, there is help, and there is hope. Caregivers can take an active role in helping people with PTSD get better.
Depression and alcohol have always been interconnected throughout my life. I always felt that I avoided dealing with my mental health issues because it would end the illusion that I was a heavy drinker but not an alcoholic. In addition to questioning whether I was an alcoholic, another subject arose -- Is drinking every day causing my depression, or is my depression the driving force behind it all?
I thought about self-forgiveness recently. I celebrated my birthday towards the end of last month -- and around this time, I heard Miley Cyrus's latest song titled "Used To Be Young." It resonated with me because birthdays make me think of the past and what the future has in store for me. While listening to Miley's beautiful song on repeat, I couldn't help but ask myself: Have I forgiven myself for all the mistakes and failures of my past?
It's so often the case that a doctor won't listen to you. I've had it happen over and over and over again. Some doctors are worse than others, of course, but it feels like they all do it on some level. I know they use their clinical judgment to assess whatever you say in an appointment, but still, it's no fun when a doctor won't listen to you.
Did you know there are warning signs of a setback in mental illness recovery? This is important to know because recovering from mental illness is not linear. I've heard that often and for a good reason. It's true; recovery is far from linear. I've faced many obstacles, bumps, and slow-downs in my own journey, and often, I didn't realize that I had begun slipping until I was already in a tough spot. It's easier to catch myself slipping and then change directions than to find myself in these slumps, so I've found it helpful to identify my own warning signs of a setback in mental health recovery.
I work to cultivate my strengths, as living with a mental health diagnosis can present unique challenges to one's self-esteem and overall wellbeing. I know the internal struggles with stigma, self-doubt, and societal expectations can often overshadow my sense of self-worth. However, there is a powerful approach that can help rebuild and enhance self-esteem: focusing on and cultivating one's strengths.
While suicidality is often driven, at least in part, by lifestyle factors, a person with a good life can still be suicidal. This doesn't make sense to many people. How can someone with an objectively good life feel like they want to die? The answer to that is simple and complex. A person with a good life can be suicidal because of the brain.
Recently, I was concerned that the effects of verbal abuse had damaged me. This revelation came to me after watching "Barbie." The more I talked to others about this film, the more I realized I was one of the few people who didn't cry during the show. Is it because I'm damaged from verbal abuse?
I also have DID. And I know that it is not safe for people or animals to live with me. This is just the facts and it’s devastating. I know that to be ethical and non-harming I have to live alone. To see me, I look kind and sweet. And parts of me are. But not all the parts. I’ve been officially diagnosed and in therapy over two years, and even if we all heal, I don’t think it’s worth the risk that I could hurt or kill somebody. Some risks can be taken, but I don’t think I could say, ‘hey- let’s move in together. By the way I had violent tendencies but I think I have it taken care of. You ok with that?’