Losing a Battle with My Bipolar Brain
I eat too much ice cream. I admit it. Häagen-Dazs and I have far too close a relationship. And the fact that this close relationship exists indicates that I’m losing a battle with my bipolar brain.
Why Do I Eat Too Much Ice Cream?
Eating ice cream is a way of making yourself feel good. No one needs to eat ice cream. People simply want to eat ice cream. And they want to eat ice cream because eating it releases pleasure chemicals in the brain that make them feel good.
As for me, I tend to not feel good. I tend to be depressed. And so my body is looking for a way, any way, to make myself feel better. I don’t do drugs, I rarely drink and I no longer self-harm so the thing that my brain thinks will make me feel better is ice cream.
The Battle in My Bipolar Brain – I Know Ice Cream Doesn’t Work
The thing is, I’m a smart cookie – I know that ice cream doesn’t beat depression. Ice cream probably won’t even momentarily help. Ice cream is just a false panacea that my brain grabs onto because it’s desperate. I totally get this. The psychology is painfully simple.
And yet I can’t seem to stop eating ice cream. I know I shouldn’t; I know it’s not good for me; I know that it won’t really help and yet I can’t seem to stop. I lose that battle with my bipolar brain.
I Feel Bad about Losing the Battle with my Bipolar Brain
And I have to say, I feel like a failure because I can’t get a hold of this particular habit. I feel quite bad about it. I feel quite bad about giving in to this craving. I feel bad about even having this craving. Losing this battle (I suppose losing any battle) really sucks.
Battling the Bipolar Brain
But, the truth is, I lose many battles with my bipolar brain. If I won every battle, I wouldn’t be depressed in the first place. The gosh-darn bipolar part of my brain is just stronger than I am in many respects and apparently craving ice cream is one such respect.
So I’ve learned that I have to lose a few battles to win the war. And make no mistake about it, I do, in general, win the war against bipolar. I work hard. I have friends. I’m what some might call successful. So if I lose a battle now and then, it’s okay. It’s no use in being down on myself for not winning every bipolar battle. I’m not perfect and sometimes I lose. And that’s okay.
Tracy, N. (2014, August 19). Losing a Battle with My Bipolar Brain, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, July 21 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2014/08/losing-a-battle-with-my-bipolar-brain
Author: Natasha Tracy
It was especially difficult for me to come to understand the difference between my bi-polar and my depression and my addiction issues where abstinance and a recovery program could restore me to sanity.
I have had 14 years of recovery twice. This time, I decided to take a look at what the differences are and try to avoid my dark journey into active addiction.
There are differences.
At least for me.
It is not at all helpful to have my bi-polar depression and anxiety or my mania to be included with the usual run of the mill recovery solutions.
My bi-polar requires medication to begin with, and the mania while entertaining to others and fun to start with are horrific in their real and actual destruction that plays out in my life in the wake of lost employment, suicidal attempts, lost relationships and the depth of immobility and depression that inevitably follow s or even accompanies my manic states of intense energy and obsessive thinking.
I have had to finally remove myself from the recovery fellowships because of the ongoing lack of support, judgments and just plain ridiculous suggestions that others have voiced and put on me over the years.
Today, I am part of the mental health group in my local area, and I see a psychiatrist and gp for my medical guidance as well as participating in ongoing personal assignments on coping with my mental illness.
My obsessions for ice-cream are not alleviated by not eating ice-cream. My obsessions just focus on something else.
If I refrain from it by some miracle, then the depression hits me hard and the non stop crying and the isolation and suicidal ideations put me in the hospital confused and alone and frightened about what is happening to me.
Today when an obsession hits like ongoing eating of ice-cream, I realize that I probably need to talk to my doctor and may need to use some additional medication until my obsessions settle down and my life takes on some semblance of daily routine again.
Fighting bi-polar obsession with feel good remedies that ultimately are based in self control is like telling someone with schizophrenia to just stop being psychotic.
My problems are not a result of addiction, in fact, my addiction is very likely the result of my bi-polar.
Turning the statement around has allowed me to once again begin to participate in my world and to have some degree of understanding about my relationships with myself, my thoughts and my actions.
If a medication is required, and that should be discussed with a psychiatrist and your family gp, then self control is just not going to do the trick. In fact it might just kill you....Robin Williams is certainly an example of what bi-polar without medication can do to some of us.
A few substitutes I have discovered are:
Greek vanilla yogurt and frozen berries.
Frozen fruit and milk, vanilla in the blender
ice-cold homemade lemonade with frozen berries blended in
Frothy milk drinks mixed with coffee and vanilla and natural sweetner
Of course there are lots more, it was just hard for me to start thinking outside the box (of ice-cream lol)
I love this blog ,, When it comes to being bipolar i know nothing else i do not see me any different
Yes wish i had more friends but people do not get it
Ice cream thats funny .....At soon to be fifty two with coming up on two years sober I say that is great that you can fill a void.
What i miss is true love you can not buy that at the grocery store
I love chocolate and feel like I have to have it everyday.
Everybody has their own little craving.
Life is about enjoying little things. Nobody needs to travel, eat pleasurable food, have sex, listen to music or buy shoes. You don't even technically need meaningful relationships or art. But what is life if you strip it of all these?
For me enjoying icecream is actually a WIN, as is enjoying anything. It's not illegal, immoral, not overly highly taxed....... and if you get a sorbet, doesn't even make you fat.