I hate having bipolar disorder. It’s my least favorite thing about me. For all the talents I have developed, possibly in part, due to bipolar disorder, I would give those up in a moment to simply not be sick.
But I did realize something about bipolar disorder – just surviving it is an achievement. And if I can survive bipolar disorder then I can do anything.
Bipolar Disorder and Harm
Bipolar disorder, unfortunately, takes the lives of 15% of suffers. Additionally, more than 50% of people with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide, many more than once. A large number of people with bipolar disorder will also experience major everyday functioning difficulties hurting themselves and often the people around them.
This is a deadly illness and one not to be taken lightly.
But I Survive with Bipolar Disorder
But oddly, I have survived with bipolar disorder. Some would argue, thrived, in spite of the illness. I would imagine this is because of a lot of factors including biological ones and just plain luck.
But make no mistake; I also work very hard every moment of every day trying desperately to survive this thing that tries to kill me where I stand.
It’s life-altering work. It’s a soul-squelching effort. It’s more than I think I have, so much of the time.
But I survive. It’s the weirdest of things. I’m not quite sure how it works.
I’m Not Scared
And so, in comparison, everything seems like an absolute cake walk.
Have a client ridiculously scream in your face? Meh. Whatever.
Have to work with the she-devil of the Evil Empire? Alrighty-then.
Find yourself launched off a cliff into a tree via paraglider? Oh bother.
Because really, what’s worse than a mental illness that’s with you every moment of every day forcing drugs, failed treatments and therapies and other nonsense into your life?
Nothing.
Well, very few things. Very few things suck quite as much as that.
So bring it on. I am bipolar. I am strong. I survive.
Did Bipolar Prepare me for Skydiving? – A Video
Quite possibly.
You must do the things you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt
You can find Natasha Tracy on Facebook or GooglePlus or @Natasha_Tracy on Twitter.
Interesting post. My relationship with bipolar disorder went through a long arc – from mere survival – to battle – to supremacy – to mastery. After many long years I knew I had beaten it, it no longer defined me. At that point I felt 10 feet tall and bulletproof – I knew there was nothing left life could throw at me I couldn’t take. – That was right when I almost killed myself in a car accident and realized I was an alcoholic – and a whole new recovery adventure began. — Even for survivors like us, it never pays to get too comfortable.
Natasha:
Thank you for this post; it brought tears (good tears) to my eyes. It is only recently that I have begun to fully appreciate the lessons manic-depression has laid before me. As you wrote, the mere fact that I have not only survived this illness but have (I think) the resilience to continue to do so, is an achievement. And I’m proud of it.
I have been reading your blogs for quite a while and wanted to thank you for your work. Reading your posts and the reader replies helps to remind me that I am not alone in this struggle.
Take care.
Eric
Hi Alistair,
I would never claim mastery, personally as yes, you never know what the disease (or life) will throw at you. So yes, I agree, comfort is a luxury we can’t really afford.
- Natasha
Hi Eric,
Thank-you for your kind words. My writings should come with tissues.
I’m glad you realize you’re not alone. None of us are.
- Natasha
Another amazing post. It couldn’t have come at a better time too. I’ve been working on getting rid of the shame I’ve carried around since my symptoms started… the hospital stay didn’t help the shame thing much. I know now that I should not feel shame about it, and the fact that I actually survived and that some others do not… that’s an accomplishment in itself. I’ve discovered that I’m living with this, not suffering from it (of course there is suffering, but I’m still alive).
Hi Ash,
That’s great. Any way to get rid of shame is OK by me. I know I felt a lot of shame about ending up in the hospital – but like you said, there is no reason to. You are surviving. Good for you.
- Natasha