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I Hate the Mentally Ill – My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil

I like my job. I get to write for a living which is something many writers don’t get to do. And moreover, I get to write about things that matter to me. Also a great luxury for many writers. These are pleasures as are the vast majority of people I get to meet.

I do have the great displeasure, though, of seeing vehement hatred for those with a mental illness. People who hate show up here, on my blog and elsewhere. People with a hatred for bipolar disorder seem to seek places to express their hatred.

But hatred of the mentally ill is simply another prejudice. Hatred of people with bipolar is the same as racism and just as unacceptable.

People with Bipolar Are Selfish, Whiny, Childish Monsters

No one in their right mind would say, “All [people of race] are selfish, whiny, childish monsters.”

They wouldn’t say that because it isn’t true and it’s outlandish to think, let alone say. People of any race are individuals and thus are all different. Enlightened people understand painting them all with any brush is inaccurate, insulting and quite frankly just plain wrong.

It’s exactly the same for those with a mental illness. Suggesting all people with bipolar are selfish, whiny, childish monsters (and I have heard much worse) is ridiculous. I am none of those things. I’m a grab-bag of traits, much like everyone else. Except I have an illness.

Some people have had bad experiences with the mentally ill. They use this as an excuse to hate everyone with bipolar disorder. This hatred is as bad as racism. Read more.Why do People Hate those with Bipolar?

There is generally one reason why people hate those with a mental illness: they have had bad experiences with them in the past. And for whatever cockamamie reason, they have generalized that experience onto everyone with bipolar disorder. And for some reason they don’t see the ludicrousness of that behavior.

My Ex was Bipolar; She was Evil

Lots of these people have bipolar ex-significant others. And some hate their ex-others. Perhaps for good reason; I couldn’t say. But here’s the thing:

  1. You fell in love with that person at some point and married/had kids with/lived with them, so there really is something good there somewhere.
  2. People hate their ex-others. It has nothing to do with bipolar and everything to do with being an ex.

People also think “men are bad,” because of a bad divorce, or “women are conniving,” or what have you. Not because of anything intrinsic to the gender but because divorces/breakups are nasty, ill-fated, legally acrimonious affairs.

Unfortunately, when one party has a mental illness the other party often feels perfectly justified in dumping the ills of the world at the feet of the illness. And then at the feet of everyone else with the illness.

Your Bipolar Ex Might Have Been Evil

I have no idea who you were married to, and they may have been the worst person on the planet. In fact, their illness may have made their life and yours a living hell. That person may have needed help and refused it. That person may have done horrible things and blamed it on their disease. That person may have hurt those and those you love. Quite possible.

But that’s not about being bipolar, that’s about the individual.

I will accept this illness makes people unpredictable and challenging, like many illnesses. I will accept the fact being with a person with an illness (any illness) is hard. I will accept that we hurt people, and sometimes that hurt has to do with bipolar disorder.

I will not, however, accept any insult you want to throw at me simply because I have the same diagnosis as a person you know. I will not allow you to tell me how I am or who I am. I will not accept your prejudice and I will not accept your hatred.

Enjoy Your Hate

You can hate whomever you like. It’s a free country. But do it in front of me at your own risk. I do not buy your nonsense and to me, you are no better than a racist. Go find another place to play. Because I won’t let you unabashedly hurt others just because you have been hurt.

You can find Natasha Tracy on Facebook or GooglePlus or @Natasha_Tracy on Twitter.

Author: Natasha Tracy

Natasha Tracy is a renowned speaker, award-winning advocate and author of Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar.

Find Natasha Tracy on her blog, Bipolar Burble, Twitter, Google+ and Facebook.

111 thoughts on “I Hate the Mentally Ill – My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil”

  1. I am actually quite hurt by all of these comments. I have type 2 bipolar disorder, as does basically my whole family. It was extremely difficult growing up with my mom before she was treated, and my dad during his manic episode was incredibly hurtful. I can understand where you all are coming from in your hurt. I also will not deny that I have been cruel to people at some points when I have cycled through my episodes, and I will tell you that when I came out of my episode and realized the hurt I caused, it really did cause immense shame and sorrow. It is a difficult disease for the person and those around them to deal with. This is in part because people with bipolar are in such pain, they dont feel comfortable even in their own skin many times, and because of this they have the highest suicide rate of any mental illness. However, people with the disorder are more likely to be victimized and assaulted because of their illness. Like when my ex-boyfriend repeatedly sexually assaulted me and raped me, but told me no one would believe me because I was crazy, that no one would ever love me because I was crazy. I believed him because the hate that is said by others simply due to their previous experiences. I don’t believe this disease has created me without empathy either. I am the type of person who literally feels emotional pain when someone else is in emotional pain. When a loved one or friend needs helps, I drop everything I’m doing just to help them. I am a nurse who wants nothing more than to heal others and help them and their families through such a difficult time. I just recently spoke at my college graduating ceremony about how important being kind, understanding, and compassionate to all people is. I can understand that another person may have hurt you, I understand how frustrating it is to be really hurt by a person when they are in an episode and have them say “I was manic, I was depressed.” I grapple with these feelings regularly when others with bipolar in my life hurt me. I understand it is an episode, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less, that doesn’t make it okay. That is why it is so difficult to live with because I don’t want to hurt others, and sometimes I do without realizing it, and I act in a way that isn’t really me, but that doesn’t change the outcome. Still, I implore you, do not judge all of those with this illness based on one individual, or even a handful of individuals. Because there are good people out there struggling with this disease, wanting nothing more than to be able to find stability and love and happiness. Taking handfuls of medications and vitamins and supplements every day, wearing goofy orange blue light glasses every night to keep away the mania, calculating exactly how much sleep they need, being a young 22 year old and not being able to go out for drinks with their friends because they cant drink, looking up every new treatment for their disorder. Doing all of this because they don’t want to hurt anyone in their depression or hypomania or mania, and I am one of those people.

  2. Bipolar people are unpredictable and often hurt many people with their actions. This is the part the bipolar person doesn’t take any responsibility for and this is what gets to people

    I have had my fair share of experience with the behavior of bipolar people and I don’t care to have any contact in any way with anyone who is bipolar. They (collectively) are selfish, liars, manipulative, unpredictable, unreliable, evil at times, lack guilt and empathy and are of the believe the entire world is here to serve and wait on them and their needs.

    What a horrible thing to be around. No good at all in this type of illness.

  3. Just wondering if the author of the opinion piece also feels the same way about people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Psychopaths? Or do you believe those mental illness’s are different? Bipolar has been shown to effect both cognitive and emotional empathy towards others in a similar way and I don’t think you can just skip over that.

  4. Brian and Mark are right on the money. I have dealt with bipolar in my mother throughout my childhood and now in my old age with a daughter. I can’t run like hell but encourage all of you that are not bound by blood to get away from people with this disorder – they will only bring you down. And, yes, when they feel better it is like the slate is wiped clean and they forget the awful things they said and did to you and you are supposed to forget it too. So very tired of dealing with this disorder as a caregiver. Like I said…RUN LIKE HELL away from this unless you want to throw your life away. You CAN’T save them.

  5. Brian hit it on the head. If you are involved with a bipolar… run like hell, They never change nor will they ever apologize. I am so sick of hearing its not the disease,, Total bullshit..

  6. I see a lot of the comments are romoved because the author doesn’t like the truth. BP can be very evil once the disorder is developed. Once that disorder sets in they change forever for the absoloute worst , I have family with mental illness and have notihgn against the mentally ill however BP people do evil things all them time its their choice and moderating the comments will not change that. If you are involved with one RUN AWAY ASAP or enjoy hell.

  7. @Zoe Merchant You seem extremely ignorant, it’s hard to believe you’re an adult and not some kid in their mother’s basement trolling for your information people who suffer from mental illness is more likely to be the victims of crime than the perpetrator. Read a book! Smh I pity you

  8. I met the woman of my dreams 3 years ago – seriously intelligent, funny, attractive, and quirky. On the first night we met, there were serious alarm bells ringing (she got very angry I would not sleep with her) but love goggles…. She was beautiful to me, I tried to ignore that.

    3 years on, I’m still with her, and she’s cycling into another angry / depressive / demanding / lazy state, which happens yearly. It will probably last a minimum of 3 months, and at the end of it, although she will be happier again, there will be no apologies or cares at all regarding how bad she has made me feel and how much I have literally done just to keep us both fed, in a flat that doesn’t resemble a bomb site. She will do nothing to help during this time.

    As much as I love her, I find it very, very hard to deal with the continuous drama bombs and stress that is no doubt going to happen, as they always have, for the next 1/3 of a year. It’s a scary thought.

    The reason I stay is she is not /always bad/, and I try to keep in mind that she’s ill.

    It’s the total lack of guilt , that’s what I’m not sure I can cope with again. When she is ill, visibly, I can deal with that. When she is feeling better, it is as if she thinks the slate is totally wiped clean and there is no damage to me. Not true. This is the last cycle I am going to put up with, and I’m hoping she is bad enough to me that there is nothing to do but leave.

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