Bipolar Disorder and Ghosting: It's a Big Problem
Bipolar disorder and ghosting is a big problem. I didn’t realize the extent of this problem until I saw the number of comments on my recent YouTube video, "Ghosting and Bipolar Disorder: Why We Do It".
What is Ghosting? The Role It Plays in Bipolar
Ghosting is a contemporary term used for when a person completely cuts off all communication with a friend or romantic partner by not responding to texts, ignoring calls and acting as if the person no longer exists. It is done without a reason or an explanation from the person doing it. One day they are a part of your life, and the next day they disappear from it without warning. It negatively impacts friendships and romantic relationships. Ghosting is done by many of us living with bipolar disorder, especially during bipolar depressive episodes.
"I’m guilty of this when I’m hypomanic and in a negative mood and I’m super sensitive and I get easily hurt or angry at people and instead of confronting them, I just ghost them when they try to contact me." ~Xoxofmw, YouTube commenter
Why Do People with Bipolar Disorder Engage in Ghosting?
Those of us living with bipolar disorder definitely have a problem with ghosting people. It doesn't matter whether it's someone we're dating or friends with. Unfortunately, sometimes we're even ghosting our family members.
I have bipolar II and yes, I've ghosted people. Why? It feels more comfortable for me to cut off all communication with another person when I am struggling with highs and lows. Secondly, when I am dating someone, the fear of being rejected due to my diagnosis of bipolar disorder is always present. That makes me push another person away when they get too close. Thirdly, the stigma of mental illness causes severe anxiety in those of us living with bipolar disorder. Although a person we are romantically involved with may not be showing signs of rejecting us due to bipolar, we feel as though it is inevitable that at some point it will happen.
"I just do this on a low episode. I see it as protecting friends from me dragging them down to my level. Plus, in all honesty, I can’t deal with feeling suffocated whilst in the low and just want to be left on my own. It’s easier that way. ~ Claire, YouTube commenter
Self-stigmatizing is another significant reason for ghosting as well. Those of us with bipolar disorder subconsciously believe that we are unlovable and undeserving of friendships and relationships, which causes us to act on ghosting. The stress and pressure to explain the reasons for pushing away creates anxiety; which is where ghosting comes into play.
"I do this a lot. I stop answering phone calls and texts, and avoiding any form of communication with friends and family. In my mind, I don't stop loving them or care for them. I just feel overwhelmed and I feel the need to create a distance between me and them so I can calm down. Now, unfortunately, this can take from a couple days to a couple weeks." ~ Katia, YouTube commenter
The Affect Ghosting Has on Others
Over the years, I have realized that regardless of what is going on in my life, ghosting is hurtful to another person. I have been on both sides of ghosting, and it is very harmful and causes extreme insecurities.
"I just lost a friend who deals with bipolar. She just cut me off. I tried and tried. Dealt with the ups and downs and dealing with my own depression and insecurity, it was very difficult. ~ Embree, YouTube commenter
Bipolar disorder is not an excuse for hurting another person. Although we deal with anxiety and depression and it leads to many of us isolating ourselves, we are still responsible for the way our behavior negatively affects friends, family, and romantic partners. There are people who care about us, and they deserve a proper response even though it is difficult for those of us living with bipolar disorder to do so at times. This is something I am working on as well because I severely struggle with opening up which leads me to ghosting other individuals.
My ex, who's getting well with depression and very positive about her progress, left me since I have bipolar 2 and I isolate myself every once in a while. She doesn't like it since it triggers her. So she broke up with me and told me I can't give her what she needs. ~ Chaz, YouTube commenter
Self-awareness is essential when it comes to behaviors like ghosting. Many people with bipolar disorder do not even realize that this is a problem. Building strong relationships without openness and communication is impossible. Acknowledging the problem is the first step to self-awareness and learning how to properly communicate with others to prevent anyone getting hurt or feeling ignored by someone they care about.
"When I feel like isolating, I "check on" the people around me, my friends in recovery. This way I am not alone, but I am not talking about ME, I am checking on THEM. Seems to help! ~ BipolarLightningBug, YouTube commenter
What about you? How has being ghosted by someone with bipolar disorder affected you? And if living with bipolar disorder and ghosting others has been part of your life, why do you do it? Also, helpful suggestions on how to end this type of behavior are welcomed.
Blum, H. (2019, January 28). Bipolar Disorder and Ghosting: It's a Big Problem, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, October 1 from https://www.healthyplace.com/living-with-bipolar-blog/2019/1/bipolar-disorder-and-ghosting-its-a-big-problem
Author: Hannah Blum
My story is similar with the ghosting when he’s upset. He drove home at midnight after an imagined slight/completely illogical after two huge glasses of wine. Would not answer the phone all night and next day. Returned things we had bought together. I have many examples of drama and pain and immaturity. We only dated for 4 months but he was so incredibly loving and sweet when not in a mood. I was never allowed to have my own moods/he could not handle it and they were mild compared to his. He insulted me SO bad the other night as we crawled into bed. I was up all night with tears and waves of stress. I begged him to apologize and he insisted he meant it and that “it was not that bad”. The entire 4 months have been either extremely loving or extremely irritable. That day I made him leave his key and take his things out of my house. All he had to do was acknowledge my pain. I just don’t understand it but it’s on par with the whole way the relationship has been. This happened yesterday and although I feel relief I still love him and want to make sure he’s ok. He is ignoring my texts and phone calls completely. I’m sure by now I’m “against him” like “everybody else”. I know in my heart I did the right thing because I’m recovering from a car accident and I also have my own mental health to worry about. I know my life with him would be very hard. It’s all so painful. I hope he sticks with his new therapist and that we can work it out one day. If anyone would like to answer this post I would really appreciate it. He’s such a tortured soul who literally does not know how to have a respectful, adult conversation geared towards resolution. Instead he just escalates. I feel my own mental health regressing.
I am seeing my relationship in these stories. My partner of over 20 years does the same thing. He is bipolar but refuses treatment. One minute he is hypomanic, saying foolish things about nothing. Then he gets irritated, puts me down for no reason or for something very minor. Sometimes this passes but at times he goes into a deep depression, talks about suicide, and completely ghosts me. If I’m with him at the time, he sleeps literally all day, refuses to talk and gets verbally abusive if I try to talk to him. If I’m at my own place, he will stop answering his phone or texts. It is very difficult to deal with. The past two days he has slept all day and refuses to interact with me at all.
I don't have experience with this, but it sounds like you need to give him an ultimatum of getting treatment or walking out. I've been reading the other comments in this thread and it sounds like, no matter how hard he convinces you (or you convince yourself), the emotional rollercoaster is going to continue forever.
Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. I have a couple of people in my life with bipolar disjunction. . When on medication they can seemingly function normally. I have one friend that goes back 60 years. We have been close. Somewhere around 5 years ago I noticed her erratic behavior. We don’t live in the same city so this became apparent when she visited us. Unfiltered and no boundaries the behavior was quite a shock. I won’t go into details but after 5 days of that and speaking with her family members much came to the surface. She said she hadn’t brought enough meds with her. Whether or not that was true she had people feeling like babysitters before she went home. She would have periods of normalcy. For a time afterwards she lived with her daughter and that not working well for the household she went to a half way house of a sort where meds would be sorted. Then she finally got her own place. Our friendship has been through many phases. I decided to move nearby because I had not recognized patterns to her behavior changing and getting worse over time. We had many conversations where she seemed herself, doing the right thing to get help. Now that I am here, after and for many months she has cut me out of her life. I was hurt at first even angry. I am approaching indifferent as I have decided to cut ties with her. It is too much of a roller coaster. Also my husband and I will be moving back to where we came from. I read somewhere a statement that addresses this issue very well. Having bipolar doesn’t give you a free pass to treat friends with no respect. So we move on. She is on meds, found a new therapist and has a life even in the pandemic. The difference is I am not in it, but it is my choice not hers.
WOW! ALL OF THIS IS INCREDIBLY INSIGHTFUL AND VERY CLARIFYING TO SAY THE LEAST. RECENTLY STARTED DATING A CHILDHOOD LOVE I'VE KNOWN FOR NEARLY 30 YEARS NEVER KNOWING ABOUT THE BP UNTIL JUST A FEW MONTHS AGO. GHOSTING WHILE LIVING TOGETHER HAS BEEN ONGOING FOR OVER 3 WEEKS NOW, CONSIDERING THE VERY INTENTIONAL DAILY COMMUNICATIONS THROUGHOUT THE DAY COMING TO A VERY ABRUPT HALT HAS RAISED RED FLAGS ON SO MANY LEVELS. AFTER READING ALL THESE POSTS/EXPERIENCES IN AN EFFORT TO EDUCATE MYSELF, I'M NOT SO SURE THIS WHAT I WANT MY LIFE TO BE IN AN ONGOING RELATIONSHIP WONDERING AND WORRYING WHETHER OR NOT EVERYTHING IS OR IS GOING TO BE OKAY AS I DO HAVE TO CONSIDER MY OWN MENTAL/EMOTIONAL STATE OF HEALTH AND SELF RESPECT.....
I am going through a similar situation... I’ve spoken with a pharmacist and a counsellor to get a better understanding of this disorder. I figure the best I can do is educate myself... while I’m relieved I’m not alone, I’m sorry to see so many people going through similar situations. I see the woman I care for, not the disease, but sometimes I wonder what it all means... when she’s with me, the world just melts away! Be when she cuts off communication, the mind wonders on her safety... she’s assured me, as other have mentioned, that she has strong feelings for me and isn’t going anywhere... still doesn’t make it any less comfortable. I send her texts of support, hoping her day is going well, and fill her in on funny little things she would normally laugh at and enjoy... atleast she’s knows I’m still here... but it not easy shutting off my mind when I hear absolutely nothing back...
I too have recently been ghosted by a boyfriend of 4 years who is manic depressive. He made up a BS story and gave me 2 weeks to move out of his house. Since then he has ghosted me. There have been no calls or texts from him. I'm glad to see that I'm not alone and that other people have experienced the same thing. I have learned from other people that he's been saying that he is no longer with me. I have not gotten an explanation about anything. I know that he's been doing a lot of drinking and has been smoking weed. Over the years I have seen the mood swings and now he's in that depressive state. I hate being treated as though I no longer exist. It is very hurtful and difficult to not take it personally especially since we never fought and I did everything for him.
I am recently going through this with the exception we did not live together. We just hit our one year together. We have always said we loved and missed each other. It was in a blink of an eye that on a Sunday he loved me and Tuesday he told me he needed space, has inner demons, but healthy or happy with himself. Wished me the best. I was going over next day to bring him his things and get mine. Not but two hours before I was to go he texted, you are not welcome here, if you show up I’ll call the law on you.” I tried to get him to talk or communicate to understand what all happened. I tried a couple more times but he will not respond. Reading what everyone is saying I believe he has this disorder. I am struggling and each day I think it would get easier but it’s not. How do, or what are things you are doing that is getting you thru this? Just like you we have never fought. We had spent everyday together for a year with the exception of a total spam of 2 weeks throughout the year.
Hi there- Yes my boyfriend came back in town from his toxic family all mad (although he blames everything on me). We were going to submit a business proposal and he was triggered by one comment I made (voicing my concerns about his behavior), hung up on my and said if I came over he would call the cops. I didnt know he was bipolar until I starting going to counseling and they informed, based on his behavior, he was. Now a month later he is still mad at him and I am completely depressed and hurt.
This is eerie. 2 years I was with a girl and I fell hard. Deeply loved her. She told me she loved me and we started talking about future plans. Long term. I was going thru a divorce when we got together. It was dragging.
We stopped seeing each other for a couple months so I could get all of my things in order and be fully committed. We both agreed that would be for the best. When we started talking again she told me how much she loved me. How much she needed me. We rekindled our relationship in April. 3 days later she told me I’m all she has ever wanted. It was the last time she talked to me. Flat out disappeared. I have sent e mails and texts. I get zero response. It’s been 6 weeks. She told me she was bi polar 2. She hadn’t had an “episode” in our time together.
It’s so confusing. I gave her her space at first because she was having family problems. She asked for a couple days to sort it and then her last text and now she’s gone. I don’t have a clue what to do. This thread helped me a lot. Even if I’m wrong I can chalk it up to her illness. It will help me understand. It’s truly devastating. I hope she finds her way. I will ask this, does this behavior usually reverse? Or is she gone forever? I’m expecting her to suddenly reappear. It feels so incomplete.
Hi my story is similar.
May i ask if he got back in touch with you?
Iv not heard from my gf in 4 weeks.
No explanation or nothing .
Hi Jilly, I'm not sure if this is still relevant or not, but I completely relate to your story. My wife of 4 years almost 5 together has severe bipolar an has just ghosted me for the 3rd time in our relationship. I've been thru everything with her, saved her life multiple times. Anyways, we just repaired things 8or9 months ago but last week she flew off the handle, made up a story that I have no idea where it came from saying I hit her, in fact she actually swung at me. I haven't seen any contact since then, only one time and it was kinda like a goodbye God bless you kinda thing.. she came get most her things, she's convinced everyone close of her lie, and now it's looking like divorce is her and her family's plan, and they've left me with all the bills, I'm broke.. Noone believes me now even with how much I've done for her and saved her. I'm heartbroken, and fear she may feel this way about me forever or if she ever does realize it be too late.
Thank you. I am going through the same. Kudos in regard to trying not to take it personally, but the fact I am coming to realize, is that it is personal. It is abuse -- toward you (us). They are abusing personally, and any anger, hurt, trauma, is fully justified -- in the same way we might feel if someone came up off the street and through a punch.
It is directed. It is personal. And it is abuse. While understanding can always help both parties, adults acting in this manner deserve no kindness from those they abuse.
I am going through nthe exact same thing. My man claims he loves me and he never had anyone like me in his life !!! His mom and brother passed away recently. He is has been extremely intoxicated for days now. He speak to me or see me. Now he has blocked me from his social media. I have my own problems to deal. Not to mention I am raising my four sons. His illness is depressing me. I can not have anyone stressing me out like this!!!!
Paul as someone who is BP2, when I go into a low just tend to withdraw and shut down, just want peace quiet and be left alone...it’s nothing personal towards my friends it’s just that I can’t cope.
When I’m on a high I’m over confident , everything seems possible and doable as have a lot of energy also ...my psychiatrist is going to put me on different antidepressants once I feel better and can get get off that medication.
However that’s is some time away as wrestling with the “ black dog “ at the moment.
While in this frame of mind can not achieve much and facing the realities of my life is not easy.
This has actually recently happened to me with a childhood love as well. He showed so much love and promised he'd never leave again as this happened 20 years ago with him and I. He eventually started not texting at night, then say it was too much pressure and wouldn't answer texts. Not until I read about bipolar disorder did I put two and two together. It definitely caused me so much pain that I experienced when he did this 20 years ago. I can only imagine it happening down the road. Its almost like you are mourning the perso because you don't know if you'll ever see that person you felt so connected to again. Thank you for sharing your story.
Ryan, just curious if you 2 are back on track. I too have been educating myself on BP. My husband just snapped one day, April 28 & told me he hasn’t loved me in months & wants a divorce. We are at 2 months now & he basically ghosts me when we aren’t together & he travels for work. I know he isn’t a cheater so I just accept & go on living my life. I don’t reach out because the lack of response will feel like rejection. It’s very sad and lonely. I feel like my wonderful, loving husband died & I’m mourning his death. The man that comes home & chats with me isn’t my husband. The guy I know & love told me daily how much he loves me & left vm’s constantly of how much he loves me. Now he talks about how we can be friends once we do or e. I’ve hired an atty. either we’ll get back on track or divorce. Who knows. He had an episode like this 5 years ago and we did divorce & I moved out. We were apart only a few weeks & he begged me back. It was a crazzy roller coaster ride for almost a year. I thought he learned and we have had a wonderful life since then. I now realize he has bp. I didn’t know at the time & it was extremely painful. Now I know more & am handling it much differently. His mom always causes tons of stress in our marriage. Now I realize she has it too! I know I should run….FASSST. But I’m committed & am determined to stick it out. I actually feel sorry for anyone in that much pain & emotional despair.
Just remember if you try having a reasonable conversation with a person who is ill, it won’t be a reasonable conversation. They have no filter & may say something hurtful, so save it until they are well again. I have a journal I vent my feelings & it feels better. I also now have a therapist to talk to & she helps me as well.
GOOD LUCK TO ANYONE GOING THROUGH THE NIGHTMARE!
I WISH she would just ghost me. I've been in a relationship with somebody with Bipolar and OCD personality disorder since summer, and have been trying to get out of it almost the entire time. I realized it had been a mistake early on, but she managed each time to keep me in it with threats, fear, obligation and guilt, and frankly, she scares me. I've tried just honestly talking to her and she winds up having a panic attack. I've tried just taking a break and some space, and she felt abandoned and wound up in the ER. I wish I could just escape this. I would have just sent a text, taken the coward's way out and been done a long time ago if she didn't know where I live, but I can't risk her showing up and being crazy, and I also don't want her life to fall apart or she hurt herself.
You will probably never see this but I hope you do...
You have to just break up with her.
Gently kindly and then no more communication.
Take it from an OG.
I’m here because I got given this article after searching about being ghosted. I also default to ghosting so I figured I would read it.
The man I was just with ran off in terror. He could not take the fire and fury and that was me in all my glory of a manic episode.
I was crushed. He also flicked all my abandonment buttons inadvertently by running away without a word just saying he couldn’t hang would have been better. For me. For me I’m saying in this instance
I did hurt myself but I am ok. Sometimes hurting yourself is all you can do to get through the painful moment it takes the emotional pain and makes it physical and you’ve heard the old saying sticks and stones.
Give me a physical, injury over an emotional one any day.
The pain of the body is more tolerable then the pain of the mind that’s a quote not sure who.
Again; You cannot keep anyone safe. You cannot live your romantic life so she doesn’t hurt herself!
I have friends that love me and care for me and helped me through. I hope she does as well.
Maybe do it at her therapist.
Other people’s safety is not your responsibility.
You cannot be responsible for someone’s else mental health.
Every day you take from a girl is running down her clock too.
You are stealing time from a woman.
We don’t have as much time as men do.
A man at 45 is seasoned handsome; a silver Fox. A woman if she has some grey omg! put her out to pasture.
She Looks old. Her Times up.!
You think you are doing her a favor but you are not.
I appreciate the sentiment
you are kinder then the man who just fled while I was talking on the phone..
Somewhere in the middle of you two guys is what they call “the golden place”
The perfect balance.
Let her go.
With kindness and love.
Bet let her go.
For both of you.
I'm going threw exactly the same right now, its been 10 days living in my vehicle, yesterday I misplaced my phone, when I found it I read the most discouraging hurtful words just because I did not reply qick enough, one text is I miss you the next text is I never want to see you then its why are you not responding omg it is truly a Rollercoaster ride on top of all this she has very rude disrespectful lazy think that they are entitled give me give me children who them selfs have called police c.p.s on there mother each time c.p.s and police come they find that the house is clean food etc she will not do anything to correct her children, it has gotten worst my emotional state of mind as well as my health is being affected I really do love her though I am really taking these days away from all this to get some peace of mind
My girlfriend of three and a half years ghosted me. She was diagnosed BPD-1 about 20 years ago. I believe she also deals with bipolar psychosis or bipolar with “features.” I don’t think she’s aware of the psychosis aspect of the disorder and that she suffers from this. Her mind creates alternate realities and delusions. She blocks out or represses stressful, anxiety-inducing topics or experiences. We both have children and decided to try living together. We discussed before taking this step, that if blending families didn’t work out for any reason, she’d move out and we’d continue our relationship. Well, it didn’t work out because of differences in parenting style and philosophy. We talked about how the best thing for the children would be for us to live in separate households. We were in agreement and she said she’d start looking for a new place. After about a month, she hadn’t looked for a place so I asked her about it. She told me that we didn’t have any such conversation. I asked her every couple of months if she was looking and she began changing the topic or ignoring my question all together. There were several heated exchanges after that and finally two years later and more heated exchanges, she looked for and bought a house. She tried to get me to ask her to stay at every step in the process but I held firm. This was in the best interest of our children after all. Once the deal was done, we talked again about how we would continue our relationship. I pointed out that it wouldn’t be too different since her new house was only 6 blocks away. Everything went downhill from there. When it was time to pack and move her belongings she said she was too overwhelmed. I ended up packing and moving all of her stuff. As the move was nearing completion, I was dropping a few things off and noticed that she hadn’t been to bed in many days and was manic. A day later I asked if she was manic and if she should make an appointment with her doctor. She told me that she wasn’t manic. I had moved the last of her things. I hadn’t heard from her in about a week and her mail was piling up. I texted her and asked if I could bring her mail to her. She responded that I was not to call, text, come to her house, or go to her daughter’s school or she would call the police and file for a restraining order against me. I checked in periodically and the threats started coming from her girlfriend. She accused me of stalking and harassing her friend. One of her psychoses is paranoid delusions, the belief that someone is out to get her, wants to cause her harm, or is stalking her, etc. She has vilified me and developed alternate realities to cope with her feelings of rejection, despite my letting her know that I wasn’t rejecting her and that I wanted her in my life forever. I told her we’d live like this for a few years and then when the children are older, I would marry her. Her response was that I was trying to manipulate her. My best guess is that her manic episode triggered her psychosis. She believes the alternate realities her brain has created to cope and has ghosted me ever since. It’s been 9 months and she hasn’t contacted me in any way. I want to reach out and suggest that she talk to her doctor about psychosis but I’m afraid she’ll follow through with her threats and call the police. I don’t believe she will ever realize any of this on her own and I’ve most likely been ghosted for life. She didn’t formally break up with me and the last I heard from her we had a wonderful future ahead of us, then nothing. It is very painful to have the woman I love go from a bright future together to all of this with no contact in 9 months with not so much as an explanation.
Does anyone know if while they’re ghosting you specifically, would they still post on social media? I went through a mania phase with a women and she just stopped talking to me and blocked her post on FB. I had no clue what happened. So I checked with some mutual friends and that’s how I found out she was still posting here and there mainly about her kids. I mentioned that I knew she was doing that during a text when I was trying to figure out what the heck happened. I mentioned a post she hidden. Next thing I knew she blocked a few mutual friends so they couldn’t see post moving forward. She lifted the blocks and finally reached out 3 weeks later. Then she went silent again for two weeks and blocked again! (Is that normal?) she said sorry for being flakey and she’s working on it) Anyway just wondering also if it’s common to do this and still post?
My ex does this exact thing.... I don’t get it either. Everything was fine between us... but he has a habit of ghosting me for no reason.
I too just got ghosted for no reason. Everything was fine and then BAM! He suddenly tells me that he needed his space and gave me 2 weeks to move out of his house. It has been a little over a month and there has been no texts or calls from him. I was this guy for 4 years! Now he just acts like I no longer exist! I know he's a manic depressive but I feel like his problems are now giving me problems. I'm depressed and feel stuck and unable to move on.
It's not just hard to say "this is what's going on" - as a couple people above have explained. It's needed to settle down or because you don't want them to see you like that. Ghosting tells somebody the opposite. It says, you mean nothing to me and never did, not even as a human being let alone somebody I at least said I loved.
Maybe the disease is responsible for wanting to ghost.
But your lips still work or fingers to write a note
Unbelievably cruel to another person
Would agree with this statement 100%. Currently my wife of bipolar II is ghosting me. She sent a text I’m leaving you don’t text me. Then blocked me and hasn’t said a word or message since. All for reasons that a normal relationship would easily be able to resolve with a little open communication. It’s hurtful and I honestly don’t understand how she said she ever loved me to treat me like disposable trash.
Yeah I had that from my ex. He probably has bipolar and would ghost me all the time. Claimed my writing to him overwhelmed him and caused anxiety and ended it forever by email like a coward. But he has family problems and other issues. Never there for me, also disappearing but you know what can you do? Move on. He is ill. He needs a doctor but I can’t force him to see one.
Hi yes very cruel I've just gone throu the ghosting today had a nice evening planned and bam I'm blocked on everything no explanation at all like I just don't exist anymore he has just vanished... Everything was good yesterday no signs of this at all.. I'm a mess today can't get hold of him he has vanished I know he has bipolar so I'm assuming it's because of that unless I've just been dumped for someone better this has affected me big time not sure how you deal with this very sad 😔😔
I went through that. A week after he said he was seeing a doctor he blocked me for two months. Now he has blocked me but he messaged me to say it’s over…at least it was something. It was hell though. I empathises
100% - my partner ghosted me after telling me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me the day before. Blocked everywhere. Now I found out that he is seeing a girl he met in the two weeks he was in hospital (he was missing on the streets for a month before when he got sick) - I am devastated to say the least. Clearly this is something a healthy person doesn’t do. He was terrified of being hurt and left when we got closer: it came out of nowhere. I reassured him and it made no difference to his distress: two points to make, he hid a drug addiction and his bi polar diagnosis from me. So as you can imagine it hit like a bomb when it happened. His family informed me after it all went belly up. I’m at a complete loss and I’m trying to just process this one day at a time. We were together for a year and a half and were inseparable 😢
I am sorry. My exe ran away to Turkey.
Miranda being BP 2 when your on a low you do want to ghost most people because you get so low you just don’t want to interact with anyone, even if you love them and are good friends.
Part of the reason you just don’t want people to see you when your down that dark hole as you know your no fun.
Always have kept in touch with my brother during these times, I found having a pet dog was always a help because they put few demands on you.
Have been on my current low for 2-3 months.just don’t know when it will end just know it will.
So have to just ride it out and not put too much in the way of expectations on myself.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I have been seeing someone for four months, talking/texting daily. He has been amazing, sweet and kind. Told me after two months that he is BP. I told him that I am ok with it. My mother was BP, but more depressed than manic, always. We briefly discussed it. He takes meds and said he doesn’t deviate from them. He once was depressed for a weak and was not that talkative, but still kept in touch and told me he was down.
Just a week ago, told me how much he likes me and now zero. I am so hurt, it is hard for me to understand. However, I am hoping he comes back around. When this happens, do BP people come back around or do they just vanish? Should I keep a glimmer of hope, is what I am asking?
My best friend who is BP2 just ghosted me. We got into it a little over text, nothing big or crazy just a misunderstanding... literally went back and forth maybe 4 times total about something she was trying to tell me and I was misunderstanding. By the end of that (can’t even call it a fight or disagreement) I told her thanks for clarifying and moved on to the next subject... then she blocked me off her phone, then I noticed she blocked me on fb! For what exactly I don’t know 🤷🏻♀️ we’ve literally had actual fights in the past and just give each other time, but this time she just blocked me from her life. Truth be told I’m super hurt 😔 I struggle with my own issues (anxiety and PMMD) that take their toll on me and I really don’t need this either. I’ve been there for my friend always and I want to be here now but honestly for my own peace of mind and mental health I may need to just let her go.
I was engaged to a man with bipolar for 16 months, he just broke it off in 24 hour turn around, one minute I love you more than anyone the next goodbye. I am divorced and wanted to wait on marriage because of his bipolar and some odd behaviors I was seeing, but committed to the relationship. I had been married to a man with major undiagnosed mental illness so jumping into marriage quickly was not good for me. My previous husband had another family behind my back so major betrayal and he did this as a pastor.....yes for real. So I wanted time with this person to see how his bipolar played out, reasonable request. Well as time passed I began to see some behaviors that were strange, child like behavior, like making boy noises and turning objects at the dinner table into animals, giddy behavior, constant immature joking, and other more risky talk constantly. Then rude comments about how I look but when confronted could not understand how that would hurt me, then continued to beg me to marry him and tell me how much he loved me. Then I caught him flirting with women on FB, caught him in several lies. Did not get me a birthday gift for a pivotal birthday, more odd statements that reflected promiscuous behaviors but when confrontation he goes silent. Obviously this was going south, how he talked to his parents was horrific, never would take responsibility for his own actions, oh he did in the beginning, told me about his bipolar in a deceptive way and then lied about it. Yelled at me in public, having to explain simple things to him and he literally was having trouble with easy tasks, cognitive issues, having to rephrase a sentence so he could understand, major issues, and I did my best to support and prayed as we believed God had brought us together initially and many of these behaviors ramped up recently. Well Obviously I had major reservations, and knew I could not take all of this on, it was not safe. This is not a stable person, so I knew I had to end it, however he did before me. Some of this behavior is bipolar immaturity, impulsively, pressured speech and cognitive impairment from bipolar aging, but some was just plain selfishness, pride and arrogance all wrapped up in a nice package, nice expensive clothing, nice house, nice dinners, you get the picture. People need accountability, we can't act anyway we want and trample others, Obviously he did not act like this in the beginning or I would have walked so if behavior at times can be controlled in the beginning what happened. Glad its over, don't like the sudden turn around but thankful he revealed his true self.
Meanwhile I am labeled the bipolar abuser while being abused to the point of breakdown by a mentally Ill manipulative coward. I’ve cried so much the past couple years I can’t turn it off or function anyone, I trusted her and ignored all the red flags because I thought she was the most genuine well meaning person I’d ever met, it’s just an act.. our whole life together was some sick act like practice for her and then she labeled me her abuser and never looked at me again not even in court over saving pics to a shared album, it’s just games for them.. your life everything they say and do they’re not real people with feelings in the inside, just project their pain and ruin anyone dumb enough to love them and believe their lies
So sorry this happened to you. It’s strange my ex had ghosted her mother, sister, friends in the past. Labeled her own mother her stalker, sister and father her narcissistic abusers. Everyone in her life even best friends it was like this with, I should have paid attention to all the red flags but I never imagined the depths of her cruelty. It’s crippled me emotionally and left me in ruin, and she still claims to be the victim! Of abuse she made up to justify her leaving and setting me up for her horrible victim attention seeking stories. I’ve never felt so used and ashamed of myself for loving, that’s been the hardest. I can barely hear my own voice when I speak, I feel like a ghost of myself who can’t function or think straight or get through a few hours without tearing up. I still miss the lie, but more than anything now I miss myself and the piece of mind and strength I had before I was used likes test dummy then scape goat for her pain, a stepping stone she gladly drowned and wiped her feet on for good measure.. blah I’d give anything to feel normal again, happy seems so far away if settle for just content.
They can lie to you everyday, set you up manipulate you use all their promises and your worst fears against you, leave you hanging in desperation while they continue to lie and use your pain to justify it all. They’ll never admit any of what they did was wrong or abusive.. I slept with the promised she wrote on my dresser everyday. This person claimed to be all about mental health, healing, but she only uses it as a weapon to hurt people in the ways she felt hurt for some sick sense of power. No one has ever been as cold and cruel to me, it’s left me so broken I can barely take care of myself, I used to be so independent. I hate this, I wish I could go back and warn myself not to ignore all the red flags, if you would have told me a week before she left and the nightmare started I never would have imagined. She abused the law, women’s groups, she abused the law and strung me along while pretending to be in hiding I never even raised my voice to her. I’ve never felt so deeply used, I’ll never understand how people like this can exist and live with themselves. You built our whole relationship on lies and promises you kept making even after you left? Why would you do that, how could you be that way after years of reinforcing how you never would or could. It’s such a slap in the face when everything way about us working together and adapting to your issues. But mine become your ammo when you want to leave after living together for years and the piles of notes and cards and decorations we had every where saying we’d work through anything we were the only home and family we needed and blah blah,. I believed you.. you sick coward, you ruined my mental health, you turned me into you when we met and it’s so wrong and fed up I can barely think straight still! After all this time it still
Hurts to the point of panic attacks if I think about it too long. Do
You have any idea what that did to me!? Day after day waiting for any Hope like your letters said, like the person I loved and knew was real.. it broke me, I got stuck.. I still feel stuck in the floor I never got over the shock of coming home to a note and the torture you inflicted while u labeled me your abuser and cost me everything I’ve worked for for my self for my future. Why? Why is my life and struggle and pain mean nothing?? Because I had a record you think that gives you the right to use me to my core for your growth?? Because you had an easy out at Any time.. I think about all the stupid things I believed about you!! Your know exactly what you did, you can lie to everyone and yourself forever, you used me as your practice and ghosting me, word for word how you said you’d never abandon or make me face anything alone.. I thought we were fated, like all your gifts and lies 😓 I want want anything anymore but for the pain you left to go away and to feel normal again. I can barely leave the house anymore you broke my mind my heart my soul, stole my peace of mind and faith in people.. for what .. your adventures, your attention, I cheered you in for your growth!! And even that was all fake!! You were never honest and it’s disgusting to look back at your pics and lovey dovey crap our silly kids I’m sure you got a good laugh! How brave and genuine you are you use people as your emotional punching bags and make monsters out of the people you hurt the most because that’s all you can do, manipulate and use people, cheat and lie and say anything for attention.. I loved the sweet caring genuine person I knew, I needed an ounce of that to be real, I never imagined how low or how much damage you would do.. even when you were having me fill out worksheets breadcrumbing me while u planned your flings I never believed you weren’t coming home.. Home you stitched that while u plotted your sick mental torture. I wish I did know how to deal with it, I don’t want to be doing this anymore,, I can vent forever and never feel any better, I don’t really want you to hurt either. You’ll never be admit how twisted it all was or care , you got what you needed out of me. You must have been the only gal there who was getting tucked in with stuffed animals and writing love letters before she fled.. pathetic, real women need those programs not over privileged rich girls who pretend, you shame real women and abuse victims everywhere. You make a mockery of mental health, you cherry pick your therapists and lie to them until you find ones that give you the diagnosis you want. You’re afraid of becoming your childhood abusers if any of that was real, you’re always worse and more mentally ill at a younger age, Stacy is a wack job who sends you to crystal camp and either knows you’re a fraud and doesn’t care or is that twisted herself. I’ve said this all so many times in ever way. I don’t want to to keep doing this, I was done.. i didn’t answer your last degrading bait e-mail daring me to give you your big victim card… and you still had to try.. you’re just an evil human leach… I wish I could remember the you I loved but you forced me to love and live a lie. I stopped living, i don’t know how I used to live with depression or got as far as I did when it’s so crippling now it feels like it’s anything before was just a little case of the blues. I cried for the first year every single day not just here and there.. in fits that could be hours.. my face still aches. I never had anxiety or panic attacks ,Ike I said your betrayals in all the ways step by step how you knew would hurt me the most worked,, you broke me. You’re not a victim, you’re the reason rea victims can’t find the help they need or deserve because all you care about is getting away with it, having your little group of enablers you lied to reinforce that you’re right and so brave for your traumatic emotional abuse.. you’re everything you told me your family did to you, so much of that was probably just you.. you had plenty of time to scope me out neighbor.. I will try harder to be done but honestly it’s not about hurting you, it never really has been, I don’t know how to heal and I love in shock because you gave me ptsd.. seizure like panic attack, can’t get out of the car for hours until I have to call for help anxiety. I’m so ashamed of how I am now but I don’t feel anything good anymore. I need to be better for me though. You don’t even have real emotions or love or cares you’re just a big lie, your whole personality is as fake and contrived as your mother, you’ll be worse at her age.. I don’t even want that, I don’t think adding more hate or hurt into the world is helping.. but you’ll always be a hateful fraud and hurt the people who get too close and see the real the you. You’ll say anything do anything to have people believe you’re everything they ever wanted from a partner just to use it all, always thinking about your exit and how everyone’s out to get you, without.any intention of sticking to a single world. Why.. how do u live so falsely, why would you want to?? I’m Not sorry to you for carrying on, there is no real you. I’m sorry for your mental illness and that you chose me as your target, I didn’t deserve to be turned into a shaky waif, I used to praise me for all the ways I helped you grow and you set me back, not even back worse than I ever though possible.. and you planned it all!
Felt this one, I hope you’re healing now
It’s mind blowing when you look back on all the lies you believed implicitly over the years. Their whole identity is lies, they need manipulation to play the victim while still having power and control over you the real victim. You’re better off not digging, you’ll make yourself sick trying to figure out what was real and what was part of their twisted games to extort or use you in whatever way they wanted. Just try to understand there’s no figuring it out, some people are just evil and will do whatever it takes to get what they want regardless of the pain and suffering they inflict, they’ll always be the victim in their own minds
I understand, some things will always hurt. You need to help yourself now and find ways to feel happy again in spite of what they did to you, you do matter
The man I love keeps ghosting me. He shows up showers me with attention then disappears for months.
Last time he even asked to marry me. Then disappears. He told me he was in a dark place.
I feel so sad about all that is happening.
My wife of 7 1/2 years was diagnosed BP2 last year after she went into a depression and moved out and had a short affair with an ex. She started meds and after a while we started putting the pieces back together and she moved back home eight months ago. Things had been going seemingly well, with a spell here or there that would last a week or two where she would question whether she should be in a relationship. After a short time, she always would come back. But things had been going well until the coronavirus put her working from home for six weeks. During that time she started drinking more and more, going to bed by 8 p.m. and just not her normal self. Then, as soon as she could start going back to work, she told me she had rented an apartment in another town 30 minutes away and moved out the next day. She said if she can't make a relationship work with me, she'll never be able to make one work. She says she needs her own personal space and needs to rely on herself for all the things she wants and needs. She has barely been in contact since she left three weeks ago, just occasionally texting to say she is sorry or to ask if I'm ok. The last thing she said to me is that maybe we could have some sort of relationship someday. What? I'm giving her the space she wants but I really think her drinking with her meds may have triggered something. She talked to her doctor but lied when he asked if she'd been drinking. So I'm also wondering if this is the end or just another spell I should try and wait out? There is no easy answer I know.
Unfortunately, I am currently going through the same thing. Married for 2 years and together for 10 years. He left this weekend to visit family and then I was upset when he turned off his phone. Start smoking weed (he never smokes weed) and started drinking all weekend. Long story short he said our relationship is not going to work and he is not coming home. He did not get on the plane. I am hear heartbroken. I did disconnect his phone so I have no contact. He is with someone else because I found her number on the call log. This has happen 5 times and he eventually comes home. But this time I can’t have him back until he gets back on meds. If he does not come home, I hate to think of it...but it would be better for me. I am tired of being hurt. Sorry your going through this. I never realize how much harder it is to have a relationship with a bipolar person.
Hi, mine is using olanzapine 20mg daily, guess he is bipolar. We were planning to marry, then he told me that he doesn’t want. 2 months later this issue, he broke up with me and wanted to remain as friends. And exactly like yours, sometimes he was chatty sometimes, sometimes ghosted. Yesterday I told him that I get hurt when he ghosts me and found out that he read that message and blocked my number. I don’t know what to do, I just love him too much. Will he unblock me?
I am really stuck and torn on what exactly my situation is. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years and he has bipolar 2. He came out and told me about his bipolar 4 months ago, in which I didn't see anything wrong with it, as I'll always love him regardless. Shortly after, in January, he began considering going on meds and taking lithium.
Once he began lithium, I noticed that he had hypomania quite often. When he does, we tend to argue more.. and I would try to avoid these arguments as much as I can, given that he's not listening or trying to speak loudly and overlapping me.
During this time, we've been in the process of talking about getting engaged and having a future together. His goal was to propose sometime this year. In doing so, he suggests that we should try living together, so he began his process of looking into apartments. We started going to apartment viewing, while also trying on ring styles/sizes, etc.
One month ago, we got into a small argument in which it triggered into him asking for 3 days of space. This 3 days turned into 1 week, then 2 weeks, then 3 weeks and now a month. During this entire month, he ignored both calls and messages of mine when I had asked if he was ready to chat. So 2 days ago, I decided to reach out to him to see if he was ready to talk and he said he was. He told me this wasn't going to work out and that the last 3 weeks, he was able to spend all that he wanted and do things whenever he wanted. This was devastating for me to hear because he had always been able to do and spend however he likes/wants.
I'm just a little confused on whether this is all part of him having bipolar or the effects of the meds, or if it's just simply commitment issues. I'm so tired of excusing his behaviours and being stuck on what's acceptable and what's not. I'm currently in the last semester of my college and battling practicum at this point and this world-wide COVIC-19 pandemic. Having to move on seems almost impossible, given that I can't even do normal things with this social distancing and isolation. I'm just so torn that he's selfish enough to not even recognize the mental stress he's putting me through. When I asked what he was thinking, he would only reply with 'these are my thoughts, you don't get to know them.' How does one go from so loving to a completely cold and mean person? It's like he threw everything that we had planned for away. I just don't know who he is, what this is, am I in denial and excusing all this behaviour for him having bipolar. I just want answers.
It’s not your fault and it’s not his. It’s definitely the Bipolar. Idk if he is coming back to you, but in my experience..once they realized that they hurt you they would usually will call you and come back. only time will tell.
My bipolar husband went off all his meds and the urging of his family and left me and the kids two and a half years ago after 12 years of marriage and went to live with his mom . He didn’t tell us he was leaving just walked out and said he was never happy and told us to keep or donate all his stuff and he would take two suitcases only and he ghosted us . When we were together he would often go radio silence off and on and dissapear for days or hours or weeks at a time and ghost but would always reappear . This time he hasn’t shown back in our town for 2.5 years. We have had 5 seperate good week long visits but in his new location and he ghosts on and off in between and texts and calls very sparingly and refuses to barely answer any calls and often ghosts and refuses to answer texts off and on ghosting sometimes refuses to see us when we visit or not following thru with visiting us but he has been quite good with at least texting something every two weeks if not every couple of days . He goes thru period where he is really communicative and then really uncommunicative. He is very adment he doesn’t want a divorce and has apologized repeatedly for hurting me like that for ghosting and leaving and promises we will have a traditional marriage again . He is currently jumping locations again across the United States with his mom and wants me to wait an additional 2 years for him to save up money to buy us a house in yet a different location . I really love him and enjoy when he isn’t ghosting and take my marital vows seriously and hate to give up on a sick spouse but how do I tell the difference between ghosting because of illness and ghosting to play games ? I suspect he just doesn’t want me to forget him and move on with my life without him and he might be playing games but when I accuse him or ask him nicely he gets really offended and his feelings are hurt and he accuses me of thinking he’s a asshole and thinking bad about him and not giving him the benefit of the doubt and ghosts again . He says he doesn’t mean to ghost but doesn’t know what to say .. Is this typical of bipolar ghosting or is this simply playing games how do I tell the difference ?
Michelle, this is amazing. It is exactly what my husband has been doing all the time. We have been married 12 year and have an 11 years old son. In 2017 he ghosted us for 2 years. He then reappeared, stayed more or less with us for an year and now he ghosted us again. No answers to calls, no texts, he is even asking his parents to ghost us. I thought he might be playing games but as he is in lock down for the pandemic I am not sure what he can do. He is also home with mum and dad at 49. I decided I am not going to ever call him again.
U can't tell the difference but as long as you been apart that should help you with your answer this is not what a marriage should be like. You should love yourself more and go on with your life because he has he is not present in your marriage. I wish you strength,motivation,courage and peace of mind good luck to you.