Bipolar Disorder and Ghosting: It's a Big Problem

January 28, 2019 Hannah Blum

Bipolar Disorder and Ghosting: It's a Big Problem

Bipolar disorder and ghosting is a big problem. I didn’t realize the extent of this problem until I saw the number of comments on my recent YouTube video, "Ghosting and Bipolar Disorder: Why We Do It".

What is Ghosting? The Role It Plays in Bipolar

Ghosting is a contemporary term used for when a person completely cuts off all communication with a friend or romantic partner by not responding to texts, ignoring calls and acting as if the person no longer exists. It is done without a reason or an explanation from the person doing it. One day they are a part of your life, and the next day they disappear from it without warning. It negatively impacts friendships and romantic relationships. Ghosting is done by many of us living with bipolar disorder, especially during bipolar depressive episodes.

"I’m guilty of this when I’m hypomanic and in a negative mood and I’m super sensitive and I get easily hurt or angry at people and instead of confronting them, I just ghost them when they try to contact me." ~Xoxofmw, YouTube commenter

Why Do People with Bipolar Disorder Engage in Ghosting?

Those of us living with bipolar disorder definitely have a problem with ghosting people. It doesn't matter whether it's someone we're dating or friends with. Unfortunately, sometimes we're even ghosting our family members.

I have bipolar II and yes, I've ghosted people. Why? It feels more comfortable for me to cut off all communication with another person when I am struggling with highs and lows. Secondly, when I am dating someone, the fear of being rejected due to my diagnosis of bipolar disorder is always present. That makes me push another person away when they get too close. Thirdly, the stigma of mental illness causes severe anxiety in those of us living with bipolar disorder. Although a person we are romantically involved with may not be showing signs of rejecting us due to bipolar, we feel as though it is inevitable that at some point it will happen.

"I just do this on a low episode. I see it as protecting friends from me dragging them down to my level. Plus, in all honesty, I can’t deal with feeling suffocated whilst in the low and just want to be left on my own. It’s easier that way. ~ Claire, YouTube commenter

Self-stigmatizing is another significant reason for ghosting as well. Those of us with bipolar disorder subconsciously believe that we are unlovable and undeserving of friendships and relationships, which causes us to act on ghosting. The stress and pressure to explain the reasons for pushing away creates anxiety; which is where ghosting comes into play.

"I do this a lot. I stop answering phone calls and texts, and avoiding any form of communication with friends and family. In my mind, I don't stop loving them or care for them. I just feel overwhelmed and I feel the need to create a distance between me and them so I can calm down. Now, unfortunately, this can take from a couple days to a couple weeks." ~ Katia, YouTube commenter

The Affect Ghosting Has on Others

Over the years, I have realized that regardless of what is going on in my life, ghosting is hurtful to another person. I have been on both sides of ghosting, and it is very harmful and causes extreme insecurities.

"I just lost a friend who deals with bipolar. She just cut me off. I tried and tried. Dealt with the ups and downs and dealing with my own depression and insecurity, it was very difficult. ~ Embree, YouTube commenter

Bipolar disorder is not an excuse for hurting another person. Although we deal with anxiety and depression and it leads to many of us isolating ourselves, we are still responsible for the way our behavior negatively affects friends, family, and romantic partners. There are people who care about us, and they deserve a proper response even though it is difficult for those of us living with bipolar disorder to do so at times. This is something I am working on as well because I severely struggle with opening up which leads me to ghosting other individuals.

My ex, who's getting well with depression and very positive about her progress, left me since I have bipolar 2 and I isolate myself every once in a while. She doesn't like it since it triggers her. So she broke up with me and told me I can't give her what she needs. ~ Chaz, YouTube commenter

Self-awareness is essential when it comes to behaviors like ghosting. Many people with bipolar disorder do not even realize that this is a problem. Building strong relationships without openness and communication is impossible. Acknowledging the problem is the first step to self-awareness and learning how to properly communicate with others to prevent anyone getting hurt or feeling ignored by someone they care about.

"When I feel like isolating, I "check on" the people around me, my friends in recovery. This way I am not alone, but I am not talking about ME, I am checking on THEM. Seems to help! ~ BipolarLightningBug, YouTube commenter

What about you? How has being ghosted by someone with bipolar disorder affected you? And if living with bipolar disorder and ghosting others has been part of your life, why do you do it? Also, helpful suggestions on how to end this type of behavior are welcomed.

APA Reference
Blum, H. (2019, January 28). Bipolar Disorder and Ghosting: It's a Big Problem, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, February 8 from https://www.healthyplace.com/living-with-bipolar-blog/2019/1/bipolar-disorder-and-ghosting-its-a-big-problem



Author: Hannah Blum

Hannah Blum is the HealthyPlace YouTube bipolar disorder vlogger. Check out her I'm Hannah. I Have Bipolar 2 playlist and subscribe to the HealthyPlace YouTube channel. You can also find Hannah on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.

LD
June, 28 2022 at 2:25 pm

I’m sorry you are going through that. Your situation is certainly more complicated since kids are involved. Maybe talking to someone yourself, regardless if she joins you, will help you. Try to remember that you can’t control her behavior and what she does has nothing to do with you. Good luck!

Trina
June, 26 2022 at 2:15 pm

My bipolar bf has been gone for 3 weeks now ghosted me after 3 years deleted me from everything and is off running a muck with his friends getting high and sabotaging his whole life once again. I know this time is the last time I'm letting this continue. But it's hard being thrown away by someone you gave everything too. I don't know how to cope with this disease it's horrible on my mental health.

TT
July, 4 2022 at 1:22 am

“Torture”, I couldn’t have described it any better. I know exactly what your going through and it’s so hard. It’s been over 3 months for me now and I am just confused and don’t know if anything was ever real. Replaying moments and trying to understand if it’s the personality or is it the bipolar and it’s just confusing. Still regardless of whether it’s the bipolar that’s at the root it doesn’t excuse the harm that has been done. Anyways please take care, and know your not alone.

Katie McMurray
July, 29 2022 at 4:28 am

It’s a nightmare living after being with someone so insidious, they have no soul just care about their immediate concerns and make up excuses for their horrible behavior later… the things I have found out since are shocking she is some cruel intentions type rich girl and I was like her pet

Tim
August, 1 2022 at 10:43 pm

Cruel intentions is what I always reference too. I don’t think they are completely devoid of emotions, theirs are just so warped what they feel is often inappropriate for the situation. It’s black and white with relationships with them. They end up passing on their pain and hating whoever their with no matter what, it’s so hard to get over but there’s always hope if you just keep trying I promise

McHurty
August, 13 2022 at 3:15 am

I wonder about the cruel intentions stuff a lot too. Her best friends were only people who paid attention when she had drama, she loved being a part of these womens groups or support groups for whatever she self diagnosed, it’s so sick to be used by someone you truly love at such a difficult time and just left like you never mattered.. she accused me and acted like I was guilty set me up and lied over and over about things you just don’t lie about. It seems like a nightmare still when I think about it all and what it’s done to me. I’d give anything to feel normal again and have my life and piece of mind back. She stole things from me it took a lifetime to earn, she’s never had to work for a thing in her life… she’ll never understand how much damage her selfish cruelty does to people

Klm
November, 12 2022 at 11:04 pm

Hey 🐵.. I’ve been through a lot since you left. I don’t want to be angry anymore or feel trapped by the pain of being used and discarded, then accused and setup. You did what you had to do for you, no matter how selfish and twisted. You can call it what you need to it doesn’t matter anymore Ill always know in my soul you are a Manipulive fraud of a person, and you need to be a victim over having any real moral or sense of human decency… I’m at a place where I can finally accept that.. I lost my 6 figure salary and everything I built for muscle because of you, no matter how you frame it you tortured me and called me the love of your life stringing me along for months ruining my mental health at an already diffficult time. It’s the deepest most damaging set of things a person has ever done in my life, I feel very kicked used and setup not just with how you left but that you would promise all those things to parts of me you claimed were hurt in you then twist it all so cruelly and out of blue.. you need fantasy to live fine KT have it. But I am ready after all this loss and a year and a half of the worse emotional torture I’ve felt, the greatess sense of worthlessness and depression, I have panic attacks now and crippling anxiety.. never ever once before but you can’t understand what it did to me.. waiting days then weeks and Ben months.. we spent every minute together then that?? Well I knew what buttons to push and how to coax what you needed out of me while I was suffering and needed you u made my life hell and my worst nightmares come true. So please you might not agree and that’s fine say whatever you need to for the rest of your life Katie.. you’re lying to yourself and for validation of your abuse And years kr manipulation.. I just want to be done done… for good..
I’m seeing new docs and trying things that are finally helping me get over this and start my new life but you won’t let me… I was done befor eh filed the first time.. that broke me when I was finally healing for all this time.. it was wrong. You were wrong to leave how you did and label me. I loved you and tucked u in with kids and would have worked on anything like you always promised we would. In all those deeply meaningful ways that were lies.. can you understand how twisted that all was from you! The queen kr mental health and u ruined mine with some sick joy and power and pride… I don’t deserve how you labeled me or left, how you tricked me and bent the situation to have me packing for you while u setup this victim story.. I should have stayed and Made you face me but you are just a coward ghosting user… you will never understand what you stole from me and how much damage you did.. it’s so sick because it’s all the ways you said you were abused! And you’d do them to me when I thought we were finally going to live again.. I look back now and realize a lot of what always went on behind my back hah while my back was turned. Things I cheered u in for even… it’s so disgusting.. you should pay for my doc bills god knows now.. from what I saw I didn’t want to look anymore I can’t believe I thought I knew you and loved you more deeply than anyone only to be your stepping stone and practice husband, your stepping stone for growth while you steal the strength I earned and needed to feel whole.
Please just stop now and drop your crap so I can move on with my life and you can done. I was done forever before u did that.. I can be done again but it has to stop. Do one decent human act towards me please? I need to move on. Let me.. stop trying to keep this sick thread to me, I was dealing with mental health issues too so am hoping things u claimed to be… what you did and how u treated me is wrong and sick.. I’ll never believe otherwise.. but I don’t believe you’re evil, just ill. Please just let me mourn my fam and move on with my life now. You stole so much just give me freedom that’s all I ask. Be a smidgen of the person u promised me you were.. I know she was pretend now but she was the love of my life.. just stop using me u broke me already what else do u want… oh I have an eating disorder, panic attacks suicidal depression.. you turned me into you when we met and said I was weak in all the ways u used to praise me for giving u strength and coming in your life.. you twisted it all whe. I was in the wowed place! I hate thinking about it and I don’t want to anymore.. stop the need to control my life and have power over me and let me go so we can both move on… please Katie.. take your sympathy twist it all forever I don’t care anymore.. just stop and I promise we’re done forever. U were my everything, I never could or would have done the things u accused me of and none of that was remotely right or fair .,, it never will be.. but u can be decent and stop torturing me now .. I will do the same just stop tho I was done a year ago until U had to get your victim story in and the pics
Thing.. it’s ridiculous you abused those laws and used me then emotionally tortured me to call me crazy and blame me… you know it’s true and most people do tbh you’re just fooling yourself rich girl with too much time and forever the victim.. let me go stop the bondage legal bs, u should be in jail for false accusations not pushing it more.. goodbye please .. let me mourn and rebuild my life

Tom
September, 26 2022 at 2:16 am

After a year it got ridiculous, like how!!! Do I still have tears left! I get it, it is torture. I couldn’t even think straight the first 6 months or so it was such an utter mind F.. she kept doing that saying the most heartfelt things dangling hope for months, it messed me up. Feel better champ, if you ever wanna talk I understand, and it gets easier slowly but surely I pro

Bebe
November, 5 2022 at 11:19 pm

I am going through the same thing with my boyfriend right now. We've been together for 4 years. We were friends in high school, reconnected in our early 30's and it was magic. I never forgot about him after high school. I served in the military and have met so many men and there is no one else in the world like him. He consistently ghosts me every autumn and comes back around right around Christmas/New Years. Everytime I never know if he will come back. Last year I made a huge mistake and dated one of his good friends during this time period. His friend was a moron and I was about to end things with him anyways when my boyfriend returned in January. Needless to say, my bf was and is extremely hurt and I don't know if this time around is the big one. I 100% absolutely understand his hurt, but at the same time he disappeared and I was lonely. I was only intimate with that other guy 3 times and it was terrible, nothing like the fireworks between me and my bf. I didn't think he was coming back. So here I am again, 1 year later all alone wondering if he will return.
We just had the most AMAZING Halloween weekend, and his switch flipped on Wednesday. We were JUST laying in each others arms professing love and making plans for the future a few days ago. His anger puzzles me. He called me the next day, super drunk and informed me that he has a date this Sunday. He refused to tell me who she is but I know damn well who he's been talking to. He's never seen anyone else during these ghosting periods before and I am terrified. What if they fall in love? I must love him unconditionally- I'll get over it if he hooks up with her and realizes it was a mistake. IDK what to do- just give him space and wait, or let go because he's clearly been talking to this girl for some time now. Is he still going to come back this time? He blocked my phone and social media. I love him more than anything, I can't think about anything else. No words can describe the desperation, panic and sorrow I feel.

Leigh
January, 17 2023 at 6:26 am

Hey, I know it hasn’t been that long but are things any better? It’s been almost 2 years now and I swear I can just think about it all at any given time and start sobbing.. grr I always look sad and scared now, because I am 😞 I never used to be scared or I could always force myself, I don’t know how to live again now life is just pain management and trying to be ok but I’m failing

Sad
May, 9 2022 at 5:53 pm

I know this article is a little older but I just found it. My boyfriend of 3 years (off and on) ghosted me for 12 days until I just heard from him. He broke up with me last spring (2021) due to being confused on what he wanted. 3 months later after some therapy (which he was opposed to) he reached out and said he wanted to try again and was working on himself. We did couples counseling to work on our communication style differences but that stopped and his individual therapy stopped in Dec. He's never been on medication or officially diagnosed but 2 weeks ago he broke down saying he hated living in Colorado, he needed to move back to be closer to his kids and he isn't sure what he wants anymore. He said he needed to process and then NOTHING for 2 weeks. I didn't reach out as I didn't want to push him further away, but was checking with his friend to make sure he was ok. Long story short, he sent me a cryptic email with thoughts all over the place this weekend and then we met in person to talk. He said he doesn't have the mental ability to give to a relationship (me) and loved me but was sorry. He said he is going to get help. I'm so broken and sad because I want to be there to help him, seeing my best friend struggle is so hard. :( I know I have to let him heal and move on with my life--it's just really hard after having gone through a divorce and then finally found someone I wanted to spend my life with.

Also Sad
May, 12 2022 at 2:40 pm

I'm right there with you. I don't have any advice and am struggling myself, but you're not alone if that helps at all. The suddenness is still jarring after being told you're their person and that they still love you. The not being able to help them while you can see their struggling hurts.

JP
May, 17 2022 at 11:09 am

I was on the same situation.I’m a widower and vulnerable.I met a guy online that I thought it was perfect for me my best friend and a soulmate.But after a a couple of weeks dating I noticed something wrong him.He decided to take medications and the side effects just killing him.Until to the point that he blamed me for how he feels.He didn’t take responsible for his own actions.He became very cold to me,not answering my text messages, and phone calls.And screaming at me and very abusive.He want space he felts he was suffocated with our relationship.That hurts me!As I was so attached to him we talked 3 times a day and texting constantly for 2 months.But then every morning he would send a text “good morning hope you have a great day”.And the 3 days later asked if he can call.I was hurt and don’t wanna talk.A week later I decided to talked to him.He told me all the excuses why it’s hard for the relationship to continue.It’s sounds he breaking up with but don’t want me to go either.So I was confused and decided to end the relationship at that night.And then a week later his calling me again from a different phone number because I blocked everywhere.He doesn’t stop calling and texting.And it’s like nothing happened.One day I answered him he wanna talk about what’s going on in his life and mine.It’s a friendly talked.That’s it!Im happy that I got out that toxic relationship.I got back my life and happy again.

KlM
May, 6 2022 at 9:55 pm

I can forgive you for being sick, but I can't forgive you ignoring it and ruining lives to make yourself a little easier. You haven't been remotely fair, you've been cruel in ways ill never understand, and wouldn't want to. I'm done hurting, you have to live with it now, I've suffered enough for 1 lifetime, it's my turn to be free.

Lizanne Corbit
April, 7 2022 at 8:49 pm

Awareness and communication go a very long way! You're doing great, keep going.

El
April, 3 2022 at 6:14 pm

My ex-fiance and I were together 7. years. We lived together from the beginning, pretty much, as I was living with mutual friends and everyone hung out a lot and I was trying to escape my crazy, abusive family after moving out of there and moved in with him. He was my rock, he fully took on financially supporting me, etc. He's always disappeared a lot and ghosted everyone, including family. I would pretend to leave him and move my stuff and then I couldn't get in touch with him to go back. When I'd go back, it took about a week to calm him down as he was really agitated and a complete mess. Once he said "why didn't you come sooner?" Three years ago, when we were between apartments, my worst nightmare happened. I was at my parents as we were in a fight and he completely disappeared. During the three years, he did go to therapy once and then ghosted her too. He moved to another state also. I feel so helpless. I've never been more sad about anything or felt more like nobody understands. My therapist says nobody CAN tell me if he's coming back or not as no one else was there. I feel so alone and scared. That feels kind of nice to get it out though I have major trauma response from this (and from before this) and I ask that people be sensitive.

Anonymous
March, 28 2022 at 11:02 am

I have been seeing my bf for 5 years. I worked for him. I noticed a few strange things, like he kept me at a distance, he took very long to trust me. Our love grew over time. The first time he blocked me was when I resigned because of all the bullying from the people at work, after they found out I was seeing him. It was for 36 days. He had a kidney transplant 10 years ago & he told me he was very irritable then. He had another one now, which was so extremely stressful for everyone. He is on 18 tablets. He has been speaking so fast and so much, he is extremely moody, went out an purchased 3 businesses (4 weeks after the transplant) he doesn't sleep - in Hypomania. This is the first time I realize what is going on with him. He always said he cannot have a relationship- I thought he kept me at arms length because of his kidney problems, but I think he is Bpd. Just guessing. I have been under tremendous stress, lost my nephew last year over a long awful suffering, which destroyed my family, 2 job losses, my dog, Bella is dying & I know i have to take her. I am stressing financially. He has blocked me, now during his manic phase. Told me a female colleague is driving him around the country. And said "I should bugger off" When I phone he screams he will block me, we can only whatsapp. I am so down, I don't know how to pick myself up. He' s been under such stress, for years, worrying about surviving. So i understand & these pills he has to take, to stop his kidney from rejecting- i wish i knew long ago that he might be bipolar, I would have been better prepared. I supported him, went through bullying, him not telling his children and ex about me. His ex donated the kidney. I thought we were about to have a future, now, after the long struggle. Instead everything is falling & I have no one to speak to - don't feel like it even helps. I have to find work - just all too much. I want him to be ok and find happiness, I wish I could just speak to him. I also freaked out, thinking he is messing around with this other woman, that made him angry, that is why he blocked me. I read through these comments and I see I am not alone, maybe they just cannot deal with emotions.

Kris
March, 25 2022 at 12:46 am

I have what I thought was a close, best friend. She deals with bipolar and I have had struggles with depression. Weve been friends for twenty years. In january, she stated she wanted space from me because she was overwhelmed with life and many responsibilities. I dont know if this was the real reason or not. Its been two and a half months since we talked. I am trying to respect her need for space but she will absolutely not communicate with me in any way. We live in two different states but have put the effort and love into the relationship to keep it going. She has a daughter who is four years old and I feel very close to her, like she is a grandaughter. My friend does not facilitate in any way to keep my connection going with her daughter. It feels very selfish from my end. I feel like all she cares about is her own needs and that she wont be there for me if I go through a hard time. She has not consideration for how her actions are affecting me. I have no idea if she has completely walked away from me as a friend or not. It seems very insensitive to me, to cut me out of her life.

MB
April, 6 2022 at 2:41 pm

Hello, I experienced something really similar. But we knew each other half a year from summer 2022. We are from different countries as well. She suffers from Bipolar 2. In the summer and autumn, everything was beautiful, we communicated a lot and enjoyed ourself. She explained me her mood shifts, that she is afraid of winter season, because she regularly comes to depression stage.
In winter, the communacation begun to drag. Eventually, you could say out of nothing, she told me some really rude words, called me out and ghosted me - she blocked me everywhere. There wasn't a rational explanation for this. The only thing I concluded was, that she needed a space, because she was overwhelmed.
The next 6 months, I was trying so much to do something (to communicate with her sister or to send her a letter). After about half year, before the summer, she contacted me at night (but she immediately deleted the message, but I noticed it). Therefor I contacted her in the morning. We were talking for one day. It was a full moon that day and I reminded her, how we had been watching the moon together. She blocked me again. Strange feeling. Maybe it was too much for her.
After another half year (exactly 1 year after the first ghost) I updated my bio on IG (I mentioned there, that it's 1 year and I wish for a miracle). She contacted me the same day (she saw the update). She apologized for her behavior 1 year ago. She told me, that she had done that to protect me from her mood shifts. She then opened up about her current depression, I was trying my best to communicate as much as possible. There were lows, when she stopped to communicate (for weeks, maybe few months). There was also a big crisis which needed an emergency. She had a period, when she focused on saving animals, she desperately was trying to help and slept only a little... Then again not communicating. But she didn't block me. I knew I can't overwhelm her and that she needs a space.
Communicating with a depressed person is seriously complicated and not simple at all. They need a space, but they also feel alone. If they don't have a space, they get overwhelmed and can get irritated and more depressed. When they are alone, they can get depressed more as well.
I decided to remain in contact with her. From time to time I send her a supporting message or a small gift. I think she appreciates it. But my life is not attached to her only and the priority to me is myself. Btw, this is important, if you want to save others, save yourself first. I am not saying to remove her from your life. You don't have to. You only need to start to care for yourself first. Love yourself first. Then give a love. And good things will come (it could be her as well).
Hope it helped and good luck! You can contact me on my e-mail.

HK
August, 10 2022 at 6:40 am

Thank you for sharing, I'm going through a similar thing with my BF. Although we've only been together a year and a half, it feels like a lifetime because of the highs and lows. He decided to ghost me last week, and it nearly killed me tbh. I don't feel like I can walk away tho, when I said I loved him and would be there I meant it. So I have decided to do a similar thing to you, just drop off a small gift and a positive 'thinking of you/I'm still here for you' type note. Its freaking hard tho, cos at the same time I have to move on and look after myself, and it feels like Im leaving my love behind. Mental illness is such a curse, being with him has taught me levels of empathy I never knew I was capable of. I just need to make sure to prioritise myself while supporting him. I have no idea wha the outcome will be, and living with that uncertainty is the hardest thing. I hope, and pray that we will be together, but have to face that fact that I don't control that. And still be true to myself and support him, because I know he's at the lowest ebb of his life.

Erin
April, 16 2022 at 3:20 am

Hi I am going through the very same thing my friend for 20 years decided to just ghost he has disappeared before but this time felt more intense and cold I am heart broken bc I was there for him constantly I respect the fact that he’s stressed which then puts him in depressive mode but this is the first time the disappearing and ghosting felt personal. I have cerebral palsy and have been very I’ll for a few years so this behavior makes me feel like it is my disability or that I was too much, I realize it’s the nature of bipolar but it’s horrible ❤️

Nanuet D
July, 29 2022 at 4:23 am

Omgehioso it’s everything she accused me of… why do they try to project it and make you their enemy? This ruined my life my furure and mental health she did it all to hurt me in the ways she hurts it’s so messed up. I was used for her growth like a practice husband to teach her to live it makes me sick … then she tortured me to make me look crazy because I was, she did everything she promised never to when I was weak and she planned it… she planned to pretend it was an emergency, she set it all up to make me look abusive so she could leave guilt free and have a reason to talk to her drama buddies and womens groups. Some of it is so absurd it’s funny now but still it ruins peoples lives to be accused to things like that. It’s just a game to her she get bad online advice or from her psycho friend and she pretends it’s their fault nothing is hers. My prom blend she invented pushed her away it was all just an act from a very sick girl

Sara
February, 9 2022 at 2:50 pm

My partner has been diagnosed as bipolar three times and refuses to accept the diagnosis. I have been here for him through every episode, but had to create some distance by moving to my own place for safety and security. However, I have told him over and over that I want our relationship to work and I am here for him. He regularly blocks me and does not accept my calls or texts for days and weeks. It is so hurtful! I start to feel very insecure and depressed myself. I worry that he has moved on, etc. I don't know what else to do to support him because this can happen when things are going great between us.

Heidi
April, 26 2022 at 2:02 am

Hello Sara, You sound just like me & my fiancé We been back & forth for a little over a month & as of right I have not Head from him in over a week, No phone call, no text msg, he blocked me. I also worry that he has moved on sometimes as well. He also regularly blocks me & pushes me away What makes it more hard he lives up North by San Francisco & I live near Los Angeles he moved up there about 2 months ago… & yes him going MIA on me also happens when things are going good with Us. I’m so glad I Saw Ur comment because now I don’t feel so alone.

Ashleigh
May, 15 2022 at 9:35 pm

This sounds so much like my current situation with my boyfriend. It’s like a cycle. Every few months he pulls away and won’t explain anything or talk to me. I struggle with anxiety and depression so when he does this I usually blame myself. Then I’ll keep texting and calling because I’m so hurt that he’s treating me this way and then he’ll end up blocking me. It’s so exhausting because he always manages to find a way to blame me even though he’s the one who pulled away. He hasn’t officially been diagnosed but his mom is bipolar and she thinks he could be too. I’m just so tired and I wish I was better about giving him space, but it’s hard to do when you’ve been with someone for years and they just refuse to communicate with you.

C
January, 30 2022 at 12:35 pm

I think I’m being ghosted by my male best friend after an argument, and I think he may be bipolar.
We got insanely close over the last 6 months, shared a deep connection and told eachother everything. We were practically inseparable and everyone would say we’d make a good couple, etc. I ended up falling for him and sadly he didn’t feel the same way, and that was when it all went downhill. Initially, hurt by rejection, I didn’t want to be friends with him anymore but he was persistent on remaining friends with me and didn’t want to let me go. We eventually got back to speaking but it was never the same - we were constantly arguing and at first I thought I was to blame. I would unintentionally comment on every questionable thing he did, which was a lot, and he’d get on to me due to his defensive nature.
We eventually spoke about it and sorted it out, and I decided to not let my emotions get the best of me and I was no longer rude to him. With that said, over the past week and I’d say since we started arguing he’d become increasingly hyper, aggressive in the way he speaks and easily irritated. Despite me no longer provoking him and saying things that could be perceived as rude, he would constantly mock things I say and tell me to shut up when I’m speaking. For the sake of peace I let it go, didn’t retaliate and just put up with it for the whole week, but it was hurting me inside. Alongside that, he was annoying me a lot and draining me to the point where sometimes I’d prefer to stay away from him.
Then suddenly, a few days ago his mood switches and he goes quiet and says that it’s because he’s tired. He was also avoiding speaking to me, but was speaking to others, which really hurt my feelings because I like him a lot, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d done something to upset him. When I asked if he’s okay, he said that he just has mood swings and nothing can help him, not even therapy which he attends weekly. He says that they’re just normal, which clearly in his case they aren’t.
Now yesterday, I was feeling very hurt about how he’d treated me the whole week and I didn’t see the point in talking to him about it, because I’ve done that several times and nothings changed. I made a few mean comments on a group chat, where literally everyone was being rude to him and he decides to leave the group chat and private messages me saying that he tried to be cool with me but I’m taking it too far, and that I should stop messaging him. Bear in mind at least 3 other people were also being rude to him on the group chat, it was more banter than rudeness but I’m the only one he’s angry at. I tried to explain my side of things but to no avail, he completely ignores what I say and says after all he’s done for me this is how I act, that all I do is hurt him, he wants to put himself first now, that I should shut up and stop spamming him with messages. He also called me an enemy of progress and that when he’s happy and doing great I’m coming to make him sad.
Then today, I reflect on what happened and realise I had been rude and I desperately wanted to fix things, despite him also hurting my feelings A LOT so I called him and he answered but didn’t say anything so I hung up and called him again several times and he declined. He also ignored all the messages I’d sent him. I decided to put my hurt aside to fix things but he simply won’t respond, and I’m starting to suspect he has bipolar and he’s ghosting me.
He has mood swings often and I’ve noticed, either being hyper or low. I think, when we were arguing constantly, he was having a hypomanic episode and yesterday’s events have led him to have a depressive one and I’m to blame. He has no diagnosis so I can’t be certain but he has a family history of depression and bipolar so he is susceptible to developing the illness, and he displays so many of the signs it’s hard to think otherwise.
I know I should run, and in all honesty I’ve been given the opportunity to, but I love him too much to let him go. The sad thing is, I don’t know if he’ll ever talk to me again. I don’t think what I did is enough for me to be ghosted, and I’m wondering if him being bipolar explains it.

Allison
March, 12 2022 at 7:06 pm

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling rejected by your friend. I, too, am going through a marriage separation, due to my husband's request. Bipolar runs in his family also and he has an upcoming therapy session with a professional. He is also starting to see the possibility and I often feel neglected and rejected by my hardly-ever-around husband.
Perhaps some distance and time will give him better perspective, but I believe he won't get there without a proper diagnosis.
Good luck and realize "it isn't YOU". That is most important to remember.

Andrea
January, 2 2022 at 10:45 am

My boyfriend recently stopped talking to me and is trying to end the relationship. We have been together for 7 months. He has blocked me and won’t respond to me. I love him and know he loves me, this is extremely hard and hurts 200% it has been a couple days, he said he doesn’t have the energy for a relationship. He also said he has a lot going on in his life and doesn’t have the time. I just want him to talk to me and for things to be better.

jeff
April, 11 2022 at 1:50 pm

goin through same thing with my girlfriend, i feel for you, it definitely hurts, i love my girlfriend but she’s pulled away and is in a low, good luck from someone who understands exactly what your goin through.

Jess
December, 11 2021 at 1:07 pm

So glad I came across this article and so sorry for all the people in the comments. I fell very much in love with someone I'd known in the past, online, over lockdown and we were super close (never felt so close to anyone) for 4-5 months. I wasn't sure we were compatible overall, despite our passion and closeness. I think this hurt him, even though it wasn't personal, and things seemed good with us most of the time. In the end, after a minor argument, he hung up on me, bread-crumbed for weeks and then sent me a terrible, hurtful email. He'd told me he was ill with autistic burnout (and he's bipolar) so I'd tried to stay in touch and be supportive. But he cut me off in the worst way he could in that email. I haven't had a proper explanation and right before this happened, he seemed totally fine. He was always kind with me before. I think his mother has a negative effect on him and influenced him to cut me off (from what I've heard). It's been almost 3 months since he last video called me and 2.5 months since he sent that email. The first two months since the email were extremely hard. Felt so devastated. Now am doing better but I still want a conversation with him. He told me he'd never speak to me again but idk how seriously I can take that since he was really ill when he said it. It doesn't seem healthy to just cut off with a cruel message and no explanation. I can only put it down to his bipolar disorder. I hope he's doing okay.

A scared wife
December, 7 2021 at 3:34 pm

My wife disappeared four weeks ago for the first time in our five year marriage/seven year relationship. I believe many years ago she was diagnosed with bipolar. I am full of regret for not knowing the signs or doing more to encourage psychiatric evaluation (we talked about it now and then but definitely left it in the busyness of life). Reading through this blog and all the responses I feel even more afraid. So many of the things written here sound like her. I am desperate to find her but she is not speaking to anyone.

Su
December, 20 2021 at 12:42 pm

My husband left for the first time two weeks ago in our 8 year marriage. Reading more on bipolarity makes me feel hopeless that he won’t come back from his episode for another good two to three months… I feel the same way as you. I feel like I should’ve seen it more from his perspective. BUT for it to truly be a mental illness, it shouldn’t be her fault- not yours, or mine. I tell myself it’s not my fault every night because it’s really hard to endure. We will get through it. Emotions are fickle after all, that’s the point of bipolar. It flips between the good and the bad. Right now, it is bad, but I’m keeping hope the good will come back. Unfortunately, I think the winter and the holiday season in general are terrible time for those with bipolar. Stay strong!!! I will too.

a person
November, 30 2021 at 10:02 pm

I havent gotten officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder only an "unspecified mood disorder" but my mom has it and I have a family history of it. I have many of the symptoms and they've gotten worse as I've gotten older. I've been told that I have mood swings and someone even told me they thought I had borderline personality disorder but I've been struggling for a while and I go from being okay to hating myself and wanting to die or just disconnected/isolated. I've been around others before for example at school I was sitting in the library with my friend and other people in my grade and I just spaced out the entire time mostly. When my friend would ask me why I would say "Im thinking about something or im trying to figure something out" I've also dealt with compulsive lying and I dont know how to stop. Its like its become a natural thing for me and I hate myself for it but I've always been ghosting my friends and I'll take a few days to answer my mom and I always apologize for it and then I keep doing it and I feel terrible. I left my old school and I told my friends I wouldnt ghost them and thats basically what I did unintentionally. I just get so busy all the time and I didnt respond for a few days to one of my friends but its been weeks and I dont know what to say to them because nothing I say will make it better. I have days where Im doing good and I feel happy and sometimes energized like I have energy. Thats been happening for a few years now, I'll just randomly feel like I have a lot of energy and then other times I'll make a mistake or do something wrong and I'll feel like I should die. I take a mood stabilizer but it doesnt help it just makes me feel empty sometimes and I dont want to lie to my friends about why i didnt respond. I miss them so much I just dont know what to say and I feel like its too late for me. I've also gone from trying to do anything I can to stay alive or not doing things so that I wouldnt die or just having anxiety around death and then other times I feel like I deserve to die because of things I've done. Ive been taking meds for years and I go to therapy once a week. I just lie to my therapist not completely but mostly I do so everyone thinks Im okay so I dont have to go to the hospital again I just dont know what to do and I sometimes feel like some people are better off without me

Another Person Reading
December, 19 2021 at 10:54 pm

I feel the EXACT same way! I went to church today, then decided to go for a walk at the beach but my mind. I’ve isolated myself, changed my phone number and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Ruth
July, 30 2022 at 2:27 pm

Please, please tell your therapist the truth. He/she cannot help you if you don't tell them what is REALLY going on. Trust me, your therapist won't be surprised by the things you say. The people who care about you want to know you are OK.

FAWN
November, 15 2021 at 1:46 pm

I ACTUALLY AM BI POLOR AND WHEN I FEEL REJECTED I BECOME MANIC AND I GO FULL ON MAIC MODE I CALL A THOUSND TIMES I BELIEVER THINGS THAT ARE NOT HAPPENING AND I MAKE IT SEEM REAL THEN I END UP SABOTOSING THE RELATIONSHIP AND HE FINALLY BLOCKED ME WITH NO EXPLANATIONS

Sarah
November, 3 2021 at 7:05 pm

I could use your help. My son has bipolar and is ghosting me. It’s been a year with no contact. What should I do. I love him so much. Pls help!

Sharon
November, 15 2021 at 6:54 pm

My daughter does the same thing to me off and on for the last 3 years. She is almost 21 now.
I was looking for and online virtual support group---but I am very poor at tech

nancy king
April, 26 2022 at 10:45 am

I don't know. My son is 43 now and came down with the illness 10 years ago. He has not communicated with me know for 3 years. My doctor has told me not to drive down to where he lives and that I have to try to find other things in my life to put my attention to. Well, that does not work so well for me. But, if they won't go on meds, you can not make them if they are an adult. I feel for you, I am in pain every day without my son in my life.

Norahs
October, 27 2021 at 9:33 am

I dated a trans man for a month a half. Everything at first was great, but he knew I was moving back to my country so I told him that I just wanted to enjoy what we were having. I remember I settled boundaries and explained how much communication was important to me, and that I needed someone with patience because I'm dealing with trauma. He seemed understandable, telling me how good and huge he was at communicating.
At first when I met him he was always full of energy,
making plans until my last days here, he even wanted me to meet his friends, etc.
Then he started becoming more cold, tired until he told me one day that he is bipolar and just recently started getting his medicines.
He told me he was fine and just needed time to readjust. I didn't know anything bipolarism and that was also my first time dating a transgender person, but I was happy he felt enough comfortable to share that with me and told him that I was glad he was taking care of himself, and that I was there to support no matter what.
I asked many times if everything was ok, that I didn't want to overthink anything, and wanted to make sure that there was communication, but he was always saying that everything was fine without asking back how I was feeling about it.
Several times he wanted to meet up with me, knowing how busy my schedule was, and when I was finding time to meet him he was then making up last minute excuses to do not show up.
The last time he made up an excuse by text I told him that I was sorry but it wasn't working out anymore in that way.
I hoped he was going to try to make it up and try to fix the situation since the time before I told him that it was okay but asked him to do not do it anymore and just talk. He ghosted me right after my message, avoiding confrontation and any kind of conversation. He didn't block me because after a couple of days I tried to reach out back explaining myself and telling him that even if I'm leaving soon do care about him, but that it wasn't right just disappearing from nothing, especially when he knew how important for me was communicating. Even after, and telling him how I felt and that I would like to see or talk to him he never answered back.
I just don't even understand if even cared at this point, I felt stupid because I trusted him and shared so many things with me... I'm trying to tell myself he is just going through many things, but I can't accept the fact he wasn't able to communicate at all....

Gina
October, 20 2021 at 3:44 pm

I am trying to figure out what is going on with the guy I was dating - until last week, and wondering if this is it. We dated for several months and everything was going really great, I thought. We moved very slowly, but I understood he'd come out of a difficult relationship and had two kids from a previous marriage as well. We had a great connection and he was always extremely considerate and thoughtful. He messaged me all day every day, was very interested in my work, etc. I saw him one night two weeks ago and then poof. He stopped messaging, stopped responding. I asked him what was going on via text and he said just busy. I knew it didn't seem right so I called, and he insisted everything was fine. The next day he sent me a TEXT saying he had to cancel our plans for the following night, as he was too busy to date. Although I responded that I was extremely hurt he would end things over text, and not even call, he said that he was sorry but still didn't call. At some point my friend (not at my prompting) urged him to call me b/c she could tell how distressed I was by the lack of closure. He said something like ok, but did not. I can't make heads or tails of it. Did I do something? did he have something going on I didn't know about? I did notice he would get obsessive about various subjects, and he admitted it was a thing for him. He also mentioned taking prozac at one point. Could there be much more going on than I knew?

Andrea
January, 9 2022 at 6:16 pm

He sounds like my boyfriend….same situation. Did you know he was bipolar? Boyfriend also had two kids from a previous marriage and one from one before that his name wasn’t John was it lol just kidding

Lara
October, 19 2021 at 10:37 am

What is the hardest for me is the not knowing . We’ve been dating for 5 months , and he has ghosted me the for the last 6 days. He told me a few months ago he has depression and BP , used to take Cymbalta. I noticed he would hyperfocus on a political issue , definitely had some paranoia. But none of it was horribly alarming. He’s had a rough few months , lost his place in a fire , and had really been struggling . We only see each other once a month or so just due to all the crap going on, and he lives a few hours away from me. I feel like it’s hard to know if this is just him needing space because he has so much crap going on. He has been in a funk for a bit , but then we just had a very passionate , emotional weekend with him telling me all the right things . And then “ poof” a few days later he was stressed about work and hasn’t texted back . This was just so out of character, that I thought he must have broken his phone , or gotten hurt . We literally text all the time , for hours . I couldn’t believe that the very same man who had shared so much with me and been so vulnerable with me would just walk away. Honestly I’m a bit heart broken and so lost and confused. Part of me thinks he just needs some time to sort things out, but the longer it gets without hearing from him , I just think he’s gone . So then of course , I doubt my ability to know someone . We have had such an connection on every level . I feel very taken advantage of . Because we literally talked all the time about the future .
I guess I’m just trying to decide , do I get mad and give him an earful of how hurt I am , which probably will just push him away . Or do I just give him space and hope he comes back , and not contact him until he does. This has been especially hard since he’s the first person I’ve actually dated since getting out of a 23 year marriage 4 years ago. Talk about major trust issues after this !

Chri Hansen
October, 22 2021 at 11:27 am

I doing what I doing out of my pain for my pain is felt by every part of me. I don't like it but look at you doing I just wanted you to knowhow much it hurts me. But I see I am not even 1/4 or even 1/8 of your suckses of showing you how it feels .I can't even keep up so I so far behind I must just drop out the race and be happy for the great leads and success with the resteraunt .it pains me to realize I will never dine of your meals again. I am a sad failure in so many ways love and success is all to you.ghost is so empty .

Lost & Confuzed
July, 29 2022 at 10:08 pm

Dear Lara, i am currently dealing with the same issue, someone I've cared About for a very long time has Bipolar Disorder and he had disappeared once before but it was understandable because we had gotten into a discussion and it didn't end well so it was understandable when he decided to disappear and ghost, i didn't see it as an issue with his disorder. I was very upset with him and he never responded to anything i said which I'm sure just scared him off even more out of anxiety.
I didn't see him for a long time till i bumped into him, we didn't speak but i eventually decided to reach out and we spoke about everything that happened. He apologized immediately to me and i also told him it was alright and we reconciled and spoke last month as if nothing had happened. We were both just happy to be in each other's lives again, he said he was so glad i reached out and that he doesn't want to lose me and was so happy to speak again. We spoke for a week and on the same day that he said good morning to me after speaking all night about wanting to see each other again, poof.... Ghosted. I messaged him a few times asking casually how he's doing... Nothing. Absolutely nothing for weeks and then a month passed and i was just worried... I left him one last message saying that i hope he's alright and to contact me whenever he's ready to speak again and that i wasn't upset, just worried.
It's been a month and nothing.
We have mutual friends but none that he hangs out with so i have no one to ask...
I miss him like crazy and it is so hurtful to have gained and lost him so quickly.
I hope everyday that he reappears and perhaps has some explanation. I keep blaming myself as if it's something I've done but we didn't fight or anything so that wouldn't make sense.
I hope your situation gets better.
Sincerely, lost & confused.

Renate
October, 3 2021 at 3:41 pm

I feel with every single one of you. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 3 months now and wvery 5-6 weeks will just disappear in me. Nosigns before and no explanation. He told me early on that he had bipolar 2 and I said I still wanted to be with him and be there for him.
I’ve told him many times that I’m here for the good and the bad time. And when we are together and things are going good it’s great. He tells me how much he likes me, how much he connects with me and how much he appreciates me.
But then he dissapears for 3-4 weeks without sending me a message, replying to me or even let’s me know he’s okey. I’ve told him that it’s fine if he needs time but that everytime this happens I get worried sick. I just want to know that he’s alive and not somewhere in a ditch dying.
I really really like the guy and that’s why I’m putting up with this. But what bothers me the most is the feeling that if I ever needed him he would not be there for me. If I went to the hospital, weren’t feeling well or really struggeling he wouldn’t care because he is in a dark place and ignoring wverything else in the world.
I’m honestly not sure what to do anymore. I’m currently on season 2 week 4 of him ghosting me.. guess I’ll just wait for him to come back and then talk to him then

Anon
October, 12 2021 at 1:49 pm

Wow, that sounds really rough and I'm sorry to hear that. I'm very empathetic to your situation and your thoughts.
> But what bothers me the most is the feeling that if I ever needed him he would not be there for me. If I went to the hospital, weren’t feeling well or really struggeling he wouldn’t care because he is in a dark place and ignoring wverything else in the world.
This one really hurts me to think about, too. Perhaps you can talk with him, calmly and without judgment, about getting on a medication. Sorry I don't have any more suggestions, as I'm researching my own situation at the moment. Good luck.

Chris Hansen
October, 22 2021 at 12:14 pm

Well in your fine installed research look back at the wemon in black and her love for such and how many times has my love almost killed me .(recap 1 st avoided head on collision falling asleep behind wheel. why was I so tired. 2nd it's on fire ya that hurt living with that scar forever 3 time down at the river crying over what I thought was love. Driving not far before live hit me hard in the moments I was dead for days I thought my pain and love and life was over as soon as I was getting ok with death some smart as doctor brought me back to this pain everlasting life FOR GOD SAID THERES NO RESTING THERE FOR THE WICKED SO THE VERDICKET IS IN THERES NO PLACE For me to rest so hears a toast to my pain everlasting) I hope that you and your group sexsest in love and life .for that next time your pain hurts me I afraid it will cost me a retirement to hell

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