Three Things Suicidal People Don't Know About Suicide
There are three things suicidal people don't know about suicide. I recently buried yet another friend lost to suicide--this is the fourth person I've personally known who died by suicide. Having been driven to that point, I realize there are three things suicidal people don't know about suicide. They may seem cliche, but they are true--and forgotten by suicidal people who are in unbearable pain. I share these in hopes that anyone reading this who feels suicidal may realize there is always more to the situation than there appears.
Suicide Doesn't End the Pain, It Transfers It to Someone Else
My friend was in a lot of pain. He was a gay man who couldn't accept that part of himself. He, his wife and children struggled over this until he had a heart attack and stroke. That's when they realized that staying in the closet was killing him. While he and his family remained close, he wrestled with the lack of self-love and acceptance of homosexuality in the Midwest. It is, after all, legal to discriminate against homosexuals in Indiana. The church tried to be a sanctuary for him and his family, but the damage was done (Homosexuality and Suicide: LGBT Suicide – A Serious Issue).
Now his family and friends are left behind, not only mourning a death but asking the unanswerable: "Why?" and feeling the rejection of his not asking for help from us (Dealing With Anger And Guilt After A Suicide).
At the funeral, his friends told his family, "We could never discuss this at my church!" Whether they meant they couldn't discuss suicide or homosexuality I'm not sure--we told the whole story at the funeral. It made me realize how fortunate we are to have each other. We can help each other through this. Other families and friends of suicide victims go through it alone. Suicide doesn't end the pain--you have to be alive to feel relief from pain. Suicide just transfers the pain to someone else.
Suicide Is a Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem
Believe me, I have argued this one, either by saying "This is not a temporary problem," or "Temporary problems are replaced by more temporary problems." While there is some validity to these arguments, suicide is almost always a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
My friend's problem--being homosexual in a cruel society--was not temporary. But countless homosexuals often post that it gets better--I wish he could have believed that. In my life, I've seen homosexuality go from something that wasn't discussed to seeing advertisements in mainstream media for gay pride festivals. Many homosexuals alive have seen homosexuality go from a psychiatric diagnosis to a civil rights issue. Personally, I went from fundamentalist Christian to having gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) friends and have even attended a gay pride festival and marched for equality. The problem was gradually changing. He just didn't see the progress.
Being suicidal is, itself, a temporary problem. Even someone with a diagnosis like borderline personality disorder, which I have, who has a constant struggle with feeling suicidal, will not always feel suicidal. I found a reason to live when my nephews and niece were born. I've also learned how to step outside the suicidal feelings and look at things more realistically. I've come to understand that while pain is temporary, death is permanent.
Know This about Suicide: Suicidal Pain Is Treatable
Most suicide victims are suffering from mental illness, usually depression--biopsies of the brain can show the chemical imbalance. This means that suicidal pain is treatable.
Medication can be extremely helpful. I doubt I'd be alive without psychotropic therapy. Medicine can slow the serotonin absorption of the body, allowing a positive feeling to last longer and not burn out as it does in people with depression. Medicine can stop the voices that are telling the person to commit suicide. Medicine can help one stay sober, which, in itself, can alleviate depression. Treatment does exist, and it is effective if given time and adhered to.
Talk therapy also helps. Whether it's learning coping skills or gaining insight into one's problems, counseling helps many people (Ways To Avoid Negative Coping Skills). Sometimes all it takes is a sympathetic ear. Sometimes the therapist will have to work with a psychiatrist to get the patient stable enough for talking to work. Medication has stabilized me, but counseling has helped me solve the problems medication can't fix.
Remember these three things when suicidal, and you can survive the suicidal crisis.
If you are feeling suicidal now, please reach out. See our resources and hotlines page for more.
Oberg, B. (2016, March 7). Three Things Suicidal People Don't Know About Suicide, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, August 24 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/recoveringfrommentalillness/2016/03/three-things-suicidal-people-dont-know-about-suicide
Author: Becky Oberg
2nd suicide is not always a solution to a temporary problen PTSD isnt always temopary some times even with help it haunts for life. Cancer or other deadly diseases aren't tenpoary nor is the pain those people are going through which makes them suicidal. Some meantal illness that cause people to be suicidal cant be fixed.
Which brings me to my 3rd point things like depression are a chemical imbalance in the brain. There is a point that some depressed people hit where their chemical imbalance is so bad its not curable. For some people therapy worsens their situation, that happend with my mom. She stopped going to therapy and went back to where she was before shd went to therapy. Which was still suicidal but not As bad as when she was in therapy.
4th A lot of people who are suicidal know what you are saying. Things like this Are what were taught in school and people tell suicidal people. It made me more suicidal and i know others who it did the same to.
Fight for your life. It is a precious thing no matter what or how you feel. Reach out for help and keep reaching out till you find a network of support. Yes, there will be rejection along the way. Ignore them. I spent the last 12 years in some desperate straights; having attempted a number of times. Some of them were weak attempts and some very determined. I now have permanent issues because of them. But I have somehow made it to another side out of the constant suicide wish. I still struggle with bipolar, ADD, grief from some terrible losses, brain injury issues and physical health things. But I plug on.
I don't want to go and get religious on anyone cause frankly, I'm not religious, but cry out to God in the name of Jesus. There are days still when all I can say is, "Help me God!" And its enough, He gets it. That said, I did pray for you.
My venturing on here came about due to looking for ideas for a blog I still wish to write. I have a difficult time with CBT and therapies so figured blogging my way through the stuff might help with accountability. It might force me to slow down to read and do the work.
With that being said, I leave you with this:
If you did not know me well enough in life to hold my hand in grief, do not come to my funeral when I am gone and pretend to have cared.
I have not been able to find a psychiatrist to help with meds (re I must have Medicare)
although I do have an incredible therapist. I'm 68, with increasing physical problems for which there seems to be no solution, just pain maintenance. i have no family, no spouse, no children...and am currently living in a senior facility ... with many problems here.
I just tired now, ready to go another part of my journey...the tsunami of tears every day exhausting and getting REAL help (the basics of housecleaning, food, etc.) just NOT available. I have $4 in my checking account til end of month...trying to go through a complicated bankruptcy but each day seems to bring more hurdles. Hoping I can become part of this group but don't know how to join...
I do not like the other two reasons. I have been on antidepressant medication for more than 20 years and I still want to not exist. Therapy helps sometimes as do the coping skills I have learned in therapy.
As for it being temporary, not so much. I have taken meds, followed doctors orders, worked hard and still I really want to die at times.
We need to face our issues and find the best family and friends out there that will listen. Suicide has never solved anything. For most situations, things often do get better. That is where my hope is in anyway.