"I had a mentally ill brother. His illness caused his death at 21. His pain was over. Ours will never end." ~ Lori, suicide survivor

The symptoms of grief after a loved one dies by suicide can be devastating and even life-altering. In fact, family members of someone who has committed suicide even have a higher rate of mental illness after the death. Suicide grief runs the gamut from trauma to anger to denial and is worsened by the stigma that surrounds deaths by suicide. According to the American Association of Suicidology, suicide directly affects 1 in every 64 Americans (according to suicide data from 2011).

Symptoms of Grief After Suicide

Loved ones of a person who has died by suicide are known as suicide survivors. Suicide survivors experience the same stages of grief as anyone would with loss but possibly more severely.

The stages of grief include:

• Denial and isolation - it's normal to deny a person's suicide. It is unthinkable to most that another would take his or her own life. This denial is generally temporary and experienced right after the death. Isolation is typical during this time as the shock of the suicide sets in.
• Anger - while anger can be a part of grieving any death, people can be particularly angry with loved ones lost to suicide as suicide is often seen as a choice the person made (rather than the symptom of an illness). Suicide survivors are angry their loved ones would deprive them of their existence.
• Bargaining - in the extreme grief and loss after a suicide, survivors often blame themselves. It's common for people to think things like, "if only we had gotten the person help sooner," or, "if only I had been there," or, "if only I had been a better sister," and so on. People may make silent deals with a higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable.
• Depression - studies have shown that grief in the wake of suicide causes depression in many, but in suicide survivors specifically. Grief itself is time-limited but depression can go on for months or even years in people vulnerable to that mental illness.
• Acceptance - with time, and often with extensive help and support, acceptance of a suicide is possible.

Many symptoms of grief after a suicide can be amplified because suicide survivors often find that others treat them differently after the death. This is due to the stigma that surrounds suicide. Many are judgemental about suicide and blame the loved ones of the person who died or simply don't know how to act in the wake of the tragedy. For this reason, suicide survivors often isolate more than the average person grieving a loss.

When It's Time to Get Professional Help for Suicide Grief Symptoms

Some people find that they simply can't move on after a death by suicide. Some suicide survivors are "stuck" in grief, often in depression, and this may affect their work, school, and home lives. When a person has been in this state for weeks or even months, it is time to seek out professional help like psychotherapists that specialize in helping those who have lost a loved one to suicide. There is no shame in admitting you need help, as suicide is something that no one is even prepared to deal with.

Suicide Grief Support

In addition to professional help, support groups can also be very helpful when dealing with the grief and loss of suicide. Being in a room (or communicating online) with others who have been through what you have been through, those who truly "get it," can be extremely beneficial during the healing process.

Find suicide survivor support here:

• Suicide Prevention Resources for Survivors of Suicide Loss – provides a list of organizations and websites for survivors: http://www.sprc.org/sites/sprc.org/files/Survivors.pdf
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention – provides links to support groups, therapists, programs and more: https://afsp.org/find-support/
• Suicide.org – provides a forum and many resources: http://www.suicide.org/suicide-survivors.html
• Alliance of Hope – provides a blog, a forum and other services: http://www.allianceofhope.org/

In addition, local funeral homes can provide direction to local grief support groups and grief counselors.

MUST HAVES for People with children with ADHD, bipolar, autism, learning disorders and information on general parenting skills. Information for parents with special or difficult children.

The Bipolar Child: The Definitive and Reassuring Guide to Childhood's Most Misunderstood Disorder -- Third Edition
By Demitri Papolos M.D., Janice Papolos
buy the book 

Reader Comment: "This book finally gave us so many answers! It is reassuring to know that others are dealing with these problems and surviving!"

The Elephant in the Playroom: Ordinary Parents Write Intimately and Honestly About the Extraordinary Highs and Heartbreaking Lows of Raising Kids with Special Needs
By Denise Brodev
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Reader Comment: "This book fills a much-needed void in the literature of books written for parents of special needs children. It's not a how-to manual on getting your child diagnosed, treated, or educated."

The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children
By: Ross W. Greene
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Reader Comment: "Regardless as to how your child behaves, Ross Greene's work is an exceptional set of tools for improving that child's problem-solving skills and ensuring a more balanced approach to parenting in your household."

The Child With Special Needs: Encouraging Intellectual and Emotional Growth (A Merloyd Lawrence Book)
By: Stanley I. Greenspan, Serena Wieder, Robin Simons
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Reader Comment: "This is the one book to get if you have a child with special needs."

Parenting Through Crisis: Helping Kids in Times of Loss, Grief, and Change
By: Barbara Coloroso
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Reader Comment: "The book gives great suggestions for parents to support their children through difficult times."

Depressed Child: A Parent's Guide for Rescusing Kids
By: Douglas A. Riley
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Reader Comment: "Written to empower parents who feel helpless in understanding the negative self-images and unhappy emotions that affect their children."

Violence Proof Your Kids Now: How to Recognize the 8 Warning Signs and What to Do About Them, For Parents, Teachers, and other Concerned Caregivers
By: Erika V. Shearin Karres
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Reader Comment: "I have never read anything to compare with the clarity of these suggestions."

A Volcano in My Tummy: Helping Children to Handle Anger
By: Eliane Whitehouse, Warwick Pudney
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Reader Comment: "A great book for parents and kids on anger management; filled with strategies and activities. Put this on your bookshelf."

Screamfree Parenting: The Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool
By Hal Edward Runkel
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Reader Comment: "The book is an easy read and doesn't overwhelm the parent with too many steps as self-help books often do."

The School's Role in Dealing with Suicide

Intervention can take many forms and should throughout the different stages in the process. Prevention includes education efforts to alert students and the community to the problem of teen suicidal behavior. Intervention with a suicidal student is aimed at protecting and helping the student who is currently in distress.

Postvention occurs after there has been a suicide in the school community. It attempts to help those affected by the recent suicide. In all cases, it is a good idea to have a clear plan in place in advance. It should involve staff members and administration. There should be clear protocols and clear lines of communication. Careful planning can make interventions more organized, and effective.

Prevention often involves education. This may be done in a health class, by the school nurse, school psychologist, guidance counselor or outside speakers. Education should address the factors that make individuals more vulnerable to suicidal thoughts. These would include depression, family stress, loss, and drug abuse. Other interventions may also be helpful. Anything that decreases drug and alcohol abuse would be useful.

A study by Rich et al found that 67% of completed youth suicides involved mixed substance abuse. PTA meetings offering family spaghetti dinners can draw in parents so that they can be educated about depression and suicidal behavior. "Turn off the TV Week" campaigns can increase family communication if the family continues with the reduced TV viewing. Parents should be educated about the risk of unsecured firearms in the home. Peer mediation and peer counseling programs can make help more accessible. However, it is critical that students go to an adult if serious behaviors or suicidal issues emerge. Outside mental health professionals can discuss their programs so that students can see that these individuals are approachable.

Intervention With a Suicidal Student

Many schools have a written protocol for dealing with a student who shows signs of suicidal or other dangerous behavior. Some schools have automatic expulsion policies for students who engage in illegal or violent behavior. It is important to remember that teens who are violent or abuse drugs may be at increased risk for suicide. If someone is expelled, the school should attempt to help the parents arrange immediate and possibly intensive psychiatric and behavioral intervention.

1. Calm the immediate crisis situation. Do not leave the suicidal student alone even for a minute. Ask whether he or she is in possession of any potentially dangerous objects or medications. If the student has dangerous items on his person, be calm and try to verbally persuade the student to give them to you. Do not engage in a physical struggle to get the items. Call administration or the designated crisis team. Escort the student away from other students to a safe place where the crisis team members can talk to him. Be sure that there is access to a telephone.

2. The crisis individuals then interview the student and determine the potential risk for suicide.

   • If the student is holding on to dangerous items, it is the highest risk situation. Staff should call an ambulance and police and the student's parents. Staff should try to calm the student and ask for the dangerous items.
   • If the student has no dangerous objects but appears to be an immediate suicide risk, it would be considered a high-risk situation. If the student is upset because of physical or sexual abuse, staff should notify the appropriate school personnel and contact Child Protective Services. If there is o evidence of abuse or neglect, staff should contact parents and ask them to come in to pick up their child. Staff should inform them fully about the situation and strongly encourage them to take their child to a mental health professional for an evaluation. The team should give the parents a list of telephone numbers of crisis clinics. If the school is unable to contact parents, and if Protective Services or the police cannot intervene, designated staff should take the student to a nearby emergency room.
   • If the student has had suicidal thoughts but does not seem likely to hurt himself in the near future, the risk is more moderate. If abuse or neglect is involved, staff should proceed as in the high-risk process. If there is no evidence of abuse, the parents should still be called to come in. They should be encouraged to take their child for an immediate evaluation.
   • Follow-Up: It is important to document all actions taken. The crisis team may meet after the incident to go over the situation. Friends of the student should be given some limited information about what has transpired. Designated staff should follow up with the student and parents to determine whether the student is receiving appropriate mental health services. Show the student that there is ongoing care and concern in the school.

Prevention of Child and Teen Suicide

An attempted or completed suicide can have a powerful effect on the staff and on the other students. There are conflicting reports on the incidence of a contagion effect creating more suicides. However, there is no doubt that individuals close to the dead student may have years of distress. One study found an increased incidence of major depression and posttraumatic stress disorder 1.5 to 3 years after the suicide. There have been clusters of suicides in adolescents. Some feel that media sensationalization or idealized obituaries of the deceased may contribute to this phenomenon.

The school should have plans in place to deal with a suicide or other major crisis in the school community. The administration or the designated individual should try to get as much information as soon as possible. He or she should meet with teachers and staff to inform them of the suicide. The teachers or other staff should inform each class of students. It is important that all of the students hear the same thing. After they have been informed, they should have the opportunity to talk about it.

Those who wish should be excused to talk to crisis counselors. The school should have extra counselors available for students and staff who need to talk. Students who appear to be the most severely affected may need parental notification and outside mental health referrals.

Rumor control is important. There should be a designated person to deal with the media. Refusing to talk to the media takes away the chance to influence what information will be in the news. One should remind the media reporters that sensational reporting has the potential for increasing a contagion effect. They should ask the media to be careful in how they report the incident.

Media should avoid repeated or sensationalistic coverage. They should not provide enough details of the suicide method to create a "how to" description. They should try not to glorify the individual or present suicidal behavior as a legitimate strategy for coping with difficult situations.

What can you do to support a student with suicidal thoughts and low self-esteem?

• Listen actively. Teach problem-solving skills.
• Encourage positive thinking. Instead of saying that he cannot do something, he should say that he will try.
• Help the student write a list of his or her good qualities.
• Give the student opportunities for success. Give as much praise as possible.
• Help the student set up a step-by-step plan to achieve his goals.
• Talk to the family so that they can understand how the student is feeling.
• He or she might benefit from assertiveness training.
• Helping others may raise one's self-esteem.
• Get the student involved in positive activities in school or in the community.
• If appropriate, involve the student's religious community.
• Make up a contract with rewards for positive and new behaviors.

This checklist is from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

People have wondered whether there’s such a thing as a bad child for a very long time. Parents, teachers, and others who work with children have sought explanations for why some children perpetually misbehave, often in big ways. It’s disturbing, even frightening, when a child constantly disobeys, hits, kicks, yells, and refuses to cooperate or even listen. What causes this? Is there such a thing as a bad child, or is something else at work?

“There are no bad children, only bad parents” was a widely held belief for a long time. As research into the human brain, behavior, and development advances, that belief is being re-evaluated. As we’ll soon see, it is not entirely outdated or debunked, but it is no longer a hard and fast maxim that when a child behaves badly, it’s automatically the result of bad parenting.  Let’s dive into this complex and heated issue.

Maybe There Is Such a Thing as a Bad Child

Parents often blame themselves when their children seem to do nothing other than break rules and cause problems. Some kids chronically misbehave on purpose—and even seem to enjoy it. Many times, when parents question themselves and even seek the help of mental health professionals, neither parents nor professionals can find a reason. Nothing these parents do or have done contributes to such extreme negative behavior. This points to the possibility that some children are bad because they’re born that way.

Everyone possesses character traits. Different than abilities and strengths that can be developed, many character traits are hard-wired into the brain. A significant part of who we are is genetic. Inherent traits aren’t changed by good or bad parenting.

One such trait is empathy. People are born with different amounts of empathy; children who are unkind, aggressive, and disregarding may be inherently low on empathy. They may not understand the effect they have on others, or they may not care at all about others or the consequences they face when behaving poorly.

Some signs that indicate there might be bad children include:

• A diagnosis of oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) or conduct disorder (CD)—neither is caused by parents or parenting style
• Reacting to serious consequences with indifference or laughter
• Exhibiting no signs of changing behavior

Dr. Richard Friedman of Weill Cornell Medical College (2010) asserts that “…some children might be the bad seeds of more or less decent parents” and that “perfectly decent parents can produce toxic children.”

The belief that there can be such a thing as a toxic or bad child, through no fault of the parents, is gaining acceptance, but not everyone is ready to embrace this harsh belief about children.

There Might Not Be Such a Thing as a Bad Child

Those who believe that some kids are simply born bad believe that one’s inborn nature is more powerful than how they’re nurtured in their environment. Many professionals believe the opposite, however. The thought is that there are indeed children who are very difficult to parent, but not because they are inherently bad children.

The belief here is that some children misbehave to an extreme degree and/or are maladjusted, but it is the behavior that is bad rather than the child. This tenet blames neither child nor parent (except abusive parents). Sources of bad behavior aren’t nearly as important as addressing behaviors to help both children and parents.

Because a chronically misbehaving child might not be a terrible person, it’s important to avoid labeling the child as bad. Doing so causes problems like:

• Setting them apart from the “good kids”
• Creating lasting emotional damage
• Leading the child to believe that they really are bad
• Inadvertently causing them to live up to the label
• Encouraging others to blame them, assuming that they really are bad and at fault for all problems

Is there actually such a thing as a bad child, or are external factors at work instead? The truth lies between the two theories.

It’s Not as Simple as “Bad Child”

Human behavior is multi-faceted and complex. Multiple factors influence a child’s development, behavior, and temperament. Some of them include:

• Genetics
• Family, including parents, siblings, and extended family
• School, like the learning environment, actions of the teacher, and interactions with peers
• Community, such as religious institutions, organizations, activities, access to positive, nurturing adults

Each of these elements contributes to a child’s growth and development. When a child’s behavior is bad, any of them can contribute to the problem; however, it’s unlikely that any single factor—including inherent predisposition and parenting—causes the behavior issues.

In truth, bad children by nature are rare. Rare, too, are parents that cause their child’s chronic misbehavior. Because both nature and nurture underly a child’s characteristics, their behavior is a mix of their genetic predisposition and their environment—a blend of nature and nurture.

See Also:

• Sociopath Causes: the Making of a Sociopath
• Symptoms of a Sociopath in Men, Women, Children
• My Child is a Sociopath! Is There Anything I Can Do?

article references

Find out what drives some teenagers to commit suicide and what parents can do if their child is actively suicidal.

Someone, somewhere, commits suicide every 16 minutes. In 2004, suicide was the eleventh leading cause of death for all ages (CDC 2005).

Every day, 89 Americans take their own lives and more than 1,900 are seen in hospital emergency rooms for self-inflicted injury. A disproportionate number are youngsters between the ages of 12 and 17.

Recently released statistics reveal that approximately three million youths, aged 12 to 17, either thought seriously about suicide or attempted suicide in 2000. More than one third, 37 percent, actually tried to kill themselves.

Most were suffering from undiagnosed or untreated clinical depression.

It's Hard to be a Teen

Adolescence is a stressful experience for all teens. It is a time of physical and social change with hormones producing rapid mood swings from sadness to elation. Lack of life experience may result in impulsive behavior or poor decisions.

Even an emotionally healthy youngster may have constant fears of "not being good enough" to be asked out on a date, make the varsity team, or get good grades. Special situations such as parental divorce or the breakup of a dating relationship may trigger intense sadness and feelings of wanting to die.

For a teen suffering from severe or chronic depression, feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness magnify and dominate waking hours. The ratio of "sad" to "happy" moments becomes lopsided. Despair is ever present and emotional pain feels like it will never end. Any situation of anger or disappointment may cause a fragile youngster to cross the line from wanting to die to attempting suicide.

Unfortunately, adolescents do not wear a sign saying whether they are temporarily sad or chronically depressed. External indicators such as clothing, music preferences, grades, or even attitude are not accurate indicators of the propensity for suicide.

All statements regarding suicidal ideation and/or concrete plans need to be taken seriously by adults.

Depression Magnifies Hopelessness

While both "situationally unhappy" and "clinically depressed" teens may become suicidal, the second group is more likely to have a plan and materials necessary to carry out this project successfully.

One young suicide survivor shared the following:

"I can't remember when I didn't feel different from other kids. They all had friends but no one wanted to play with me. I hated going to school and hated being home. I guess I just hated being me. So I began planning my own death when I was in middle school."

"I started taking pills from my parent's medicine cabinet and just storing them. It was comforting to know I could take them at any time and be gone. The only thing stopped me was that I knew how bad they would feel if I was dead. One day my mom yelled at me for not taking out the garbage and I went to my room and swallowed all of them. I don't know why that day was different from any other day, but it was."

Fortunately, this young man survived, entered a long term adolescent treatment program that offered both individual and family treatment and received appropriate medication. He still wrestles daily with self-doubts but is starting to talk about these feelings with parents, friends, and a counselor.

Pain That Cannot Be Described

Chronic hopelessness, harsh self-criticism, and feeling unlovable and unwanted, create a pain that cannot be described. The following was found in the diary of an older teen after her successful suicide:

"It feels like the pain is feeding off of me. Like I am the host and it is the leech. It owns me and the only way that I will get rid of it is to destroy the host. The only way I will find peace is to kill myself. I wish people would just give me permission to die. They want me alive for their sake and just don't understand how intolerable the pain is."

Some severely depressed teens try to rid themselves of this awful feeling by self-medicating with alcohol or other drugs. Others self-injure by cutting, burning, biting or even breaking their own bones in an effort to release the excruciating self-hatred.

Fortunately, most teens will communicate this pain through conversations or writings. Our job as adults is to provide both an ear and a path to professional help when this information is shared.

When Your Child is Actively Suicidal

An estimated 75 percent of all those who die by suicide give some warning of their lethal intentions by mentioning their feelings of despair to a friend or family member.

Because of the thin line that exists between "having an idea" and "acting on that idea," it is critical that any suicide threat be taken seriously. If your child says he or she wants to die and/or shares a suicide plan there is no time to speculate whether the words are "real" or if the "mood will pass."

You need to get help immediately.

If it is daytime, call your primary physician for advice. If the doctor is not available, many communities have mental health hotlines offering guidance or a 24-hour center where psychiatric emergencies can be evaluated. If all else fails, calling 911 or your local police will generate needed assistance.

If the threat is not immediate, it is still important to follow up with a psychological evaluation. Again, your primary physician should be able to provide you with an appropriate referral.

Know that your teen may be quite angry that you are taking these steps. If you begin to doubt the wisdom of getting psychological help, ask yourself if you would hesitate taking your child to an orthopedist if his leg was broken just because he "did not want to go."

Depression is a treatable disease and, with proper intervention, most suicidal teens can be helped to lead long and productive lives.

more: Detailed info on suicide and how to support a suicidal person

Sources:

• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Web-based Injury Statistics Query and Reporting System (WISQARS) [Online]. (2005).
• About Teen Depression

As a father, here are things to consider and do to help raise an emotionally and psychologically healthy child.

According to recent research, we know that children whose fathers are highly involved with them in a positive way do better in school, demonstrate better psychological well-being and lower levels of delinquency, and ultimately attain higher levels of education and economic self-sufficiency. Given the importance of fathers spending time with their kids, why is it that while teenagers watch an average of 21 hours of television per week, they spend only 35 minutes per week talking with their fathers?

Unfortunately, many dads either don't or are afraid to spend one-on-one time with their children. Besides missing out on the fun, these dads miss out on bonding time and a chance to establish emotional intimacy with their children.

What Does Being A Good Father Really Mean?

You need to be able to put your child before yourself, be a positive role model, and protect your child from harm, but at the same time allow them to make their own mistakes, and learn from them. The key word here is 'nurture'. Children learn through a variety of ways, however, observing the behavior of others is probably the most influential.

As a role model, children learn from their fathers and mothers, and their actions. They emulate the desired behavior and then discard the undesirable. Therefore knowing yourself, and how others perceive you, is essential when your children are learning from you both directly and indirectly. Your children need to be taught right from wrong and see it demonstrated on a daily basis by their father.

When considering the responsibilities of fathers, it's important to remember that no one is perfect. We are all human and, at times, we do make mistakes. But the important thing to teach is: we can learn by our mistakes and try to avoid making the same mistakes over-and-over again.

Other Characteristics of A Good Father

The environment you grew up in definitely influences how you perceive your role as a father. Some parents try and "fix" problems from their own childhood or present-day lives. What can happen is they place unreasonable expectations on their child.

A child's life can be filled with pressures, from kids at school, teachers or coaches, and just day-to-day life. Help your child understand their desires and assess their capabilities and set achievable goals. Encourage them to meet their full potential but avoid living vicariously through them by expecting them to achieve what you had achieved or hoped to have achieved.

Some common perceptions of a father's role are:

• The father provides, financially and emotionally, for his children, and should care for them too.
• The father's role is to discipline along with the mother. Make parenting a partnership, be on the same page about how to discipline your child and be consistent.
• A father should give his children affection and warmth - Don't be afraid to tell your child "I love you, I'm proud of you."
• A father shows support and love through actions as well as words.

Consider your roles and responsibilities as a father. Ask yourself which are most meaningful and pursue them to the best of your ability.

Being a good father is one of the most important and challenging things you can do! Spend time listening and talking with your kids each day.

article references

What are the Risk Factors for Suicide by Children and Teens?

• Previous suicide attempts.
• Close family member who has committed suicide.
• Past psychiatric hospitalization.
• Recent losses: This may include the death of a relative, a family divorce, or a breakup with a girlfriend.
• Social isolation: The individual does not have social alternatives or skills to find alternatives to suicide.
• Drug abuse or alcohol abuse: Drugs decrease impulse control making impulsive suicide more likely. Additionally, some individuals try to self-medicate their depression with drugs or alcohol.
• Exposure to violence in the home or the social environment: The individual sees violent behavior as a viable solution to life problems.
• Handguns in the home, especially if loaded.

Some research suggests that there are two general types of suicidal youth. The first group is chronically or severely depressed or has anorexia nervosa. Their suicidal behavior is often planned and thought out. The second type is the individual who shows impulsive suicidal behavior. He or she often has behavior consistent with conduct disorder and may or may not be severely depressed. This second type of individual often also engages in impulsive aggression directed toward others.

Warning Signs for Suicide

• Suicidal talk
• Preoccupation with death and dying
• Signs of depression
• Behavioral changes
• Giving away special possessions and making arrangements to take care of unfinished business
• Difficulty with appetite and sleep
• Taking excessive risks
• Increased drug use
• Loss of interest in usual activities

Signs of Depression in Teens

• Sad, anxious or "empty" mood
• Declining school performance
• Loss of pleasure/interest in social and sports activities
• Sleeping too much or too little
• Changes in weight or appetite

Signs of Bipolar Disorder in Teens

• Difficulty sleeping
• Excessive talkativeness, rapid speech, racing thoughts
• Frequent mood changes (both up and down) and/or irritability
• Risky behavior
• Exaggerated ideas of ability and importance

Take Action to Prevent Suicide

Three steps parents can take

1. Get your child help (medical or mental health professional)
2. Support your child (listen, avoid undue criticism, remain connected)
3. Become informed (library, local support group, Internet)

Three steps teens can take

1. Take your friend's actions seriously
2. Encourage your friend to seek professional help, accompany if necessary
3. Talk to an adult you trust. Don't be alone in helping your friend.

Adolescents often will try to support a suicidal friend by themselves. They may feel bound to secrecy or feel that adults are not to be trusted. This may delay needed treatment. If the student does commit suicide, the friends will feel a tremendous burden of guilt and failure. It is important to make students understand that one must report suicidal statements to a responsible adult. Ideally, a teenage friend should listen to the suicidal youth in an empathic way but then insist on getting the youth immediate adult help.

Teen suicide help is critical to learn about as suicide is a major leading cause of death in teens and young adults. And while almost 5,000 youth died by suicide in 2011, we know that suicide is something that can be prevented. Teen suicide help is available and with it, we can stop teen suicide.

What is Teen Suicide Help?

Teen suicide help is any resource that can help a teen that is feeling suicidal. These resources may be individuals, helplines, books, websites, support groups or programs the teen can attend. Sometimes this help is specific to a problem such as addressing a specific mental illness like depression or an eating disorder (mental illnesses often occur in those who are suicidal) or sometimes help is more general, such as joining a support group. If a teen is severely suicidal, professional teen suicide help should always be sought as suicide is not an issue to be taken lightly.

Helplines for Suicidal Teens

Helplines can be very useful for suicidal teens as they offer help and connection to other resources within the safety of the teen's own surroundings. National helplines are typically available 24 hours a day, seven days a week and are staffed by people trained in dealing with those who are feeling suicidal. There is nothing you can tell a hotline operator that they will be shocked by or that they haven't heard before.

Additionally, this form of teen suicide help can often be accessed via text message or online chat which is more comfortable for some youths.

Helplines include:

• The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
• Youth Helpline, Your Life Your Voice – 1-800-448-3000
• The Trevor Project – for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth: 1-866-488-7386

People You Can Turn to For Teen Suicide Help

While you might not realize it, there are many people in a teen's life that can offer teen suicide help. These people include:

Teachers

• School counselors
• Adult family members
• Adult family friends
• Faith leaders
• Doctors, psychologists and other professionals
• People from local mental health groups

Not all adults will be as capable as others in getting help for a suicidal teen so remember: if you're suicidal and the person you tell doesn't help you, keep telling someone until you get the help you need. Help is out there and you deserve to get better.

Websites for Help for Suicidal Teens

Many websites are dedicated to teen suicide help and to promoting mental wellness among teens. Often these websites provide content written by other teens so that readers can better relate. Chat forums are also often available to communicate with other teens who may be experiencing similar suicidal feelings.

Websites for teen suicide help include:

• You Matter – a website that talks about the tough issues that teens may be facing and works to prevent suicide.
• The Trevor Project – an organization dedicated to preventing suicide in lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. They also provide a chat service and a hotline available 24 hours a day, seven days a week at 1-866-488-7386.
• Your Life Your Voice – run by the Boys Town National Hotline (available to all).
• Mindyourmind – a website dedicated to educating teens about mental health and promoting good mental health in teens.
• Suicide.org's section on teens and suicide – this section outlines facts about teens and suicide and links to many other articles that deal with some of the issues that a suicidal teen may be facing.

Suicide is devastating and the effects of suicide on family members and loved ones of the person who has died by suicide can be severe and far-reaching. Those left behind by suicide are often known as suicide survivors and while this is a very difficult position in which to find oneself, it is possible to heal and move forward.

Effects of Suicide on Family and Friends

Learning that a loved one has died by suicide can absolutely be traumatic. In addition to all the feelings that anyone would feel about the death of a loved one, when the death is a suicide, there are additional feelings like:

• Extreme guilt for not preventing the suicide
• Failure because a person they loved felt unloved and completed suicide
• Anger or resentment at the person who chose to take his or her own life
• Confusion
• Distress over unresolved issues (many of which often exist in families where one person has a mental illness, which is common in people who die by suicide)

Suicide Effects on the Mental Health of Family and Friends

Unfortunately, friends and family of those who have completed suicide experience impacts on their own mental health. In a Canadian study, parents who lost a child to suicide typically have higher rates of depression, physical problems and low income (often even before the child's suicide). Anxiety and divorce are very common effects on parents after a child's suicide.

Another study showed that children of parents who completed suicide are at a significantly increased risk of completing suicide themselves. The younger the child at the time of the parent's suicide, the greater the risk of his or her own suicide.

Stigma and the Effects of Suicide in Family and Friends

When a person dies, societally, others generally offer empathy and compassion, but when a person dies by suicide, there is a stigma around that death and people often treat the loved ones of the person who committed suicide differently. Loved ones can be very afraid to talk about the suicide for fear of judgment and condemnation – being blamed for the suicide of their family member or friend. Because of this, one effect of suicide on family and friends can be extreme isolation.

Suicide Support for Families and Friends

While losing a loved one to suicide can have very detrimental effects on your life and health, you can deal with this extremely difficult situation by getting suicide survivor support. This support is available online and often in person. Suicide support for families and friends works because it connects you with others who have been through the same thing and are experiencing the same effects. Find suicide survivor supports here:

• Suicide Prevention Resources for Survivors of Suicide Loss – provides a list of organizations and websites for survivors: http://www.sprc.org/sites/sprc.org/files/Survivors.pdf
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention - provides links to support groups, therapists, programs and more: https://afsp.org/find-support/
• Suicide.org - provides a forum and many resources: http://www.suicide.org/suicide-survivors.html
• Alliance of Hope - provides a blog, a forum and other services: http://www.allianceofhope.org/

Warning signs of suicide that parents and family members should know.

Even in the most open families, teens may still be hesitant to tell their parents they are depressed or thinking about suicide. However, an estimated 80 percent of individuals who attempt or commit suicide give out signs. Following are warning signs of suicide to watch for from the National Youth Prevention Commission:

• depressed mood;
• substance abuse;
• frequent episodes of running away or being incarcerated;
• family loss or instability, significant problems with a parent;
• expressions of suicidal thoughts, or talk of death or the afterlife during moments of sadness or boredom;
• withdrawal from friends and family;
• difficulties in dealing with sexual orientation;
• no longer interested in or enjoying activities that once were pleasurable;
• unplanned pregnancy; and
• impulsive, aggressive behavior, frequent expressions of rage.

Daniel Hoover, Ph.D., a psychologist with the Adolescent Treatment Program at The Menninger Clinic adds that extreme distress over the breakup of a relationship or conflict with friends may also be a warning sign of suicide. If you suspect your child may be contemplating suicide, treat it seriously. Ask directly if he or she is considering suicide and whether he or she has made a specific plan and has done anything to carry it out. Then, get professional help for your child from a psychologist, therapist, primary care doctor, community mental health provider or call a suicide hotline or local crisis center. If your child has a detailed plan or you suspect he or she will commit suicide, seek help immediately, taking your child to a hospital emergency room if necessary.

more: Detailed info on suicide

Sources:

• Menninger Clinic press release