Sleep Is My Escape from Schizoaffective Disorder

Thursday, March 22 2018 Elizabeth Caudy

Sleep is my escape from schizoaffective disorder and all of its anxiety, depression and every other symptom I deal with in a normal day. Visit HealthyPlace and compare your feelings about sleep as an escape. Can you relate?

Sleep is my escape, and I need it because schizoaffective disorder causes so much stress in my life. I also suffer a lot from schizoaffective depression. Sleep is an escape -- like a magic getaway. I look forward to going to sleep every night.

Sleep Is My Escape, and this Schizoaffective Loves to Sleep

I cherish going to bed at night. My favorite sleep environment is when my apartment is cool enough so that I can put on my favorite pajamas and burrow under the covers. In the summer I can’t really do that, and sometimes in the winter, our radiator heat is cranked up so high that PJs aren’t an option then either. But even if I have to sleep in my underwear on top of the blankets with a fan on, sleep is my welcome escape.

Sleep has been a welcome escape since I was little—before I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I used to like to daydream as I fell asleep. I would daydream about the Beatles or characters in books I’d read. Later, in high school, I would daydream about boys I liked.

These days, though, I don’t do much daydreaming. I just lie in bed waiting for sleep to come. I take my medication for my schizoaffective disorder at night, so that helps me fall asleep. Sometimes, if I can’t get to sleep right away, I play on my phone a little bit or go on Facebook.

I remember when I was little and really trying to be a happy, adventurous person. I was really puzzled by why I wanted to lay down all the time. But the truth was that I had created a fantasy world that I could only re-create alone, in my mind, under the covers. Again, I don’t have much of a fantasy world lately. I have to admit that, now, I lay down to avoid reality, not to create a new reality.

I Try to Keep My Sleep Cycle Normal Even Though Sleep Is My Escape

But I do avoid napping during the day because I don’t want to ruin my chances of falling asleep at night. I used to stay up all night and sleep all day, and that felt really lonely. After a tough battle to normalize my sleep cycle, I don’t want to ruin that by sleeping during the day.

When I’m in bed, waiting to go to sleep, it’s the one time I am mostly free from depression or other schizoaffective symptoms. I know that in itself may sound depressing, but it’s true. I look forward to going to sleep every night, even if I have to weather through a hellish day to get there.

Author: Elizabeth Caudy

Elizabeth Caudy was born in 1979 to a writer and a photographer. She has been writing since she was five years old. She has a BFA from The School of the Art Institute of Chicago and an MFA in photography from Columbia College Chicago. She lives outside Chicago with her husband, Tom. Find Elizabeth on Google+ and on her personal blog.

View all posts by Elizabeth Caudy.

Sleep Is My Escape from Schizoaffective Disorder

March, 24 2018 at 5:35 pm

I can so relate. Youtube guided meditations help me fall asleep too.

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