Schizoaffective Anxiety Makes Me Afraid to Wash My Hair
Monday, May 21 2018 Elizabeth Caudy
I have schizoaffective disorder, and my schizoaffective anxiety makes me afraid to wash my hair. It's not because I hate showering, per se, although I do prefer a nice hot bath. I have long, thick hair, and it stresses me out to wait for it to dry. I hate using a blow dryer, too. Here's why schizoaffective anxiety makes me afraid when I wash my hair.
Why Schizoaffective Anxiety Makes Me Afraid of Having Wet Hair
Even though I prefer baths, I like to wash my hair in the shower. It's just so much easier that way. But once the rest of me is dry, I have to confront the wet mass of hair. I've never liked using a blow dryer, and I have to admit I'm a little afraid to use one because I'm afraid I'll blow a fuse or electrocute myself. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I get in this zone when my schizoaffective anxiety makes me afraid and in my head, things like that seem plausible.
So I let my hair air dry. That's supposed to be better for your hair, but I do it because, as I said above, I'm scared to use a blow dryer.
But it's a pain to sit around and wait for my hair to air dry, too. I know I don't really have to "sit around and wait for it to dry." I see plenty of people go out with wet hair. And I don't really have anywhere to go most days--I've cut off lots of options (Isolating Myself Because of Schizoaffective Disorder and GAD).
But even my apartment can feel threatening. My schizoaffective anxiety makes me afraid to walk around my apartment with wet hair because I'm fearful I'll drip water onto an electrical cord or a power strip. Again, as my husband has pointed out, my towel-dried hair isn't dripping wet. Still, I quarantine myself to my couch for the first two hours I'm waiting for my hair to dry. I watch a movie that I put in the DVD player ahead of time. That way, I only have to worry about pressing "play" on the remote control. I also read books and magazines and I journal.
I May Be Afraid to Wash My Hair, but I Do It Anyway
I bathe every day and I wash my hair anywhere from every other day to at least every four days. As much as I hate washing my hair, I love having it clean. I'm overweight from the medication I take for my schizoaffective disorder, so I want to look as nice as possible. I've even started wearing eyeliner.
I'm due for a haircut. I'm going to tell my hairdresser to make my hair as short as possible but long enough so that I can still wear it in a ponytail. My husband keeps suggesting I get a pixie cut, but short hair is harder to style than long hair and I don't think it would look attractive at my weight.
Schizoaffective anxiety makes me afraid. It is a bummer. I know a lot of people with mental illness don't like to shower. Please share your stories of difficulty with bathing or washing your hair in the comments.