With Bipolar Depression, How Many Days Until I Get Better?
I have spent a great many years with this bipolar disorder thing. I have spent a great many years dealing with it. I have spent a great many years suffering with it. I have spent a great many years with medication unsuccessfully controlling it. I have spent a great many years in pain.
And when in an episode, for me it’s a depressive episode, I just want to know, “how many days until I get better? How many more days do I have to live in this agony?”
Time Doesn’t Heal Bipolar Disorder
Pain is a part of life. We experience pain when we stub our toes, we experience pain when we break up with our significant others, and we experience pain when someone we love dies. Pain is just a part of existence – sucky, but true.
But all those forms of daily life pain have one thing in common: they end. Yes, sometimes it feels like the end of the world when someone dies or there is a divorce, but it isn’t. It’s never the end of the world. That hurting passes with time. It just does.
And as such there is no expiration date on bipolar pain. It’s here, it’s excruciating, get used to it because, for many people, time alone doesn’t heal bipolar disorder. I think it’s supposed to, and many people do pop out of episodes periodically, but that is not my personal experience. In my personal experience I’m sick until I find a treatment that works.
The Bipolar Holding Pattern
And so I wait. I wait and I suffer. I wait and I cry. I wait and I wish I were dead. Because that’s all there is to do is to wait and to wish. Wait until, by the grace of the universe, a medication is found that can let me breathe again.
How Many Days Until I Get Better?
I feel like the agony would be more bearable if there were an end date. If I could say there’s only two months of suffering left, I only have to survive this pain that long, then it would become more manageable. That knowledge could somehow give me comfort that there would be an end date, however far off in the future it might be.
But, of course, no one knows what will happen in the future and no one knows how long the suffering will last. When people ask me about this, I tell them the truth: nothing in life stays the same and your illness won’t stay the same forever either. But you have to wait it out. You have to wait (and work towards) that change. Because it will happen. Change is the universe at work.
But that is very cold comfort indeed. Unfortunately, it’s also the only comfort available.
Tracy, N. (2013, December 3). With Bipolar Depression, How Many Days Until I Get Better?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, July 18 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2013/12/how-many-days-until-better
Author: Natasha Tracy
I'm sorry that you haven't found the relief you've been looking for
yet, but if you are truly honest you have had some periods of wellness
also, have you not? Please correct me if I'm wrong
Yes there is no expiration date with bipolar disorder. It is a life long illness. But for me it is cyclical. I do have periods of wellness
Patience is not normally one of my virtues so cultivating patience, being mindful and having faith helps me ride out the difficult times and builds both stamina and resilience.
What also helps is journaling both the good times and the bad. It keeps me humble. When I'm going through an especially difficult period, by looking back through previous entries in my journal, at more stable, happier times it also gives me hope.
I know that help is always out there if I need it.
I just need to remember to keep reaching out
Here that i know off... I was diagnosed bipolar last january just when
I turn 30. I cant accept it! I feel that i have been robbed to think straght
and become a normal person. I would have killed my self if not only
for my daughter. I learned a lot from this site. I hope i could have facebook
Buddies who has bpd. Pls add me email@example.com
I think the question I seek advice to is::::
How do I be there for her, verbally, physically and emotionally, when she comes out of rehab, to show her I love and care about her, and what BOUNDARIES should I set?? I would greatly appreciate any advice from anybody on this post.
Well thanks :)
For what it's worth, I don't think it's weird for you to write your feelings down. If that's the most effective way for your to communicate your thoughts, then that's exactly what you _should_ do. However, it's unlikely that your doctor will sit there are read it so you might just want to read it to him and use it as a jumping off point for a conversation.
Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Oddly, my sister is also diagnosed Bipolar II, but she can still function. She works, hard. But she can't accept that it is a spectrum, that not everyone can push themselves by sheer will. When I'm down, baby I'm out for the count. She struggles more against the hypomania than the depression. I'm the opposite.
I have very few friends. But they're great. They're artists and we're all the kind of people who tend to lie fallow for a while now and then. It's natural for us so no one bats an eye when I go AWOL. They're just happy to see me again when I show up. I'm blessed that way.
GEORGE: It's not easy to be the friend of someone with a mental health issue. You're a good person to reach out. It works with loving detachment. To be there when they reach back to you is a wonderful thing. The problem is theirs, not yours. It was a great thing for you to help in the way you did. Who knows what would have happened to her without your intervention?
Bipolarland is an interesting place: the Mean Seasons don't respect the calendar. We live by our wits and our willingness. Bless us all.
The docs could easily treat the hypomania, but the depression appears to be intractable. Every drug either makes it worse, or triggers the hypomania when they try to give me a dose high enough to truly relieve the depression. I'm on a low dose that at least keeps me non-suicidal.
For many, many years I shut down in May and start to 'come to' in Sept/Oct. This year the depression broke the f'n rules. I shut down in April and am just entering the world of give-a-damn a couple of weeks ago. My depression presents itself as exhaustion, over somnolence, no interest and precious little pleasure in anything. But I have always been an observer, an intellect, a writer and reader, comfortable with myself and content enough to be entertained with simply communicating with other people online or on the phone, going out only when I can muster a little bit of energy for a couple of hours or so, though rarely enough.
I have known extremely happy times. Had, and have, deeply satisfying relationships. I wait out the hell of depression because I want to enjoy those people who never leave when I am able to deeply enjoy them again. I don't quit or give up on me because they don't. I'm blessed that way. I'm 44 and it took a LOT of years of self-pity before I could say any of this. I have been bipolar since early childhood. I should be ashes by now!