advertisement

Is Life Ever Normal for a Person with Bipolar?

June 25, 2013 Natasha Tracy

A normal life is something I’m not very familiar with. I’ve never really had one. From the time I was a kid with an alcoholic father, to the teenage years I spent depressed, to my adult years dealing with psychiatrists, symptoms and medication side effects, I’ve never really enjoyed anything termed normalcy.

But the question is, does anyone with bipolar enjoy a normal life?

What’s a Normal Life?

Now, people will tell me that there’s no such thing as a normal life. These people are wrong. There is such a thing as normalcy. You might think of it as the “average.” There’s always an average and yes, there is an average life. I would say the average life, a normal life, consists of happiness, sadness, anger, glee, and other emotions all wrapped into one. But these emotions are moderated. They run a reasonable spectrum as do experiences. In a normal life, people are generally well. People do not have to fight every day to stay alive. People don’t have to worry about brain altering medications. People do not concern themselves with psychiatrists. People do not have to track every mood. The normal life is outside of all these things.

What’s a Bipolar Life?

Well, that depends on who you ask. I talk to a lot of people with bipolar disorder and I would say that a life with bipolar is a life that is, at least in part, dictated by bipolar. It’s a life where bipolar needs to be taken into account almost every moment in the day. It’s a life where medications and routines and sleep and food and exercise and therapy and doctor’s appointments all must be made the priority. It’s a life that may contain normal elements, but sure the heck also contains abnormal elements. Emotions tend to be extreme. Coping mechanisms must continually be applied. People must use the tools they learn in therapy all the time. It’s a life that cannot be separated from the illness.

Bipolar is Like That

But bipolar is like that. Bipolar is an illness of the brain. Your brain is in every part of your life and so is the bipolar. Persistent, serious, long-standing illnesses creep into every aspect of your life. But this is on purpose. This creeping into your life is what needs to happen if you plan to stay well. You need to control for the bipolar variable all the time, everywhere. So it makes your life really abnormal.

Have I Ever Had a Normal Life?

That being said, for some people, they can get away with just thinking about their bipolar sometimes. They might be able to go days without it seriously entering into the consciousness. When things are going well, this is possible. When medications are working, this can happen. When you’re in remission, bipolar doesn’t have to be at the forefront of every moment.

But as for me, this rarely occurs. Things rarely “go well” for any extended period of time. If I forgot about my bipolar (which I never do) that would just lead to it coming back with a vengeance. If I didn’t use all those fancy coping mechanisms and therapeutic tools and medications and whatnot my bipolar would just come back all the stronger. So I can’t forget about it. It’s a constant battle. Ignore that battle at your own peril.

But that is just me. Do you think your life is like everyone else’s? Do you have a “normal” life? Is it even possible?

You can find Natasha Tracy on Facebook or GooglePlus or @Natasha_Tracy on Twitter or at the Bipolar Burble, her blog.

APA Reference
Tracy, N. (2013, June 25). Is Life Ever Normal for a Person with Bipolar?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, September 20 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2013/06/is-life-ever-normal-for-a-person-with-bipolar



Author: Natasha Tracy

Natasha Tracy is a renowned speaker, award-winning advocate and author of Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar.

Find Natasha Tracy on her blog, Bipolar BurbleTwitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Whatever
says:
July, 6 2018 at 5:58 pm
My first depressive episodes began when I was 4 years old. 27 years later and I've yet to have more than 2 weeks without depression, anxiety, etc. Dozens of medications, therapy, psychiatrists, psychologists, specialists, you name it. I'm still sitting here wondering what to do, because at no point in my entire life have I felt normal, or have I felt "happy" outside of mania. I'm a passenger on a boat waiting for that inevitable docking, and i wish it would just get here. I'm not suicidal, but I'm just tired of the "it eventually gets better" rhetoric. For many it most certainly does. Then, for the forgotten few, that day never comes. Just tired of having to be positive for everyone BUT me, because my disease is more about everyone else and almost entirely precluding of my own self.
Iain Gray
says:
October, 14 2017 at 2:57 am
No one believes I love my kids but my separation from them has only made my addictions worse anyone know any medication to try i have been on most of them and they seem to have shrunk my brain

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Natasha Tracy
says:
October, 15 2017 at 4:46 am
Hi Iain,

I'm sorry, I can't recommend a specific medication, especially with so few details. What I can say is that if you haven't already, you should see an addiction specialist as they will likely help you the most.

- Natasha Tracy

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Miss Safina Day
says:
May, 30 2019 at 6:47 pm
You can be fine with medication perhaps in future even without it. I take lithium. It depends on type of bi polar you have. Check side effects and change if not suiting you. If you have support perhaps try coming off meds. But do whatever give you best chance with ur kids. I hope you are reunited with them . If not keep trying dont give up hope. Pray to God. U will be fine. I had many hospital stays and im ok now. Try find a good partner too if u dont have one/ hobbies/ relaxation.
Adrian w
says:
September, 21 2017 at 9:18 am
Hi. I wanted to ask a question. We are looking for help for my father. He has been diagnosed with bipolar and in a state of mania he spent all of his money divorce his wife left his children and went crazy and his actions. Now he is the opposite, depressed paranoid having delusions doesn't make sense with the things he things are going on. And we are trying to find him some help he is finally willing to get some help I was wondering if support meetings are helpful or what kind of meds are helpful or what anybody else with this struggle has done to get it under control thank you very much for everybody's time I look forward to hearing from any and all of you. Thank you.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Natasha Tracy
says:
September, 22 2017 at 3:44 am
Hi Adrian,

Many medications may be useful in that situation. Typically, an antipsychotic is given if the person is diagnosed with psychosis (delusions and/or hallucinations). If not, a mood stabilizer may be tried first. You can find out about bipolar disorder treatment options (medications and other) here: https://www.healthyplace.com/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-treatment/bipolar-treatment-treatment-of-bipolar-disorder/

As for support groups, yes, many people do find them helpful. It helps to connect with others in the same situation who will "get" what you're talking about. (As a loved one, you may want to go to a support group yourself.)

- Natasha Tracy
Jack
says:
July, 12 2017 at 8:06 pm
I was first diagnosed at 26, took about 30 lithium tablets and then stopped medication for 12 years and did not think about bipolar often.

I went through very moderate highs and lows until 38, at which time I had 3 young children, married and owned a home with a successful business and a full time job. The stress of it all got to me and I went into mania, I got medication relatively quickly and then went into a mild form of depression.

Now I am left realising stress pushes me into the high and then I cycle back into a corresponding low. The lithium helps but I think it keeps you in a more depressed state, but I would prefer this to going back to mania.

Bipolar now more than ever makes me question my mood and if my decisions are the right ones, but I am glad I have insight into the illness but still it leaves me uneasy.

I just don't think Bipolar is easy but if you are cognitive and insightful you can lead a relatively normal life as long as you consider, reflect and get counselling and pdoc, but it need not be a full time obsession.

That's just for my circumstance and I consider all bipolar experiences to be individual and different.
Dogs ass
says:
May, 18 2017 at 3:16 am
It's funny I have lived and overcame bipolar 1 and addiction for most of my life but in the last 10 years it taken it all from me
sarah moran
says:
December, 11 2016 at 9:59 am
Everyday the challenge presents itself,like a vampire sucking blood
Taking what it can from us so that you we're left in the wood
Trying to get back,to have some chance to carry out what one needs to do,
To keep your life from going askew.
Its a simple endeavour,its just cleaning up!
yeah,but thats so unnecessary when one feels they cant wash a cup
Take me devil illness,give me your toughest shot
dont forget theres a lot of us in this together fighting so you dont leave us rot.
sarah moran
says:
December, 10 2016 at 9:44 am
Sorry i meant to say lamictal 25mgs instead of lithium there
sarah moran
says:
December, 10 2016 at 9:42 am
Hi jen
I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder august of this year.Im 34 and have been battling this illness since im 17.
For years i was on an anti depressant.Unknown to myself i was going from depression to hypomanic phase year after year.I wasnt on the right treatment and the depressions were hard,debilitating,im goin through an episode at the moment.Give me a hypomanic episode anyday over the depressed ones.
This year i swung from high to low several times after starting a new depressant as old one was having no effect.
So now im on lithium 800mgs.It wasnt enough and i ended up in hospital.I am on abilify5mgs and other ones including lithium 25mgs with moves to titrate it higher.im a bit better since coming out of hospital but feel ive a way to go to feel better.
I put it down to being on tge wrong treatment for so long.i have hope ill be better and conquer this,i need that hope.i want to believe it.
Jen
says:
September, 2 2016 at 9:39 am
I was recently diagnosed with bipolar I'm 37. I knew there was something wrong with me when I was younger, but kept it to myself. I just thought it was marjor depression. I sometimes still think it is, but I did try a lot of depression medications nothing help. I'm struggling with the thought of it I know it's not the end of the world. I just want to understand it more, how to deal with it when I'm feeling the way I do, do I really need to take medication or can I do it on my own. I'm pretty sure I can because I've been dealing with it for 23 yrs with out nothing. As I'm getting older it feels harder to control that scares me it makes me want to stay inside and stay away from everyone I love. Just so I don't bring them down or stress them out. So if anyone reads this please tell me how do you deal with these thoughts. I want to get better for myself and my family. Thank you for reading this
marie
says:
May, 8 2016 at 5:37 am
I have bipolar- had my first manic episode a 20. I struggled for a year to get on the right medications. I take lithium now- 600 mg a day. My life is wonderful. I graduated and have a very good position and wonderful friends. Sometimes you only hear about people who are struggling on these boards. Those of us who are doing well don't take the time to post.

There are many many highly successful and very happy people out there managing bipolar disorder.
G
says:
April, 19 2016 at 2:31 pm
Perhaps I will get negative replies from this but I often feel like one of the lucky ones. I hold a stable job in the same place for the last 14 years and have gone about 5 years since my last hospitalization. Make no mistake, bipolar disorder has wreaked it's fair share of damage in my life. I've lost friends and strained many relationship with relatives. I dropped out of college and incurred a huge amount of debt. I'm also gay and grapple with frequent depression and loneliness. But there is hope. Most people would never guess I have bipolar and by most superficial assessments many people would say I live a good life. Proper medication is key. Once I found the right regimen it made all the difference. You also have to make peace with the fact that the disease doesn't ever go away and yes it is a long hard fight. I wish everyone here and their families all the best. I hope you find your own piece of happiness because you do deserve it.
sajal
says:
March, 16 2016 at 7:38 pm
My only one child age is now 9 is suffering bipolar mood disorder. From last 2 years he is taking medication sodium valporic 300+200+300mg and Risperidone 2mg daily as per doctor advise.Every moments we are feeling anxiety and his mother crying for my child illness .we are facing a lot education,relationship,behavior.
Can anybody inform kindly bipolar can lives normal life with medication? Is it possible to control without medication? My email address is sajalm031@yahoo.com

Rgds/Sajal
My CBT Life Lessons
says:
December, 13 2015 at 7:07 am
Been through many loses in my life which has taught me independence.

Was abused as a child which taught me inner strength and discernment.

Stigma of mental illness has taught me not to let pride stand in my way, yet at the same time to always believe in myself despite what ignorant people might say or do to try to damage my self esteem

On a good day bipolar has also taught me hope/faith, courage, patience/endurance, to be less judgemental and a little more compassionate than I could have otherwise learned to be without this mental illness...
Margie
says:
December, 13 2015 at 3:18 am
By the way, I am not suicidal. Just stating that nobody has the time or the interest unless they see real crazy behavior, Iike they see in the movies.
Margie
says:
December, 13 2015 at 3:14 am
The closest people to me don't get Bipolar. My close friend just died, and I'm going through menopause, yet people don't realize I'm not just complaining or being negative. I'm under a lot of stress which affects my illness a lot. My best friend caters to another friend with problems, but gets annoyed with me. Basically, in my world, nobody seems to understand or care that I'm sick. Nobody took the time to ever read about bipolar, not close friends, mother or husband. Always thought I would cope better as an older person, which I kind of do, but my support system is not really there. I take my meds. The shitty menopause and death are messing me up. My therapist thinks I'm fine. They'll believe I'm legitimately having problems only if I'm on top of a frigging roof. Nobody gives a crap.
Adam
says:
August, 22 2015 at 7:23 pm
I have Bipolar 1 and PTSD from life and 10 years in the infantry. I have been to and conducted more funerals than anyone should in a lifetime and I am 33. I don't know how to walk all of this out and quite frankly I have lost hope. At one point I was heading into the chaplaincy and was a minister and the when I was diagnosed it all fell apart. Now I don't know what the hell I am doing and I live with the decisions that I have made...and make. I spend a lot of time in apologies and haven't been able to learn to balance meds with a 50 hour a week sales job, MBA schooling, and life with three young sons. I feel like I am always striving after the wind and picking up the pieces of stress gone awry. Any insight is welcome, I just for once...want to be well.
Noelle
says:
November, 7 2014 at 5:22 pm
My first sexual assault was at age 9. I have Bipolar Disorder I and Borderline Personality Disorder. My life has not been "normal" since I was a child. I'm 42 now. I am very compliant w my meds, my psychiatrist appointments & therapy. I have practiced to stop negativity. I fight every single day of my life. My moods & emotions are completely overwhelming. I honestly don't think I will ever have a "normal" life. Life as I know it has become "normal" to me.

I wish everyone the very best! =)
Mmom
says:
November, 7 2014 at 3:14 pm
Well said. Article is Accurate answer to the question.
sherry
says:
November, 7 2014 at 2:12 pm
I loved Lola's reply and Julia's. One must be philosophical and accept oneself. My father as bipolar comedy writer and the family was far from normal. But my parents despised ordinary folk and encouraged creativity.

After being "high-functioning" for 25 years, I was lucky enough to get a disability pension. Life is quieter now and I can indulge my passion for singing. I avoid my mother back in UK as she has no sympathy for bipolar and is a toxic influence. Here in Belgium I have some good friends. I do a lot of facebooking, emailing etc. and sites such as Healthy Place (Natasha is tops) as well as seeing my psychiatrist every week. I have a cleaner and a financial administrator and occasionally see a social worker from my old employer. I go to a friendly church and I've found my new faith helps too. There are a lot of "normal" people there too - alongside oddballs like me. I feel cosy and protected at home with my cats and TV though I try to get out and get involved in choirs, see community theatre and go out with girlfriends to the cinema etc. I'm 61 and have given up dating, which keeps me calmer. I plan to write a memoir of my comi-tragic pa... one day, but don't want to stress out about it. Keep cool!
Wendy
says:
October, 21 2014 at 6:12 am
I don't think about my illness all the time, not even every day. I have a number of other chronic illness that I do think about every day...they scream at me!

My bipolar doesn't. However, I know it is there. I have my coping mechanisms in place. I'm in tuned to my moods and it things are off kilter I know to pay attention!

So do I think about it all the time, No. But it is always there, it's in the back of my mind. It is a part of me. I accept it as such. I live with it. I know when I'm under a lot of stress to really pay attention to how I'm dealing with things. Most importantly I really pay attention to my emotions. If I feel things are off, I do something about it. I call my doctor, I call my therapist, I do my mindfulness practices and really pay attention to me and figure out..."is this an acceptable reaction, or am I over the top?" "is this me?" yes I ask myself that...I think of the emotions I have when they are bipolar emotions as not "my" emotions they are caused by my illness. I think this helped me a lot when I was coming to terms with my illness. I had no qualms about talking my medication, or doing everything I could to get rid of the emotions the illness caused..they weren't mine. I have perfectly good emotions all on my own! :-) I know the signs when I'm getting to the point where I don't want to be.

I'm glad I don't have to really think about it every day. Perhaps it's because I've been relatively stable for 20 years. And because I am very mindful of how I feel.
Yes I've had a few times when I've had some breaks with my meds, I've noticed my emotions going off, and I've gotten help. I've had a couple of times it was hard to get regulated with new meds but we got it right. Now that I practice mindfulness meditation and mindfulness practices everyday, I have been able to reduce my medication.
This has been the best coping mechanism I have found.

as you said though....there are different levels of bipolar illness, and people react differently to medications. We all need to use our coping mechanisms and stay in tuned to ourselves.

I do want to say something about the first poster....everyone is so mad at her. Remember...she may not want to admit her diagnosis. Perhaps she is in a time when things are going good. We are often quick to judge those who we feel are judging us. try to feel compassion for those who do not understand too. or who may be fighting themselves.
Dan
says:
October, 20 2014 at 11:48 pm
I have been recently diagnosed and for the past few months my life has been awful, from a agitated high to a euphoric and extremely impolsive high and crashed to devistating low where i did attempt something which now i feel i would never do, these are not my only episodes just the most recent and the worst, im currently feeling like im back to normal (although when i feel agitated words i didnt know i was thinking come out my mouth and sometime i sing them :S ) but now i feel "normal" im scared that its going to end and i will go spiraling up and then down, my last episodes cost me my work position and a promotion which had already been agreed until i was signed off for months, i feel like my life is stop/start and now i think i am me again i still question myself incase i am not, i just so confused does anyone else feel this too????? I feel like although my mood is stable-ish i cant just catch a break i just want someone to fix me
Lola
says:
August, 24 2014 at 12:36 am
For a long time, before being diagnosed, and also whilst being in the denial stage after diagnosis, I too shared the opinion that people who identified with their diagnosis were labelling themselves and using the diagnosis as a part of their identity. Then, out of the blue, I had a severe attack of depression and had to admit to myself that I have a disabling condition, and that life for me never has been, and never will be "normal". In addition to the depression, I went through a soul searching period of mourning - mourning and grieving for the person I could have been if I didn't have bipolar. I mourned for the lost opportunities, the broken relationships, the loss of myself, because I never knew, and never will know just WHO I should have been as a fit and healthy human being.

After the period of mourning there came a feeling of acceptance. I came to terms with my illness. This didn't mean that I wanted it. Nor did it mean that I had given up the fight. Coming to accept my illness meant that now I had some tools to help me. I learnt to live just for the present day, neither expecting too much or too little of myself. I learnt to plan and live my life IN SPITE of my illness, to the best of my ability.

Because I have probably been ill all of my life, including during my childhood, I feel that bipolar has become integrated into my personality. Does that mean I live by a defining label? Yes and no. In some ways I feel that there have been times when I have let the illness work in my favour - in my art work, writing, and when I studied for a degree as a therapist, although my studying took longer than it should have done, due to the depressive episodes.

Bipolar has limited me, yes, and I have had to learn to live within those limitations, but in other ways it has also enriched my life. It has given me an outlook and attitude towards life that I know for sure I wouldn't have developed if I hadn't been ill. It has taught me to be compassionate, not only towards others, but towards myself too. It has taught me true self esteem is possible even in the most adverse circumstances, if it comes from WITHIN, from loving oneself unconditionally. I have learnt to love myself even during those awful times in the depths of a deep depression, when my self esteem seems to be at an all time low, by holding on to that tiny glimmer of hope, that knowledge that this too shall pass, that in spite of, or maybe BECAUSE of, this illness, I am a beautiful, worthy human being, as are we all. I wouldn't have been able to come to this position if I had been well. I really feel that I have been enriched in some ways by this illness.

Yes, I wish I didn't have it, but I have to accept that I do, and live within its limitations. Nothing I do can change my illness or make it go away. I understand that there will be times when I struggle with meds, ensuring the right dose etc, and that there will be times when my depression hits with a vengeance or my judgement will be severely compromised during a high. There will be times when I will feel level, wondering if this is how "normal" feels, grabbing onto those times with a tenacious,desperate and hungry greed, because, even if they last for months or years, they will surely pass.

To Jackie, who said

"Maybe I am not bipolar as my diagnosis indicates. Maybe I am in remission. My life is almost always normal – except when it’s not and that has not been the case for a long time. I wonder if people who are always thinking about their illness need it for their identity."

I'm truly happy that you're in remission at the moment. We all strive for remission, hence our preoccupation with meds and our continued awareness on a day to day basis of our illness. I understand that during a remission or even during a period of hypomania it can be all too easy to FORGET. I certainly have in the past, especially when I was in denial. I truly hope that you remain in remission. I don't want to be alarmist, but would advise you to please guard against complacency, and be aware of the sneaky, insiduous nature of this disorder, how it can creep up slowly. These people don't want to live by labels, and they sincerely wish they didn't have to struggle. This is why they didn't take too kindly to your remark. I don't believe you're a troll or that you truly understood the impact of your comment. Please understand that whilst YOU are having an easy ride at the moment, that this might not always be the case, and that there will come a time when you can see it from their perspective. I wish all of you guys well.
Devin Lee
says:
May, 27 2014 at 7:42 am
What about the gifts you guys. Stop focusing on the downside and all challenges! How about the unbelievable spiritual connection that we get. We can see through the veil into the other side....oh that's right the experts who haven't experienced it say we're delusional. I don't mean mania per say(although that had some good points too). I'm talking everyday life. As Greenday sings, "All her doubts were someone else's point of view."
Shaun
says:
May, 27 2014 at 6:09 am
I have been living in hell with a bi-polar wife for the past 13 years, all of your comments are complete rubbish. A `normal` person cannot live with someone who has bi-polar unless they are constantly heavily medicated, or drugs or alcohol
jdlottes
says:
September, 29 2013 at 11:41 pm
STupid stupid stupid me
judy
says:
July, 18 2013 at 9:07 pm
I can understand where Evette is coming from. Quite frankly, I agree that "Jill" is probably just being inflammatory. A statement like that is dismissive and insensitive - especially to people who are newly diagnosed, or those that deal with the treatment resistant variation. I don't think anyone would want to have this sort of "identity", given the amount of pain and suffering it causes.

It is what is, unfortunately, and I think most people would probably change it if they could. In fact, that is what most people are here for. To learn more about bipolar disorder and how to cope with its reality.
Melissa
says:
July, 18 2013 at 6:53 pm
You hit the nail right on the head, Natasha!!!! I have never had anything normal about my life. I'm like you in that I have to be constantly aware of my Bipolar. I don't ever forget about it or I will pay the consequences. I get told that nothing is normal, but it is. People go on with their lives with few problems for the most part. I, on the other hand, have to battle my illness 24/7 even though I'm pretty stable for the first time in my life. I still have problems with meds.,dealing with family matters and still try to maintain my stability. I'm going to share this on Facebook!!! Everyone should read your comments. Thanks!!!
s
says:
July, 18 2013 at 2:55 pm
Evette - I don't know exactly where Jill was coming from, but I'm sorry that it upset you and see why it did. However, I wanted to let you know that, for some people, there is indeed some truth to the idea of maintaining an "illness" or whatever we want to call it for purposes of having an identity - such as when we feel that we don't have anything else. I know this to be the case for myself - I know that I do self-defeating things and don't put as much work into trying to improve my life for the very reason that having mental health issues has become sort of "my thing" or my identity or the thing that I'm "good" at (where I feel incompetent at everything else). That being said, I don't like my life the way it is, and I wish that my identity weren't so wrapped up in mental health issues, but it's hard to change that, for various reasons. Putting aside my own stuff, as a therapist, I do see SOME clients (certainly not all) doing a similar thing - mental health issues have become such a part of their identity, and change is so incredibly scary. They fear that by allowing themselves to become well, they will lose a part of themselves (very much the case for me too). Anyway, I hope that none of this offends you, as I do believe that I get where you are coming from.
Leah
says:
July, 18 2013 at 1:29 pm
I think about my Bipolar as much as I need to. Coping mechanisms are everyday. Working to find the right set of meds is still a constant for me. And I read in one post that "maybe people need bipolar for their identity" I think That is rude! And quite heartless. Yes, you may be one of the lucky few who doesn't battle daily for their health. But to stoop so low as to lay the insult upon others is just wrong. And with your thinking I sincerely hope you never have to cope the way I do. You will have a hard time laying blame then.
I strive daily to keep a balance to let the emotions and thoughts play out as they need to but stay grounded enough to follow what I know is right. My brain can be my enemy, many times it is. But beauty comes from my brain as well. Beauty comes from Bipolar too. I feel more deeply, love more wholly and find ways to use my compassion to help others when and where I can. Normal is a setting on a washing machine. I don't need normal. I need love, kindness and joy whenever I can find it.
Living a new life
says:
July, 6 2013 at 2:24 pm
My life got a lot more normal a couple of years after I tapered off the medications that never did a darned thing to help (after 15 years of trying), and usually made me worse (lithium worked for mania, only, but I so rarely get that). In my strong opinion, the drugs doubled the disability while helping the depression not one bit.

The less I see the doctor and therapist etc, the less I think about having bipolar, and the more "normal" my life is. I often think, and I think this is correct (for me), that seeing mental health professionals causes the same harm that ruminating over my troubles can cause - a negative focus, and makes me feel a whole lot worse about my losses and how I am a labelled individual. I think dumping mental health "help" would be the best thing for my mental health, but I need them to fill out my paperwork because I'm disabled and any possible improvement almost for sure won't be enough to go back to work even part time. I will add that my providers are all nice people who are trying to help.

I agree that coping strategies are exhausting, and focused on being mentally ill. Fishing, reading and hot baths work for me now that I'm off the agitating drugs, and are NOT something I was taught we mentally ill people need to do to cope, so I don't get sucked into thinking about bipolar all the time anymore. I really think that adds to the distress - thinking about it all the time.

During the very bad depressions, my life is in no way "normal." Interestingly, I spend less time in those very severe depressions now that I'm off these mental drugs. I think they destroyed my ability to function so very thoroughly that the prescribed drugs destroyed most of what was important to me, adding more to my depressions. But I am only speculating on that part.
Jill
says:
July, 5 2013 at 9:11 am
I truly believe that what you say IS in the realm of normal - for some people. It is definitely not comfortable and can wear you down. It MAY be different with therapy and drugs but it still takes a lot of energy and effort to maintain. That's just life I think.

But then, I am not an authority - that is just MY experience. Good luck. Keep working at it.
Trisha
says:
July, 5 2013 at 1:16 am
Kaitlin Panda-
Thank you for the encouragement. :) I have tried to put off seeing a doctor specifically because I want to avoid the pill-pushing if I can. Right now I cope by trying to keep things as structured and stress-free as possible and with a whole lot of self-talk that I guess could be considered a very basic kind of cognitive behavioral therapy. I never knew much about CBT until I read about it in a blog and realized that it's pretty much what I've been doing all along.
The problem is that it's so exhausting. And from the sounds of it (judging by what I've read here) that doesn't change even with medication. Is that the case?
I'm about to have a lot more responsibility placed on me at my job, and if meds would help me get off the roller coaster of "I can't do this, I'm so dumb and worthless, Everyone is going to know that I don't know anything, I'm going to get fired and be the laughingstock of the world, It's all hopeless and I should just end it, But wait - I can do anything, There's no reason I can't do this, I'm as smart as everyone else, But maybe not that guy, I'm a failure, Everyone's going to know I'm a failure...", I'd be willing to look into taking them. Because I'm assuming that a constant stream of thoughts like that is not "normal".
Kaitlin Panda
says:
July, 4 2013 at 4:34 pm
Trisha, there are varying levels of bipolar. You may be one of the high-functioning ones.

Honestly, every human living in today's hectic world is bound to have some issues and most psychiatrists are happy to diagnose some disorder and start throwing pills at you, even though most people just need some therapy. You will know when you are truly sick because the "I don't think I can"s will turn into "I can't"s.

I wouldn't wish bipolar on my worst enemy and I hate that you are experiencing symptoms. (It does say a lot that you identify so well with these posts.) Although I think seeking therapy first can be helpful, one should never wait to the point they are suicidal to see a doctor.

Whether anyone says you're "normal" or not, know there are people out there to listen who care and you are not alone.
Trisha
says:
July, 4 2013 at 7:46 am
I was wondering the same thing Peter asked just last night at work: Can I maintain this high-stress job? And if so, does that mean I'm not bipolar. I hesitate to go to the doctor, because I'm so afraid he's going to tell me that I'm perfectly normal and just overreacting to things.
That's the point, isn't it?
I don't necessarily want to be diagnosed as bipolar, but I'd love to have some concrete explanation for why I can't seem to handle the little everyday stuff that everyone else barely even pays attention to. I find myself wondering how many other people are like me and also just doing a good job of hiding it.
I just came off about a month of "up" days, where I pretty much thought only in poems and felt sure that people must be dazzled by my brightness when they looked at me, because surely it was showing in my eyes and in every word I wrote. I wanted to believe that I was just finally "happy", but I knew it was not normal. Some friends of mine said that maybe I'm just a depressed person who is very creative. But now I'm back down, and there are no words. Just the fighting with myself every night at work and every day to find reasons to keep going, to make myself do simple things at home like cook and clean and pay bills. You don't know how much it means to find other people who can't face paying bills. I thought I was just - well, crazy. :(
So this is an interesting read, and one I needed today. "Normal" is something I wonder about all the time. Because I don't feel one bit normal. When I see the lives of the people I know, I'm not like them. And I always wonder what's wrong with me.
judy
says:
July, 4 2013 at 7:13 am
"Problems" is a matter of perspective. "Normals" (for a lack of a better label) do not have to deal with racing thoughts, do not deal with ups and downs of the same magnitude. As of now, I like to think what we experience is really normal multiplied. An intense normal. I would also suspect that anyone experiencing things turned up or down will feel exactly like you and I. Only they can't envision it because they are always functioning on five and not on eleven. Much easier to cope with. I know this because I do have five moments. It's the ones & eleven that are troublesome.

Also what constitutes a stressful situation varies from person to person. I've seen girls have major breakdowns because their hairdresser "messed up" their hair. That, personally, slides off my back, but then again, I don't know why hair is particularly touchy for that person, nor is it my place to tell them what is important to them.
Kaitlin Panda
says:
July, 3 2013 at 10:12 pm
My life is incredibly different from the average person's because of this illness.

Getting out of bed, eating, getting dressed, socializing, and every other simple thing that occurs in a day is more difficult for me (if not impossible) than for anyone else I know. Sometimes I try to tell myself that I'm "not that bad" or "somewhat normal", but watching others reminds me of the truth. I doubt I will ever be like them and honestly, I'm jealous.

I'm not saying people who aren't mentally ill don't have their own problems because surely they do. They are just very different problems and other "normal" people can empathize with them.
Julia
says:
June, 30 2013 at 6:49 am
No, Peter, it doesn't. It just means that you're fortunate enough to have found meds quickly and early on that appear to be working for you. It also means you've already got a lot of coping skills under your belt, even if you don't realize it. Keep using them and managing the stress, because it is unmanaged or poorly managed stress that usually triggers an episode.

I used to have a successful career, also in a high stress environment, and it nearly killed me--most especially when I was wrongfully fired. It's been a crazy two years since then, some of it stable, but mostly not. I'm now ending my 3rd week in a row of stability, and that has been unprecedented in the last two years. I plan on reestablishing my career at some point in some way; there are actually a lot of possibilities. I have to do it bit by bit so as not to take on more than I can handle, but I certainly don't anticipate remaining on SSD forever.

Just take care of yourself and you'll be ok.
Peter
says:
June, 30 2013 at 5:55 am
Hello, my name is Peter and I'm Bipolar?

After recent life threatening events and a lifetime of reacting to emotions, I made an appointment with at the local mental health unit. The psychiatrist suspected a mixture of personality disorder and referred me to a psychologist. A number of months ago my GP prescribed antidepressants to treat a severe depression. After a few appointments with the psychologist (he has a doctorate), he is strongly suspecting Bipolar 1.

How individualized can bipolar be? I've always been introverted except during possible manic episodes) but never presented like the stereotype of a manic episode with rapid/forced speech or delusions so intense that reality was completely lost. I still met the DSM V criteria even without those descriptors.

I am in remission currently for about 2 weeks with little emotional reactiveness and sticking to a healthy lifestyle. I find I am nervous with every feeling that ripples my concsiousness as if it could be the start of an up or down.

I feel like I'm on vacation but I'm not enjoying it because the weather isn't perfect.

I see a resevoir of experience in the organic community Natasha has created; please help me map out the land mines of the diagnosis process. Life is short and I don't want to waste another season reacting to feelings.

How is it possible that I have a successful career in an extremely high stress position? Does that contradict other's experience with the illness?
Sarah
says:
June, 29 2013 at 9:58 pm
On a more statistical note, while we're talking about what 'normal' means, consider the normal distribution, otherwise known as the bell curve. In the normal distribution it's normal to have a few people on either end of the bell curve. It's average to be in the majority, but normality always contains a few people who are quite different from the others.
Julia
says:
June, 29 2013 at 7:14 pm
Practice them now while you don't have all the stressors of life, get good at them and learn more; then yes, they will kick in when you're back out on your own. But you have to practice them so much that they become like breathing, even though you don't need them right now.
D
says:
June, 29 2013 at 4:05 pm
I have BP II, and everyday I think about my illness: when I take my meds, when there is a mood change, when I go out in public, when the weather changes...Right now I live with my parents, so some stressors are not there, but what happens when I'm out on my own? Will those coping skills kick in?
Julia
says:
June, 28 2013 at 5:53 pm
Leo,

I really like everything that you said and how you did it. There's an external average, but the normal is really as applied to each individual. I have my normal, you have your normal; but those two things could be vastly different. (I do have bipolar I disorder, btw, and severe adhd, ocd, and generalized anxiety).

It's interesting to think about the average. Because mathematically, what is it? It's the number achieved when the sum of however many members ranging high, low, and in between is divided by the number of members.
So in order to even arrive at an average or norm, the abnormal, the outlyers, have to be included.

I will never be a societal norm, partly by choice with some beliefs and also genetically, medically, etc. BUT, without me or people like me, or in similar circumstances, there would be no average or normal to compute.

I could continue developing this "thought work" of mine here, or generate counter arguments too, but I don't feel like it right now. lol. Too much work. The first "part," so to speak, was completely spontaneous.

With that, I will sign my weird self off, but not before I say that I've actually been doing rather well lately--3 pretty good weeks in a row! Unprecedented for me in basically the past year. YaY! We'll see how long it lasts, but at least I'm not feeling the edge of when the other shoe will drop me into a mixed state.

wellness to all,
julia
Leo
says:
June, 28 2013 at 9:02 am
I don't have bipolar I have generalized anxiety disorder and panic attacks, along with dysthymia. Normal for me is not the same normal as you or normal from what other people say is normal. I think "Normal is an individualized condition that cannot really be appreciated to its fullest potential until we can reduce the stigma that comes with mental illness of any kind. I can be as happy as the next guy, I can enjoy anyone's company or not enjoy. I like to be heard, I like to be left alone, I like to be in the middle of a crowd or in a corner. It just depends on my individual normal at the moment. I offer a smile and wish peace to all who want it.
Natalie Jeanne Champagne
says:
June, 28 2013 at 7:52 am
I think the answer is seemingly simple: There is no definition of "normal" just varying degrees of health, functioning, and personal aspirations.

I dislike the word normal and the connotations of it when connected to mental health. It increases stigma. We don't need to be whatever we may feel (stress that word)society deems as "normal"

That said, an interesting post with equally interesting comments.

-Natalie
judy
says:
June, 27 2013 at 9:21 pm
@ Jill and to whomever shares the same thoughts - both trolls and the curious...

People think of their illness mainly because they are struggling to understand it and manage it. Simple as that.
JB
says:
June, 27 2013 at 4:41 pm
All of these responses can be real and accurate. For long stretches I felt that I could forget my bipolar disease... Take the meds.. No worries. Until it doesn't work and there are worries and consequences. Five years... Then one outrageous email and a director level job fine. Six more years and a stay at a hospital in an inpatient basis, and the loss of my closest friend of five years and love. So, do e live a normal life? Sometimes, but we always have to ask, how long will it last?
judy
says:
June, 27 2013 at 10:49 am
Lew H. - it's weird to be in a place where you're merely existing. I'm sorry - it is sad and depressing. Everyday should feel like a new day. Bipolar and life seems to suck that out of us. I hate it and always will.

Leave a reply