Will My Bipolar Son Be Okay?
It’s devastating to get a diagnosis of bipolar disorder or another mental illness. It means many things to many people, but I know for me, it meant a lifetime condition and a lifetime of treatment. It honestly felt like a death sentence.
But a bipolar diagnosis doesn’t just affect the person with bipolar disorder. A bipolar diagnosis can affect their family and friends, especially if the person with bipolar disorder is younger. It’s completely understandable for a parent to wonder if bipolar disorder is a death sentence. It’s completely understandable for a parent to wonder if his or her child is going to be okay.
While bipolar disorder (or any mental illness) is absolutely not a death sentence, that fear is reasonable. It’s the kind of fear people have before they’re educated about the disorder. It’s pretty normal.
And parents worry about their kids. They worry if their kids take their jackets on cold days so they certainly worry when their child gets a life-changing diagnosis of a mental illness. So when a parent says to me, “My child just got diagnosed with bipolar disorder, will he be okay?” I understand their concern.
The Course of Bipolar Disorder
The fact is, initially, things might be very not okay. Things might be an absolute whirling dervish of treatments, and stress, and symptoms, and doctors, and hospitals, and general craziness. Things might feel completely out-of-control and it might seem like things will never get better.
But they do.
Things do get easier. Really. Eventually hospitals aren’t needed. Treatments even out. Symptoms even out. Doctors become consistent. Some control is put back into everyday life.
Will My Son with Bipolar Be Okay?
This all depends on your definition of “okay.” If your definition of “okay” is “exactly what he was like before the diagnosis,” then no, he might never be okay. But if you mean will he grow up to have a happy, healthy, successfully life, then yes, I would say the chances are very good that your son will be okay.
What’s important to know is that expectations need to be adjusted once a mental illness diagnosis is made. My life is not the same life I would have had without bipolar disorder. That’s just a fact. It took me a year-and-a-half longer for me to get my bachelor’s degree than it would for the average person, thanks to my bipolar. I’ve spend time in the hospital and undergone nasty treatments that have negatively affected me, thanks to my bipolar. That’s just the way things are.
But that doesn’t mean that I’m not “okay.” I am. My life is okay. It’s different than your average life, but then, many lives are. There are really nasty bits. But that’s what disease brings. It doesn’t mean that I’m not okay.
My definition of “okay” has changed with time. My life is different than I thought it would be. Sometimes I’m really sad about that, but most of the time, it just requires a change in thinking.
So as a parent, I believe your role is to be open to the new definition of “okay.” I believe your role is to flex with the reality of the disease and find a new way to define what it is to live a successful and happy life. Because I have no doubt it can be done, but it just might not look like what you thought it would. It’s okay to grieve that loss; but, in the end, your expectation adjustment can be critical in helping your son make that new life work so that he is, indeed, “okay.”
(Check out the blog Mental Illness in the Family, here at HealthyPlace for more on family-related topics.)
Tracy, N. (2013, March 14). Will My Bipolar Son Be Okay?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, July 18 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2013/03/will-bipolar-son-be-okay
Author: Natasha Tracy
Thank-you for your comment. Reading it gave _me_ what I needed tonight. Thank-you for that gift.
I honoured to give hope. It's out there, I promise.
I've tried to learn all I can about this illness but all I really want to know is that she will be ok. You have given me hope. Keep up the inspiring and informative writing. Thank you Natasha.
Both my babies and a third child (who is normal they say but he's spoiled rot by me)were diagnosed at a very young ages, to me, 13-15 years old.
I now call my books, "Sins of a mother". My family will never be normal and I have learned to live with for over 10 years. My oldest son, 24 yrs old, heard voices, committed a felony at 15 yrs old (given a lite sentence). He never acknowledged me as his mother for years and just this month he is talking to me, hence via text, but at least he's talking. He apologizes for not forgiving me for doing a tour to Korea (military, unaccompanied), he was 7 years old. This is part of my disability also.
My daughter, is the worst of the worst on bipolar, almost 21 years old, and has dropped out of 4 colleges, 4 or 5 different jobs, and we can't live together.
How sad are our lives? Thanks for letting me vent.
Thank-you so much. Your tips are invaluable. I may write an article where I quote them because I think they could help others.
Thanks for your honest voice.
I'm sure you mean well but I have the healthiest sleep of anyone I know, I cook and eat fresh food and I work from home. Believe me, if being well were as simple as you say, there would be no mental illness.
And I don't have a daughter.
(1) Attending NAMI's Family to Family course. I cannot say enough about how it helped me understand more about mental illnesses, how to cope with the roller-coaster of behaviors we were seeing, and how to better support my daughter as her advocate.
(2) Attending therapy with my husband to help us work through the major upheaval in our lives and adjust to how this diagnosis impacted our relationship, our family dynamics, and our finances.
(3) Give myself (and my daughter) permission to grieve all that we had lost -- all our hopes and dreams for the life we wanted her to have. It is a process that eventually leads to acceptance.
(4) And lastly, remind myself daily to focus on all that is wonderful about her, all the qualities that have made her who she is. I savor every one of the good moments, because I know that it all could change tomorrow.
Bless you for your advocacy, Natasha!
Coming from a family of more than one type of mental illness; by diagnosis anyway; I imagine some of your grief. Now that I well and will stay well with simple and in-expensive habits, I see that most things that are called mental illness, are really just the symptoms of unhealthy life style and habits. Poor sleep, un-natural foods, and excessive stress when corrected result in great mental health. Yes, I know it sounds too simple. And as a great man once said, “If at first your idea is not absurd, it is of no value.”
So, I ask you, do you and your daughter sleep well? Do you eat natural, organic foods? Do you have healthy low levels of stress?
What a mind reader. I have been struggling with this issue since my daughter was diagnosed two years ago. Of course, when I started to see a therapist (9 months ago) about how to cope with my daughter's illness; I was diagnosed bipolar. It all made sense (genetics et.), but it was quite a shock to the family dynamics. Right now the whole family is struggling with what "ok" will be for our family. I am struggling the most with the knowledge that the reason she has this illness is because of me. The guilt of being the cause of her pain and suffering is overwhelming.