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More than Borderline

My diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is somewhat controversial; one doctor said it might be more accurate to say I have "traits of borderline." Whatever the words, I have at least one symptom of BPD--I self-injure. That's easy to define, but hard to explain. Here's my story.
Are your symptoms of borderline personality disorder flaring up with no apparent cause? Sometimes a major purchase can trigger symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD). Instead of the buyer's "high" that comes with something new, buyer's remorse can be felt. The resulting sadness can cause symptoms of BPD such as self-harm.
There's a rumor going around that my payee was fired because he was pocketing the money from his clients' Social Security checks. The results have not been pretty. Trust between staff and clients is on the skids, and people are borderline paranoid of losing more money. When someone asked, "Why do they take advantage of mentally ill people like that?", my friend Michael replied, "Because they can." It made me think about what happens when people with mental illness have encounters with the criminal justice system.
When I was a patient at Larue D. Carter Memorial Hospital, we had a few bullies on our unit. One, named Katie, ruled through physical force--and at a whopping 500 pounds, that was easy. Another one, named Angel, enjoyed provoking people to self-injure and was even responsible for a couple of suicide attempts. Both were probably sociopaths, in addition to having borderline personality disorder (BPD). Such people can dominate your life if you let them. So how do you take your power back?
There are advantages and disadvantages about living openly with mental illness. The disadvantages are usually steeped in stigma, which perpetuates in part because people are afraid to be open about mental illness. Out of all the false assumptions that exist, there are probably three that cost us dearly: the belief that we should be treated like children, the belief we don't know what's happening to us, and the belief that we aren't reliable.
Last week, I wrote about my experiences with an abusive church. To be honest, I don't know how I survived the mass abandonment that happened when I left. But I do know that it is possible to recover from the pain of religious and spiritual abuse. Here are some steps toward healing.
Are you in a unhealthy relationship or an healthy relationship? Here's a 60-second test that may help you find out.
A new documentary, "Kidnapped for Christ", was recently released. Although I haven't seen anything other than the promo, the movie made my must-see list. The movie is about a dysfunctional Christian behavioral modification school and the teenagers who were sent there involuntarily. It brought back memories. While my parents thankfully never sent me off to the Dominican Republic because of my psychiatric disorder, I feared that they would. Some kids, including a high school friend of mine, weren't that lucky. I was, however, abused in the name of God, just like these folks were, as a form of mental health treatment.
Some say that art can be therapeutic. Music is no exception. Recently, I've discovered three songs that are, as far as I know, not about borderline personality disorder (BPD), but do a remarkable job describing it. The songs are Meredith Brooks's Bitch, Billy Joel's She's Always a Woman to Me, and Natalie Merchant's My Skin.
When I was in Richmond State Hospital, I heard from multiple patients on different units that they had trouble getting painkillers that had been prescribed. In the case of Vicky, this was true even though the painkillers were not narcotics. And in Eric's case, when another doctor administered painkillers, staff were furious. It raises an interesting question, "Do psychiatric patients have a right to prescribed painkillers?"