What are borderline personality disorder (BPD) and my fear of abandonment like for me? Borderline personality disorder keeps abandonment on my mind. I have a long-term and near-constant fear that the people I love are going to stop loving me. This fear of abandonment caused by BPD makes me worry that my relationships could be lost at any given moment and stops me from relaxing because I feel relentlessly on edge.
Coping with BPD
Letting go of borderline personality disorder (BPD) cycles of drama in recovery is important, but difficult. This might seem counterintuitive, but one of the hardest things for me to adjust to on my road to healing is simply learning to adjust to a calm and peaceful life. Those of us living with BPD get addicted to the highs and lows, the chaos, the crises, and the constant upheaval that comes along with living in emotionally intense states. Simply learning to tolerate when life is steady and serene can be a confusing new world, but it is possible to learn to tolerate stability and peace and to let go of the borderline cycles of drama.
Borderline personality disorder splitting (BPD), in its simplest form, is seeing the world through extremes (Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms, Diagnosis). It’s a highly polarized way of perceiving the world around us. It’s a rigid way of perceiving things. It means someone always has to be "good" and another has to be "bad." In the video below, I’ll explain what borderline personality disorder splitting looks like for me and within this post, will explain ways I’ve learned not to split and to have a more realistic and balanced view of the world around me.
The dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skill of mindfulness helps people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) practice radical acceptance of reality. Learning to tolerate life, exactly as it is in this moment, is a difficult struggle for any sufferer of BPD. At its core, BPD is fundamentally an attempt to escape intense pain and frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined fears of abandonment. We get ourselves into trouble trying to run away from reality and the uncomfortable feelings associated with living in reality. The DBT skill of mindfulness and radical acceptance work together to help me accept reality.
People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can learn to manage panic attacks by using the five senses. If we can train ourselves to consciously and positively stimulate the five senses during emotional distress, we with borderline might manage panic attacks with more success (Mental Illness Can Overstimulate Your Brain).
Depressed borderlines can benefit from structure. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) and clinical depression often go hand in hand, causing life to be unbearable at times. Sometimes it is necessary to be hospitalized in a safe environment to receive treatment and to provide structure in daily life. I have required psychiatric hospitalization at times. With each hospital stay I am reminded of this most important coping skill for me. As a person with borderline, I must create structure daily to prevent hospitalizations.
Intense emotions and panic are hard to go through. As a person with borderline personality disorder (BPD), I have intense emotions all day, every day. It never stops. There is no complete relief. The best way for me to cope with feeling so emotionally charged is to distract myself with an activity. This could be cleaning, exercising, reading, watching television, playing and snuggling with my pets, cooking, listening to music, writing, or many other coping activities. I've come to realize that borderlines can deal with intense emotions and panic.
One well-known symptom of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is emotional intensity, which appears to the rest of the world as drama. A good first step for someone just learning of a BPD diagnosis might be to learn how to engage an observer part of him/herself. In other words, we borderlines need to learn how to think and feel at the same time.
I have borderline personality disorder (BPD), and I usually cringe when I hear someone say, "Choose to be happy." First I feel angry at the whole world for not understanding me. After I realize that I'm being a victim and blaming others for my pain, I then shift the blame to myself. I punish myself, and think, "It's my fault I can't choose to be happy. Something is wrong with me. I'm defective. I'm not trying hard enough."
People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) sometimes manipulate others to get the comfort or attention we need. Often, we don't even realize that we are being manipulative. Many of us never learned how to honestly ask for what we need or want. It starts with emotional pain. If we don't get the support we need in the midst of that pain, often feelings of anger arise, and we progress into new or worsening depression. Manipulation tactics then come into play, fueled by our anger that no one understands us. Manipulation in borderline personality disorder is important to understand.