I asked my Facebook friends what they wanted to know about borderline personality disorder (BPD). Someone asked: "I'd like to know how does one discover or come to terms with being BPD? It took me years to learn of my depression, and I would assume one doesn't always know they have BPD - so how do they find out? And once they find out, then what?"

While not one of the nine criteria for a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD), selfishness can be a symptom of the disease. Selfishness interferes with healthy relationships, worsens risky behavior and worsens addiction--all symptoms of BPD. How do we know when we're being selfish? There are three questions to ask.

Recently I was talking to a volunteer from a domestic violence shelter and I asked if calls had increased since the Ray Rice video was made public. The answer was yes, because awareness was being raised. According to HealthyPlace, women with mental illness are at a greater risk of being abused. So I decided to write about signs of an abusive relationship, how domestic abuse can affect a person with borderline personality disorder (BPD), and the warning signs of an abusive relationship via the Domestic Violence Screening Test.

Romantic relationships are difficult enough without mental illness entering the equation. But when one or both of the people involved has borderline personality disorder (BPD), relationships can become sheer hell. I live with BPD and was once in a romantic relationship with a man who had BPD and bipolar disorder; it was probably the biggest mistake I ever made. That said, I learned a lot from it.

As a sexual assault survivor, I have an interest in cases of rape that make the news. Recently, here in Indianapolis, a man was convicted of several sex offenses, including rape. But there was no justice--the male judge looked at the victim and told her she had to forgive her attacker and move on, then sentenced her rapist to eight years of house arrest. That judge has no idea what he asked her to do. But it raises an important question: Can we forgive when there is no justice?

According to HealthyPlace.com (What Is Borderline Personality Disorder?), borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be caused by abuse or neglect by a caregiver. As a child, I experienced both. It was so bad that I went to college one thousand miles away from home. My goal was to get as far away as possible. But people can change. My parents and I now have a great relationship, in spite of my BPD.

My sign it was time to end an engagement to an abusive man was, well, a sign. Literally. I didn't expect to fall in love and become engaged to an abuser, but I think my borderline personality disorder (BPD), as well as his BPD and bipolar diagnosis, played a role in the abuse. I was afraid of being abandoned almost as much as I was afraid of provoking him. I believed his insults and my abuser's promises to change. I thought I was the abusive one. (Read: How Did You Brainwash Me?) That is, up until I saw the sign that said "Taking my money is abuse. Stop it."

I live in an apartment complex for adults with severe mental illness--too healthy for a group home, too sick for independent living. This makes dealing with my neighbors difficult. Today, I had to deal with a neighbor I suspect has both BPD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

The recent murder-suicide involving Kansas City Chiefs linebacker, Jovan Belcher, calls attention to the issue of domestic violence. While it is unclear if Belcher was an abuser, recent reports indicate that he and girlfriend, Kasandra Perkins, were in counseling for relationship issues. So it makes domestic violence a reasonable topic for discussion. I've noticed that mental illness is often a factor in domestic violence.

Codependency, like addiction, is a serious problem that can affect many people with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Codependency is a behavioral and psychological condition in which a person sacrifices his/her own wants and needs in order to maintain an unhealthy relationship. It is also called "relationship addiction." Codependency is probably due to the intense fear and frantic efforts to avoid abandonment common in BPD.