I felt like I couldn't trust anyone after leaving my abusive husband. I wondered to myself, "Will he abuse me?" whenever I met someone who stirred up my sexual feelings. I shied away from him (or made it impossible to create a true bond) because after living with a monster, the thought of being fooled again made me sick to my stomach. It took about five months of freedom to even consider opening myself to a relationship. When I finally did open up, the butterflies in my stomach opened and closed their wings - like steel traps. I was aflutter about a new romantic interest, but when those butterflies snapped their wings shut hard and fast, I withdrew from him. More than once. I initially thought I didn't trust other people at all, but I learned that trusting myself after that abusive relationship was the thing I needed help to relearn.

I struggle with using the words "narcissist" and "sociopath" and the like in my descriptions of abusers. The words get a lot of online attention and would draw in abuse victims trying to solve the mystery of their lover's nasty behaviors. However, "abusers" do not fall into any specific category in the DSM-IV (the guide psychiatrists use to diagnose mental illnesses). By and large, abusive people are not mentally ill - even though to us normal folks, it sure appears that they are insane. Due to some of the comments this post received, I want to clarify that I am talking about cases of domestic violence and abuse - two adults who chose to be together initially until one found out the other was abusing them. There is some peace in "diagnosing" your abuser as a sociopath, narcissist, or whatever as a layperson because your research will also show you these people DO NOT CHANGE and IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT they behave the way they do. This helps you to detach from them. However, if you are a victim of abuse in a domestically violent relationship, then it does no good to wait around out of "loyalty" or "marriage vows" or any other reason if your abuser happens to actually go to a therapist and receive such a diagnosis. You will become disordered if you live with someone with a mental disorder that science has no way to treat or cure.

A symptom of PTSD is reliving the abuse, the trauma, repeatedly in the form of flashbacks, nightmares and intrusive memories. I believe there's another piece of the PTSD puzzle in reliving abuse by hearing the abuser's voice in your head--repeatedly, intrusively, . . . so ingrained a memory that it speaks in the abuser's voice without us realizing it is only the abuser's voice. It's only a memory. Reliving verbal abuse in the context of PTSD makes me forget that the abusive voice is not my own.

Are you having problems making friends since leaving your abusive relationship? You aren't alone in being alone. Abuse survivors make it out of their abusive relationships often to find they have no friends, or at least no one they can trust to be a friend. And after so much time in an abusive relationship, the effects of the emotional abuse can leaving you feeling like you're not worthy of a friend. Despite the problems, you can make good friends after an abusive relationship and create a life you want to live.

Part 1: The Abusive Relationship and Its Fairy-tale Beginning Part 2: The Hidden Tale of Abuse Part 3 of Our Fairy-tale: Previously, we left our princess and her friends confused and our knight deeply satisfied with himself. This is exactly as our knight wants it to be! He overpowered the princess and made her his newest trophy. From the outside looking in, it appears that the brave knight lives a dream: beautiful wife, beautiful home, loyal servants as friends, and the ability to take on new adventures (and lovers) without so much as a sideways glance from his wife. Our knight won his battle. He retains his glorious reputation, and that is all that matters to him.

Continued From The Fairy-Tale Beginning Storytellers leave out the middle portion of our fairy-tale because it occurs behind palace walls, secreted away from the prying eyes of peasants. The princess, swept off her feet, rides into the sunset with our knight, heading to his land and his castle. He promises love never-ending, and the princess cannot wait to begin life with him by her side. Her woodland friends promise to visit soon, and all seems well...

The abusive relationship begins like many others. Two people meet, make a connection, and fall in love. Their love seems beautiful to family and friends...except for one or two things that seem, well, odd...but every relationship has problems. Right? After all, there are no fairy-tales in the real world. For ease of writing only, the victim in our story is a princess, the abuser is a knight, and the victim's friends are the loving animals of the forest.

I will never say that I am grateful for having experienced abuse. I do not believe that abuse made me stronger, smarter, or braver. I did not "need" to go through the soul-threatening experience of an abusive marriage to become who I am today. If I could do it all over again with what I know now, I would have left him after our second child was born. However, I am grateful that my experience with abuse can be used to benefit others. I am grateful that abuse did not silence me. Abuse did not take my life, and it didn't take my soul. I am lucky and blessed. Over the past few years, after blogging through the last year of abuse and my subsequent release from it, I've gained a unique perspective on abusive relationships. I feel blessed that so many people contact me about their abuse (or about their desire to stop abusing). I know heartbreaking domestic dramas play out every single day, and it is sometimes hard to remove myself from other people's pain and stay objective and clear-headed. Sometimes I don't detach so well and take their pain to bed with me. Tonight will be one of those nights.

Counting down to 2013 means different things to different people, but I thought I'd take time out to share Verbal Abuse In Relationships greatest hits in 2012. Thank you for all of your encouragement and support throughout this year! I look forward to meeting more of you in the next 365 days. Happy New Year! May 2013 be full of support, encouragement and success for all, and your every day filled with love, light, and laughter.

Domestic abuse victims often fall into addiction problems and I did too. I don't know why others develop addictions, but for me, I'd given up on figuring out why I was so miserable. I could not solve the mystery. So I sat on my behind and lost myself in The Sims 2, a video game that allowed me to create a pretend family of my choosing. I became addicted to the video game's fantasy family because I didn't have the energy for anything other than wishful thinking. I let the addiction take me over before I realized I was a domestic abuse victim, and before I could fathom life as becoming enjoyable ever again.