Choose Your Own Fairy-Tale Ending to Abuse
Part 3 of Our Fairy-tale:
Previously, we left our princess and her friends confused and our knight deeply satisfied with himself. This is exactly as our knight wants it to be! He overpowered the princess and made her his newest trophy. From the outside looking in, it appears that the brave knight lives a dream: beautiful wife, beautiful home, loyal servants as friends, and the ability to take on new adventures (and lovers) without so much as a sideways glance from his wife. Our knight won his battle. He retains his glorious reputation, and that is all that matters to him.
Meanwhile, our princess behaves as if she's pricked her finger on one too many poison spindles. The castle staff observes her pacing the halls, talking to herself, and neglecting to care for her beautiful Rapunzel-like hair. Her under-eyes are dark. She has a worry line on her forehead too soon for someone so young. She keeps the staff at arm's length but seems to want their company at the same time. She apologizes to them for nothing and repeats each request in five different ways (as if the staff is too stupid to understand what she said the first time). She insults the staff by going behind them, re-cleaning the silver and re-sweeping the floor. Half of the castle staff fear she is going mad and will snap in the next breeze; the other half finds her cold and worries what tales she reports to the knight.
Our princess cannot see from any perspective other than her own immediate situation. The knight keeps her alternating between love and fear, and the extremes of those emotions keep her firmly rooted in the present. She cannot make sense of the past and she cannot see into the future. She is so grateful for the knight's love (when he shows it) that she forces herself to forget the fear. She obsesses over what the knight is doing and whom he is with when they're apart. She cannot sleep, partly afraid the knight won't come visit her and partly afraid he will. She cannot predict his moods and often times he expresses his rage by humiliating her, blaming her for his problems.
She is lonely, but afraid what the knight will say if she speaks to the staff - especially the male staff. She feels inadequate, unable to communicate her true feelings. She wonders if her mind is giving out on her. The knight does not seem to understand her most of the time. There are so many questions to answer and no one to help her find the truth! She fills her days re-doing the staff's chores in hope that the knight will stop threatening to behead them and find less to be angry about during his visits.
Far away in another kingdom, the woodland creatures remain loyal to the princess. They keep her in their thoughts and hope she has the life she dreamed. The owl and the dove continue to piece together the knight's story, and it begins to sound more like a nightmare than a fairytale. The owl bravely flies to the princess' bedroom window under the cover of night. She observes the princess' strange behavior, then sees the knight enter the bedroom and harshly insult the princess. The owl wants to fly inside and rip the scalp off of the knight but intuitively knows that doing so will only harm the princess. She flies off into the night, saddened, to report to the dove the truth of their friend's romance.
The owl and the dove gather the other woodland creatures. The moles agree to dig a large tunnel under the palace wall to outside the princess' window. The creatures will find the princess and ask her to sneak away with them, back to her loving home.
Choose Your Own Adventure
At first, our princess does not see the opening to the tunnel beneath her window. But then, one afternoon while looking for the knight, she spies familiar eyes peering out at her from beneath the flowers of the garden.
"Sweet princess!" a doe whispers, "Please come away with us! The owl told us how the knight treats you. We want you to return home."
What Do You Think The Princess Will Do?
The Princess Jumps Immediately Into the Tunnel and Lives Happily Ever After. If you choose this ending, then most likely:
- You've been reading too many fairy-tales.
Our princess will likely rebuke her friends for quite some time. What will convince her to jump into the dark tunnel? She must come to believe that the knight abuses her and that the abuse is not her fault. This voice of rationality may come from her friends, a servant in the castle, her own spirit, or God whispering to her heart. No matter what the source, once our princess understands the truth, she will be more willing to risk leaving the knight.
The Princess Ignores Her Friends Forever. If you choose this ending, then most likely:
- The woodland creatures will eventually give up putting their lives at risk for the princess.
- The tunnel will grow over.
- The abuse will worsen.
- The princess will die by her own hand, by the hand of the knight, or as a sad, lonely, old woman who once knew joy in her youth.
The Princess Enters the Tunnel. If you choose this ending, then most likely:
- The princess will do whatever necessary to enter the tunnel.
- Her woodland friends will be surprised and delighted to see her return.
- Her friends will help protect her from the knight when he seeks to reclaim her.
- The princess diligently works to rid herself of the thoughts and feelings related to the knight's abuse.
- The princess will create her own fairy-tale ending without that knight.
No matter what the ending, the only knight able to rescue the princess is the princess herself. If she is to escape, she has to make the first move; our princess must clear her own tunnel.
The funny thing about taking that first scary step is that it isn't as big a step as our princess thinks. She will be amazed at the help that becomes available to her just by calling this number: 800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 800−787−3224. Clear your tunnel - call now.
Part 1: The Abusive Relationship And Its Fairy-Tale Beginning
Part 2: The Hidden Tale of Domestic Abuse
Part 3: Choose Your Own Fairy-tale Ending to Abuse
Holly, K. (2013, January 13). Choose Your Own Fairy-Tale Ending to Abuse, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, July 17 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2013/01/end-to-abuse
Author: Kellie Jo Holly
For anyone who is on the other side now can you advise what to do as the friend( me , her mom) to support, enlighten, "help her see" before it gets worse and she goes mad. This is like watching a freightrain coming. I am the bird above who saw it all( except some of the secret middle). She has been in the relationship from age 15 til now -22. His skills at isolating and brainwashing are only getting better with his practice of course.
what would have enlightened you?
I know your kitties are important to you. Perhaps, after reconnecting with your friends, you could place the cats in safe homes until you have a place where you can all be together again.
As he changed back into who he is at heart, an abuser, he told you that you were to blame for how he treated you. You believed him on some level and soaked in that misinformation like a loving sponge. It is no wonder that you feel this is your fault. He set you up to feel this way.
I am here to tell you that NONE OF THAT MESS is your fault. You didn't cause it, you couldn't have seen it coming. You can't make him hit you anymore than you can make him kiss you. Think about it...if you could "make" him do anything, what would it be? I would bet my life that you wouldn't make him hurt you. Torri, we're just not THAT powerful.
Visit http://www.thehotline.org and call the number you see there. The National Domestic Violence Hotline volunteers will help you work through this. If possible, find a therapist, too. You need someone to validate your experience and help you learn how to avoid it in the future.