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Quotes On Abuse From Domestic Abuse Survivors

March 18, 2013 Kellie Jo Holly

Quotes on abuse from domestic violence survivors about the abuse and leaving their abusers show us their courage and insight. But perhaps more importantly, quotes on abuse give a glimpse of the future to survivors who have not left their abusive partners. I hope you catch a realistic version of your future without your abuser within these quotes on abuse (Insightful Quotes on Abuse Issues). It isn't easy, but that new start is worth the pain of leaving.

Quotes on Abuse from Those Who Left

Fear of leaving the abuser, or of being on their own, is the biggest glitch in many survivors' plans. Fear, both real and false fears implanted by the abuser, creates a mighty barrier to leaving the abusive relationship. A Facebook friend described it as facing an "insurmountable mountain", but I don't think there are any of those kinds of mountains since leaving my abuser (Top 3 Things I Know That An Abuse Victim Does Not). You can do anything if you take one step at a time.

How Did You Feel Right Before You Left?

Quotes on leaving abuse, from survivors, challenge us to picture a future without abuse.Guilt, relief, and pity. I told myself there was nothing else I could do for him, because he would either kill me or I’d kill myself before I even graduated high school. ~Alexandra

I was heart broken, scared, I had a lot of anxiety, I was worried, I felt weak, and I had no idea how I was ever going to come up with the strength. But I just closed my eyes, and took a blind leap. I knew I had to get out of there. ~ Casey

Shame, fear, and sadness. I drank too much. ~Jim

I felt sad, happy & relived all at once. ... I was happy I could get away from the relationship & realize I didn’t need him to live MY LIFE. I was relived because I finally let go of him & everything we had. ~Kate

The days before I left him, I loved him, feared him and hated him. Three emotions I experienced the most were fear, guilt and confusion. ~Lori

I was filled with hatred. I knew it was only a matter of time before something terrible would happen. I felt strong and ready to have my life back. [I was] depressed, so I smoked heavily. For the hatred, I concentrated on the bright future ahead and thoughts of my son. I felt brave, too, knowing it was now or never. ~Moyo

What Was The Best Thing You Did Before You Left?

I started objectively watch him while he ranted and insulted. I stopped trying to defend and explain myself and just watched and listened. It really helped to keep me focused on the fact that the problem was his… not mine. ~Stacia

I told him I wished him the best and I hoped he had a wonderful life. And then I thanked him for showing me what I didn’t want out of future relationships. I needed him to know that he didn’t break me. ~Alexandria

I wrote down why I was leaving in a private journal. I did that so that if I doubted myself I would have concrete evidence – from myself – that I was making the right decision. I didn’t need to reference it then, but I’m glad I have that now so that, years later, I have a record of where I was then, and where I am now. ~Amber

I left the rings he gave me in one of the dresser drawers. I wanted as few romantic gestures clouding my decision to leave for good this time. (I left two other times before but returned.) I didn’t engage him when he raged. I remained silent and calm. ~Paula

What Planning Did You Do Before You Left?

I planned where I would stay, and made back up plans just in case things started to get dangerous. ~Casey

I made sure my friends and family knew what was going on, so if anything happened people were aware what was going on. I talked to my mom and made sure I had a great support system. ~Kelli

I told my sister, my mother, and my estranged husband (the father of my son) of my plans. I put together all of my legal papers and IDs and stuffed them in the trunk of my car. I put a spare set of keys behind the back wheel of my car. I packed a small bag of clothes and toiletries. I asked my estranged husband to take our son early. ~Paula

I worked with counselors from a professional agency in my area. They helped me to develop a safety plan. I spoke to my parents, and two of my friends. ~PeacockLady

How Do You Feel Now That You've Left Your Abuser?

I left him 2 years ago and I was starting to feel a bit better about myself until recently. My daughter moved away to get away from her dad to try and start her life over. She moved back and stayed with me for a while and she finally got her own place right behind me so she was close to me. I just found out that her dad moved in with her. He lives right behind me now. All of my fears have come back again, so once again fear is taking over my life. ~Robin

It’s been almost 4 weeks now, I’m grieving still, but not as much. I notice I don’t have night terrors anymore and I feel a bit free, but guilty, very guilty. ~KareMarie

I felt a huge relief after I left. It was tough the first few weeks, but as time went on I felt so much better about myself and my health improved as well. I am so thankful I have a great family who helped me get up and get out. It’s been almost 4 months and I have a great job and so many more goals that I am on my way to accomplish that I never thought I could do. Being called ignorant, bitch, stupid, and cunt had taken its toll on me. I am still taking things one day at a time. It has been quite a process. ~Jennifer

I left in 1981. I live a happy and rich life, I have my own home and work in the field of domestic violence and sexual assault. I look forward to each day. ~PeacockLady

More Quotes of Wisdom from Domestic Abuse Survivors:

Never believe you are in control [because it is] a form of denial. He can and will go ‘that far’. It isn’t the end of your life. Yes, you got beat, yes you he raped you, ruined a part of your life and you may lose everything, jobs, friends, belongings. That crap means nothing. Absolutely nothing. You have an awesome life waiting for you. Go get it! ~Angela Lee

Find a support system, they are the best resource you can have to leave. ~Kelli

There is a beautiful happy life out there. If you’re being abused it’s so easy to get caught up. Especially if they add an element of truth to the insults. You get completely confused and doubt yourself. I spent almost three years of my life spinning sadly around this man. Never being good enough. Now I am looking forward to a future with a mutual love and respect in it. ~Stacia

I realize now I am a survivor. I am a stronger woman for opening my eyes and stepping away from someone who didn’t respect themselves and would never respect me. ~Lori

Check out other survivor stories at Verbal Abuse Journals

APA Reference
Holly, K. (2013, March 18). Quotes On Abuse From Domestic Abuse Survivors, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, August 23 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2013/03/quotes-on-abuse-from-survivors



Author: Kellie Jo Holly

Marisar
says:
May, 18 2016 at 8:35 am
A man who beats his wife, call her names, put her down and treat her worst than a garbage doesn't deserve another chance! I am already divorced from a drug user and mentally unstable old man. I don't care how he puts me down and make all the lies he wants , besides it was just his words thinking that it can still affect me. He is so ungrateful and very bad creature! I took care of him when he got his hips broken from the motorcycle accident, taking his poop cleaned, making his food and serving him as a king. When he got his strength back.. he is back to normal ways... calling me stupid, that i had another man (which i never had), he even accused me of stealing things from him which in fact he himself had forgotten where he stored it. He took my money , deprive me from meeting my family through net, throws the food i made or give it to the dog and starve me for days. I am just lucky because some of my friends helped me out when i sent them sms after his beating!! Thanks to the police who came and helped me. It really takes a lot of courage and determination to get out of it... but it really pays in the end. As he said I was so stupid and idiot!!! Right!!! I would say, because it took me time to figure out how bad his soul is! I am an idiot believing what he tells about me ( No one loves me, I am nothing, worthless person, bitch , ugly and old ( Truth is.. he is!! ) and he loves me( yeah... loves to abuse me because I am weaker than he is and took my financial freedom which I used to have)). Now that I am free from him, I have more loving people that surrounds me , better job and happy family. I just let destiny decide for him... what a pity!! Poor Jens!!!
Jamie Leigh
says:
April, 14 2016 at 7:06 pm
I just left my abuser a few days ago after a year and a half of hell. I spent 5 hours at the courthouse getting my order of protection and 17 hours in the police station pressing charges against his rape and abuse. I have so many emotions right now that I am really just numb. I feel too blame, I can't believe I thought I loved him or that he loved me. Every terrible thing he has ever said to me, everything he has done to break me down and left me in a place where right now I lost my job because of him and my home because I left him. At the same time I feel like I can breathe again I have faith this time is the last time I will leave him and I will not go back. Either he was gonna kill me or I was gonna kill myself and I chose me. I walked away. I survived. I don't have any support but at least I'm safer.
Amy
says:
March, 14 2016 at 5:09 am
I started being physically, mentality, and emotionally abused 2 weeks after I had my daughter I was 19 yrs old, the first time it happened I sat outside behind a bush for six with my daughter waiting for my husband to leave, I had never in my life experienced or even anything like that, I was scared and told no one..The abuse got worse after the birth of my son, I went from being hit by his fist to being thrown against the wall, beaten by a pipe, knife to my throat, gun to my head, and being put in the hospital, I couldn't leave because by that time he had control over my mind I believed everything he said about me ,no cared for me but him and I better be glad that he was even with me , because look at how fat and ugly I am I weighed 105lbs at that time, He kept me from my family making me believe that they didn't even love me, because all I am is just a worthless woman and they are embarrassed to be part of my life..I was abused for 12 yrs , I finally got out it was to the point I knew if I didn't leave I was going to die I wouldn't make it out alive, I'm 42 now and I still struggle with the things that I went through physically, emotionally and mentally ..
Kathleen
says:
July, 18 2015 at 12:26 pm
I been with my husband 9 years and married for 4 years. We have no children togetger. His are grown and my two are living with us. For the last 7 years I have been emotionally and physically abused. I have been called any and every degrading name you can imagine. I've been slapped, spit on, punched, kicked, chocked, black eyes, bloody lips, etc. I've never called police, because I never wanted to ruin his future. He hasn't hit me in a long time, but the verbal assults never end. All of our children have witnessed us arguing, yelling, cussing at one another and have even witnessed him being physical to me. I've wanted to leave many many times, but I work with him and he controls all the money. He even takes my truck to leave me with no transportation. My self-confidence, self worth and every thing in between has been taken. I feel helpless and I don't know what to do. I know I'm living in a very unhealthy relationship and at 47 years old I want out and to start my life over and be the happy, beautiful, confident person I once was. He continues to make me feel guilty by telling me I used him, I'm cheating on him, I'm ruining his life and our family, he loves me. He tells me everything is my fault, that I'm the cause of everything. I have allinated my friends and family. He controls everything I do. I can't even tell him how I feel, because he turns it all on me. I could go on and on.. I know I need to start counseling, but I have no idea where to go. I want a divorce. Please send me some information on where to go from here. Thank you!
Jens
says:
June, 21 2015 at 4:45 am
Im the husband to marisar,who claimbs to be been abused by me;
she then said the divorse comes soon: see this was in 2015--
to this day she dosnt answer any lettrs from lawyer,in other words, we are still married: another thing Marisar stole my entire attic,and sold all the things----she is the abuser here, not i--i had the police to drive her to central hospital in the city we live in--not a marke.--all sat up-why--well where did marisar go on he birthday
she met a guy,on net,took the ain to copenhagen,and went o bed with a man she met on net, next day she came back, marisar has a paintsniffer problem,and belongs to a funnyfarm, if her life was such a hell why not leave me in peace-----i have another,and today she blocks me,by not answering the autoritetes- i have told her ill see you in court,im prepared to marrie again, but i cant,marisar blocks it.

jens Hansen
Stephanie
says:
April, 2 2015 at 7:18 pm
I left my abuser a month ago. I still can't help but to call or email when I am vulnerable. I have an amazing support system but can free my thoughts of this person. I feel weeker than I did all of the times he made me feel worthless. I just want to feel human again. I want to feel in control. Please help.
LadyDragon
says:
February, 13 2015 at 5:29 am
Dear Anon- Jan 5, 2015

YES, YES, YES you ARE in an abusive relationship! Please continue empowering yourself by reading any blog by Ms. Kelly Jo Holly, to include "VerbalAbuseJournals"!
I myself, am in my THIRD abusive relationship- first marriage was verbal, 2nd was a four month physical, emotional, mental, verbal & psychologically abusive "dating" relationship; Now I'm in my 3rd marriage, and it has just began to escalate to physical violence with headbutting. Has been verbal & manipulative THE WHOLE TIME- but I was unaware until I found VerbalAbuseJournals.
For the last year, things have been out of control. I realize, now, that no matter how badly I want a good marriage with my current husband, IT WILL NEVER, EVER BE!
I am currently taking steps to downsize my household things and organize paperwork as well as repair my vehicle to LEAVE!! I have started over every other time, I ended those other relationships. This one has been the hardest.
As of today, I feel I still have to "share" the household for approximately another 2 months... I am keeping the timeline fluid for multiple reasons, ie physical safety, money, pets. Point is, I am trying to regain my own sanity/self confidence by making a plan and taking steps, even baby steps, each day to achieve my goal of getting out.
Kelly Jo Holly's blogs are my LIFESAVER/SANITY REMINDER right now!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for sharing this INVALUABLE INFORMATION AND SUPPORT!
God Bless Us All in our journey to Self!

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Kellie Jo Holly
says:
February, 28 2015 at 6:22 am
Lady Dragon, thank you for the compliments. There are many of us who write, but I am grateful my style speaks to you. God bless you on your journey to self! (I love that phrase!)
Marisar Hansen
says:
January, 28 2015 at 4:12 am
He often say that I am an idiot and stupid... That he has above average IQ.. Then one day, I answered him back saying " Yes! You're right! You're above normal... Abnormal for short and I am an idiot and stupid 'coz I keep on trying to make our relation work..." I have done the first move and soon comes the divorce! I Will no longer let him abuse me verbally,emotionally and physically! It's over... Time to love myself back!
Anon
says:
January, 5 2015 at 4:23 pm
I am struggling trying to figure out if I'm really in an abusive marriage or not. I do get called bitch and told to go f myself and that I'm stupid when he gets mad. He also gives me the silent treatment a lot and won't respond when I speak, even if he's not mad. We have been together over 3 years but married 7 months. We have a 10 month old and I have a 5 year old from a previous relationship. He works and I stay home and he controls all the money. He's never bought me shampoo or anything. He expects my parents to support me while he hides his money. He has let our utilities get disconnected many times and I even got served with an eviction notice, but luckily his dad helped us get out of that situation. He works full time and makes 2000 a month and we have no cable or internet. All he has to pay is rent, lights and water. My parents are helping me stay afloat and pay me 100 a week to help them clean and do odd jobs and that's how I pay my car insurance and but anything me or the kids need and pay for my gas. He has broken our bedroom door down in the past and the police were called and there's been times he's grabbed my arm and bruised me or pushed me and hurt me. One time, he slammed a door on my foot several times in front of my son and shoved me. He also has stolen money from me and gift cards from holidays. Money was stolen out of my pocket from him one of the times I was in the hospital pregnant. He said he took it to help pay the bills. He also stole my medication after my c section and said he sold it for money. I could go on and on, but I just am so confused. He is nice to the kids, but often ignores me or is very rude and my son has witnessed a lot and it has started to affect him negatively. I have no money and all the bills are in my name and I know he would fight to take my daughter from me in court if I were ever to leave. I don't want to co parent with him. If I were to leave, I would want full custody but I have no proof of all that he does.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Kellie Jo Holly
says:
January, 8 2015 at 7:34 am
Yes, you are living in an abusive marriage. You will not know what he can do until you test him by leaving...however, you PROBABLY give him more credit than he deserves. Most abusers are not as intelligent or as influential as their targets/victims believe them to be. Sounds like your parents are on your side. Use that to your advantage, take your children, and leave him before he can do more damage.

That said, I understand the confusion you feel. To those of us reading your comment, there is no doubt that you are abused. Trust us on this one. You are correct in your understanding of abuse. You are being abused.
Vixen Rhodes
says:
May, 3 2014 at 10:33 pm
Four weeks ago, after a year of physical, mental, and sexual abuse I picked up what little bit of life I had and drove 3000 miles away from him his drug abuse, cheating, lies and insults. I have to say I'm still a work in progress, but I'm healthier than I've been in over a year I smile more than I have in a long time and I'm planning for my future. When I was with him I couldn't think about myself at all, it was "selfish" but now I feel like I will like a long life and today I started thinking about what I wanted in a partner. None of us ask to be beaten but there is and unseen badge of courage that we all wear afterwards and it only makes us stronger more empowered people. I know for myself I will NEVER be with someone like that again. I'm not completely over all the cruelty he inflicted upon me, but instead of staying awake at night while he slept beside me, and wondering if he loved me, I stay awake now wondering why I ever loved him. If your in and abusive relationships things will get better once you leave, that's the only solution.
lisa m
says:
June, 18 2013 at 6:07 pm
I am 32 years old. I have 2 children from a previous marriage and still married to him. but then I met my present father of my to little ones that im here scared to leave for the 4th time I met him going on 3 year on September I at first thought of him nice okay but I really didn't know him till I ended up living with him like the saying says you don't know the person till you live with them that is true I rushed into the relationship to fast I am not saying im perfect either but I can say this I really need o be strong and leave for good its that he has done it before called cps and told me get my things and leave so many time and till his day still put up with it but as I rad through these comments im crying cause I fee like that like I don't have anyone to support me like i made mistakes i was just messing with this guy way before i met baby daddy and i didn't wanted to tell him who i was dating before i met him but when i did that's all it took he doesn't leave m pass he always tells me till now yeah why i don't answer the phone or who im talkig too yeah im probably having sex right there and then i don't ask him to buy me anything and if so he complains im draining him from all his money and our to little boys use pampers and boy he talks a lot of s*** when it comes to them i have so much piled up inside me that i want to burst all to him but i try no to cause it doesn't do no good at all im just really tired of this relationship i have so much to say but its like i can make a book out of my story what can i do
Living Bold and Strong
says:
May, 30 2013 at 8:42 pm
Dear May 9th, 2013 1:55am

There are so many things I would love to sit down and talk with you about. First and foremost, you sound like a phenominally strong mother who puts her children above even herself. Second of all, I have no idea what it is like to have 4 children, as I only have 1 - so I feel like you are in a predicament I cannot help. However, I hear the clarity in your words that you do (as I did) recognize that this behavior is completely wrong. You do not deserve this. I recently left a man who was abusive and still struggle with whether or not I should have gone to therapy to save the marriage. The issue is, you can work your ass off. If your partner does not meet you half way, then you'll just drown there waiting - or you'll swim their part too and die of exhaustion. I wish I could help you get away. My family helped me. You're life is being drained out of you. It is clear in your words, even online. I hope you find a window out.
Anonymous
says:
May, 8 2013 at 8:55 pm
I just finished being abused again tonight by my husband. He is mad at me because I am borrowing a watch from my mom for EMT class. The watch I was "allowed" to buy, is very small and looks like the kind of watch it is: a $5 watch. My mom saw me wearing it, and with pain in her eyes, offered to just give me a watch. It didn't even dawn on me until I got to class, and realized that I had literally been "told" what I could spend on a watch. I make just as much money as him, why did he do that? Well, he found out that she was giving me a watch, and went into his nightly sermon about how I'm "always" doing things to upset him. And how I'm "always" trying to make him feel bad. And how I'm "always" wasting all of the money. It went on and on. Instead of him just saying, oh that's nice of your mom. It was "just leave, I hope you fail your class. You're stupid and won't pass".

After an hour of screaming and fighting, he changed his line to: "I care about you and I'm trying to prepare you for the real world."

We have 4 kids, and I've noticed him becoming harsher on his judgements of them. I don't like it, and I want to leave, but he has promised to kill me in front of the kids if I ever leave.

I have been secretly smoking because of the stress. I don't want my kids to know. The other night, after a 14 hour shift at work, I was too tired for sex, so he told my 5 year old daughter that I smoke, to get back at me.

I am miserable and I hope that when I get a better job, I can leave him. I'm just so afraid that he'll kill me or kidnap the kids. He has threatened to plant drugs in my car. He has a very good job that make people in the community trust him and like him.

I feel like I used to have so much potential. Now, I have trouble learning new things and I'm always saying sorry to coworkers and strangers for every little thing.

I hope and pray my children don't ever have a relationship like this. It is draining the life from me.
Michelle
says:
April, 21 2013 at 12:49 am
My one year anniversary for leaving my 22 years of hell marriage comes up on Mother's Day. It was the best gift I have ever given myself. My only regret is not doing it 22 years ago. Leaving is liberating, lonely, scary, sad and empowering. So many emotions, but any one of them is better than living with any of the emotions I had while being abused. It's a long recovery and the first few months were rocky. But I find myself enjoying life more and more every day, doing and having things I never thought possible, like having friends, living without fear related to my husband, having a calm and peaceful home.
Linn
says:
April, 5 2013 at 8:04 am
I was emotionally and physically abused for 7 years from a man I called, Husband. Never did he hit me in front of people until one day he did it in front of my 6 year old daughter and enough was enough and he was sent to jail. I thought leaving him that life would get better but his jealous and controlling rage took over for a few years. He knew where I was, who I was dating, with help my children at times, among other things. finally it's been 4 years and I am re-married and happy. Yet I still have to do with my ex but now it's over the phone and I have become a strong women for leaving him. He may try to call and tell me I cant see or talk to my kids, or call me bad names but now I can just hang up and eveytime I hang up on him, I feel better. I don't let him control my life anymore and I have a HUSBAND now who would never lay a finger on me!! Life was rough for awhile but worth every minute!!
Wezzy
says:
March, 23 2013 at 8:51 am
I'm in the process of gaining courage to leave. I'm extremely scared. Times are hard and you need 2 incomes but I know I can't feel this way no more any advice is helpful. I don't have much of a support team so i got to do this on my own.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Kellie Holly
says:
March, 24 2013 at 9:15 am
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800−799−SAFE (7233)) and count them in your support network. Call your local department of social services and do what you have to do to get into their domestic violence program (support #2). Create a fake facebook profile to protect yourself and then join us at http://www.facebook.com/kellie.holly/ (support #3). Sign up for Patricia Evans bulletin boards (http://verbalabuse.com/cgi-ubb/ultimatebb.cgi) and that makes support number 4).

I was married for 18 years with only one income. Today, I have a home and all the bills associated with that home and keep it running on one income. It is possible - but you may not have the luxuries you enjoy now. When you think of staying to keep luxuries, well, it doesn't make as much sense. (To me, a luxury is paying full price for a movie, so I may not be the best one to judge a "luxury"!)

You have more support than you think and you're able to make it alone better than you give yourself credit for...Do you have a safety plan? Here's one: http://verbalabusejournals.com/pdf/safety-plan-stay-or-go.pdf
anthony
says:
March, 19 2013 at 10:21 am
Thank you Kellie for compiling and sharing these heart felt and powerful first hand accounts of how abuse destroys lives but more importantly showing us that there can be triumph with the courageous act of separation from the abuser. <a href="http://www.govacounseling.com" rel="nofollow">Hawaii Psychologist</a>
Jewels
says:
March, 18 2013 at 1:51 pm
I left almost five months ago! I even picked up and moved myself and my children to a different town because the cycle would never stop if I stayed! I still deal with night terrors, depression and anxiety! Even though he doesn't know where we are I still feel like he's going to show up. I will say, even with all the hard times moving forward, it is so much better than living with someone who only crushed me emotionally and eventually physically! I am finally putting my life back together and for the first time in years I'm proud of myself! I'm learning that it was not my fault and no matter what I did, how good I was, or how much I tried to please him, the abuse was never going to end! I encourage all women to dig deep and find the strength God gave all of us and get out! To Thine Own Self Be True!

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