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A Verbal Abuse Quiz You Want To Take, Just To Be Sure

March 30, 2015 Kellie Jo Holly

A verbal abuse quiz can do a lot of things. It can help you determine if you suffer from verbal abuse. It can change your mind about what verbal abuse is and is not. A verbal abuse quiz can even show you that (eek!) you abuse other people. But a quiz cannot make you be honest. So if you are not ready to take an honest look at your situation, then don't bother with this verbal abuse quiz. It can't help you if you lie.

A Verbal Abuse Quiz Challenge For You

People love quizzes so much that we'll take a quiz to find out what kind of cat we would be, answering the questions quickly with complete confidence. No panicking, no over-thinking, no trying to please someone else. But when it comes to the serious stuff, like a verbal abuse quiz, we might semi-consciously skew the results by answering dishonestly. We might say we don't have the symptoms of verbal abuse, when in fact, we do.

Don't feel bad. We come by our dishonest answers honestly. We lie or fudge the truth because we want the answer to reflect what we want to know, not what we suspect to be true. After all, who wants to be an abuse victim? Who wants to find out someone we love abuses us? No one. So we give the benefit of the doubt to someone else - the one doing the abusing - instead of to ourselves and our feelings.

Take this verbal abuse quiz without thinking too much and find out if your relationship problems are really abuse problems.I challenge you to take this verbal abuse quiz with the same honesty as you would take a silly cat quiz. Don't over think your answers. Don't make excuses for the someone you suspect abuses you. Don't answer the questions with the answers someone else would like to hear. Take this abuse quiz as if you were trying to determine what kind of cat you would be instead of whether or not you are an abuse victim.

The Verbal Abuse Quiz

Going forward, the word someone implies one person in your life. Get that particular someone in mind before taking this verbal abuse quiz.

  1. Do you ever laugh at jokes about you that actually make you want to cry or fight? Do you hear jokes that hurt you in front of other people who laugh at the joke? Do you hear someone routinely say something like, "It's only a joke, honey" and then understand that statement as their hint to say no more?
  2. Do you feel your pulse beating faster when someone throws a temper tantrum? Do you forget what was so important about the conversation because someone's angry behavior derailed you from your point? Can you predict with great accuracy when someone is about to explode in a fearsome rage? Do you change your tact to avoid someone's temper?
  3. When someone accuses you of wrongdoing, do you automatically defend yourself no matter how silly the accusation? When someone blames you for the outcome of some event, do you feel compelled to defend or explain why it's not your fault? Or apologize even though you can't pinpoint why you feel the urge to apologize?
  4. Do you intend to have a conversation on one topic in particular, then discover later that you did not accomplish your goal? Do you find yourself saying, "Yes, but..." during conversations but never get your words in edgewise?
  5. Do you ever feel frustrated because someone immediately expresses a sentiment or observation opposite of the one you're trying to express? Have you felt frustrated because you know someone said one thing but they insist they said another?
  6. Have you ever felt frustrated because someone tends to forget things that are important to you like appointments, parties with your friends, or plans you made with them just yesterday?

Verbal Abuse Quiz Results

I know you took this verbal abuse quiz because you think your loved one abuses you. I know you are hoping they do not. I hope your answers to the verbal abuse quiz questions above were all "No."

If you answered "Yes" to any of the questions presented above, then you are a victim of Someone's verbal abuse.

Any quiz results are only as good as what you do with them. Take the first step now and become educated about verbal abuse. Check out some in-depth verbal abuse information articles or try the Abuse Screening Test for Women.

APA Reference
Jo, K. (2015, March 30). A Verbal Abuse Quiz You Want To Take, Just To Be Sure, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2022, September 28 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2015/03/verbal-abuse-quiz



Author: Kellie Jo Holly

Erin
April, 15 2022 at 6:28 pm

My parents are abusive! They aren’t physically abusive but verbal/emotionally abusive. Sometimes they can get physical like hitting and choking me but not all the time. It’s mainly my mother, but my dad backs my mom up and is on her side. She treats me like I don’t matter and like I’m not a person with feelings and emotions. She is always talking down on me and name-calling such as spoiled brat, fat pig, ungrateful child, etc. She also says comments such as “you’re a mean person and that no one would ever want to be friends with you.” They also say things like “I bend over backwards for you, and you don’t give me any respect back.” By the way she doesn’t do a thing for me, she has claimed that she wishes that I was never born. About a month ago I was told that I would be dropped off at the police station and left there, they didn’t really have the gut to do so but they were thinking about it. That same night she told me if I wanted to leave the house, I was allowed to leave, so I left barefoot walking for about 2hrs before they finally found me. They went to my friend’s house thinking I went there first, I didn’t, but they showed up at her house smiling thinking this was a joke. I still have blisters on my feet and trauma from that night. I have so much trauma I can’t even stand it all. I have some triggers and they sometimes go off at school from what someone said or did etc., but it usually ends in me either having a panic attack and can’t breathe or me crying. It’s rough, I have at least 3-5 panic/anxiety attacks a day so it’s usual for me. This is my life, no all of it but a small bit. It‘s hard but I have no other way to deal with it.

Anonymous
March, 29 2022 at 3:03 pm

My parents are horrible. I've taken multiple quizzes to find out if they are abusive and they've all said they were. They hit me for stupid reasons like I have too much laundry. They've hit my head, back, butt, legs, hands, and arms with wood and hangers. The next day they always ask if it hurts and smile and laugh when I say it does. They always embarrass me by saying that they'll tell everyone stories about me when I don't bend over backwards for them. I started cutting 2 years ago. I'm suicidal. I don't want to die, though. I just want out of this family. Everyone in my family knows that they hit me, kick me out of the house, and yell derogatory names at me, but they all ignore it. Even if they didn't know at first, a few years ago my dad hit me because he was upset that our printer wasn't working. He was the one who procrastinated and didn't print something for me until the night before I needed it. I didn't know how to use the printer so I needed his help and he got angry. He left bruises all over my legs. They could clearly see them and ignored them. They force me to join new activities and when I say I like them they make me quit. The only activities I do are ones I hate. They've planned my entire future with no consideration to what I want. If I stray from the path, they hit and yell at me. They make me think I'm useless. For years they've told me that I'm not good at anything. Anything that I accomplish, they take credit for. Anything I fail at they yell at me for. Whenever anything goes wrong they say it's my fault. They've always said that they're not my slaves, yet they make me theirs. Even when I'm sick they make me do stuff for them. They force me to go to school when I'm shaking and crying from how sick I feel. I think My mom just wants to compare me to my cousins and show her sister how much better she is. I'm not a show pony. They keep saying that I should be grateful to them for everything they've given up and done for me. I've been trying to please them for the last 15 years of my life, but nothing's ever good enough for them. This has been happening for as long as I can remember. My earliest memory was from when I was 5. It's the farthest back I can remember. I've never told anyone. I don't remember anything from before it. I thought that they would think I'm being dramatic or lying. I thought they wouldn't care. I've thought of killing myself. I've thought of telling people. I've thought of running away. I don't know what to do.

March, 30 2022 at 2:29 pm

Hello, I am Cheryl Wozny, the current author of the Verbal Abuse in Relationships blog here at HealthyPlace. I commend you for reaching out just now and sharing your story. It is very brave to let others know what is happening in your situation. No matter where you are located, there are resources to get help for you and your parents. Feeling like you want to die is a completely normal reaction to a horrible situation, but there is help. I encourage you to explore the options on our resources page here: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer…. Many of the hotlines that accept phone calls also have texting options available. Please reach out to someone that can guide you in dealing with your situation so you can begin your journey of healing and living a happier life. Be well.

Mia
November, 11 2021 at 12:58 pm

Hi, my name is Mia. I'm 13 years old. I said yes to all 6 questions above. My parents are horrible. My dad scares me, my mom is a hypocritical control freak, and my sister is crazy abusive and she makes me feel like I don't matter. I've started cutting myself and I'm suicidal. It's been like this my whole life, but it's gotten worse since school started this year.
Also, I'm pansexual and I have a girlfriend. I knew I had to keep our relationship secret because my parents are obvious homophobics and I'm not supposed to date until I'm 16. My parents found out a few days ago and since then have tormented and made fun of me for my 'stupid actions'. They're trying to force me to break-up with her but I just... can't. She's all I have. She doesn't know it, but she's the reason I'm still here. No way in hell am I breaking up with her. (Sorry for cussing)
My parents also give me no freedom to explore. If I make a new friend, my mom has to know everything about them. I'm not allowed to go anywhere but school and my parents are never willing to take me anywhere to hang out with friends outside of school.
Thankyou if you read this all the way.

November, 12 2021 at 11:29 am

Hi Mia,
Thank you for reaching out to share what you're dealing with. That's a brave step, and I'm so sorry to hear that it's been difficult for you. Please consider seeking help—HealthyPlace's list of hotline numbers and referral resources is a useful place to start. You can find it here: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer…. I know it can be hard, but please continue reaching out.
Mary-Elizabeth Schurrer
Comment Moderator

November, 19 2021 at 11:19 pm

Hello Mia, my name is Cheryl, I am the current author of the Verbal Abuse in Relationships blog here at HealthyPlace. Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like it can be very difficult for you at home right now. I am very glad to hear that you have a girlfriend that you trust and can be yourself with. Having someone close that understands you during challenging times is extremely helpful. It saddens me to read that your parents do not feel the same way you do about your new relationship. Even if they do not agree with your choices, making fun of you is not how they should be approaching the situation. I would really like for you to reach out to a local mental health office for some support. If you are not able to get in touch with someone local, you can find many toll-free numbers to call as an alternative. I encourage you to check out our Resources page here: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer… for more information on finding a hotline that can provide additional assistance. Be strong and know that you are not alone in this journey.

Jacqui
August, 12 2021 at 2:12 am

My fifth grade teacher hated me along with a few of my high school teachers. My 5th grade teacher hates disabled students and I’m disabled with mental and physical disabilities. He called me fat and lazy, made me stay in instead of recess, made the principal think I did things, pretty much made me fail my best class and made it look like I’m an idiot. My aid didn’t work with me either, my best friend stayed with me though. Middle school was fine, but high school was either as bad, almost as bad or worse from freshman-junior year. My advisory teacher was jealous of my sister so took it out on me, my history teacher made me sit on the left while I need to sit on the right, I didn’t have an aid, one of my friends started bullying me, I was forced to take a class I wasn’t supposed to on my IEP and they did nothing. The only people I got along with were my math teacher, ELA teacher, science teacher, art teacher and the school nurse. The nurse and art teacher were at my elementary school so knew what to do with me, both my math and ELA teachers worked with disabled students so I was fine there, even though my advisory teacher was a teacher for disabled students she still treated me awful and my science teacher was fine. Always smiling and checking in with me to see if I need help with anything in class. I can’t see fully on my right side, epileptic with complex partial seizures, short term memory, learning disabilities, balance problems and anxiety. Almost none of my teachers believed I was having a seizure. 5th grade and freshman-junior. When I got to senior year I started going to a disabled school and was where I belong. I made friends, same room for every class, call teachers by their first name, no homework, the things I needed they had. Thanks to my ELA and science teachers I passed my MCAS for those two sophomore with ELA and junior with biology. I had to retake biology but I still got it and my math teacher said I was close to passing my math MCAS junior year. High school in my home town high school and 5th grade were the worst school years I’ve ever had.

Aiden W
August, 2 2021 at 4:36 pm

Uhm aren't these all normal things my dad has bad anger issues and my mom always yells whenever I'm late and my mom always apologizes after but I always see my dad as the bad one and that's when my mom strikes. It feels like they take turns my dad sometimes hits me with a towel (he uses it like a whip) but that's just for fun right? I feel like it's been getting worse as me and my sister are getting older and they're definitely going through some stuff in their marriage so it's fine right? When they stop fighting it'll get back to normal right?

August, 11 2021 at 1:45 pm

Hello Aiden, I am Cheryl Wozny, the author of the Verbal Abuse in Relationships blog here at HealthyPlace. I am glad you found the courage to reach out and talk about your situation. It does not sound like your parents understand how hurtful their words and actions have been to you and your sister. Unfortunately, when parents have relationship problems, their anger affects everyone in the household. You should not have to face any form of abuse, even from someone close to you. I encourage you to reach out to one of our resources here: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer… and they can direct you to a local support office that can get you and your parents the assistance you both need to heal and move forward from this behavior. Be well.

Chloe
July, 26 2021 at 9:20 am

im 10 and it seems like if i say no to them i will get SENT AWAY! My dad said if my and my little sister ever argue or really even aren't perfect all we will have in our rooms is a mattress! My dad thinks tasing away our stuff will somehow make us "better listeners" (I'm on my grandmas computer) what he doesn't get is that now i can't talk to most of my friends or make memories with photos. He has taken away ALOT from us. Now all i feel at home its sadness. Sometimes he even yells at me for just saying something like "i don't feel good" or if i come out of room at nightime to say "i slammed my finger in the door and it really hurts" he will yell so much. Thats all.

Call me Shiny_Sylveon11
October, 8 2020 at 8:20 pm

im some what around the ages 12-14 in middle school, for the longest time i thought everything was my fault and i always have (And still do) think i have bad luck, My parents dont trust me cause im a liar, which they turned me into. they yell at me and my mom threatens to kill herself or leave sometimes and it scares me, whenever i do something bad, they dont calmly tell me it was wrong and give me a chance to make it right, they will yell at me.
They also scared me to where i know if they are coming upstairs, how to fake sleep, know their sleeping ranges (Like if they cant hear me do something unless its loud, or if they are still trying to sleep), and know how to steal/take stuff without people knowing.
I dont like being near them and though the internet may be cruel, it my only escape and its not so cruel if you think about it..
I have made a full Run away plan, set up and everything..i believe i have insomia because i cant ever sleep till 3am or 4am, they also shamec me for things i like and they are homophobic and im genderfluid and Pan.
My Mom and Dad have taken away my ipad to make me feel alone because i said MY OPINION IN CLASS, and its been like this since September (Now Oct as of writing). I've tried to Kill myself many times but never went through.
We (me and my sis) cant have social media, so i sneak mine so i feel free, the also make sure i cant be on my computer past 8pm , no tv on past 8:30pm now, no calling friends without permition, no freedom...
They have scared me to where i will FLINCH if someone near by yells, even if its playful, and if i try to say sorry they be like "no you arent!" and such....if im up late cause i cant sleep they will yell at me, if others are over, they will put on a nice act and when the guests are gone or not in my current location, they will either yell at me or quitely yell. They tend to get as close as possible.
Someties, they will mess up my room and make me clean it, and make fun of my fears..they also dont approve of some things i like like creepy pasta, scps, etc. My Mom also called me either a "Failure" or a "Mistake" one or twice too. And my mom put me in therapy for no reason then few months later, blamed me for "Signing up" for it cause we were having technical issues and "I have to go there online" anthen recently my dad yelled at me because a friend said "Wtf" and blamed me, and yelled at me because i didnt want to be rude to a friend and asked if i could join a friend in a game for a few minutes
I dont know if they are abusive or not..are they?

E
December, 29 2020 at 9:31 pm

Shiney silveon11 this is abuse. I am 14 but my mom was abused as a kid and I know what abuse is. You need to pleas tell somebody. It will get better. My mom was physically abused once and mentally abused several times. Also don’t let anyone tell you if they were abusive you wouldn’t care if they died because that is a lie. I sincerely hope you tell a responsible adult. School or a neighbor or even a police officer. I will be praying for you please hold on. My heart hurts for you. You can call me Gracie .

Emma M
September, 21 2020 at 9:20 pm

Hi, I'm Emma and I'm a 16 year old girl. My sister keeps hitting me and pushing me nonstop. She also keeps insulting me to a point where I want to die. I don't know what to do about her. What should I do about her?

Josie F.
September, 29 2020 at 5:05 pm

Honestly, I would tell someone. Seeing as I am a victim of Verbal/Emotional Abuse, I wouldn't know the pain you are in, but I have been wanting to die. I know what that is like. But I've been talking to a school counselor, and she is going to call DHS (It's a place that helps kids who are abused). Things can get better if you tell someone who you know will listen. Just remember that you aare strong. You got this.

Call me Adalyn or Addie
September, 12 2020 at 5:07 pm

Hi.. I’m a 13 year old girl who has always, or so I think, dealt with emotional and verbal abuse and it has gotten me into seriously dark places thinking that it would be better for everyone around me if I killed myself. Ever since a super young age, I’ve been yelled at by my siblings and parents because I was very social and wanted to hang out with everyone, but was kind of hard to deal with. My siblings just so happened to choose to hang out with other kids their age that hated me, including some relatives. They all treated me like absolute shit, but I didn’t think much of it until age seven when I became very, very insecure of myself. It might’ve had something to do with my brother beating me up and my parents didn’t do anything about it. At that point, I couldn’t trust anyone around me and wasn’t social anymore. I felt like everyone around me hated me and I would die alone, which frightened me. At age eight, I started showing symptoms of depression, but thought that it was normal and hid it. At age nine I was hurting all the time, but it was easy to hide it and put on a smile. Keeping all the emotions in me put a strain in my heart to the point where I looked up ways to kill myself. I had no clue what suicide was until I came across it on Wikipedia. At age ten I started having anxiety attacks and panic attacks, and that’s when I almost killed myself. Something was wrong, and I knew it, but was too afraid to even be myself around my family, let alone tell them what I was going through. I was embarrassed and tried making friends online just so they could backstab me. I felt so, so alone and my depression was at its worst. At eleven I experienced ED (bulimia, anorexia, binge-purge subtype) due to my father calling me fat. I also started cutting, and had already planned my suicide multiple of times, but was too weak to do so. I talked to hotlines, went to multiple of websites just to be told to “tell my parents”. Eventually, I did, but was told that it was my diet, puberty, or the stupid songs I was listening too (I had only told them about my depression and anxiety. Nothing else). They almost lost a daughter that night.
Right now I’m stuck in my bathroom wondering if I should leave everything behind or not after my father yelling at me telling me that I always think he’s stupid or something and he doesn’t care about whether I actually thought that or not, just at long as I shut my mouth. Everyone tells me that I’m stupid and I’m so hard to live with and love, but they’ll never understand how hard it is to be me. Is it abuse to be treated as if I’m useless and told that I’m fat and am always yelled at? I have no one to go to as I’m homeschooled and only have one relative nearby, but she’ll take my parents side. I’m so lost and afraid and depressed, but am I just over exaggerating like they say? Should I just deal with it?

September, 14 2020 at 12:23 pm

Hi Adalyn,
Thank you for the comment, and I am so sorry to hear that you're in this much pain. I know it can be difficult, but I would encourage you to reach out for help. Please see HealthyPlace's list of resources and hotline numbers here: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer….
Mary-Elizabeth Schurrer
Comment Moderator

Sara
June, 23 2020 at 12:47 am

Hello,
If there’s one word I’d use to describe my dad, it’d be a hot head. I’ve been trying to figure out if my dad is abusive, or if I’m just being sensitive. The worst thing that has happened was like a year ago. We were in an argument, and all of a sudden my dad lost it and started marching towards me. I ran to my room and locked the door. He banged on the door and said, “If you don’t open this door right now, I’ll break it down!” And then he said, “When I get in there, you’re going to feel pain!” Obviously, I didn’t open it. But this is when I realized something wasn’t right. He’s yelled at me in public a few times, and made quite a scene. Once it was in front of my xc team for not racing, and the other was at a restaurant (one week ago) because I was taking too long to order. He’s lost his temper with people outside of my family too. I think everyone just tries to forget about it, because he can still be nice. Please lmk if this is abuse or not!

Abby
January, 31 2020 at 12:47 am

I said yes to all of them....

A traumatized 14-year-old
January, 2 2020 at 2:05 pm

I am 14. My father has never trusted me and I have never trusted him. When I was chocking on my food every single day and told him something was wrong he got angry and told me it was in my head and sat me down in front of a plate of food and wouldn't let me leave until I took a bite. I took a bite and pretended to swallow before spitting it out in the toilet. My mother found me crying a few weeks later and took me to the hospital where I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. After the diagnosis I had to go ask my dad to apologize (he wouldn't do it by himself) and he said sorry in a very indifferent way as if I were being oversensitive with a shrug. He blamed me for becoming suicidal during this time after he wouldn't listen to me. My mother was later diagnosed with cancer and we moved closer to family. My dad and I had never quite been on the same page but after she died he became unbearable. It started off with him saying it wasn't proper to grieve in public so I wasn't allowed to cry at my mother's funeral. After that we picked her a beautiful headstone, but a few weeks later he said we were picking out a new one. When I asked why he said it was because of money and we got her something that was ugly even for a headstone. Luckily, the guy who tried to sell it was a scammer so I got the one I wanted anyway. Then I got a boyfriend who is two years older than me and very kind. All the teacher's have nothing but nice things to say about him and he was extremely mature for his foolish classmates. My dad didn't want me to date period and especially not someone older than me and that was overprotective, but understandable until his mother told us he had high-functioning autism. My dad nodded and put on his respectable, understanding facade until we got home and he called him and his brothers trash. He later made a bunch of jokes with my aunt and uncle (who he told every last detail knowing they would agree with him) about how people with autism are (beg your pardon for language) "retarded" and how "his mother was obviously high-functioning too" because she was so stupid. I forced myself to laugh along with them, but I was dying on the inside. He found out I was still texting him and called me a "liar" and a "hypocrite" and said "You pull the wool over everyone's eyes but I see who you really are". I found ways to contact regularly regardless. Then I started seeing things. It got to the point where I couldn't tell the difference between my imagination and reality and I was always terrified. On top of this, despite the fact the doctors told my dad I had to be consistently screened to make sure my autoimmune disease didn't cause tissue scarring he canceled my appointment and I think he's canceled my appointments in the future for good because he still thinks it's just in my head despite me diagnosis. I told my dad the first day I was seeing things because it was so bad and so intense, but he told me "demons are attacking you" and "this is a reward from God" "Congratulations". I don't know what he meant by that. It's like my life is a sick game for him to play. Then when it kept happening and I finally worked up the courage to see my school Guidance Counselor, despite my pleads and warnings that I'd be punished, she called him right away. Everything was fun and calm when he took me home that day and for once I thought maybe he finally understood, but right before I went to sleep he told me I was selfish and only thought about myself and that I didn't care or watch out for the family that I didn't understand the value of family. He got me a therapist so he could tell the school he took me to one and then canceled all further appointments without telling the school. He said that God was punishing me for my lies and he wasn't going to waste his time and money. I've been scared to read the Bible ever since. Then a few days later on my dead mother's birthday right after we had visited her grave he took away my phone saying I needed to learn the importance of family. A few days after that he also took away my internet privileges. I had to trick him in order to get on here and write this. The guidance counselor asked me how things had went and when I told her they went badly she just shrugged and said she was sorry she had gotten me in trouble and didn't take any further action. I have told a teacher from my old school since and we are meeting up for lunch tomorrow to further discuss what actions are going to be taken. It looks like social services are going to get involved. I am very scared but glad I have taken this step, but the confirmation that I am indeed being emotionally abused would put me at much ease.

mamas girl
March, 5 2020 at 6:56 pm

i don't know if this is fake or if you can see this but i am 12 and i understand everything.

Just call me Jade...
November, 26 2019 at 9:27 pm

First of all I'm 13 years old in 8th Grade. My mother has always been the type of person to get mad at everything but starting last year I felt like it was getting worst. My mother always compares me to her in middle/high school telling me how she never got a grade lower then a C, and about how much of a good student she was. Back in 7th grade I never told my mom anything because every time I did tell her something she would remember it and tell her friends a completely different story from what I told her and always made it look like I was the bad guy. She always weighed me down. When I get a new outfits she will get mad at me if I don't wear that outfit the next day because If I don't I will be considered ungrateful, or if I wear a outfit that is my style she will just look at me weird and silently judge me. My mother calls me different things which makes me very upset. (Sorry for my language) She called me Selfish, a dumbass, lazy, spoiled, Ungrateful, exc, and she doesn't understand how much it hurts me. I remember once I stood up to myself because she was yelling at me and at that moment I was having a break down and she didn't even care and so I told her to stop and how much she was stressing me out. She continued to yell at me and then told me since I think she stresses me out to much then I might as well not bother asking her for ANYTHING and she wont buy me anything ever again. One thing that really freaking hurts is when she calls me selfish saying how I don't care about anyone but myself. There were times I saw her stressed out and I decided to help her around the house whether it would be cleaning the kitchen or maybe vacuuming the floor exc. This one really mean girl at my school who always talks bad about me was crying in the bathroom and I actually made sure she was feeling okay. I remember so many times when she said to my face how she didn't care if I was upset about something she said to me. That hurt because during those moments I had to sit in my room, crying silently with no one to comfort me, alone and those days were one of the worst. I had a boyfriend and I became so freaking clingy because he made me really happy and so I didn't really worry about what was going on at home which made him distance himself from me since he couldn't really hang out much with his friends without me being there. We broke up for reasons and so I just became more sad. I'm starting to wake up everyday just feeling sad and unmotivated.. Maybe my mom is just being a regular parent but do you consider this as emotional abuse? She does say sorry after some of these things happen, telling me that she was just stressed but I don't know..

Just call me Jade...
November, 26 2019 at 9:25 pm

First of all I'm 13 years old in 8th Grade. My mother has always been the type of person to get mad at everything but starting last year I felt like it was getting worst. My mother always compares me to her in middle/high school telling me how she never got a grade lower then a C, and about how much of a good student she was. Back in 7th grade I never told my mom anything because every time I did tell her something she would remember it and tell her friends a completely different story from what I told her and always made it look like I was the bad guy. She always weighed me down. When I get a new outfits she will get mad at me if I don't wear that outfit the next day because If I don't I will be considered ungrateful, or if I wear a outfit that is my style she will just look at me weird and silently judge me. My mother calls me different things which makes me very upset. (Sorry for my language) She called me Selfish, a dumbass, lazy, spoiled, Ungrateful, exc, and she doesn't understand how much it hurts me. I remember once I stood up to myself because she was yelling at me and at that moment I was having a break down and she didn't even care and so I told her to stop and how much she was stressing me out. She continued to yell at me and then told me since I think she stresses me out to much then I might as well not bother asking her for ANYTHING and she wont buy me anything ever again. One thing that really freaking hurts is when she calls me selfish saying how I don't care about anyone but myself. There were times I saw her stressed out and I decided to help her around the house whether it would be cleaning the kitchen or maybe vacuuming the floor exc. This one really mean girl at my school who always talks bad about me was crying in the bathroom and I actually made sure she was feeling okay. I remember so many times when she said to my face how she didn't care if I was upset about something she said to me. That hurt because during those moments I had to sit in my room, crying silently with no one to comfort me, alone and those days were one of the worst. I had a boyfriend and I became so freaking clingy because he made me really happy and so I didn't really worry about what was going on at home which made him distance himself from me since he couldn't really hang out much with his friends without me being there. We broke up for reasons and so I just became more sad. I'm starting to wake up everyday just feeling sad and unmotivated.. Maybe my mom is just being a regular parent but do you consider this as emotional abuse? She does say sorry after some of these things happen, telling me that she was just stressed but I don't know..

November, 26 2019 at 10:56 pm

Hi Honey,
I am so sorry you're going through such a tough time and happy you found the blog to talk about it a little bit. First of all, you're extremely strong and brave for dealing with this in the mature way that you have. My advice for now is that you talk to a teacher, nurse or counselor at your school that you trust and that you think might listen to you. Talking to someone about what happens at home and the way it makes you feel is super super important, and it sounds like you're very smart and aware of your feelings. I hope that you find someone to talk to about this and that you are able to make some changes to make you feel happier and more secure at home. Stay strong. Love and light, Katlyn.

????????
October, 20 2019 at 11:35 pm

i am 10 and i have been doing gymnastics ever since i as 18 months old. while at first i was just doing mommy and me classes but in 2nd grade i made it to the competitive team at first i had one of the nicest coaches but in third grade i got a new coach. at first he was really nice but know he is questioning me if i want to ever want to have a gymnastics career and is always yelling at me and making me cry. is this verbal abuse?

Idk anymore
October, 20 2019 at 10:41 pm

I didn't even know this stuff until today everytime parents come home i get scared they threaten to hit me sometimes in arguements (but they don't do it anymore) they compare me to my brother and said he is taller and stronger than me but i know that already they threaten to embarras me right after school or in a store call me names like lazy,dumb etc... And the second i get a C in one of my classes im a failure, and i told them about my dream to be a kpop star and they said they dont want to hear a peep about it but I still keep trying to reach perfection in their eyes so i can at least audition and honestly whenever they get mad for no reason they justify it as im not an adult (im 13 btw) once my uncle saw what happened and asked me about it and i thought it would be okay because it was Christmas but it wasn't it was like every other day and they wonder why im like a lifeless robot its a cycle we have an argument they blame it on me fake that " oh let's get through this" and when that doesn't work they result to threats and i eventually just break down and sleep for a day because i could dream about what it would be like to persue a career in kpop and how i train while they sleep and if it works out i would move out and be free and then i get nightmares that im being drowned but i don't want to talk to anyone because i don't want to seem like im whining or crying for attention and at this point nothing i do will impress them i sang and danced for thee hours straight i have the best grades in the family and i try to look my best and im "skinny" and i try to be perfect because they wont accept anything less they say they dont expevt me to be but the second i make an HONEST mistake all hell froze over idc if they find this and read this while they are going through my phone im not sorry for it kick me out of the house then I'll live. The funny thing is im venting but i didn't know what it was

Anonymous
June, 17 2019 at 1:17 pm

My dad was good to my mom, but after they got married he started getting anger issues. I started noticing it the first time that he actually yelled at my mom and blamed her for everything possible outside for like a full 40 minutes. We even heard him banging on the wall and shoving things. I have to say this: he did not physically hurt my mom but we all were scared that he would. He saw that my mom was crying and got angrier so he yelled louder. My siblings and I were all inside crying and praying that she was okay. I looked out the door window and watched a little bit and, my mom was crying and too scared to defend herself. When my dad was done, he walked in the house and saw me near the door and said,"You were listening weren't you?" I didn't answer right away so he got mad and repeated himself until I said yes. Then he left the house without telling us where he was going and came back hours later. He never apologized when he came back. He acted like everything was fine, but he ignored us. That was when I was like 8 years old, and it is the worst it has gotten, but he yells all the time now and I can't defend myself when he yells at me because I know that he will just get worse and I get scared. I even have to hold back tears a lot. I am older now and I want this to stop, but since I am not much older there is nothing I can do except be there for my family. I feel like he doesn't even care for us when he yells. I have never told anyone this, and this is only part of what he is like, but I was wondering if this counts as verbal abuse? Can someone please reply? I would really appreciate it if someone could tell me if it is abuse or not. Thank you.

Anonymous
June, 8 2019 at 7:05 pm

hey I am 17. I have been verbally abused before, when I was 13. The worst was when my mother said exactly, “your mother would die one day because of you”. She said stuff like these quite violently and I cried quite a lot because I felt so guilty.
But now, at 17, things are better. Don’t get me wrong, I believe my mother loves me very much. I love her very much too. I think she used guilt to control me from being rebellious last time I’m not sure.
Things are definitely better in the present.
But now, everyday, she would say multiple times things like “I hate you so much”, “did anyone ever told you how much they hate you” or like “if I had a chance I would have another daughter”. But the thing is, she says these things in a really jokingly way, not like in the past. Maybe I am being over sensitive because it triggers past memories. Sometimes when we are in public, she says to me “I can’t speak so loud otherwise people will say I verbally abuse you.” I don’t think she knows how much pain it causes me and so does not take verbal abuse (if it is), seriously. I know the most obvious solution is talk to her and tell her I am in pain. But how can I?? I’m really guarded now because of my past and I hate being vulnerable. Even if she says it jokingly, is this still considered as verbal abuse? If it is, can someone suggest something that could help my situation?

Z
June, 22 2019 at 10:44 pm

I am truly sorry that you have had to go through that. Words can cause a lot of pain. I am not an expert, but my advice is that next time your mom says something like that again, try and talk to your mom about it, and tell her how you feel. It may be extremely hard for you, but don't lose hope. If it ends badly then just remember...your mom verbally abused you, so none of it is your fault. There are people who can help you through this too. You just have to find them. I wish you the best of luck! Goodbye.

Confused
April, 28 2019 at 12:42 pm

My mom told me it's my fault her children are messed up and that I listen to demons. I am a Christian and I have been all my life. I dont doubt she loves us but when she has rage episodes she climbs into me and breaks me down so bad its driven me to suicide before. When she's angry she accuses me of listening to the devil and making her look like the bad guy. But then when she's not angry she says she needs me because I can hear God's voice. She has accused me of being a slut and having a sugar daddy (neither one of those accusations are true) she has made me question my salvation many times before because she's always telling me God is on her side. I jump every time I hear a door slam and I become very anxious. I'm always reading her moods and micro expressions.
Yet I am confused. She's always saying she wants what's best for us and she loves us ans always telling us how much she's given up for us.
Am I being abused or am I just too sensitive? Or am I actually a bad person?

May, 7 2019 at 6:29 pm

Hi. You have signed your name as "confused." One of the signs that you are dealing with emotional abuse in a relationship is confusion. I don't know how old you are or what all of the circumstances are, but this is a situation in which it seems you are being verbally abused, manipulated, and gasllighted at the very least. I would encourage you to find a therapist who can help you unpack all of the messages that you have been receiving from your mother and make a determination about how to deal with the relationship. If you need help finding one, you can reach out to the resources on this page to find assistance: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer… . Please stay strong and take care of yourself, and thank you for reaching out. You're not alone. -Kristen

Natalia
April, 5 2019 at 9:06 pm

Hi I’m13. Idk if this is abuse but I’ll start from beginning went I was a child my dad spanked me and my mother never would she would just give me timeout and i loved her for that she was the fun mom all the time I could said yes to all the question in # 2 I always try to start away from things that make my dad mad its a learned habit my dad doesn’t spank me any more but he has anger issues so I try to not make him angry but I love my dad I have trouble saying the word love so this is kinda tough. When I was 8 years old my grandmother past away my mom changed she stopped being the fun mom she would say things about me like quite being a dummy or your so immature or your immature sometimes why can’t you be like me etc. this hurts but now I’m kind of used to it shortly after my grandmother died I started getting severe panic attacks they left but now I have insomnia my mother always forgets when I tell her something important once she pushed me then punched me for not wearing what she wanted me to wear I had headaches for the whole week I think I had a mild concussion but I’m not an expert my head hit the metal frame of my bed I didn’t want to got to school cause it hurt and she got even angrier and called me immature but I stayed anyways but still went to school the next day ever since I flinch whenever she touches me but she never notices she doesn’t even remember when she did it I get panic attacks sometimes now if I get triggered by a movie or from reading something about it she slaps my younger siblings now I can tell their hurting so I try not to let them get in trouble I think I have depression when I was 10 I started taking sneaky sips of beer and stuff and then it became a problem and I started drinking bottles of it then I started cutting my arms whenever I made my mom disappointed and then I would drink more and more I got caught tho for my drinking they stopped me but that was it they don’t know that I still drink sometimes. they don’t know about the cutting tho. My dad sometimes say things about me being dumb for some stuff in school but he still scares me I don’t like making him angry. but for some reason I like to make my mom angry she says she’ll kill me every time I make her blow and for some reason I want her too One time I was crying because my moms aid something about me and my dad told me to quite pouting I don’t cry in front of anyone or even at all i know this is bad but it’s what I believe I thank my mom usually I think I’m immature myself crying is bad to me it makes me feel like a bay so I don’t let myself cry I try not to tell my parents if I deal sick or how I’m feeling because my mom would tell me to stop complaining and being pathetic so now I don’t hugs make me uncomfortable but i like them if their not from my parents I don’t really care about life or school or anything but I have anger issues for sure when someone makes me angry and I see a weapon or knife I feel like it would be so easy just grab the knife use it kill them it will be better that way and I know this is bad rlly bad so I use it on myself instead and no one notices I think I might have some brain trauma because I can’t remember my grandmother I remember what she did but all I see is a body with no face I can’t remember her and she died only 5 yrs ago and I can remember things way before that I sorry about talking this much I’ve never told anyone this and I have a lot more things to say I guess this is what happens when you bottle things up sorry

Natalia
April, 5 2019 at 9:08 pm

Hey sorry but i said yes to all the questions btw sorry again

Aris
May, 4 2018 at 1:26 pm

My dad had always been an opininonated man. He was always judgemental and the kind of guy who demands he is right no matter what. Growing up I never really got along with him. I have always been Afriad of him in some way or the other. Everyday he’d come home for work I would always be terrified hoping to go he was in a good mood because if he wasn’t me and my sibling where going to hear it. Now I have begun noticing that what he does isn’t what a normal father does. Just the other day I was just laying on my couch with my phone watching a TV show. I didn’t want to ask to watch in on the real Tv because he and my mom was. Out of no where he begins yelling at me screaming that I’m the laziest person he had ever met and that I don’t do anything with myself. That I have made myself worthless. I’d like to point out that I am only in highschool. I cannot drive anywhere, I cannot get a job yet. I am practically only living for school. He kept telling me that I never leave the house and how I don’t do anything with my spare time. He than began telling me how I owe him because he put so much effort and money into raising me. As if I asked to be born. No ever ask to be born. All I kept saying was I’m sorry because I was too afriad to say anything else he’d get mad at. He then yelled at me for being apologetic. I didn’t answer those question with the results that state verbal abuse, but If that’s not verbal abuse. I don’t know what it is because to me it isn’t love.

V
April, 29 2018 at 8:02 pm

My mom and I got in a fight, my sister had happened to be there. She always defends my mother even if she is right or wrong. So I ultimately knew that I was going to loose and get mad. So it got heated between my sister and I, so I got in her face and just a simple chest bump nothing extreme like a punch or a kick just a chest bump. My mother then grabbed me by both sides of my neck, I was wearing a hoodie and the hood was on at the time, she squeezed very tightly and yelled at me pulling my face close to her face. Her eyes were piercing and you voice was shattering. I ran I my room and cried, called my friend and well I really don’t want to finish this but I’m the end my mother and I talked about it. She just blew off my answers and filled it in with something deep or something off topic. I’m upset and I don’t know if I am getting abused or not. My mo has grabbed me by the back of the neck before on multiple occasions but she has never grabbed me by both sides of my neck before. Please help me find out what is wrong.

Taylor
April, 22 2018 at 1:06 pm

I believe I was a victim of verbal abuse but am still confused. I was told to walk like a man when I dragged my foot because I was tired. I was also told during a episode of her rage to “eat it”. When I got sick, she told me was “allergic to sick men”. Can anyone shed some light on this?

Max
April, 18 2018 at 2:14 pm

I don’t know if this abuse, but, my mom belittles me f for loving my dad, and makes me feel like bad. If i even defend my dad she will yell at me, and say, “Of corse you’re defending him, he’s abusing you.” He isn’t. She’ll scream at me and make snarky remarks.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Rick
May, 9 2018 at 9:56 am

your mom is abusing you because of her resentment towards your father. That is wrong.

Emily
April, 14 2018 at 12:24 am

My parents used to fight a lot when I was a kid, my dad would break things and scream at my mom, and my mom would do the same. I once witnessed my dad beat my mom half to death, but she went to the hospital and lied, saying she got jumped while walking home from the bar. My mother was neglectful, leaving my baby sister, a newborn baby, alone in a dark room, crying until she couldn't breathe. She was constantly drunk and never took my sisters and I to school. My dad was usually gone with work, but when he came home, he got drunk and smoked weed with my mom, and then they'd start fighting. I can't remember a day I didn't wake up in the middle of the night, straining to hear if my parents were fighting. When I was six, my elder brother began molesting me, promising me things if I would let him touch me. I didn't know, I was just a kid. He did it until I was nine. My parents had caught him before, touching my little sister, but he said that he would stop, and they let him stay. Then they found out that he was still doing it to me, and they kicked him out. But they never told the police, and they never got me the help I deserve, but I'm too scared to tell people face to face. Hell, to this day I see him sometimes, my father pretends it never happened. Then, my mom left my dad after having an affair. She left my sisters and I, and she never showed up to the custody hearing, so we were left with my father. Everything was okay at first. My dad wasn't drinking, or smoking weed. I thought everything was okay, and then he started drinking again, and since my mom wasn't here, he began to fight with me. He still does to this day. He says that I'm a disappointment and that he doesn't love me, he tells me I'm a whore and mentally ill like my mother. Once, he had been drinking and had fallen asleep, and in his sleep he had knocked over a cup of water. He got up, blamed me for doing it, and when I told him he was being ridiculous, he grabbed me forcefully and threw me to the floor in my bedroom, and then slammed the door shut. In another separate incident, he punched a hole in my bedroom door in a fit of rage. His ex girlfriend who had seen the whole thing had called CPS on him, and I lied to them, because I'm scared of getting him in trouble. He always tells me that I'm ungrateful and that he breaks his back working to put a roof over my head. Even when he's not drunk, he doesn't take me seriously and gets angry at me. I feel like a coward, because just tonight, he made my little sister cry, but I was too scared to confront him because last time I did he had gotten extremely angry at me and I had to leave the hose and stand in the cold for nearly two hours until he calmed down. Another time, he bothered my other youngest sister in the middle of the night, and was yelling at her, and I got up and told him to stop because it was the middle of the night, he said that the phones were corrupting us and that all we do is use them, so he took them and smashed them. I don't know what to do. I've never been diagnosed with anxiety or depression because my father refuses to get me diagnosed, because he tells me that being medicated is horrible. He won't get me therapy despite how much I ask him. I'm lost, I'm too scared to confront an adult. I know what he's doing is wrong, but I can't bring myself to tell others because in some sick twisted way I love him, I'm scared of what will happen if I tell on him. Maybe in some convoluted way I think it's my fault or that I deserve it. I honestly have no idea what to do.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

chloe
May, 1 2019 at 6:11 pm

get a job, once you have enough money, get a place, get emancipated, and take legal guardianship over your sister. you can do all of this behind your dads back and get as far away from there as possible. also, talk to an adult this is serious.

Anonymous
April, 11 2018 at 2:13 pm

My mother always yells at me for the dumbest things, and sometimes even calls me derogatory names. I’ve tried to talk about it but she never lets me finish because she thinks that the fact that she “sacrificed” so much for me to have a better life. And I feel like it’s just an excuse so I’ll shut up. Plus she always says that I can’t tell anyone what happens at home(the yelling) because what happens at home is private business,b but yet when I make certain mistakes she doesn’t neglect to tell her friends and family members l, and I don’t feel respected.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

confused
September, 28 2019 at 8:43 am

The exact same thing is happening with me and my mom except shes always telling me that things shes done never happened and that she doesn't abuse me.

Anonymous
April, 10 2018 at 1:44 pm

I am still not sure. My mother is not consistently mean, but sometimes she gets angry for no reason and has this snarky condescending voice and smile when I try to apologize. It happens at least once a week. She snaps and says the meanest things she can think of to me. I don't know if it is abuse. Even if I did know I don't know what I would do because the other half of the time she is nice and loving. It is confusing and I don't know what to do anymore

Belinda
February, 15 2018 at 2:03 pm

I find it extremely difficult to discuss this topic with my Adoptive Mother who is extremely abusive and very unaware of it. I have to watch myself, and be mindful, it gets on you and into your brain, to act like that and to feel powerless to change the script. Abusers, were abused and on and on. Deep seeded roots in control and manipulation are like cutting wires with a butter knife at times. I imagine a butter knife can be sharpened enough to cut wire?

Jessica Ann Doerfler
February, 7 2018 at 10:52 am

When my roommate won't shut up during the television show I am trying to watch I snap.

animechica
December, 8 2017 at 8:37 am

my older brother loves to drive me nuts by saying and doing things he knows I hate. he does this every day and it drives me nuts, but i don´t know how to stop him. and whenever he says sorry, he´ll be sorry for as long as mom and/or dad are around, and then he´ll gripe and start over. i just want him to stop!

Myra
October, 20 2017 at 8:49 am

Ok so my mom says she trusts me and well i have a boyfriend and she doesn't trust me well enough to make my own décisions. She made me cry because she kept saying he isnt good enough saying he is pushing me away stuff like that. I tell her he isn't like that and she just tells me she been through this and she doesn't want me to go 4through it. She does this all the time. She thinks he isn't fit for me i love him he loves me i am 14 years old and i know what i am doing i know she means well but my boyfriend is good enough for me i want her to just listen to me all i feel is hurt and just want her to accept it i feel better with him around i want to just be happy with him that all i been with him for a year and im just tired of my mom and people telling me he isn't good enough

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

October, 20 2017 at 10:14 am

Myra, Hi I'm Emily, the newest author of Verbal Abuse in Relationships, thanks for reaching out! Reading your comment takes me right back to when I was fourteen years old, which is fourteen years ago actually. I too had a boyfriend when I was a teenager I stayed with for years despite my family's disapproval. I was sure I couldn't go on without him and that we were soul mates. Looking back, I must say, everything my family said and did, they did from a place of true love for me. With that being said, I know how hard it is to be fourteen years old and to have people tell you that you don't know what you're doing, you don't understand, it's incredibly frustrating to hear those things. My best advice to you Myra, is to keep your wits about you, look at your mom's disapproval as a sign of how much she loves you and how she thinks you deserve the very best, it just means she thinks highly of you. Look at your relationship with open eyes and an open mind, if you don't agree with your mom, try to just be aware of her thoughts and be aware of your relationship. If she says he is verbally or emotionally abusive toward you, become informed on what it means to be verbally abusive, and become aware of the signs and symptoms, so you're better equipped to defend your relationship (if that is not the case) or to acknowledge there actually is a problem ( if not now, maybe in the future, it's always good to just be aware). Here's some information about the signs and symptoms of emotional abuse: Emotional Abuse: Definitions, Signs, Symptoms, Examples Thanks Myra! Take care of yourself, Emily

Taya
October, 16 2017 at 6:50 pm

My mom is always telling me to be perfect. Ever so since I was 7 or 8 she has been putting me on diets just because I don't fit into her ideal life. She is constantly trying to bribe me with things like food (I never accept them) and even when I ask her politely to kill a spider because I'm really scared of them she tells me that I have to clean up after her messes. She's taken me to a clinic even, to get their opinion if I have an eating disorder. My dad (they're divorced) told her to take me to a therapist but she said that it isn't that kind of problem. After they said nothing was wrong with me she suddenly began to say that I needed a therapist. This was a year ago and I still don't have one. I don't know what's wrong with her but I think she's manipulative and controlling.

Gracella
October, 1 2017 at 9:22 pm

I'm 13 and wondering Is it a form of abuse when I'm yelled at enough to make me attempt running away multiple times and made to believe that I make life difficult. Past few years have been really hard with my parents. They've threatened to hit me and they embarrass and can't keep secrets. Also they don't take me seriously and recently my dad touched me and it made me uncomfortable I don't know if this is abuse but he touched my thigh and lower back and yea.. for a long time its makes me really scared. I'm just really scared, sad and confused. I've almost been driven of the edge before and I don't know what to do.

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