Is Emotional Self-Harm a Thing? Signs of Mental Self-Injury
When we hear the word "self-harm," we often think of self-inflicted physical wounds. However, negative thought patterns can lead to emotional self-harm and cause just as much damage to our mental health and lead to serious problems in the long-run. Physical and emotional self-harm can be similar in many ways, and they often go hand-in-hand with each other.
What Is Emotional Self-Harm?
Much like physical self-mutilation, emotional self-harm is an unhealthy form of coping. Mental self-abuse occurs when we sabotage ourselves with destructive thoughts and behaviors that are detrimental to our emotional wellbeing. Do you ever think that you're not good enough or not worthy of love? Do you look in the mirror and hate what you see? Do you please others at your own expense, or run into yet another abusive relationship?
I, for instance, struggle with the so-called imposter syndrome, which means I feel like a fraud in professional situations, with perpetual feelings of self-doubt following me like a shadow. Emotional self-harm, which can lead to depression, anxiety, addiction, eating disorders, or physical self-injury.
Forms of Emotional Self-Harm
Our minds can be our worst enemies, and our emotional self-injury can be as unique as we are. I feel the most common signs of emotional self-harm fall into the following categories:
- Self-criticism: We are possessed by an inner critic who always diminishes our achievements and shames us at every turn. We torture ourselves with our insecurities, effectively inhibiting our full potential.
- Poor self-image: Much like our inner critic, our inner body-shamer distorts our perception of self, but in a superficial way. It fuels us with negative feelings of hatred towards our bodies, which leads to low self-esteem, or worse, eating disorders.
- Worst-case scenarios: Our minds can distort the outside world as well. We feed our anxiety with constant fears and worries about the future, judgment by others, or failure.
- Behavior patterns: Emotional self-harm can also be about certain repetitive behaviors that harm us in the long term. For instance, it could be our lack of boundaries that allows others to take advantage of us, choosing narcissists for partners, or falling into bad habits like binge drinking.
How to Stop Emotional Self-Harm
The good news is that you can break free from emotional self-injury. But first, you must recognize these thought patterns for what they are, and admit that you are doing it to yourself. Once you become aware of your emotions and their root cause, you will be able to develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Psychotherapy and mindfulness can both help you overcome emotional self-harm. I also found the following daily reminders beneficial to my recovery:
- Give yourself credit for something you've done recently.
- Be proud of how far you've come.
- It's okay if things don't go as planned. You did not fail.
- It's okay to say no sometimes.
- Say to yourself, "You are beautiful, you are loved, and you are good enough."
Do you suffer from emotional self-harm? Let us know in the comments.
Halas, M. (2020, June 1). Is Emotional Self-Harm a Thing? Signs of Mental Self-Injury, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, September 27 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/speakingoutaboutselfinjury/2020/6/is-emotional-self-harm-a-thing-signs-of-mental-self-injury
Author: Martyna Halas
I relate really well with this. I am currently struggling majorly with emotional self harm. I used to physically self harm, so in my irrational and dysfunctional mind, I feel like emotional self harm is better. It’s at least easier to hide and more socially acceptable. In addition to the emotional self harm, I haven’t reach the point where I feel like I deserve to be happy. Dysfunction is what I’m used to and I’m terrified to live a life of normalcy and happiness. I am convinced something is going to happen to ruin it and by then I’ve let my guard down.
I completely understand feeling like emotional self-harm is somehow better than physical self-harm--it certainly is easier to keep from others, as you mentioned; in fact, many of us hide it in plain sight in the form of self-derogatory "jokes" others may not recognize as actual reflections of our feelings. It's something I'm guilty of to this day—I still sometimes make jokes about how I see myself (especially my body) and hide the truth of it behind a sarcastic or joking tone. It's a hard habit to break, but I'm working on it.
I also totally get feeling like dysfunction IS your norm; it's basically become your comfort zone, even if it is a patently uncomfortable place to be in. Hope isn't easy to hold onto, and every time something goes wrong or downhill, it's so tempting to just set your hopes down rather than risk disappointment. But here's the thing about that--the only guarantee in life is change. What's good now may not be good later, but conversely, what's bad now may not always be so bad.
I don't really think anyone is "normal," but I do think it is possible to reach a place where you have more good days than bad, and those good times will give you more and more to hold onto when you need something to get you through the bad.
The fact that you no longer self-harm (or so I'm assuming, since you mentioned that you "used to," past tense) is already proof that you are capable of moving forward with your life. It probably wasn't easy, but you did it. And you can keep moving forward; it will take time, and patience, but it will be worth it. You, of all people, most deserve your own kindness, even if you don't think you do.
Wishing you the best of luck, Brittney.
Very revealing. My problem is I am so used to emotionally harming mechanisms that I am hardly even aware of them, they feel like they are a part of me, of my identity, How can I separate myself from those thoughts?
Thank you for your comment! I actually just posted a video about a useful technique that can help with that: https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/speakingoutaboutselfinjury/2020/6/talking-back-to-your…
Please feel free to check out our self-harm resources page as well as there is a lot of great info there that might be helpful:
I can relate well to this! I need to be much more mindful of the inner negative voice which sabotages my efforts. I no longer physically self harm but have long recognised the damage I cause to myself with emotional self harming. Thank you for your insightful post
Thank you so much for your comment! It's a good thing that you can recognize the signs of emotional self-harming -- awareness is the first step towards recovery. With some practice, you can overcome that negative voice. I wish you all the best, and please feel free to check out our self-harm resources page as there is a lot of great info there that you may find helpful: https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/self-injury-homepage