Self-Harm and the “Everyone Hates Me” Mindset

January 30, 2015 Jennifer Aline Graham

More times than not, those who self-harm have incredibly low self-esteem and self-confidence and have an "everyone hates me" mindset. This can often route from struggles with depression and anxiety, which is common in the self-harm realm. At times, those who feel this way may stretch what they see to be the truth – meaning that while they see everyone as hating them, those around them really don’t feel that way. Since this is common amongst those who self-harm and battle mental health demons, it also means it could take many years before they begin to gain some sort of positive self-concept.

Many people who are bullied tend to grab hold of the “everyone hates me” mindset, but it also is a problem amongst those who bully themselves (or are insecure). Those who struggle with mental illness and self-harm are constantly bullying their own body, telling themselves they aren’t loved or aren’t important even when the world around them is telling them differently. Those with mental illness do not see their surroundings through a clear lens and that lens can often lead to a cut or a burn or a bruise.

This mindset is one of the most dangerous ways to think and may lead to self-harm and suicidal ideations, attempts and death. When people believe that everyone they care about hates them in return, it takes a while to gain a sense of trust. It can be very difficult for that person to admit that they think this way because, to them, it is very real.

It Takes Time to Break This "Everyone Hates Me" Mindset to Fight Self-Harm

The everyone hates me mindset is common in those who self-harm. Learn how to get rid of the everyone hates me mindset to fight self-harm.

During my years of self-harm, I constantly thought down upon myself and believed everyone else thought negatively about me when, in truth, many were genuinely worried. It took many years before I finally started to get an ounce of confidence or feel some sense of self-appreciation. The hardest part of living with an “everyone hates me” mindset is convincing yourself that your thoughts are wrong.

Anyone, with or without a mental illness, knows how difficult that can be.

Only over the last few years has my confidence and positivity really started to take flight. Recently, it has taken a dramatic fall due to a similar mindset as the one we’ve been discussing. However, my current mindset has been due to my struggling to find comfort in an environment where people do not genuinely care for me. Now, compared to the “everyone hates me” mindset, I am sure that people truly do not care (unlike the past when I did not have proof and just thought negatively).

To Stop Caring is the Only Cure for Self-Harm and the "Everyone Hates Me" Mindset

I’ve come to find, after experiencing both these situations, that there is one major thought that could help break the mindsets: stop caring what others think and be yourself.

It may sound cliché, but it is one of the toughest clichés in the book. When you’ve grown up struggling with how others think about you (aka the “everyone hates me” mindset), it is tough to shake off the thought processes that have become part of you. You must find a way to break those negative thoughts and replace them with ones that fill you with confidence and self-worth. Remind yourself of the strengths you have and find ways to use those strengths throughout the day. Instead of walking into a room thinking everyone is giving you stare, think about how it felt when you walked into a room filled with loved ones and relive that memory. If you are not yet ready to try out these scenarios, focus on yourself before focusing on your interactions with others.

From elementary school to college to the workplace, bullying occurs and the “everyone hates me” mindset continues. It takes a lot of courage to look at those around you without expecting hurtful gestures when you’re someone with a negative mindset. However, once you hold onto the love that those who care about you give off, you’ll be able to bring those positive feelings with you.

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APA Reference
Aline, J. (2015, January 30). Self-Harm and the “Everyone Hates Me” Mindset, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2022, June 24 from

Author: Jennifer Aline Graham

January, 27 2019 at 11:58 am

I often feel that I’m not good enough for my family or my friends and don’t have a lot of confidence in my self always negative and often put myself down and I’ve tried counselling many of times it doesn’t seem to help.

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