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My Yearly Bipolar Check Up

May 20, 2010 Cristina Fender

The anniversary of my father’s passing is nearly here. It’s given me pause to reflect on what my life’s been like this last year. I went into a deep depression that lasted from September to February. I had a short lived hypomanic episode, too. I would say that I wish my year had been better, but it could’ve been worse.

checkup

I think my father would’ve been proud that his death didn’t send me into the hospital.

There were weeks when I wish I could’ve given into the depression and done that. In some ways, it would’ve been easier to not care. But I had a family who relied on me to be a dependable Mom and I couldn’t let them down. No matter how much I missed my father, I couldn’t give in to my mental illness. He wouldn’t have wanted that.

Now, nearly a year later, I can say with certainty that I am getting better.

My bipolar episodes are getting better. The depression was a doozy, but I don’t think I can attribute all of that to my bipolar illness. Losing a parent is no easy task and it had to leave it’s mark. My hypomanic episode was short and late. I don’t expect to experience another for the rest of the season. It’s getting too close to my depression time.

Do you experience depression and manic episodes once a year?

I used to have them multiple times of year. I used to have mixed bipolar episodes (both depression and mania at the same time). I felt so nuts that I think it just fueled the fire. Now that they’ve calmed down a lot, I think my fears can begin to calm down, too. Since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I’ve had a huge fear that I would be hospitalized and they would just throw away the key. That fear has kept me running for help to make sure I don’t end up on that road. You might say that it was the motivation I needed to get my life back on track.

My life was once filled with drugs and alcohol. I abused them during manic times. Now I might have the occasional glass of wine, but there is no abuse happening here. I determined that my life would be better spent if I applied all that energy into feeling better. I’m glad my gamble paid off.

APA Reference
Fender, C. (2010, May 20). My Yearly Bipolar Check Up, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2021, January 25 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/bipolarvida/2010/05/my-yearly-bipolar-check-up



Author: Cristina Fender

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