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Believing You Can Blossom in a Bipolar World

May 17, 2010 Cristina Fender

My faith has waned. I don’t have faith that I’ll be able to complete a successful school semester due to my recent bipolar episode. If it happens again, I need to be prepared and I just don’t know how to do that. I’m worried that I won’t be able to do the work that I need to do. In my head I hear myself scream, “Failure!”

serenityprayerI need to shake it.

I need to remember that the bipolar episodes will come and go. I can make it if I try my best. These are the words I need to say to pep up my self esteem. It really takes a beating when I experience an episode. I feel like it’s all my fault. I try to remember that a bad childhood sparked this bipolar into life. I didn’t do it. It’s not my fault. But there are times, like today, when I just don’t believe it. I feel like I brought this on myself somehow.

I know that needs to change.

I need to change and that will make my situation better. It’s time to start down the road to bipolar recovery again. I got off it for a couple of weeks. I need to think of bipolar disorder as a bump on the road instead of a road block. I need to put it into perspective. A two week episode should not impede all I have accomplished. I still have all the tools I need to continue. I haven’t forgotten all I have learned. I just got a little sidetracked. I can do it. I can live a better life because of it.

I just have to believe in myself.

I have to have faith that I will make it. I can’t give up. I have to realize that there’s so much out there for me and I have to endure to experience it. So, I will take summer classes at college and I will be successful. If I believe it, maybe it will make it so. If I experience another bipolar episode, then I will find a way to make it through. I think that’s the key. Finding a way to make it through the experience with a lot of yourself intact.

It’s time for positive thinking, positive affirmations. I need to enjoy my life as much as possible, so I can believe that change is possible. I have to be willing to have who I am to blossom in the world.

APA Reference
Fender, C. (2010, May 17). Believing You Can Blossom in a Bipolar World, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2021, January 27 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/bipolarvida/2010/05/believing-you-can-blossom-in-a-bipolar-world



Author: Cristina Fender

Sandra
May, 19 2010 at 12:43 pm

Hi, Christina,
Dealing with BP symptoms can be a daily battle. I know it was for me! I was diagnosed about 6 or 7 years ago but didn't really "get it" until last year, when it jeopardized my career. I had not realized how much my BP effected those around me. I realized I HAD to take better care of managing my symptoms if I wanted to remain employed in a career I loved.
I sought out a new psychiatrist. I felt that my old one really did not take an interest in my well-being and that I was on too many medications, none of which dealt directly with BP. My new psychiatrist has been a true gift from above - she spent almost one and a half hours with me during my first appointment and agreed that we needed to wean me off some meds and add one for BP. What a change that has made! I feel like a new person - no mood changes since last May!
Now, the reason I bring this up, is to let you know that I began taking just one class in order to get my master's degree in special education. I needed to know if I could handle it - it was a bit intimidating, and at one point I needed extra time to hand in a paper, but I got through it with an A.
I'm now attending a university that is much closer to my home. Last semester I took one class there and was amazed to discover just how different the two universities are; I really prefer my new one. Last semester, I earned 349 out of 350 points. This semester, I'm taking two classes. I know it'll be a bit hectic during the rest of school (I'm a teacher), but it will be lovely to concentrate on those classes in the summer! My instructors have been wonderful, and I know that if need be, I can let them know I have BP and they will understand. OUr university also has a great disabilities center.
Perhaps you may need to make some changes with your BP issues so the symptoms become more stable. Talk with the school's disabilities center and share your concerns. Perhaps you can audit a course just to see how you can handle it (auditing a course allows you to do everything except pay the full amount or get credit, but you'll learn if you can handle school). Another thing I've learned to do: let some things slide in order to give top priority to your most important things. For me right now, that means work and school. I've hired a maid occasionally to help with that chore and it has been a huge burden off my shoulders. I've also learned to say "No" more easily so I don't become over-tasked, as that will just lead to a spiral downward.
I wish you well and I do hope you attempt school - I'm absolutely loving the new information I'm learning and the way I'm stretching myself intellectually! It's definitely worth the risk!
Sincerely,
Sandra

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Cristina Fender
May, 20 2010 at 1:22 am

Sandra,
Thanks for the great advice. I'm already enrolled in two classes for the summer. I also registered with the disability office. I have faith that it will go well.
Thanks for the comment!
Cristina

Beverly
May, 19 2010 at 7:24 am

As a person who struggles with bipolar I disorder (with several other mental health challenges to say the least) I firmly believe that you can function 'normally' in the world.
Sure, most people alive has had depression from time to time. So with that said, most people are just on the verges of being considered 'mentally ill.'
No, you are not your label. You are so much more than what you think you are.
I have had the challenges and opportunities that you describe. Yes, before recovery happened (and is still going on) I totally believed that I was my challenge. However, when life changes happened to me, I suddenly realized that I was more than just my challenge (I don't like mental illness....cause one to be considered that is for me, to be considered ill every minute of every day).
I did work for 20 years with the bipolar disorder. I must say, that sometimes it was a challenge to be able to function at a high level stressful job...cause of the lack of attention that I was having difficulty doing. However, on the other side of the coin, I was very efficient when I was hypomanic...cause I was great in organizational skills. I had everything down pat...to what went where and how to get things done.
You can do whatever you want to do. If it is to finish school, go do it. Just because you have lived thru another episode doesn't mean you have to just 'give up and quit.' Quite the contrary.
View those difficult moments/days as 'challenges' instead of road blocks. I did. I like to tell people this: It's not when you are on the top of the mountain that you really and truly learn about yourself....it's when you are in the valley's where there are rocks, bumps, stumps that make you stop....think....then take action is where I learned about myself the most. So will you.
Good luck!

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