If you’re wondering how to help your child addicted to videogames, you’re not alone. If you feel frustrated and at your wit’s end, you’re also not alone. Most parents, when they realize that their child’s gaming pastime has gradually become a gaming disorder, are at a loss for what to do. Here are some ideas on how to help your child addicted to videogames.

Helping your child (a teenager or younger) reduce gaming activities is difficult because of the nature of addiction. Quite likely, they don’t believe that gaming is a problem. Your child might also think it’s a positive part of their life; after all, part of the allure of gaming and why it’s such a powerful force is the online friendships gamers form. Gaming becomes not just playing a game but playing a game together with like-minded individuals. The fact that they aren’t real-world friends doesn’t matter.

Despite the obstacles you’re up against, you can learn how to help your child addicted to videogames. Much of the process is a matter of your mindset, perspective, and approach. Patience and understanding, too, are key—with your child and with yourself.

How to Help Your Child Addicted to Videogames: “Stop Playing” vs “Start Something”

Having goals in mind helps. A common mistake that can set parents up for a long struggle is focusing on stopping the gaming addiction. Perhaps surprisingly, that isn’t a helpful goal or purpose.

Thinking in positive terms is much more likely to lead to success. Instead of “stopping gaming,” a more effective goal is to help your child replace gaming with other activities. Taking him on a journey (it probably won’t be a short one) of discovery is important. What, other than online gaming, does he want in his life?

As your child is starting something and he gradually turns his time and attention to other things, you can let him play some videogames. Once of the ways to end an addiction is to find balance. Video gaming doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing experience. If he knows this, he will be more likely to cooperate (eventually).

The process of replacing videogames can be slow. It also involves doing things to wean your child from gaming (How Many Hours of Video Games is Too Much?). The following dos and don’ts are tips to help your child addicted to videogames.

How to Help Your Child Addicted to Videogames: Dos:

These tips involve actions to do and perspectives to have when working with your child to end his gaming addiction. Do:

• Decide together as a parenting team (even if you’re no longer together) what the limit will be on your child’s gaming. The limit must be consistent.
• Hold firm with your limits. Your gaming rules must be enforced consistently for your child to take them seriously.
• Establish firm and consistent consequences for when they break the rules or exceed their limit (your child probably will do this, and that’s okay as long as you consistently enforce the consequences).
• Track their gaming time to help your child see how much time they’re spending gaming. Many times, kids don’t realize how much time is really passing.
• Use a signal to warn him or her when the time is almost up so they have a chance to finish what they're doing.
• Buy a timer that will automatically turn off the system (use it only if your child continues to refuse to stop).
• Keep the system unavailable when they’re not allowed to play.
• Limit screen time for the whole family. If everyone is glued to their phones, for example, it’s hard for anyone to live fully in the real world.

How to Help Your Child Addicted to Videogames: Don’ts

Avoiding actions that lead to power struggles can make the process go a bit more smoothly. When working with your child, don’t:

• Make them admit to having a problem or keep telling them they have a problem.
• Force them into wanting to change their habits. While that’s the ultimate goal, it should happen naturally over time.
• Show anger in response to any outbursts.
• Cushion their “fall” by lightening the consequences or allowing extra time.
• Enable the behavior by covering for their missed school or work, completing their homework, or otherwise taking care of their responsibilities.

Something important to remember as you help your child is that this is an addiction. Your son or daughter will likely experience video game withdrawal symptoms: restlessness, irritability, mood swings that include anger and crying, obsessive thoughts about gaming and gaming friends, and difficulty focusing on other things.

Be patient with your child and yourself. Allow the symptoms of gaming addiction to come and go, stick with your process consistently, and in time their passions and interests will replace excessive gaming. It’s how to help your child addicted to gaming.

article references

Book Excerpt

The Illusion of Sexual Individuality

Sexually, we like to think that we have it together, that we are more sophisticated and sexually aware now than at any other time in history. Yet, as we have seen, the current stereotype of normal, desirable sex is still quite narrow and rigid.

One exercise I often do when training sex therapists is ask them to describe what normal sexual frequency is. Typically, the answer is, "Whatever is right for the individual." Then I ask how they would describe someone who only rarely desires sex, or a couple where one partner wants sex twice a week and the other once a month. Is one person closer to "normal" than the other? How would they, as sex therapists, go about helping this couple achieve sexual harmony? Which person is under more pressure to change? Despite the standard answer from therapists that this couple suffers from mismatched libidos and that both people are "normal," the pressure in therapy is most commonly on the person with the lower sex drive to pick up the pace.

When people claim to be liberated sexually, what they really mean is that they explore and enjoy experimentation and variety at the active, lusty, passionate end of the scale. We feel we are being broad-minded when we are comfortable with or tolerant of sexual diversity, such as homosexuality or bisexuality, or are prepared to experiment with oral sex, sex toys, threesomes, or bondage and discipline. However, if we are to truly embrace the notion of individual differences in sexuality, we need to think far more broadly than this and become respectful of people who are at the other end of the spectrum. Where does the asexual individual fit into the scheme of things? How is a person who prefers only "conventional" sex judged? What label is given to someone who is turned off by oral sex or by being touched on the genitals? What words are used to describe a woman--or man--who doesn't seem interested in sex? What are some of the factors that are commonly thought to lead to this disinterest?

In a recent survey in the United States, 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men identified themselves as having one or more sexual problems. Among women, 33 percent complained of low sexual desire, 24 percent reported inability to come to orgasm, and 14 percent stated they experience pain during sex. For men, the most frequently reported problem was premature ejaculation, accounting for 28 percent of complaints, while 15 percent rated themselves as lacking interest in sex, 10 percent said they had problems attaining or maintaining an erection, and 3 percent had physical pain during intercourse.

Some researchers have criticized this study because these problems were identified by self-rating rather than by clinical evaluation, but it is precisely this aspect of the survey that intrigues me. If one in three women believes she is not as interested in sex as she should be, and one in four men doesn't last as long as he thinks he should last, which of the following is more likely?

• We have a major epidemic on our hands.

• Many in this self-selected group aren't dysfunctional at all but are either variation on the norm or comparing themselves unrealistically with an ideal.

It's difficult to believe that such a large proportion of our population is sexually inadequate. Because problems such as painful intercourse and difficult erections are relatively objective, the figures given are likely to be fairly accurate, but even within these categories; the problems may be caused by worry about performance rather than by any psychological or physical disorder.

Many women who believe they are not experiencing arousal and orgasm have been influenced by the stereotype of hot and powerful sexual response portrayed in the media and promoted by the myth that if you aren't sure whether you've had an orgasm, you haven't! Some women who believe they are unable to reach orgasm are surprised to learn that that nice warm feeling or that sigh of relaxation is an orgasm, even if it is perhaps a 2 on a 10-point scale.

Sexual desire and ejaculatory control are more subjectively determined and evaluated. What is sexual desire? Is it physical passion, or is it an emotional desire for intimacy? Can it be different things at different times? Is it possible to want sex but prefer to avoid it, and if so, why? What is a "normal" level of sexual interest?

Interestingly, this survey did not include questions about desiring sex with great frequency. Does that mean that you can't want sex too much, but you can want it too little??

How quick is too quick for ejaculation? Which partner is worried about it? Why? Is the problem that the woman finds it difficult to come to orgasm with penile thrusting despite the man controlling ejaculation for a reasonable time?

Additionally, for those people who rated themselves as not having problems, how did they decide this? Were all of them behaving close to the cultural norm, or were some of them confident enough to be happy to be different?

These questions need to be carefully considered before anyone, including sex therapists and researchers, can begin to understand the extent of individual variation in sexuality. Until these issues are thoroughly explored and discussed in sex manuals, magazine articles, and self-help books, people in the community will continue to rate themselves as having sexual problems even when there's a good chance that they're perfectly normal.

Normal Variation in Individual Sexuality

Thirty years as a sex therapist has highlighted for me what should be recognized as a self-evident truth--that people are not the same sexually, in the same way that they are not the same with respect to height, weight, intelligence, personality, food preferences, general health, and so on. In spite of the fact that the many ways in which people differ sexually become evident from just listening to them talk about their sexual experiences, there is little or no discussion of such differences by authors writing in the field of human sexuality. There are the acknowledged differences in sexual orientation, but gay and lesbian couples can also find it difficult to negotiate differences in individual wants and needs.

One of the most obvious ways in which people differ is in terms of their interest in sex, usually called sex drive.

However, there are several other characteristics that also vary among individuals, as evident from the following list.

• Frequency of sexual activity. Some people hope for, keenly want, or desperately need sexual activity several times a week or perhaps even more than once a day, whereas others are entirely satisfied to have sex once a month or even less often. Although there is a general acceptance that the need for sex varies, there is no agreement as to what, if anything, constitutes an abnormally low or abnormally high sex drive. It's easy to see, however, that there would be some tension in a relationship where one person wants sex several times a week and the other would like it less than once a month.

• Robustness of desire. Fluctuation of interest is a specific aspect of sex drive that can be confusing. Some people's level of interest remains reasonably constant no matter what else is happening in their lives, whereas others may switch off if they feel overwhelmed by other issues. This can lead to misinterpretation of motives: A person whose interest stays steady regardless of life events may seem insensitive, while one whose desire fluctuates may sometimes seem emotionally less committed to the other partner.

• Type of desire. Currently, the expectation in Western culture is that sex drive is about hot passion or physical lust, but for some people, desire is much more muted and may be softly emotional rather than intensely physical. How does one partner interpret the signals of the other?

• Desire versus response. This difference has been recognized in sex research for many years, but it doesn't seem to be widely appreciated in the community. Some people want to engage in sexual activity quite frequently but may not necessarily become aroused and orgasmic. Conversely, there are many people who aren't aware of any regular interest in sex and feel they could live without it, but if the partner initiates sex under the right circumstances, they can respond with enthusiasm.

• Initiation versus response. It makes sense that if someone rarely feels the desire for sex even though she may enjoy it when it occurs, she isn't likely to initiate it very often. It simply doesn't occur to her, and her partner may be devastated, seeing it as a rejection or an indication that he's not sexually attractive. An imbalance in frequency of initiation of sex can be a major hurdle for couples to overcome.

• Ease of arousal. Some people find it difficult to get turned on, and their partner complains that it takes a lot of work to start to get them hot, while others respond quickly. Sometimes, those who are slow to arouse are not confident enough to say what they need, or their partner persists in trying to stimulate them in various ways that actually turn them off. Nevertheless, the bottom line is that some people simply arouse more quickly than others.

• Time to orgasm. Why do some people come more quickly than others? Should everyone be able to reach orgasm in a standard period of time? There are behavioral programs that can teach men who ejaculate rapidly how to delay reaching orgasm and that can help those with inhibited ejaculation come more easily, and there are strategies that will help women become aroused and come to orgasm more quickly. However, there will still be a range of times that it takes to come to orgasm, with some people having characteristic patterns of early (easy) or late (difficult) orgasm and others varying widely, depending on the circumstances.

• Variation in response style. Perhaps this variable would be better termed variation in pleasure style. Sometimes, one partner has little interest in sex and doesn't really want to become aroused and have an orgasm, being quite happy to have quiet, cuddly sex, while at other times, the physical response is strong and urgent. This can be confusing if the other partner thinks sex is always about arousal, experimentation, and so on. And, Of course, there are individuals who mostly prefer quiet intimacy and find attempts at sexual arousal irritating, which can leave both partners bewildered and frustrated.

• Variety in sexual behaviors. There seems to be an almost limitless range of things that people can do for sexual pleasure. Titles of magazine articles such as, "1,001 Ways to Drive Your Man Wild in Bed" give some idea of the smorgasbord that's available. However, it would be unreasonable to expect all people to like all of these behaviors. There are those who find particular acts abhorrent and those who find them simply boring. Some people prefer to rely on a limited number of tried-and-true activities, while others crave variety and experimentation.

• Importance of sex. People's responses differ significantly when they're asked to rank the importance of sex in a relationship when compared with other variables, such as love, affection, companionship, financial security, children, and so on. Although studies consistently show that men tend to rate sex as more important than women do, this is a generalization, and either gender may give sex a high or low priority.

These are some of the variations in human sexuality that I have encountered in my long practice of sex therapy. I don't know how the normal/abnormal boundaries should be set, but it's my view that most of this variation should be considered part of normal human diversity.

Does this mean we must just accept how we are and not try to reach goals that may make sex more satisfying or relationships easier? If not, how do we decide what can be changed, and by what method? These are not easy questions to answer.

Certainly, sexual problems exist. If people believe they have a problem, then clearly something is worrying them. However, if they are comparing themselves with an unattainable ideal, their individual level of sexual functioning is not validated, and what is normal for them becomes defined as sexual dysfunction. The real problem confronting us is how to decide if someone's concern is a matter of definition and misinformation or if the behavior is truly outside the normal range. Even if it's not common, does this make it a dysfunction?

Lack of acceptance of the extent of individual differences, and the associated belief that normal people experience regular sexual desire and enjoy experimentation has led to the belief that everyone has the same sexual potential. Surely, the thinking goes, if it's normal to have a persistent physical sex drive, for example, there must be some way to help people who don't have it to overcome their problem. The idea that what many people are already doing may be the best they can do is just not acceptable. It's this assumption that has caused so much misery in our time.

The emergence of sex therapy in the 1970s encouraged the view that everyone has the same sexual potential. Behavioral programs to teach women to be orgasmic and men to delay ejaculation assumed that with the right strategies, everyone could achieve these goals.

If these programs didn't work for some people, the usual conclusion was that they were suffering from some form of sexual pathology that was loosely labeled sexual inhibition. The logical conclusion that perhaps the particular goals or techniques weren't right for those people wasn't even discussed. Although sex therapy has undergone many shifts in recent times, the idea that there may be many definitions of a successful sexual relationship is still not usually addressed by either therapists or clients.

Instead, we have spent a lot of energy trying to identify the factors associated with sexual "failure." A common view is that if we "fail" sexually, there must be some sexual trauma or secret in our past to account for it and that not reaching the standard is inevitably bad and should be corrected with therapy.

Sexual Personalities

Look around at your friends, family, and colleagues. Each person has a unique set of behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that make up the sum of who they are. This set of characteristics forms the personality of the individual and is consistently present for that person. Some characteristics may dominate or be present in all interactions, while others may reveal themselves only in specific situations.
In general, personality is considered to be stable over a person's lifetime, but not all characteristics are fixed or inflexible, and people can and do adapt according to circumstances and life experiences.

At the present time, there is a tendency to use sexual personality characteristics in a critical way. For example, for "conservative," read "inhibited"; for "shy," read "hung up"; and so on. However, if we acknowledge that each person has a unique personality and that what one person likes and admires in a friend, another may find annoying, then we can assume that the situation is similar with sexual personalities. In other words, what one person finds attractive, endearing, or exciting in someone else's sexual personality may be a complete turnoff for a different person.

Who is in a position to make a judgment as to which personality is the most functional? In the end, this judgment tends to become relevant only when an individual becomes involved in sexual interaction. Of course, this brings into play the importance of the relationship between the two: A relationship characterized by mutual generosity, kindness, and gentleness is more likely to be able to resolve or accommodate differences than is one that is harsh, critical, and rigid.

Sandra Pertot, PH.D., is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in private practice. She has been published in Woman's Day, Penthouse, and many publications in Australia where she lives.

Reprinted from Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido by Sandra Pertot © 2005 by Sandra Pertot. Permission granted by Rodale, Inc., Emmaus, PA 10098. Available wherever books are sold or directly from the publisher by calling (800) 848-4735 or visit their website at www.rodalestore.com.

A study presented at this year's American Psychiatric Association annual meeting found that bupropion hydrochloride sustained-release tablets may be an effective treatment for hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) in females.

HSDD affects at least 20 percent of women in the United States. Psychotherapy has been proven minimally effective in treating this condition and there is no approved drug treatment.

Researchers reported that almost one-third of the female subjects responded to the treatment, with increases in the number of episodes of sexual arousal, sexual fantasy, and interest in engaging in sexual activity.

The multi-center study included 66 non-depressed women ranging in age from 23 to 65 years who had experienced HSDD for an average of six years. All 66 women received a placebo for four weeks, and 51 then received active treatment for eight weeks. Eleven dropped out of the study during the placebo phase, four dropped out at the beginning of the treatment phase.

Response was seen as early as two weeks during the treatment phase. By the end of the eight-week treatment phase, the response rate indicated a more than two-fold increase in frequency in interest in sexual activity (from an average of 0.9 times at the end of the placebo phase to 2.3 times after treatment), almost double the frequency of sexual arousal (from 1.3 to 2.4 times, on average), and more than twice the number of sexual fantasies (from 0.7 times to 1.8 times, on average following treatment).

Subjects were evaluated during bi-weekly clinic visits.

"The results of this study are encouraging. One aspect that demonstrated a substantial improvement was that by the end of the treatment phase nearly 40 percent reported being satisfied with their sexual desire, whereas 100 percent were dissatisfied before starting treatment," said lead investigator R. Taylor Segraves, M.D., Ph.D., professor of psychiatry at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine and chair of the Department of Psychiatry at MetroHealth Medical Center. "Further research is needed on the use of bupropion hydrochloride SR as a treatment for HSDD -- a condition which can cause emotional distress and problems in intimate relationships," Dr. Segraves added.

HSDD is characterized by a combination of factors including persistently diminished or absent sexual fantasies or desire for sexual activity, and can affect both men and women; a person diagnosed with HSDD can still function sexually.

Bupropion hydrochloride SR was generally well tolerated and no clinically significant changes in vital signs or weight gain were reported during the study. Five percent of subjects reported that insomnia (18 percent), tremor (6 percent) and rash (6 percent) occurred more frequently during the treatment phase than during the placebo phase. Ten percent discontinued the study due to an adverse event such as rash, hives or urticaria.

Bupropion hydrochloride SR is not associated with sexual side effects which are common to selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). This is likely attributable to its enhancement of certain neurotransmitters -- norepinephrine and dopamine -- that affect sexual desire. Buproprion hydrochloride SR has been shown to reverse or minimize sexual dysfunction associated with SSRIs such as Prozac, Paxil, and , when patients either switch to Wellbutrin SR or use it as an add-on to existing antidepressant treatment. Bupropion hydrochloride SR is approved for the treatment of depression and is marketed as Wellbutrin SR by Glaxo Wellcome Inc.

Definition

Inhibited sexual desire (ISD) refers to a low level of sexual desire and interest manifested by a failure to initiate or be responsive to a partner's initiation of sexual activity. ISD may be a primary condition (where the person has never felt much sexual desire or interest), or secondary (where the person used to possess sexual desire, but no longer has interest).

ISD may also be either situational to the partner (where he/she has interest in other persons, but not toward the partner), or it may be general (where he/she has a lack of sexual interest in anyone).

A diagnosis of Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder refers to a condition in which an individual has very low desire for sex although sexual performance may be adequate once the activity has been initiated. This disorder occurs in approximately 20% of the population and occurs in both sexes though more commonly in women.

A diagnosis of Sexual Aversion Disorder refers to a condition in which an individual is repelled by the concept of genital sexual contact. This disorder probably occurs less frequently than Hypoactive Sexual Desire.

Symptoms

Lack of sexual interest.

Causes

• Communication problems

• Lack of affection not associated with continuing into sexual intercourse

• Power struggles

• Lack of time alone together

• A very restrictive upbringing concerning sex, or negative or traumatic sexual experiences

• Physical illnesses and some medications

• Psychological conditions such as depression and excessive stress may inhibit sexual interest

• Fatigue

• Individuals who were victims of childhood sexual abuse or rape, and persons whose marriages are lacking in emotional intimacy are particularly at risk

Treatment

The majority of the time, medical evaluation and lab tests will not reveal a physical cause. However, testosterone is the hormone responsible for creating sexual desire in both men and women. It may be useful to check testosterone levels, particularly in men who have ISD. Blood for such lab tests in men should be drawn before 10:00 a.m., when male hormone levels are at their highest. Interviews with a specialist in sex therapy are more likely to reveal possible causes.

Treatment must be individualized to the factors that may be inhibiting sexual interest. Some couples will need relationship enhancement work or marital therapy prior to focusing directly on enhancing sexual activity.

Some couples will need to be taught skills in conflict resolution and be helped to work through differences in nonsexual areas.

Many couples will also need direct focus on the sexual relationship wherein through education and couple assignments they expand the variety and time devoted to sexual activity.

When problems with sexual arousal or performance are factors, these sexual dysfunctions will need to be addressed.

Prevention

One major way of preventing ISD is to reserve time for nonsexual intimacy with one's partner. Couples who reserve weekly talk time and time for a weekly date alone without the kids, will maintain a closer relationship and are more likely to feel sexual interest. Couples should also detach sex and affection, so that neither one is afraid to be affectionate on a daily basis, fearing that it will be interpreted as an invitation to proceed to intercourse.

Reading books or taking courses in couple communication, or reading books about massage may also encourage feelings of closeness. For some individuals, reading novels or viewing movies with romantic or sexual content may also serve to encourage sexual desire.

For too many couples, sex gets what is left over late at night. Regularly reserving "prime time," before exhaustion sets in, for both talking and sexual intimacy will encourage closeness and sexual desire.

When both partners have low sexual desire, the issue of sexual interest level will not be problematic in the relationship. Low sexual desire, however, may be a barometer of the emotional health of the relationship. In other cases where there is an excellent and loving relationship, low sexual desire may cause a partner to repeatedly feel hurt and rejected, leading to eventual feelings of resentment and promoting eventual emotional distance.

Sex is something that, for most couples, either bonds their relationship closer together, or something that becomes a wedge that gradually drives them apart. When one partner is significantly less interested in sex than their companion, and this has become a source of conflict and friction, it is recommended that professional help is needed before the relationship becomes further strained.

Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) is the most common form of female sexual dysfunction and can be described as a persistent or recurring lack of desire or absence of sexual fantasies. Women with HSDD neither initiate sex nor seek stimulation. More importantly, their lack of engagement in sexual activity causes extreme personal distress.

HSDD may result from psychological or emotional factors, or it may result from medical problems such as hormone deficiencies, and medical or surgical interventions. Disruptions of the female hormonal system-such as through natural menopause, surgically or medically induced menopause, or endocrine disorders can also result in inhibited sexual desire.

Potential treatments include:

Testosterone- Although the use of testosterone to treat low libido has not been approved by the FDA, clinical trials are underway and look promising for its use in treating a lack of sexual desire. Testosterone appears to be especially beneficial for women who have had their ovaries removed, are taking estrogen or are under severe stress.

Review current medications - Ask your doctor to switch to medications that have less effect on sexual function. The antidepressants Prozac, Zoloft and Paxil cause loss of libido in as many as 60 percent of patients. If that is not an option, ask your doctor if it is possible to at least lower your dosages.

“Video games ruined my life.” If you’ve enjoyed gaming but have found yourself at a low point where you feel isolated and like you’ve lost things that were once important to you, you’re not alone. That feeling that video games ruined your life is the result of gaming addiction symptoms, and it impacts a staggering number of people.

Spil Games, a global video games producer in the Netherlands who compiled data from numerous studies and reports, found that 1.2 billion people play video games worldwide and 700 million of those play online games (Takahashi, 2013).

Studies of gaming addiction have determined that 1.5 percent to 3.5 percent of adolescents who engage in online gaming have signs of addiction (Conrad, n.d.; King, et al., 2010).  This means that millions, even tens of millions, of people potentially become addicted to gaming.

How Video Games Ruined My Life

Gamers who become stuck in the virtual world of video games and online friends find that gaming becomes a problem when they begin to suffer consequences:

• Withdrawal from family and friends; interference in relationships
• Truancy from school or absenteeism from work
• School failure; being fired from a job
• Decline in participation in other activities formerly enjoyed

Video game addiction can happen to anyone. Whether someone begins gaming to escape problems or just for the fun of the activity, video gaming can take over, become an addiction, and ruin lives.

Video Games Ruined My Life: 3 Stories

Millions of people addicted to video games means millions of stories. Online support groups such as On-Line Gamers Anonymous (OLGA and OLGANON), and Game Quitters, bring together gamers (and loved ones, too, for their own support) for connection and mutual encouragement as they recover from video game addiction, rebuild their lives, and prevent gaming from ruining their lives going forward.

Part of the reason these forums are so successful is that members share their stories. Through shared stories, people discover that they’re not the only ones dealing with this struggle, see how others have been impacted, and learn from each other’s experiences.

In the spirit of growth through sharing, may these three stories provide solace and inspiration.

Gaming for Sanity and Escape

An anonymous member of GameQuitters shares his struggles not just with gaming, but with himself. For this man, gaming was an escape from years of unhappiness, irritability, and suicidal thoughts. These symptoms of depression overwhelmed him, but then he found relief and escape in gaming.

Says this gamer, “My main pull to gaming was the escapism, I didn’t feel like I had to escape from anyone or anything, but myself and my own thoughts.”

To avoid negative thoughts, this GameQuitter member played video games more frequently for longer periods of time. Suddenly, he found himself deep into a video game addiction.

He realized that gaming had become a new problem: “What had helped me to stay sane and somewhat functional for all these years was now actually my big problem.” With this realization, healing began.

Action and Emptiness

Video games can ruin lives. Take Connor, a member of GameQuitters, for example. Connor started to play video games for fun and thrill. He explains that “I played games for the action, the quick pace, and competing against others in the game lobby. There was a distinct feeling of pride, and some sort of power, perhaps social, or mental through winning.”

Eventually, Connor realized that gaming had taken over and that his life was suffering because of it. His social life declined. His health declined—he speaks specifically of dental problems due to lack of care while he was caught up in gaming.

He laments, “I’ve traded lots of social opportunities, and my teenage years for something that’s programmed… not even real.”

With support from GameQuitters, he is working toward goals and living his life how he wants to live it—free from gaming addiction.

Getting Devoured by MMORPGS

Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games (MMORPGS) are so realistic, so all-consuming, that they insidiously become a gamer’s world. Bit by bit, the fantasy world overtakes the real world. It’s another way video games can ruin someone’s life.

On Recovery.com, an anonymous gamer shares his story of how this happened to him. The more involved in MMORPGS he became, the more time he spent with the game and the less time he spent in his relationships and activities. He played six- to nine hours every day. He became sleep deprived. His change in attitude and the way he treated people drove away friends. His thoughts were obsessed, fixated on gaming.

“It took over everything. It devoured what it meant to be me,” he bemoans.

Now, though, he’s in recovery and rediscovering himself and his life.

These stories are three among millions. Millions of times, people say, “Video games ruined my life.” Treatment for video game addiction and recovery are possible, so that even if you feel as though your life is ruined, you can rebuild it.

article references

When concerned about gaming disorder or gaming addiction, most people wonder: “How many hours of video games is too much?” After all, people who enjoy gaming can spend a lot of time in front of a screen, passing hours upon hours engaged in virtual worlds. Is there a threshold for addiction, a time limit for harmless playing beyond which gaming is excessive? The answer to the question about how many hours of video games is too much might surprise you.

How Many Hours of Video Games is Too Much? It’s Debatable

Experts in the fields of physical health, mental health, child development, and psychology conduct ongoing studies of the impact of screen time (time spent using electronic devices, including video game devices). The results? Disagreement and debate. The most definitive answer is that there isn’t yet a clear recommendation for the maximum number of hours kids should spend playing video games and generally using “screens”.

The uncertainty is obvious in study results:

• San Diego State University psychology professor and researcher, Jean Twenge, maintains the safe limit for teens is one to two hours daily (Rossman, 2017)
• The American Academy of Pediatrics says the one- to two-hour limit is for young children age two to five and that older kids and teens have “consistent limits” but don’t define that numerically (Marachi, 2016)
• A study authored by Twenge and conducted by San Diego State University and Florida State University found that, in teens, more than five hours of video games is too much (Rossman, 2017)
• A 2010 survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation found that many youths are playing for more than 50 hours a week, which far exceeds the five hours daily mark (Oskin, 2012)
• “Problem gamers” play video games between 80 and 100 hours per week; at more than double full-time employment or school, this is indisputably too much (King, 2010)

While there isn’t a consensus on how many hours of video games (and general screen time) is too much, the finding by Twenge and her colleagues that more than five hours per day is excessive seems reasonable. More than that interferes in the amount of sleep a child or teen gets per night, the amount of time spent doing homework, and the time available for activities involving movement (How to Help Your Child Addicted to Video Games).

No one can say definitively how much gaming is acceptable. Not only that, some researchers and psychologists argue that the amount of time spent on gaming is irrelevant, that “too much” isn’t a real issue.

How Many Hours of Video Games is Too Much? Does it Matter?

The amount of time spent gaming may not matter as much as whether video games are interfering in life. It’s not simply a matter of hours spent playing video games. The issue may be “when” rather than “how much.” When are kids playing games, and when does it become a problem? Once again, the answer isn’t set in stone.

Dr. Peter Gray (2012), a research professor at Boston College, explains that many people spend a lot of time pursuing hobbies and passions, but they’re not addicted to those passions. It’s the same for gaming. Someone can love video games, get much joy from them, play them for many hours every day, and not have a gaming disorder or video game addiction.

Researchers at Oxford University have taken this notion a step farther. After studying the issue of limiting video game time and general screen time, they concluded that there is no correlation, positive or negative, between digital or online activity and wellbeing. Limiting time spent playing games, therefore, might not be all that beneficial. In fact, they assert, “moderate screen-use above the recommended limits [undefined in the report] might actually be linked to slightly higher levels of children’s wellbeing.”

The true issue might not be the hours spent playing video games but how the play interferes in someone’s life. Gaming can have a negative impact on those engaged in the activity. Some negative effects of video gaming include:

• Poor school/work performance
• Relationship difficulties
• Social isolation
• Sleep deprivation
• Hopelessness
• Depression
• Suicidal thoughts
• Poor health (dehydration, lack of nutrition)
• Obesity
• Deep vein thrombosis (DVT) from prolonged sitting

These problems may indeed be caused by too much time playing video games, but the jury is still out on how many hours of video games is too much. One way to answer that question for yourself is to reflect on your own life and your own gaming.

Do you want to spend less time playing but find it hard to do? Do you notice problems in your life that are associated with gaming (Gaming Addiction Symptoms: How You Know You’re Addicted)? When you play, do you feel relaxed and happy, or do you feel tense and stressed?

Your answers will help you decide how much time playing video games is too much for you.

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Sometimes arguments or disagreements with family and friends can be difficult to handle. Learn how to keep an argument from getting out of hand.

Real Life: Family

"My sister is so annoying! She is driving me crazy!"

Jenny and her sister Sarah fight all the time. Jenny is angry with Sarah because she barges into her room and takes her things without asking. Sarah complains that Jenny yells too much and spends all of her time on the phone.

Your brothers and sisters can upset you sometimes. You may get angry if they take something that is yours, go into your room, hit you, or bother you when you have friends over. Your older brothers or sisters may try to boss you around and tell you what to do. Your younger brothers or sisters may borrow your things or want to be around you all the time.

When you argue with your friends, you can go home and get away from them. But, when you argue with a brother or sister, they are in your house and you may feel like you can't get away from them. Talking things out and coming up with rules that you and your brothers and sisters agree on will make living together a lot easier.

Here are some ways to handle an argument and help you to avoid fighting with your brother(s) or sister(s):

• Go for a walk or go to separate rooms in the house, before you lose your temper in an argument.
• Talk to your parents about what is bothering you. Most likely they will be able to give you advice.
• Set up your own personal space. Even if you share a bedroom, make a little space (even in a corner of your bedroom) that is all yours. Tell your brother or sister that they need to knock before coming into your bedroom or your special area of a shared bedroom.
• Respect your brother or sister's personal space too - whether it is their room or a part of your shared bedroom. They will be more likely to show you the same respect in return.
• Decide ahead of time how you are going to share the phone. For example, you can figure out separate times when each of you can talk to your friends.
• Take turns with the television. Talk ahead of time about what shows you want to watch, then take turns watching your favorite shows if they are on at the same time.
• Pick your battles. Try to figure out what is really bothering you. This will help you to know if the problem is worth arguing about. Some issues may be more important than others.

Now that you have some ideas on how to avoid fighting, you may want to think about how to work on building a healthy relationship with your brother or sister. Talking about the things that are bothering you in a calm way really helps. Doing things together, like going on a bike-ride or watching a movie will give you a chance to talk to each other and enjoy the time that you spend together too.

Real Life: Friends

"Why should I do what YOU say?"

Abby and Maria have been friends for a long time. Abby has been upset because Maria always decides where they are going and what they are going to do. Maria also tells Abby who she can be friends with. Abby feels a lot of pressure to do what Maria tells her to do.

Friendships can be complicated at this time in your life. You may be making new friends while you are trying to keep old friends. One thing that can make any relationship complicated is peer pressure. Peer pressure is when you chose to do something you usually wouldn't do, or you stop doing something that you normally would do because you are worried about what your friends will think. Some friends may pressure you to do something because "everyone else does it," such as making fun of someone. One of the biggest challenges that you may have to face is standing up to a friend.

Here are tips to help you handle a disagreement with a friend:

• You always have the right to say "no" to your friend whenever you want to. In a healthy friendship, you should not be afraid of losing a friend because you say "no." Good friends should respect your right to say no about anything and not give you a hard time. It is important that you show your friend the same respect when they say no to you.
• If you and your friend disagree about something or have an argument, it does not mean that you have an unhealthy relationship. You will not always agree with what your friend has to say. As long as you and your friend can talk to one another and listen to what each person has to say, you should be able to work through a disagreement. Healthy friendships involve trust and being able to respect each other's differences.
• The friends that you make and the relationships you develop will help you learn a lot about yourself. Your friendships may be the most important thing to you right now. You will find out what things you like to do together but more importantly, you will learn about the kind of friends you want to have and the kind of friend you want to be to others.

Real Life: Dating

"A boy that I like kissed me at the dance... Are we dating now?"

Anna and Jamal like each other. They met a few weeks ago at a dance. They want to get to know each other but don't know what to do next.

There is no best age for teens to begin dating. Every person will be ready for a dating relationship at a different time. Different families may have certain rules about dating too. When you decide to start a new dating relationship, it should be because you care about someone and not because you feel like you have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. A dating relationship is a special chance to get to know someone, share your thoughts and feelings with each other, and do activities together.

Healthy dating relationships should start with the same ingredients that healthy friendships have, such as good communication, honesty, and respect. Dating relationships are a little different because they may include physical affection, like hugging, kissing, or holding hands. As with all relationships, it may be tempting at first for you to spend all of your time with your new partner. But, making special time to spend together and apart means that you will be able to work on having a healthy relationship with the person you are dating and with other people in your life, like your friends and family.

You should NEVER feel pressured to do something that you don't want to do. He/She should always respect your right to say no to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. It is important that you are both clear with each other about your values and your limits. By talking about how each of you feel about a lot of things, you may avoid getting into situations where you are pressured into making a decision on the spot about something very important.

Here are some tips for starting a healthy dating relationship and ways to stay safe:

• Get to know a person by talking on the phone or at school before you go out with them for the first time.
• Go out with a group of friends to a public place the first few times you are spending time together.
• Plan fun activities like going to the movies, a picnic, the mall, a walk, etc.
• Be clear with the other person about what you feel comfortable doing and what time your parent(s) or guardian(s) expect you to be home.
• Tell at least one friend and especially your parent(s) where you are going, who you will be with, and how to reach you.

Dating relationships can be a fun and exciting part of your life now. They may be a little confusing, especially if dating is new to you. Once you know that the person that you like, likes you too, you may be unsure of what to do next. You can start by learning about what makes a dating relationship healthy. The most important thing to remember is staying safe, especially when you begin to date.

Real Life: Parents

"I hate these stupid rules!"

Kim has been arguing with her parents a lot lately. She feels that all the rules that her parents set are unfair. They tell her that she needs to listen and obey them.

Your relationship with your parents may be confusing right now. As you are growing and changing, you have more responsibilities and also more freedom to spend time with other people like friends or dating partners. While you may feel ready to make your own decisions about where and when you go places, your parents will put limits on you. The reason that your parents do this is because they care about you and want to protect you from danger.

You may find that you are fighting with your parents more than you used to.

Here are some tips for how to avoid and handle arguments with your parents:

• Discuss the rules ahead of time and not at the last minute. This way you will be able to tell what they will say yes or no to before you make plans. your parents can also explain to you why each rule is in place. Ask them to give you the chance to explain how the rules make you feel and suggest what you think are appropriate rules. Your parents may be willing to listen to your ideas and use them when making rules that you both agree on.
• Try to remain calm and do not lose your temper when your parents say no to something. You will show your parents that you are responsible and mature by talking instead of yelling and listening to what they have to say.
• Follow each rule that they set. If your parents tell you to be home at a certain time, stick to it. They may begin to worry about your safety if you are late. By being responsible and by following rules, your parents may be willing to negotiate a later time in the future, especially if they know that you will follow their rules.
• Pick your battles. Try to figure out what is really bothering you. This will help you to know if it is worth arguing about. Some issues may be more important than others.
• Spend time with your family. Some teens argue with their parents over the amount of time they spend with their friends. Communicate with each other and make some special family time so that you can all enjoy the time you spend at home. Suggest activities that your whole family will enjoy together such as going for a hike, a bike ride, or going to the beach

Remember healthy relationships are about feeling good about who YOU are and feeling SAFE with another person. You have the power to create healthy relationships all around you just by paying attention to who you are inside and what makes you happy. By getting to know yourself, it will get easier to recognize the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Communication, trust, and respect are the key ingredients for healthy relationships.

Gaming disorder often arises from addicting games. It’s possible to become addicted to playing online games; usually, it’s a specific game that hooks someone and draws him or her in until the game gradually overtakes his or her life. These addicting games interfere in almost all aspects of someone’s life, and the consequences can be dire. Here’s a look at the five most addicting games, why they’re addicting, and how these video games affect your mental health.

The 5 Most Addicting Games

Some video games are much more addictive than others. In general, online role-playing games are the most addicting of all video games. Specifically, role-playing games that are designated as Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games (MMORPGs or MMOs) are highly addicting.

Among the many such video games, five stand out as the most addicting games:

1. Fortnite. This is a fight not for a grand noble cause but for survival. It’s a battle to the death in which only one out of 100 players survives.
2. World of Warcraft.  A fully immersive game in which players create a life online that easily surpasses their life outside the game.
3. Call of Duty. Games in the Call of Duty series require players to fight for an ideal by using strategy and combat tactics.
4. League of Legends. This competitive, quick-moving fantasy game is about strategy and teamwork, collaborating with a team to battle and destroy an enemy.
5. Candy Crush Saga. This addicting game isn’t an MMORPG, but it’s highly addictive nonetheless.  Rolling Stone calls it, “the commuter-game equivalent of crack.”

Why Addicting Games are so Addictive: The Psychological Aspect

Few, if any, people begin gaming with the intent to become addicted, their lives negatively affected and their real-world replaced by an online one. Gaming addiction often occurs because gaming fulfills a psychological need:

• Escape. Sometimes, people turn to gaming as a way to deal with stress, depression, anxiety, or negative situations. Some games are particularly addicting because they allow people not just to escape but to pull away from one world, their real one, and fully immerse themselves in another world, the game world.
• Connection. Connection to others is a fundamental human need. The most addicting games are those that allow people to connect with others, collaborating and cooperating to reach a common goal. When games have online forums that extend the bond between players, the risk of addiction increases.
• Power and Control. Certain video games satisfy the need for power and control. Those video games that allow people to shape their virtual world, as well as their own powers and abilities, can be very appealing—and addicting.

Why Addicting Games are so Addictive: The Nature of the Games

The five most addicting games and others like them have certain characteristics that grab people and keep them hooked:

• Ongoing. Addicting games have no set end point—players constantly evolve and must meet new challenges, so stopping is irrelevant.
• Gradual Leveling Up. In the most addicting games, players gradually work their way up to bigger and better things like more power and capabilities. The promise of improvement and achievement keep people hooked.
• Variable Rewards. The most addicting types of rewards are variable ratio (or variable interval) rewards. Used in both gambling and gaming, variable interval rewards don’t come predictably. In addicting video games, the rewards come just enough in response to player actions to keep players attached because they know they’ll achieve a reward at some point.
• Full immersion. Games that cause addiction are all-consuming. Setting and action suck people in, but perhaps the strongest experience is emotion. Many games evoke the full range of human emotions as players involve themselves in wars, fights, betrayals, friendships, romance, loss, victory, and more.

See Why Are Video Games Addicting? Video Gaming Effects on the Brain

Addicting Video Games and Mental Health

Initially, even the most addicting games can have a positive effect on mental health. The escape these online games provide is stress-relieving, a break from frustrations; thus, they can be a healthy form of self-care. Additionally, connecting with others from around the globe with a similar interest in a particular game fosters belonging and a sense of community.

When gaming becomes an addiction, though, mental health can take a turn for the worse. When someone is trapped in their gaming world, they can become isolated from real-world friends and family. The game consumes an increasing amount of time so that they miss school or work, grades and performance drop, activities and pastimes once enjoyed become neglected. The game world becomes the real world for the addicted gamer (Am I Addicted to Video Games, Gaming?).

Gaming addiction is often linked to depression and anxiety (including social phobia). Loneliness and relationship problems are common. With gaming disorder and addicting games, mental health suffers. Even with the five most addicting video games, however, treatment is possible and people can and do reclaim their lives.

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Start with this mental health self-help groups list if you or a loved one is looking for a safe place to share experiences, coping strategies, and other helpful information about a mental illness:

Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA). Use the ADAA mental health support group directory to find groups near you that address generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), depression, panic disorder, various phobias, and more.

Depression and Bipolar Alliance (DBSA). Use the DBSA directory to find bipolar disorder support groups and depression support groups near you. If there’s not a group in your area, or if you can’t make it to a face-to-face meeting, DBSA offers online support groups in real time.

Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD). With CHADD’s search database, you can find local ADHD support groups in your community as well as certified parent-to-parent teachers. A certified parent teacher provides self-help guidance and strategies for parents of ADHD children. The site also offers Ask to Expert Online Chats. Visit the page for a schedule so you can ask the experts your own ADHD questions and have them answered live in real time.

Schizophrenia and Related Disorders Alliance of America (SARDAA). If you or a loved one suffers from schizophrenia or a related disorder, SARDAA supports and trains Schizophrenics Anonymous (SA) groups all over the US. Use the search database to find a schizophrenia support group in your area.

National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA). NEDA provides a search database where you can find a face-to-face eating disorder support group in your community. The organization also offers support to parents, families, and friends of those with eating disorders through their NEDA Navigator program.

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). If you or a loved one has a mental illness other than these listed here, visit NAMI to search for NAMI Connection recovery and support groups in your area. These groups support people living with a variety of mental illnesses. NAMI also offers a peer-to-peer educational program for adults with mental illness. The program provides a course consisting of 10 two-hour sessions taught by trained individuals living in recovery from mental illness. The program uses presentations, live discussions, and exercises and is completely free of charge. Click here to learn more about NAMI Peer-to-Peer Programs.

While this list of self-help groups is in no way comprehensive, the organizations listed are well-known and established in the mental health support community.

See Also

• What is a Self-Help Group? Types, Examples, Benefits 
• Psychological Self-Help: Does It Work and Where to Find It