Learning to recognize the signs of domestic violence represents the first step toward getting help for yourself or someone you know. Every relationship has its challenges and the majority of couples argue once in a while, but domestic abuse goes beyond the typical problems of those in intimate relationships. You can learn to recognize abusive patterns in relationships by familiarizing yourself with the warning signs of domestic abuse.

Common Signs of Domestic Abuse

These signs of domestic abuse point to probable psychological and emotional abuse. The victim may experience physical violence as well, even if you cannot see any visible signs like bruises.

Verbal cruelty – perpetrator verbally abuses and berates his or her intimate partner. Use of derogatory phrases, such as, "You're worthless," or "You're crazy," and the like is a common tactic of abusers. Domestic abusers frequently use obscene language targeting the victim. If your partner escalates to name-calling and put-downs during normal disagreements, this could indicate a pattern of abuse that may intensify if left unchecked. It's not likely to get better unless you get help ("What Is Verbal Abuse?").

Physical and Emotional Control – Abusers do not allow their partners to enjoy the independence that other adults have over their lives. This extreme control may manifest through displays of extreme jealousy and possessiveness, or threats and coerciveness. Perhaps you've decided to join a book club or yoga class that meets once a week. Your partner becomes angry that you didn't consult him. He may accuse you of not considering his wishes or say that you're selfish to take this time for yourself. This represents just one scenario in a multitude of ways abusers exert tremendous control over their victims.

Lack of Respect (publicly, privately, or both) – Abusers often belittle or nullify the opinions of their victims. In a public setting, he may make fun of the victim's attempt to contribute an opinion in a group discussion, or simply ignore it altogether. Many abusers are very careful to mask abuse as diminutive affection or protectiveness in public settings. In private, abusers openly and purposely show lack of respect for their intimate partner's desires and needs. The abuser may make unilateral decisions about important issues that affect both people in the relationship without consulting his or her spouse.

Fear and Anxiety – Victims of domestic violence and abuse often live in fear of their partners. Although they may tell friends and family that everything is fine, they often seem overly anxious when their partner is around, or may exhibit visible signs of fear (i.e. shaking, trembling) after a phone conversation with their partner.

Signs of domestic violence often show up as visible injuries on victims. It's important to note that a lack of physical evidence of domestic abuse is not a guarantee that none is taking place. Read these examples of both visible signs of violence and other non-visible indicators.

• Bruises or injuries that appear to result from choking, punching, or from an object, such as a belt or similar item. Black eyes, marks around the neck, or bruises on areas that don't occur in the course of outdoor sports or any other activities the person regularly engages in.
• Attempt to cover up bruises with heavy makeup or with clothing. The person may wear long sleeve t-shirts or a jacket in the heat of summer. Victims often attempt to cover bruises with heavy makeup on the face, neck or arms.
• Victim comes up with unlikely excuses for how they obtained bruises or injuries. Frequently, their stories seem inconsistent with their injuries. They may say they tripped and fell, which caused their black eye. While it's not absolutely impossible to get a black eye from a fall, it's highly unlikely.
• Victim has few or no friends outside of the primary relationship. She makes excuses about why she can't meet coworkers out at lunch. Victims of domestic violence and abuse often live isolated lives, cut off from the healthy social network most adults enjoy.
• Talks of the partner's volatile temper, but stops short of disclosing information that may indicate abuse.

Recognizing Signs of Domestic Violence in Your Own Relationship

It's important that you recognize the signs of domestic violence in your own relationship. Abusers begin their pattern of abuse in subtle ways at first, escalating their methods little by little as they break down the esteem and confidence of their victims. Before long, they have established an intense control over the emotions and behaviors of their partner. Because of the insidious and gradual nature of domestic abuse, you may not recognize the signs in your own relationship. But more often than not, victims stay in a state of denial, rationalizing their partner's abusive behavior.

If you live in fear of your partner, feel that nothing you do satisfies him or measures up, have thoughts of suicide, or have been cut off from friends and family, you need to reach out for help. Domestic violence is a criminal act (read Domestic Violence Laws). The abuser is a criminal and like all criminals, he will not stop on his own. Know the signs of domestic abuse and apply them against your own relationship if you feel you may have an abusive partner.

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Research points to many causes of domestic violence, but all of these causes and risk factors have one underlying commonality: the abuser feels the need to exert complete control over his or her partner. Some studies indicate that a cause of domestic violence stems from an intersection of both environmental and individual factors. Essentially, this means that abusers learn to use abusive tactics to control others from the influence of family members, people around them, and cultural traditions as they grow from children to adults.

Are Abuse Victims One of the Causes of Domestic Violence?

Experts do not agree on the underlying causes of domestic violence, but they do agree that the victim never asks for or causes domestic abuse. Although most victims of domestic abuse are women, men can suffer at the hands of an abusive partner as well. (Domestic Violence Against Men: Male Victims of Domestic Abuse) The abuser tears down the victim's self esteem gradually over time to gain control over them. They may convince the victim that she deserves the abuse or provoked it in some way, causing the abuser to "lose control". This represents a classic control tactic of abusers – convincing the victim that they cause the violence and bring it upon themselves. Victims do not cause the abuse; the abuser is in complete control of his or her behavior.

What Causes Domestic Violence?

What causes domestic violence to become the norm for an abuser? Most domestic abusers grew up witnessing domestic abuse and violence in their own homes. They learned to view physical and emotional violence as valid ways to vent anger and cope with their own internal fears and self-perception issues. The modeling they saw while growing up gets reinforced in these ways:

• Using violence and abuse tactics worked to solve problems for them in the past
• They have established tremendous control over others through abuse tactics
• No one has stopped them or reported them to authorities

Common triggers that set off an abuser:

• Disagreement with their intimate partner
• Protracted periods of unemployment
• Financial issues
• Desperation when partner threatens to leave
• Anger escalation
• Humiliation stemming from problems at work or other perceived failures
• Jealousy and envy

Many experts believe psychopathology, developed by growing up in a violent and abusive household causes domestic violence to continue as a generational legacy. Witnessing abuse as the norm, or being abused, destroys the child's ability to trust others and undermines his or her ability to control emotions. This produces hostile, dependant, and emotionally insecure people with a deeply impaired ability to develop and maintain healthy relationships.

Other experts believe genetic predisposition plays a part in the formation of an abuser, but very few studies offer definitive data to support this. In cultures where traditional beliefs endure that put women beneath men in status and personhood, domestic violence is rampant.

Even though the causes of domestic abuse remain poorly understood, it's critical that society stands strong against the crime of domestic violence and support laws and social programs put in place to stop the cycle.

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Domestic violence victims come from every socioeconomic background, education level, religion, ethnic group, marital status, and sexual orientation. However, some people have risk factors that make them more likely to become victims of domestic abuse. Although both men (Male Victims of Domestic Abuse) and women can suffer at the hand of an abuser, the U.S. Department of Justice reports that fully 95 percent of victims of domestic violence are women.

Risk Factors for Domestic Violence Victims

Men and women with these risk factors have a greater risk of becoming domestic violence victims:

• Low self-esteem
• Allows abusive behavior
• Economically and emotionally dependent on the abuser
• Feels powerless over many aspects of life (victim mentality)
• Thinks intense jealousy proves a partner's love
• Uncertain of his or her basic needs

Women who are victims of domestic abuse often have one or more of these characteristics:

• Pregnancy
• Previously abused
• Abuse substances (i.e. alcohol, drugs)
• Live at or below poverty level
• Intimate partner abuses alcohol or drugs
• Have requested a protective or restraining order
• Left their abuser
• Speak limited English

Why Domestic Violence Victims Stay with Abusers

Why do domestic violence victims stay? The decision to leave any relationship is never easy. But leaving an abusive relationship can prove even more challenging. Many abusers can put on a very convincing show of charm, repentance, and incredible affection. This causes the victim to hang onto a thread of hope that the abuser has finally changed and become the person she desperately wants and needs. Keep in mind, enduring intimate partner abuse tears down the victim's self-esteem as well, weakening his or her inner instinct of worth and personal power (Effects of Domestic Violence).

Victims of Domestic Abuse – Hoping for Change

Victims of domestic abuse have a degraded view of their self-worth. Their self-esteem diminishes with each incident of abuse. This makes them doubt themselves, their rights, and their perceptions, keeping them emotionally tied to the abuser.

During a disagreement, or when the abuser simply feels displeased with something about his partner, he may say things like this:

You are nothing without me...I'm the best thing that ever happened to you...You made me do it...I didn't abuse you, you're crazy!...no one else will want trash like you...

The abuser may also threaten to harm any children living in the household, or withhold resources like money and even restrict food. Sometimes the abuser may threaten to kill the victim or commit suicide if he or she leaves. One way of controlling victims is by isolating them from friends and family, destroying any network of support that may help them leave their dangerous environment.

Abusers Use Affection to Further Control Domestic Violence Victims

Domestic violence victims hang onto the loving moments and good times that always happen in-between bouts of abuse. The abuser may shower the victim with gifts, take him or her out to dinner, or on a romantic walk – anything he knows will make the victim believe he or she has changed. These periods of loving attention and sweetness set the victim up with renewed hope – a hope that quickly diminishes with the next wave of abuse and violence. The cycle of violence and abuse continues and the victim becomes more deeply enmeshed in the relationship.

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The long-term effects of domestic violence are far-reaching and often devastating for victims – most often women and children. Women and children, who live in an environment where domestic violence commonly occurs, face increased risks because of the tumultuous atmosphere in their lives. Women may develop an impaired ability to nurture their children and contribute to their positive development. Children, whether victims themselves or just witnesses, may withdraw from their parental relationship, suffer seriously delayed or distorted development, and emotional problems.

Effects of Domestic Violence on Women

The effects of domestic violence on women go beyond the immediate physical injuries they suffer at the hands of their abusers. Frequently, domestic violence survivors suffer from an array of psychosomatic illnesses, eating disorders, insomnia, gastrointestinal disturbances, generalized chronic pain, and devastating mental health problems like posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Many abused women find it difficult to function in their daily lives because of the effects of domestic violence. Absences from work, due to injuries or visits to the doctor, often cause them to lose their jobs, making them less able to leave their abusive situations. They may feel ashamed that their partners abuse them, see themselves as unworthy of love, and suffer from a significantly diminished self-perception. Because of their feelings of low self-worth, these women become isolated from friends and family and do not participate in social activities common to others in their demographic.

Domestic Violence and Children

When most people hear or see the phrase 'domestic violence and children' they see images of bruised, beaten, burned children in their mind's eye. Certainly, these physical injuries represent immediately visible effects of domestic abuse. But children who only witness domestic violence suffer consequences just as far-reaching and devastating as those seen in physically battered children. Studies indicate that children from violent homes, who witness the abuse of their mothers at the hands of their fathers, experience mental health issues similar in intensity and magnitude to those experienced by physically battered children. Similar research shows children, who both witness their fathers abusing their mothers and are themselves battered, suffer the most profound behavioral and emotional distress. Children who grow up in violent households may exhibit a host of adverse behaviors and emotions, including:

• Become violent themselves in response to threats (in school or at home)
• Attempt suicide
• Use drugs and abuse alcohol
• Develop eating disorders
• Abuse themselves (i.e. cutting)
• Anxiety and depression
• Poor social skills
• Enter into an abusive relationship later on

Suggestions for Domestic Violence Survivors

Domestic violence survivors need to seek help in coping with the effects of domestic abuse, even if they've left the abuser. Whether it's been days or years since the domestic violence last occurred, domestic abuse survivors can look to their communities for help:

• Contact a local domestic violence support group
• Make an appointment with a therapist who specializes in treating domestic violence survivors
• Create a comprehensive domestic violence safety plan with the help of a victim assistance professional. The plan will include a strategy for getting yourself (and children, if any) to safety during a violent episode as well as a checklist of items to pack when leaving the abusive situation.
• Consider your legal options. Domestic violence is a crime in all 50 states (Domestic Violence Laws). Your local domestic violence shelter can provide you with information and counseling about your legal rights.

The domestic violence programs in your community will help you whether you choose to stay with the domestic abuser, leave him, or return to him later. Don't delay in getting help for yourself and for your children (if you have any). Once you've gotten assistance and received counseling, you'll feel more equipped to make wise decisions for yourself and your future.

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Next to 911, the most important number you can have on hand is the domestic violence hotline. Don't think you'll ever need it? Consider this fact: one out of every four women in the U.S. personally encounters domestic violence in their lifetime. That's a whopping 25% of all women. And men, you're not immune either. At least one in nine men are victims of domestic abuse. Thankfully, there's plenty of help available in dealing with the national domestic violence problem.

According to the 24-Hour Census of Domestic Violence Shelters and Services report, over 22,000 calls were made to a domestic violence hotline in a mere 24-hour timeframe. That's an average of 16 phone calls every minute. Yes, the end of abuse begins with a simple dial tone.

When Should You Report Domestic Violence?

Whether you're a victim of domestic violence or merely an observer, you should report domestic violence the moment the first punch is thrown. Call 911 immediately and tell the operator every detail you can about the abuser, the situation, and the violent acts performed, including whether or not a weapon was involved. If you're the victim, try making it to a safe crowded place and wait for the police. Observing the abuse in action? Call for help and find somewhere to hide out until the authorities arrive.

Getting Your Nerve to Call a Domestic Abuse Hotline

Besides acknowledging the problem, a battered victim's first and most crucial step is contacting a domestic abuse hotline. Begin your journey to recovery with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). You'll speak with hotline advocates who can provide domestic abuse help by assisting with crisis intervention, safety planning, and giving you a local domestic abuse hotline number.

Making that first call may be the hardest thing you ever do in your life, but it'll also be the most liberating. You deserve to live your life free of abuse and with just one phone call, you can start walking down that path to freedom. Open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, you will always have an interested ear on the other end of the line. Call at 5 p.m. Pick up the phone at 2 a.m. Make contact at noon. It doesn't matter. Just call any toll-free domestic abuse hotline and know that your conversation will be kept strictly confidential as you get the help you need and certainly deserve.

Curbing the National Domestic Violence Numbers

By any count, there are way too many victims of domestic violence. Every victim is one too many. Every slap across the face. Every bruise. Every cut. Every broken bone. Every single one of these actions is one too many. But you can really make a difference by calling the national domestic violence hotline and telling your story. If you're too petrified to take that step, then talk to a friend. Tell her to report domestic abuse any time she sees it. Reach out to your friends, your family, teachers, doctors, clergy, anyone who will listen. The sooner you open up, the sooner you can reduce the national domestic violence numbers by one.

Domestic violence is a serious offense that will affect at least one person in your life. It may even be you. By taking the right action, whether helping a friend or calling a hotline yourself, you can help put an end to the violence.

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If you need immediate domestic violence help, domestic violence shelters offer women a safe haven from the abusive lives they've left behind. Combined with domestic abuse support groups, victims of a violent relationship can find the physical and emotional help they need in order to move on with their lives. Domestic violence survivors, no matter what type of domestic violence they've endured, need to know that they are not alone and they should look no further than their local community for all the domestic abuse help they need.

Domestic Violence Shelters Provide Domestic Violence Help

You'd never know it, but that seemingly normal block of apartment buildings down the street has given out more domestic violence help than you'd ever think possible. A safe haven for battered women, domestic violence shelters are unmarked buildings to keep their location secret from abusers. While timeframes vary as to how long victims are allowed to stay, there's usually enough room for mothers and their children to take refuge. Besides offering food and a roof over your head, a battered women's shelter strives to get you back on your feet. Most shelters will assist with childcare and offer you guidance in terms of finding a job, seeking legal advice, getting medical attention, and discovering the proper domestic abuse counseling you'll need to hold yourself together. You can locate the closest domestic violence shelter by calling your local police department or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

It's Okay to Accept Domestic Abuse Help

Suffering through a violent relationship is a traumatic experience, so don't be ashamed to seek out domestic abuse help. Counselors and therapists have been trained to offer you the proper advice in order for you to process everything you've been through, as well as prepare you for new, healthier relationships in the future. You may have just escaped an abusive relationship, or it might be years since your last violent interaction. Either way, your emotions and memories can get the best of you at any point in your life. It may take years to overcome, but with the proper counseling and support, your life will improve every single day (PTSD From Domestic Violence, Emotional Abuse, Childhood Abuse).

Local Groups Offer Domestic Violence Support

Sometimes a therapist or counselor just can't offer enough domestic violence support. Book smarts and advice can certainly set you in the right direction, but there are times you just need something more. That's where domestic violence groups can make a difference. These interactive groups help victims realize that they are not alone. Just like other support groups, these confidential meetings offer a nurturing and open environment to talk with other victims. Domestic violence groups can help you heal, make new friends, and truly find the support you need. The people at your local domestic violence shelters should be able to guide you to local support groups, or you can always search the internet for helpful resources such as domestic violence meetup groups. Besides local in-person meetings, there are also countless websites offering online domestic abuse support.

Victims of domestic violence have been hurt enough in their lives. With the support of local shelters, counselors, therapists, and peers, there's an entire world of help for domestic abuse victims.

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Creating a domestic violence safety plan is the best way to protect yourself, even if you're not ready to get out of an abusive relationship. Just picture it. You can be far away from the barrage of blows that come at you with no provocation. You'll finally be able to sleep with both eyes closed... and not because they're swollen shut. Put on any outfit you'd like, without worrying about someone seeing the trail of bruises up and down your arms. Yes, a personal safety plan cannot only lead you to a happier life, but it can also save it.

Safety Planning in an Abusive Relationship

Staying in an abusive relationship is your own business, but safety planning can be the key to your survival. Be sure to learn the signs of domestic violence. Generally, the violent pattern of abuse will start with some basic threats or insults before quickly escalating to a full-blown physical attack. If you notice the pattern beginning again, do your best to casually get into a room with exits, and one without weapons. In other words, steer clear of the kitchen. If you can, try to make a reasonable excuse for leaving and get out as quickly as possible.

It's also a good idea to avoid wearing scarves, lengthy necklaces, or any other types of clothing or accessories that your partner could use to strangle you. Find a really good hiding place for any weapons like knives or guns that may be in your home. Lastly, set up a visual signal or code word with a neighbor or good friend, so they'll know when you're in danger and need their help.

How Do Children Fit into a Domestic Violence Safety Plan?

If you have kids, you certainly need to include them in your domestic violence safety plan. Above all else, explain to your children that violence is never the answer and that no matter what, staying safe is the most important thing. Teach them to never get involved in any of your physical altercations; instead, supply them with a specific code word or visual signal that will alert them to run for help or to the safety of a neighbor or friend. Depending upon the age of your kids, it's a good idea to practice these safety measures with them. Also, avoid running to your kids during an attack or your partner could end up attacking them too.

Every Good Safety Plan Includes an Emergency Kit

If you've made up your mind to get out of a violent relationship, your personal safety plan is now an exit plan. Creating an emergency kit as part of your domestic violence safety plan will make things much easier on you. The better stocked you are, the better prepared you'll be to leave at a moment's notice. If you have a car, make sure it's full of fuel and always park facing the exit of the driveway so you can make a quick escape if necessary. Keep the driver's door unlocked, while all other doors are locked.

Your emergency kit itself should contain valuable information and supplies that you can access quickly. Store it someplace well hidden in your home, or even better, at a close friend's house. What should you keep in your emergency kit? Things like an extra set of car and house keys, birth certificates, a deed or lease to your house or apartment, court papers, extra money, a checkbook, credit card, passport, green card, and even pay stubs. Also put in a few extra pairs of clothing for yourself and any children, extra eyeglasses, and any medications. Most importantly, keep an updated list of important phone numbers handy that include the local police department, domestic violence hotlines, and the hospital.

Nobody can predict the future, but by creating safety plans for domestic violence, domestic abuse victims can reduce or even escape the violent actions of their partner. Removing yourself completely from an abusive relationship is the best solution, but if you're committed to staying with it, at least protect yourself.

Safety Planning Help:

• Domestic Violence Safety Plan: A Comprehensive Guide That Can Help Keep You Safer Whether You Stay or Leave
• Love Is Respect Safety Planning
• Domestic Violence Hotline Safety Planning

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A common cycle of abuse begins to take hold once domestic violence starts in a relationship. Your partner apologizes, you lower your guard, and over time, the violence rears its ugly head once again. Understanding the signs of domestic violence and causes of domestic abuse are crucial to breaking this domestic violence cycle. (Wondering "Am I in the cycle of violence? Take the Domestic Violence Test)

Taking the First Spin Around the Cycle of Violence

"That slap across my face was just a one-time thing," you think, completely oblivious to the cycle of violence that has just entered your life. The first physical assault may shock you, but most victims will accept their abuser's apologies and excuses, easily setting the stage for a cycle of abuse to flourish.

Early signs of impending domestic violence center around your abuser spouting out insults, preventing you from talking to family or friends, and controlling every aspect of your life -- from how you spend your money to what food you eat. Watch for major red flags like your partner showing an angry side when drunk, regularly acting jealous and possessive of you, and even threatening to hurt you. Stay vigilant so you'll notice these signs, and ready yourself to end the relationship, when violence enters the picture.

How Does the Domestic Violence Cycle Work?

The basic parts of a domestic violence cycle see an abuser threaten violence, strike his victim, apologize, and promise to change, before starting the cycle all over again. To break it down even more, simply take a look at a standard cycle of abuse wheel. The abuse begins with a slap, punch, kick or some other violent action, all intended to show the victim exactly who's in charge.

Yes, at its core, domestic violence is a power play. The violent act is followed up by guilt, not for hurting you but merely for the chance of being caught and punished for his actions. This guilt leads to the domestic abuser making rational excuses for what he's done. Stress. Drinking. Miscommunication. He'll come up with any and every excuse for his actions to avoid actually taking responsibility. Next, in the power and control wheel, domestic violence takes a backseat while the abuser moves on as if nothing happened.

Getting the relationship back on track is key to him, as the abuser will act as normal as he can, showering the victim with gifts, attention, and anything else he can muster up to make her forget his actions and believe that he truly has changed. Unfortunately, the victim thinks he's the most sincere during this time. While she's letting her guard down and moving on with the relationship, the abuser may secretly dream about hurting her again and begin plotting his next violent act. The final step in the domestic violence cycle occurs when the abuser sets up the victim to create a scenario where he's completely justified in hurting her.

Breaking the Cycle of Abuse Takes Strength

The most difficult part of a violent relationship is breaking the cycle of abuse. The constant apologies and remorse from your partner can make it extremely tough to sever things and go your separate ways. He's apologized so many times. He bought you roses, made a really romantic dinner and even wrote a beautiful love poem. "He's not a violent man," you think. "There's no way he'd hurt me again." But sure enough, he'll go through the same motions again, bringing the cycle of violence full circle.

The longer you stay in this dangerous abusive relationship, the more violent he will become and the tougher it will be for you end things. You'll quickly find yourself getting more depressed and nervous, and you may even start believing his lies, thinking his violent actions are justified and you do deserve it.

Whether you've been hit once or you've been carrying the physical and mental scars of abuse for years, the first step in ending abuse comes down to one thing: tell someone. Talk to a neighbor, a friend, a relative, anyone who will listen – including the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Be strong and get your story told. Whether you decide to end your relationship or not, you can get the help you need to move on, breaking the cycle of abuse.

There is never any excuse for domestic abuse. None. But all too often, women fall victim to it. Not wanting to believe their partner is truly violent, they look past the first punch, keeping the abuse cycle going in full swing. By being observant, strong, and communicative, breaking the cycle of violence is possible, enabling women to move on with their lives.

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It's almost impossible to identify domestic abusers since these individuals come in all shapes and sizes. Perpetrators of domestic violence simply hail from different backgrounds, personalities, educations, and upbringings. The one common thread they all share in common, though, is maintaining abusive relationships with their partners.

Why Do the Perpetrators of Domestic Violence Hurt People?

There's no one surefire answer to explain why perpetrators of domestic violence hurt others, but a number of theories exist to help understand the actions behind the abuse. Sometimes it's as simple as being a learned behavior. These domestic abusers grew up in a home where they were abused. They were constantly surrounded by it and witnessed their world being shaped by two types of people: victims and abusers. Having spent their childhood as a victim, they may resort to the role of abuser, never even realizing the pain they're causing others.

Mental health issues or drug and alcohol abuse problems are not believed to be a factor in creating domestic abusers, but instead a side effect. Many abusers actually believe they're victims themselves, and feel completely justified in their violent actions. They crave control and will quickly use alcohol or drugs as an excuse for their actions, even though removing these vices does nothing to stop the abuse.

Control is the Key for Domestic Abusers

The one factor experts agree on is that domestic abusers crave complete control. They enjoy battering their victims because they strongly believe men should be dominant in a relationship. They need control. They crave control. They strive for control and find it through such violent acts as pushing, shoving, slapping, punching or something far worse. The abuse can take on various forms besides the obvious physical ones, such as sexual, emotional and even psychological (Types of Domestic Abuse). Whatever actions an abuser takes, his sole purpose is to control the situation in order to get what he wants. It doesn't matter one bit if he hurts someone else in the process.

Can Domestic Abusers Change Their Tune?

While anything is possible, it's highly unlikely for domestic abusers to change. They just crave the control too much to completely give up their violent ways. Many times, they don't even view themselves as abusers, but instead as victims. They feel they've been wronged in a relationship and their actions are more than justified. Without seeking serious help from a therapist and attending various anger management-type classes, perpetrators of domestic violence are merely going to continue the abuse.

Domestic abuse is a vicious cycle both within a violent relationship, as well as within an abuser's entire life. Childhood factors, in addition to serious control issues, can lead an individual towards a lifetime of doling out abuse. With proper treatment, batterers can renounce their ways, but it's a difficult struggle that very few, unfortunately, ever achieve. You can find more information on batterers intervention, help for batterers, here.

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People tend to overlook news reports of domestic violence against men, or pass them off as extremely rare. But this is far from the truth. In fact, data from several sociological studies covering domestic violence show that women do perpetrate domestic violence on men, just not nearly as often as men do on women.

Generally, the media, law enforcement, and average citizens incorrectly view domestic violence as a crime committed solely by men on their female intimate partners or spouses (read Domestic Violence Laws and Charges of Domestic Abuse). This causes most of the funding for research on domestic violence and support of victims to get overwhelmingly funneled toward programs that focus on women.

The Hidden Crime – Violence Against Men

Violence against men in a domestic setting is America's hidden crime. Why does intimate partner violence against men remain in the shadows? Many people view male victims of domestic violence as sissies or as weak. This typical attitude makes men reluctant to admit that their partners physically abuse them for fear of being labeled as weak and unmanly.

Even when domestic violence against men turns fatal, as it did with celebrity Phil Hartman, the news coverage usually departs from focusing on domestic violence and centers on mental illness. This shift incites public sympathy for the perpetrator, in this case Hartman's wife.

Research on Physical Abuse of Men Urgently Needed

Most information on the physical abuse of men is anecdotal because funding for studying the problem is scarce. Scientific studies addressing the problem are urgently needed. Although not considered scientific in the traditional sense, over 200 studies that used surveys as the primary method for gathering data indicate that 50 percent of all domestic violence cases involve an exchange of blows. The 50 percent of cases where the violence is one-sided is equally split between males and females who are battered by their spouses or intimate partners. The National Institutes of Mental Health (NIMH) funded the only national, scientific study for measuring the impact of domestic violence against men. This further implies that violence against men is a mental health issue, rather than a crime.

Recently, the Department of Justice backed off of their refusal to allocate funds for the study of domestic violence against men – and only then if the study grants equal time to investigating violence against women.

Examples of Domestic Violence Against Men

The list below includes a small sampling of examples of domestic violence against men. Domestic abuse includes not only physical violence, but verbal, emotional, and financial violence as well.

Get help from a male-friendly domestic abuse support center if your partner:

• Kicks, punches, slaps, or bites you (often, but not always, women target a man's groin)
• Threatens you with weapons like knives, guns, baseball bats, irons
• Purposely scalds or burns you
• Throws objects at you
• Commits violence against your children or pets
• Violates court visitation orders by willfully stopping you from seeing your children
• Verbally humiliates you in public or private
• Constantly ridicules and makes fun of you
• Calls you names and berates your self-worth
• Blames your for her own failures
• Destroys your personal items
• Turns your children against you (parental alienation)
• Threatens to ruin you financially if you leave her
• Isolates you from family members or family functions, if your family is nearby
• Destroying fixtures in the home (i.e. cabinetry, walls, appliances)

You are not weak. You are not to blame. You are not alone. If you need help, call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-888-799-7233 in the US or the National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline at 0808 2000 247 in the UK.

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