Every year, there are tens-of-thousands of new child victims of sexual abuse and while some say that these people grow up and never fully recover from the sexual abuse, many professionals believe that abuse survivors do "get over" their abuse. Adult survivors of child abuse do not necessarily show any dysfunction due to the abuse they experienced. The earlier an abuse survivor deals with their abuse, the better their chance of a full recovery.

The two key components in recovering from sexual abuse are:

1. Dealing with the effects of sexual abuse
2. Preventing further abuse

Depending on the situation, an abuse survivor may be focused more on one, the other, or both.

Issues for the Victims of Sexual Abuse

In order to fully recover, survivors of child abuse must deal with many issues. It is only once these issues are faced that victims of child sexual abuse can truly move on. While issues are interrelated, the Child Welfare Information Gateway (by the Administration for Children and Families) lists these five treatment issues:¹

• Trust, including patterns in relationships
• Emotional reactions to sexual abuse
• Behavioral reactions to sexual abuse
• Cognitive reactions to sexual abuse
• Protection from future victimization

The victims of sexual abuse experience a break in trust in many ways. Trust is broken not only by the abuser but by those around the abuse survivor as well. For example, the victim may feel betrayed by their family if the abuser is a family member or family friend or they may feel a lack of trust with all people now concerned with their safety in all relationships. This trust can be repaired, however, by experiencing new, safe relationships often with the aid of therapy.

An emotional reaction to sexual abuse is absolutely normal but is something with which child sexual abuse survivors must deal. Victims of sexual abuse often feel:

• Responsible for the abuse and guilty about the abuse, even though it was not their fault
• A damaged sense of self and self-esteem; feeling like "damaged goods"
• Anxiety and fear around all aspects of the abuse

Both child and adult sexual abuse survivors can work through these emotions through therapy.

Behavioral reactions to sexual abuse are also normal and can be treated. A common behavioral reaction is an overly sexualized behavior. Victims of sexual abuse may dress and act overtly sexual, even if they are children. Sexualized behaviors affect a child's life negatively and can increase the likelihood of future abuses. Other behavioral problems associated with sexual abuse include:

• Aggression
• Running away
• Self-harm (cutting or burning)
• Criminal activity
• Substance abuse
• Suicidal behavior
• Hyperactivity
• Sleeping/eating problems
• Toileting problems

Behavioral reactions to sexual abuse can be overcome by sexual abuse survivors. Sometimes, though, it requires additional treatment if a behavior has become overly problematic, such as in the case of substance abuse in adult survivors of child sexual abuse.

Survivors of Child Abuse – Am I Getting Better?

While it can seem like getting over child sexual abuse is impossible, this is not the case. According to the New York City Task Force Against Sexual Assault, survivors of child abuse can check items off this checklist as they progress towards recovery:²

• I acknowledge that something terrible happened to me.
• I am beginning to deal with my feelings about the assault.
• I am angry about what was done to me but recognize that my anger is not a constant part of my feelings. It intrudes into other parts of my life in a negative way.
• I can talk about the assault experience with a counselor or a therapist.
• I am beginning to understand my feelings about the assault.
• I can give responsibility for the assault to the person who attacked me. The responsibility is not mine to accept.
• I could not have prevented the assault, and I recognize that I did the best I could to get through it.
• I am developing a sense of my own self-value and am increasing my self-esteem.
• I am comfortable with the choices I make for myself.
• I am developing a sense of being at ease with the subject of my assault.
• I recognize that I have a choice about whether or not to forgive my assailant(s).
• I recognize that I have begun to get back control in my life, that the assailant does not have power over me.
• I recognize that I have the right to regain control.

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Most people realize that if a child is abused, sexual abuse help is needed. Sexual abuse help is needed not only for the child involved but also for his (or her) caregivers as child sexual abuse can touch entire families. An adult should always seek out sexual abuse help from professionals as the situation can easily be made worse, even with the best of intentions, without the training and education in knowing how to deal with child sexual abuse.

In spite of knowing this though, not everyone knows where to find sexual abuse help. Luckily this help can be found in many places.

Sexual Abuse Help Through Law Enforcement

It is an individual's responsibility to report any suspicion of child abuse to local law enforcement and child welfare agencies. It is not up to the individual to prove or investigate the suspicion – only to report it. An investigation will be done by the agencies trained and prepared to deal with such a delicate situation.

And while an adult might want to, understandably, shield a child from the process of reporting to authorities, it's critical this step takes place in order to tell the child that you believe their allegations, you take them seriously and you want to help them. The last message any child should receive is that sexual abuse should be swept under the rug.

Once the abuse is reported to law enforcement and child welfare agencies, these organizations can help point you towards other avenues for sexual abuse help.

More information on How to Report Child Sexual Abuse.

Other Sources of Sexual Abuse Help

It's important to get help for the abused child and family, and this help should be from a person or organization that specializes in child sexual abuse help. Some professionals work exclusively in this field and should be sought out for their expertise.

Places to find sexual abuse help include:¹

• Hospitals/doctor's offices
• Offices of psychiatrists / psychologists / therapists
• Mental health centers
• Sexual assault centers
• Transition homes
• Distress centers

More information on Sexual Abuse Recovery.

Additionally, there are many national and international programs which can provide or refer you to sexual abuse help including:

• 1-888-PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) - Stop It Now
• 1-800-656-HOPE Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)
• The National Children's Alliance can help you through reporting and treatment

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Learn about the psychological and emotional effects of sexual abuse on children.

The effects of child sexual abuse weigh heavily on the tens-of-thousands of new sexual abuse victims every year. While the reported number of sexual abuse cases may be 80,000 or less, the estimated rate of child sexual abuse is much higher due to the lack of reporting. It's believed that only 30% of child sexual abuse victims report the abuse as children.¹

The effects of child sexual abuse include behavioral, cognitive and psychological effects. Substance abuse, eating disorders and low self-esteem can occur as a result of child sexual abuse.

Varied Effects of Child Sexual Abuse

Many psychological effects of child sexual abuse are seen in children of any age, as no child is psychologically prepared to cope with sexual stimulation. Even a two or three year old, who cannot know the sexual activity is wrong, will develop problems resulting from the inability to cope with the effects of child sexual abuse.

As a child ages, the effects of child sexual abuse may be even more obvious. Most sexual abusers are known by the victim and so the child is often trapped between their loyalty for the abuser and the sense that what is happening is wrong. Telling someone about the abuse becomes terrifying as the child may fear it will result in:

• Them getting in trouble, being shamed or judged
• A loss of love
• Violence (often due to threats from the abuser)
• The break-up of the family

The effects of child sexual abuse usually include low self-esteem, a feeling of worthlessness, a lack of trust in adults and an abnormal or distorted view of sex. The effects can be so strong that the child may even become suicidal. Children who have suffered from sexual abuse are also at an increased risk of future abuse and may become child abusers themselves.

The following may be effects of child sexual abuse:

• Unusual interest in or avoidance of all things of a sexual nature
• Sleep problems or nightmares
• Depression or withdrawal from friends or family
• Seductiveness
• Statements that their bodies are dirty or damaged, or fear that there is something wrong with them in the genital area
• Refusal to go to school
• Delinquency/conduct problems
• Secretiveness
• Aspects of sexual molestation in drawings, games, fantasies
• Unusual aggressiveness
• Extreme fear or anxiety
• Substance use / abuse
• Suicidal behavior

Parents can prevent or lessen the chance of sexual abuse by:

• Telling children that if someone tries to touch your body and do things that make you feel funny, say NO to that person and tell me right away
• Teaching children that respect does not mean blind obedience to adults and to authority, for example, don't tell children to, always do everything the teacher or baby-sitter tells you to do
• Encouraging professional prevention programs in the local school system

Because of the possible devastating effects of child sexual abuse, sexually abused children and their families need immediate professional evaluation and sexual abuse treatment. Psychiatrists and psychologists that specialize in helping sexually abused children are particularly helpful. Professional help can help the child regain a sense of control over life and can help deal with the feelings of shame or guilt over the abuse. This help can begin the process of recovery from the trauma and prevent future problems.

Sources:

• American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Facts for Families – Child Sexual Abuse: http://www.aacap.org/galleries/FactsForFamilies/09_child_sexual_abuse.pdf

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Often when something tragic happens, such as being molested as a child, a person feels alone. Even adults molested as children may find themselves feeling like they are the only one. This isn't true though and when celebrities speak out about their own experiences of being molested children, they can remind people that they are not alone. Many celebrities including Oprah Winfrey, Ashley Judd, Queen Latifah, Suzanne Somers, Sinead O'Connor, Terri Hatcher, Tyler Perry, Mike Patton and Billy Connoly have spoken about being sexually molested as children.¹

Ashley Judd Writes about Being Molested as a Child

In All that is Bitter and Sweet, a memoir by Ashley Judd and Maryanne Vollers, Judd reveals multiple instances of molestation in her childhood. Being molested as a child was part of what left her depressed and even suicidal.

In one case, Judd remembers being pulled into a dark corner of a pizza restaurant by "an old man that everyone knew," who then, "offered me a quarter for the pinball machine at the pizza place if I'd sit on his lap. He opened his arms, I climbed up, and I was shocked when he suddenly cinched his arms around me, squeezing me and smothering my mouth with his, jabbing his tongue deep into my mouth."²

Judd also writes about being molested as a child by her mother's boyfriend as well as several professional acquaintances.

Terri Hatcher Speaks about Being Molested

Terri Hatcher, star of NBC's Desperate Housewives, talked about how her uncle sexually molested her as a child. Hatcher hid the sexual abuse for 35 years and only talked about the abuse due to another of her uncle's victims committing suicide. While Hatcher herself hadn't attempted suicide, she felt very close to the other victim's pain and admits to having thoughts of suicide.

Like so many sexual molestation victims, Hatcher felt enormous torment. Says Hatcher, "I have so much pain. I'm a woman who carries around all these layers of fear and vulnerability. I'm trying to be my powerful me."

Thanks to Hatcher's coming forward, her abuser plead guilty to four counts of child molestation and was sentenced to 14 years in prison.³

When Celebrities Speak of Molested Children, People Listen

With each story of sexual molestation that a celebrity shares, more people are exposed to the reality of sexual abuse of children. This exposure can help other people molested as children come forward. As noted by ABC News:⁴

"When "One Day at a Time" actress Mackenzie Phillips alleged a decade-long sexual relationship with her father, singer John Phillips, on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) reported a 26 percent jump in its hotline calls and an 83 percent increase in traffic on its Web site."

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No one wants their child to be a victim of a child predator, but how does one protect their children from child abusers? Particularly now, with internet predators, caregivers may feel helpless, but there are steps that can be taken to protect your children from child predators.

Reducing the Risk of Child Offender Victimization

While nothing a caregiver does will absolutely prevent child sexual abuse, there are steps you can take to reduce the risk of child offender victimization. Consider these steps to protect someone you love from child predators:¹

• Be watchful – always be on the lookout for situations or behaviors that seem dangerous or suspicious. Always know where your child is.
• Monitor online activities – know what you child does online to prevent access by online child predators.
• Check policies – check child protection policies at organizations that interact with your child. For example, what is the policy on screening the people that coach soccer? Does the organization check the sex offender registry?
• Be with the child – accompany the child to public places like washrooms, stores and activities.
• Communicate – be sure the child understands that he (or she) can tell you anything, even if he is afraid.
• Rehearse – use "what if" scenarios to be sure a child knows what to do if a questionable situation arises. For example, "what would you do if you played a game with an adult that made you feel uncomfortable?" or, "what would you do if someone touched your private parts?"
• Teach assertiveness – teach a child how to stand up to a child in an assertive manner. Make sure a child understands that being a good child doesn't mean just "blind obedience" to whatever any adult says.
• Teach accurate names – label the body parts using the correct terms and use accurate names for sex acts as developmentally appropriate. Make sure the child knows that it's not OK for someone to touch his private parts.
• Model appropriate behavior – show a child what a healthy relationship between an adult and child should look like. Adults are not interested in child companionship and friendship. Children are friends with other children and adults are friends with adults.

Read about Warning Signs of Child Sexual Abuse.

Behavior that May Indicate a Sexual Predator

If a sexual predator is already in the life of a child, there are behaviors that can tip off a caregiver. An offender is always going to look for access to the child and time alone with the child and any adult looking for these things in unreasonable amounts is suspicious.

Signs of a Child Predator

According to the Canadian Center for Child Protection, things a child predator might do include:

• Seem overly interested in the child or become fixated on the child
• Create opportunities to be alone with the child
• Give special privileges to a child (rides to and from practices, etc.)
• Befriending a family and showing more interest in building a relationship with the child than with the adults
• Displaying favoritism towards one child within a family
• Finding opportunities to buy a child gifts
• Catering to the interests of the child, so a child or the parent initiates the contact

None of these behaviors in and of themselves prove that a person is a sexual predator, but together they may make a caregiver suspicious.

Overall, the most important thing to teach your child is personal safety and create a safe space for him to tell if anything bad has happened. Child predators are much less likely to target children they think will talk about the abuse.

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While no one wants to think about the sexual abuse of a child, particularly for victims, it is common to ask, "why are children sexually abused?" There is no clear answer to this question. What we do know is that it is not the fault of those who have been sexually abused. While those who have been abused as a child may feel shame and guilt over what happened, the only person who should take responsibility for the abuse is the offender.

Three models that try to explain why children are sexually abused have emerged. Models that focus exclusively on the family or exclusively on the abuser have been mostly replaced by a more integrated approach.¹

Abused as a Child. Why? A Family-Centered Approach

This older approach suggests that children are abused due to family dynamics. According to the Child Welfare Gateway by the Administration for Children and Families:

"Specifically, clinicians taking this perspective described the collusive mother, who has estranged herself from the father, as the "cornerstone" of the incestuous triad and the victim as a parental child who has replaced her mother as sexual partner to the father."

This theory has been recognized to have too many limitations to explain sexually abused children in general and is not commonly in use today.

Offender-Centered Approach

This approach seeks to explain why children are sexually abused from the perspective of the commonalities shared by the offenders. Unfortunately, this approach too has many limitations as the information is typically gathered from offenders in jail and thus it is not representative of offenders as a whole and does not represent the role that outside dynamics may place on the abuse.

An Integrated Approach to Why Children are Sexually Abused

More recently, an integrated model has been developed to explain why children are sexually abused. This model combines both family and offender factors. In a practical model of this approach, there are said to be prerequisite conditions for child sexual abuse as well as contributing factors.

The prerequisites of child sexual abuse are found in the offender and they are:

• Sexual arousal to children
• Propensity to act on sexual arousal

These two conditions, found in the abuser, are enough to explain why some are abused as a child, but other contributing factors can also play a role. Contributing factors can include:

• Cultural issues
• Family, including marital, issues (such as an unhappy marriage)
• Current life situation (such as abusing alcohol)
• Personality
• Past life events (such as being a previous victim of sexual abuse)
• Situation (such as access to unsupervised children)

Contributing factors should not be confused with blaming the victim, however. None of these contributing factors cause sexual abuse of children, but they can increase the likelihood only if the prerequisite factors also exist.

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If trying to protect a child against child sexual abusers, one might want to know what to look for to indicate someone is a child predator. It would be convenient if we could spot a child abuser in a crowd to make sure they didn't come anywhere near a child.

Unfortunately, sexual abusers do not wear black hats nor can any one characteristic tell you who they are. Child abuse offenders often look, and act, just like everyone else. In fact, many times the family of the child has a relationship with the child abuser either because he (or she) is a family friend or because he is a member of the family.

Who are Sexual Abusers?

There is no single type of person that is a sexual abuser. Sexual abusers can be men or women of any age or socioeconomic status but are generally known by the child as only 10% of child sexual abuse cases are perpetrated by strangers.¹

• 60% of sexual abusers are known by the child, but are not family.
• 30% of sexual abusers are family members.
• Sexual abusers are mostly men, whether the victim is a male or a female
• Women are the child abusers in 14% of cases where the victim is male and in 6% of cases where the victim is female.
• 25% of sexual abusers are adolescents.

Read more information about Why Are Children Sexually Abused?

Characteristics of Child Sexual Abusers

While a sexual abuser can be anyone, many sexual abusers share certain traits. In a Canadian study, 40% of convicted child sexual abusers were sexually abused as children and they tended to choose victims close to the age at which they were victimized.² Child abusers may also be frequently aggressive as one study found that 50% of child victims experienced force as part of the abuse.³

Child abuse offenders have personality characteristics that facilitate the sexual abuse of children. For example, child abusers are attracted to children sexually and are willing to act on these impulses. Sexual abusers also must:⁴

• Overcome the internal barriers against sexually abusing children
• Overcome the external barriers against sexually abusing children
• Overcome the child resistance to sexual abuse – includes manipulation of the child into involving them in sexual activity and then coercing them not to tell others about it

Because of these necessities, child abusers may appear very charming or likable in an effort to win the trust of the child and those around the child.

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Child sexual abuse statistics have been collected for many years by the United States and other countries in an attempt to understand and stop child sexual abuse. These sexual abuse statistics are problematic however, as child sexual abuse is thought to be widely underreported. In fact, only 30% of child sexual abuse cases are thought to be disclosed during childhood.¹

Additionally, child sexual abuse definitions have changed over the years as have the organizations that investigate child sexual abuse cases so statistics on child sexual abuse may inherently fluctuate.

What we do know, however, is that up to 80,000 cases of child sexual abuse have been reported in a given year although that sexual abuse statistic has fallen in recent years. Professionals are unsure why the number has fallen but caution that it may be due to other factors and may not actually represent a significant decrease in child sexual abuse. Child sexual abuse only accounts for about 8% of child abuse cases.²

Child Sexual Abuse Statistics – the Victim

Child sexual abuse victims are normally chosen because they are considered "easy targets" in one way or another. Often this is because the abuser already has a relationship with them and has developed trust with them and their families and may even have secured time alone with them. Children who are isolated or who have poor parent-child relationships or unavailable parents are also more likely to be victims.³

Professionals can only estimate the child abuse statistics on the prevalence of the problem and estimates vary widely:⁴

• Rates of female victimization range from 6-62% with most professionals believing the number is around 30%
• Rates of male victimization range from 3-24% with most professionals believing the number is around 14%
• Sexual abuse victims are found in all races and all socioeconomic groups

Child sexual abuse statistics also show that victims will deny the abuse, even after disclosure, far more often than they will make false reports.⁵

Read more about: Why Are Children Sexually Abused?

Child Sexual Abuse Statistics – the Abuser

According to child sexual abuse statistics, approximately nine-out-of-ten abusers are known by their victim. For example, they are coaches, babysitters or family members. Of the ten percent who are strangers, they may try to contact the child through the internet. This is often the case with child pornographers.⁶

Other child sexual abuse statistics about the abuser include:

• Most sexual abusers are male, whether the victim is female or male
• Women are the abusers in about 14% of cases against males and in about 6% of the cases against females
• Sexual abusers are aggressive with up to 50% using some force against their victim
• About 30% of abusers are family members
• About 25% of abusers are adolescents
• About 40% of non-incest abusers reoffend
• About 40% of abusers were, themselves, victims of sexual abuse
• In some cases, the abuser may abuse large numbers of victims (more than 70) before they are found out. In these cases, the victims are more likely to be male.

Read more about: Sexual Abusers - Who are These Child Abusers?

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The silent treatment is something that most people know about if, for no other reason, it comes up on the playground and in sitcoms repeatedly. The silent treatment, sometimes called "the cold shoulder," is the purposeful exclusion of one party from social interactions. In other words, when a person gives you the silent treatment they act is if you aren't even there. The silent treatment is so named because the person will not talk to you but, in reality, the person may avoid all interaction with you including being in the same room.

Roots of the Silent Treatment

The roots of the silent treatment come from early cultures where a form of punishment was being ostracized. Ostracism was initially a Greek word and was the procedure in which a person could be expelled from the city-state of Athens for ten years. In many cultures, being ostracized meant almost certain death as people could not live without the protection of a society.

To this day, we understand that humans are social beings and find it very difficult to exist completely outside of social interactions.

The Cold Shoulder, Silent Treatment as Abuse

In modern day though, the silent treatment in a relationship is simply a person's way of exacting control over another person. The person giving the cold shoulder has all the power and creates a situation wherein all the attention is focused on him (or her), and what he perceives as being wrong. The silent treatment is often given as a form of punishment in a relationship and psychologists consider the silent treatment as a form of abuse.

The silent treatment is abuse because:¹

• It is passive-aggressive behavior intended to hurt the other person
• It shows a lack of caring, a lack of respect and a lack of value
• It can hurt the other person more than anything else you do, depending on the other person
• It can contribute to depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem

For many people, the silent treatment is the worst form of emotional abuse.

Dealing with the Silent Treatment

While a person's first inclination when dealing with the silent treatment may be to get more vocal, more frustrated and more upset, this isn't a helpful way to deal with the silent treatment. It's important to remember that while you might want to "fix" whatever prompted the silent treatment, you can't do that by reading your partner's mind. The situation can't be resolved until your partner tells you what is wrong.

When dealing with the silent treatment:²

• Don't try to read your partner's mind – it's not your job and it's not fair
• Don't give the silent treatment back
• Let your partner know that you care about him (or her) and why he is upset
• Invite your partner to explain what is bothering him

If the person giving the cold shoulder still doesn't want to speak, try to let it go as best as you can and do things that focus on you instead of on him. If you quit playing your part of the game by not focusing on him and not getting angry, he will have to change his own behavior too.

More comprehensive information on Dealing with Emotional Abuse.

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Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where the abuser manipulates situations repeatedly to trick the victim into distrusting his or her own memory and perceptions. Gaslighting is an insidious form of abuse. It makes victims question the very instincts that they have counted on their whole lives, making them unsure of anything. Gaslighting makes it very likely that victims will believe whatever their abusers tell them regardless as to their own experience of the situation. Gaslighting often precedes other types of emotional and physical abuse because the victim of gaslighting is more likely to remain in other abusive situations as well.

The term "gaslighting" comes from the 1938 British play "Gas Light" wherein a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy using a variety of tricks causing her to question her own perceptions and sanity. "Gas Light" was made into a movie both in 1940 and 1944.

Gaslighting Techniques and Examples

There are numerous gaslighting techniques which can make gaslighting more difficult to identify. Gaslighting techniques are used to hide truths that the abuser doesn't want the victim to realize. Gaslighting abuse can be perpetrated by either women or men.

"Withholding" is one gaslighting technique where the abuser feigns a lack of understanding, refuses to listen and declines to share his emotions. Gaslighting examples of this would be:¹

• "I'm not listening to that crap again tonight."
• "You're just trying to confuse me."

Another gaslighting technique is "countering," where an abuser will vehemently call into question a victim's memory in spite of the victim having remembered things correctly.

• "Think about when you didn't remember things correctly last time."
• "You thought that last time and you were wrong."

These techniques throw the victim off the intended subject matter and make them question their own motivations and perceptions rather than the issue at hand.

It is then that the abuser will start to question the experiences, thoughts, and opinions more globally through statements said in anger like:

• "You see everything in the most negative way."
• "Well you obviously never believed in me then."
• "You have an overactive imagination."

"Blocking" and "diverting" are gaslighting techniques whereby the abuser again changes the conversation from the subject matter to questioning the victim's thoughts and controlling the conversation. Gaslighting examples of this include:

• "I'm not going through that again."
• "Where did you get a crazy idea like that?"
• "Quit bitching."
• "You're hurting me on purpose."

"Trivializing" is another way of gaslighting. It involves making the victim believe his or her thoughts or needs aren't important, such as:

• "You're going to let something like that come between us?"

Abusive "forgetting" and "denial" can also be forms of gaslighting. In this technique, the abuser pretends to forget things that have really occurred; the abuser may also deny things like promises that have been made that are important to the victim. An abuser might say,

• "What are you talking about?"
• "I don't have to take this."
• "You're making that up."

Some gaslighters will then mock the victim for their "wrongdoings" and "misperceptions."

Gaslighting Psychology

The gaslighting techniques are used in conjunction to try to make the victim doubt their own thoughts, memories, and actions. Soon the victim is scared to bring up any topic at all for fear they are "wrong" about it or don't remember the situation correctly.

The worst gaslighters will even create situations that allow for the usage of gaslighting techniques. An example of this is taking the victim's keys from the place where they are always left, making the victim think she has misplaced them. Then "helping" the victim with her "bad memory" find the keys.

Are You a Victim of Gaslighting Emotional Abuse?

According to author and psychoanalyst Robin Stern, Ph.D., the signs of being a victim of gaslighting emotional abuse include:²

1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself.
2. You ask yourself, "Am I too sensitive?" a dozen times a day.
3. You often feel confused and even crazy.
4. You're always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss.
5. You can't understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren't happier.
6. You frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to friends and family.
7. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explain or make excuses.
8. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
9. You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.
10. You have trouble making simple decisions.
11. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
12. You feel hopeless and joyless.
13. You feel as though you can't do anything right.
14. You wonder if you are a "good enough" girlfriend/ wife/employee/ friend; daughter.
15. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explain or make excuses.

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