Knowing how to deal with a depressed spouse can be challenging. You probably feel like you’ve tried everything, and you’re at the edge of your coping abilities. When this happens, it can be frightening and confusing for both partners, especially if you don't have a support system. It's easy for two people to get locked in the world of mental illness and not be able to see a way out, which is why many partners of depressed people become depressed themselves. So, what do you do when you've reached the end of your rope? Let's explore how to deal with a depressed spouse without neglecting yourself.

How to Deal with a Depressed Spouse: The Basics

Wondering how to deal with a depressed spouse is something many people face at some time in their lives, and the answer is often complicated. That’s because depression itself is hard to understand.

It’s crucial, however, that you engage with what your partner is going through. Depression is no walk in the park. It is a debilitating illness that makes people feel like they're carrying a huge weight on their shoulders that they can't shrug off. It affects the body and mind in a variety of ways, causing insomnia, fatigue, stomach issues, changes in appetite, reduced libido and difficulty concentrating – to name a few.

Depression symptoms can vary in severity, from mild to moderate to major depression. A 2000 study by the Mayo Clinic found the rate of suicide in patients with depression was between 2 and 9 percent. Older studies using stricter definitions reported that the figure was around 15 percent. However, depression is highly treatable, so there is every reason to believe that your partner can and will get better.

With all of this in mind, here are some tips if you’re wondering how to deal with a depressed spouse:

• Encourage them to get help: You cannot treat your partner’s depression – that is the job of professionals. Depression treatment options include antidepressant medication, talking therapies and lifestyle changes. What’s more, studies show that 80% of people with depression start to feel better after 4-6 weeks of treatment.
• Know that you can’t force it: People only benefit from treatment if they’re ready to accept help and they want to get better. You can’t bully your partner into treatment (learn how to help a depressed husband or wife when they don’t want it).
• Avoid confrontation: It can be incredibly frustrating when someone doesn’t want to get help or pursues behaviors that make their depression worse. Studies show, however, that confrontation can actually make people more resistant to change, so broach the subject gently rather than pointing the finger.
• Be patient: Patience can be difficult to muster when you’re wondering how to deal with a depressed partner. However, many people recover from depression and go on to live healthy and fulfilling lives. If you want to remain in the relationship, you will need to be patient and give your partner time to heal.

How to Handle a Depressed Spouse When All Else Fails

Need to know how to deal with a depressed spouse but have no idea what you’re doing? Treating depression can be complicated – it's rarely as simple as popping a pill or showing up to therapy. With this in mind, what do you do when you feel like you’ve tried everything to treat your partner’s depression and they’re still not getting better? Here are some tips.

• Encourage them to get a physical: Knowing how to deal with a depressed spouse isn’t always your job. You may need to involve a healthcare professional if your partner’s depression is severe or resistant to treatment. A physical exam and blood work could reveal other causes of your partner’s depression, such as hypothyroidism, vitamin D deficiency, vitamin B-12 deficiency, insulin resistance or blood sugar imbalances, so this is an important step.
• See a specialist: If your partner is seeking treatment and they’re still not getting better, it might be time to see a specialist. Ask your partner’s doctor for a referral or search online for psychiatrists in your area.
• Get help: Being the partner of someone with a mental illness is tough, but you don't have to wonder how to handle a depressed spouse alone. Consider joining a support group for loved ones of people with depression or, if your partner's condition leaves them bed-bound, hire a caregiver to help out once in a while. Bring in family members to help out as much as possible, even if your partner resists. You need to make sure you're getting the right support for yourself as well as your spouse.
• Consider a lifestyle change: Knowing how to help a depressed spouse may involve a lifestyle change. Stress is one of the leading causes of depression, which is why many people consider a radical adjustment when their mental health takes a turn for the worse. Consider moving home or suggest your partner transfers to a different line of work. If radical change isn’t an option, look for everyday adjustments he or she could make – such as transforming their diet or joining an exercise class.

Knowing how to deal with a depressed spouse takes time, and the journey can be long and arduous. Ultimately, though, only you can decide what your boundaries are when it comes to your partner’s mental illness ("Depression and Relationships: When to Say Goodbye").

If you’re worried about your loved one, you can call the NAMI helpline at (800)-950-6264 for advice and support. If your partner is acutely suicidal, call The Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) or contact the emergency services immediately.

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Depression and premenstrual syndrome (PMS) is a legitimately unpleasant experience. The thoughts, feelings, and behaviors aren’t something to be glibly and annoyingly dismissed as “just that time of the month.” Rather, they are biologically connected to the menstrual cycle. If you’ve been frustrated by your monthly mood disturbances, keep reading. You’ll learn about the real connection between depression and PMS as well as how to ease your symptoms.

If you experience depression associated with PMS, you’re among the company of many women. Approximately 75 percent of women of childbearing age experience PMS, and about half of the women who receive treatment for PMS also report having depression symptoms during the two weeks leading up to their period (Tantry, 2019). Additionally, some women who live with major depressive disorder (MDD) experience a worsening of their depression before menstruation.

Depression symptoms that can begin or intensify about mid-month include:

• Intense sadness
• Crying spells or easily becoming teary
• Irritability or anger
• Fatigue
• Sleep changes, either more or less
• Appetite changes, eating too much or too little
• Absentmindedness or forgetfulness
• Lack of interest in activities usually enjoyed

Experiencing depression symptoms every month before your period becomes disheartening and life-disrupting. While the exact cause and mechanisms are still unknown and being studied, researchers have discovered a partial explanation. The reason is related to fluctuations in body chemistry.

What Causes Depression and PMS?

PMS-related depression typically begins about two weeks before menstruation because that’s when ovulation occurs. When the body releases an ovum, or egg, there’s a drop in the levels of two key hormones: estrogen and progesterone. The change in these chemical levels directly affects the levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin, causing it to decrease, too.

Low levels of serotonin are associated with emotional changes like sadness and irritability. Lack of serotonin is also linked to sleep difficulties and food cravings, two other prominent symptoms of depression PMS.

The occurrence of negative symptoms after ovulation is natural. That doesn’t mean, however, that you have to suffer from depression for two weeks every month. You can do things to ease your symptoms.

Easing Your Symptoms of Depression and PMS

Because depression during PMS is biological, you can impact your body in healthy ways to decrease your symptoms. It starts by knowing what makes depression PMS worse. Certain things are known to exacerbate depression during your menstrual cycle:

• Poor nutrition
• Lack of exercise
• Poor quality of sleep
• Stress
• Alcohol
• Smoking

Targeting these areas will help reduce symptoms. If you smoke, work on quitting. Minimize alcohol consumption or avoid it altogether. Beyond this, you can do things to enhance your healthy lifestyle.

Track your symptoms. Recording your symptoms in a mood journal, chart, or mood tracker app can help you understand when you experience mood changes and what you think and feel. This deeper awareness can help you develop perspective and motivation to take positive action. When you see that your feelings and thoughts are related to hormonal fluctuations and thus come and go, you can distance yourself from them, lessening their impact because you know they’re neither realistic or permanent.

Take charge of your nutrition. PMS cravings can lead to eating the types of food that makes depression worse. Limit sugary and salty foods, foods high in saturated fat, and caffeinated beverages, and replace them with whole grains, fruits, vegetables, nuts, and seeds. In particular, eat foods high in calcium (dairy and green, leafy vegetables), vitamin B-6 (fish, poultry, fruit, and fortified cereals), and magnesium (almonds, peanuts, and green, leafy vegetables) to give your body the nutrients it needs after ovulation. Taking supplements with these vitamins and minerals can help, too.

Make healthy lifestyle choices. Daily exercise staves off depression symptoms. Spend about 30 minutes being active, doing something you enjoy (or used to enjoy) to keep moods up and positively impact neurochemicals. Exercise also improves sleep, which is another important lifestyle component. Getting 7-8 hours of quality sleep each night can ease depression PMS. Stress management is paramount, too. Taking time to relax, enjoy the company of loved ones, and engage in hobbies is a proven way to help depression and PMS.

Talk to your doctor about medication. Sometimes, the above actions don’t do enough on their own to ease symptoms. When that happens, antidepressants that ease PMS might be in order. A type of antidepressant known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs like Celexa (citalopram), Prozac (fluoxetine), Zoloft (sertraline) and others, keep serotonin levels up in the brain, which reduces depression symptoms. Also, some people find hormonal birth control pills to be helpful. Talk with your doctor to see if medication might help reduce your symptoms.

Depression and PMS can reduce the quality of your life, but you can ease the symptoms and reclaim your mental health and wellbeing.

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Zulresso (brexanolone) is a drug specifically for postpartum depression (PPD). It holds the promise of an effective treatment for the mood disorder that plagues one in seven, or nearly 15 percent of, new moms. This new postpartum depression treatment, which is not without issues, has long been needed. FDA approval came on March 19, 2019.

The Significance of Zulresso for Postpartum Depression

Why is Zulresso (brexanolone) needed? Postpartum depression involves feelings of intense sadness, emptiness, and hopelessness. New mothers frequently feel overwhelmed, but in PPD, the experiencing can be paralyzing. This mood disorder disrupts basic functions like eating, sleeping, making decisions, connecting with others, and having an interest in anything—including the newborn baby.

At its most severe, PPD can be life-threatening. The new mother with severe postpartum depression sometimes has thoughts of harming herself, her infant, or her other children. Even if it doesn’t escalate to this point, this form of depression is harmful in another way. It disrupts the bond that forms between mother and baby, which can have long-term effects on the child’s development.

Up until now, doctors treated patients with postpartum depression using mostly SSRI antidepressants like Prozac. It can take 6-8 weeks before a patient feels significant relief and that’s if the person responds to the antidepressant.  Zulresso differs from other antidepressants. The active ingredient is brexanolone, which is a synthetic version of a substance made by the body. Called allopregnanolone, the body makes it from its own hormone progesterone.

Before we explore Zulresso in more detail, here are a few caveats to this promising drug:

• The FDA approved it but gave it a Risk Evaluation and Mitigation Strategy (REMS) status, so its current availability is only through a restricted distribution program.
• It can only be administered at certified health care facilities.
• Patients receiving the drug must be monitored at all times.
• The only women who have received this treatment are those who participated in clinical trials.

That said, brexanolone has positive effects that make it desirable for new mothers with serious PPD.

Effects of Zulresso (brexanolone)

For mothers with postpartum depression symptoms, brexanolone helps a woman heal from negative thoughts and emotions that dominate her world after giving birth:

• Frequent crying
• Irritability, impatience, anger
• Feeling numb and disconnected from the baby
• Excessive worry about harming the infant
• Thoughts of self-harm
• Feelings of worthlessness, guilt

Postpartum depression can be hurtful to the new mother, her baby, and her other family members. Zulresso helps:

• Mothers and babies bond, which helps babies thrive as they develop and grow
• Mothers care for their newborn
• Babies experience fewer sleeping and eating problems

In clinical trials, Zulresso’s positive effects worked quickly, as soon as 48 hours after treatment began. Further, after the 60-hour treatment ended, the effects lasted about a month.

Side-Effects of Zulresso (brexanolone)

Thus far, Zulresso has demonstrated positive effects that increase the mental health and wellbeing of both mother and newborn. However, no medication is without negative side-effects, including brexanolone.

Mild side-effects include sleepiness, flushing, and dry mouth.

Serious side-effects are

• Sudden loss of consciousness while it’s being administered
• Excessive sedation

This drug carries a boxed warning because of potentially fatal side-effects:

• Worsening of PPD symptoms
• Increased suicidal thoughts or actions
• Thoughts of harming the baby

If such side-effects occur, doctors should immediately discontinue treatment with brexanolone.

How Zulresso is Administered

Like the medication itself, administration of Zulresso is unique. Because of side-effects and risks, constant monitoring during treatment is required. This PPD medication comes in liquid form only, and it’s administered through an IV in what’s called a brexanolone infusion. Accordingly, it can be administered only in a hospital or other certified health care facility.

The dose is administered over the course of 60 hours—two-and-a-half days. The mother receiving this treatment can see and hold her baby and have the rest of her family visit; however, visits must be supervised. During the clinical trials, women were not allowed to breastfeed as little is known about the effects on nursing infants (see Postpartum Depression and Breastfeeding: Effects, Safe Treatments).

Perhaps the biggest drawback to brexanolone is the price tag. The cost of one dose is $34,000, which is not yet covered by insurance. On top of this cost, there are the added costs of the hospital stay, drug administration, and the required supervision.

In the clinical trials, the positive effects of a dose of Zulresso lasted about a month. It’s uncertain whether this single dose is enough improvement to last beyond that because participants were involved for only one month.

Some have wondered if the benefits of the postpartum antidepressant can be extended by combining brexanolone with other antidepressants. However, doing so isn’t advised and won’t be allowed. This drug can interact with other medications, including antidepressants, and produce dangerous side-effects.

While Zulresso does have drawbacks, in clinical trials it benefited mothers with postpartum depression. Women with moderate or severe PPD fared best, as did women with chronic depression. This medication created specifically for PPD seems to work better than the traditional antidepressants, such as SSRIs and SNRIs, that have been used until now.

You may be interested in: Are There Natural Treatments for Postpartum Depression?

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Knowing how to deal with someone with depression is a valuable skill. However, being aware of the right things to say and do when a loved one is mentally ill isn’t always easy. Our connections with friends and loved ones can help draw them out of the darkness and make them feel less alone, but sometimes this responsibility can feel like too much. At times, trying to help a depressed person can be frustrating. They may be unprepared to admit they’re unwell or reluctant to seek help, or else they might withdraw from us entirely. Often, we’re forced to accept that we cannot know how to deal with someone with depression if they won’t help themselves, but is there more we could be doing?

How to Deal with Someone with Depression: It’s Easier Than You Think

Knowing how to deal with someone with depression is an increasingly important life skill. Depression is the leading cause of disability and ill health worldwide, yet so many of us are afraid to talk about it for fear of making others uncomfortable. This very fact can be what causes people with depression to withdraw from their peers and shy away from help. So how do you deal with someone with depression when they seem unwilling to connect?

According to comedian and storyteller, Bill Bernat, dealing with a depressed person is simpler than most of us think – and it’s all about making meaningful connections. Bernat argues that depression doesn’t diminish a person’s desire to connect with others, just their ability to. Therefore, allowing your loved one to be depressed and still maintain a deep connection with you is perhaps the most powerful support you can offer.

How to Deal with a Depressed Person: The Basics

Not sure how to deal with someone with depression? Here are some basic tips and facts you should know.

• Don’t treat them differently: Many people with depression feel like they have to pretend to be okay in case people treat them differently. Your loved one is still the same person; they're just ill. Take your lead from them and be open, honest and friendly. If they want to talk about their depression, they’ll let you know.
• Words are not always important: Even if you don’t know what to say, you can still connect with someone who has depression. Just listen. Allow them to talk and offer a hug if you think they need it. Send them a card or drop off their favorite ice-cream. Making a gesture to bridge the gap that depression creates is important, but it doesn’t matter how you do it. Knowing how to deal with someone with depression means acknowledging that words aren’t always needed.
• Not all depression is the same: Just because something works for one person, that doesn't mean it will work for another. Accept that you may not understand your loved one's depression and you don't have the answers. It's not your job to give advice – you just need to be there.  
• Clearly state what you can and can’t do: It’s okay to make an offer of help with clear boundaries around it. There’s no point telling your friend they can call you “night or day” if you don’t intend to answer your phone. This is not how to deal with a depressed person. Instead, be open about the kind of support you can provide.
• Invite them to contribute to your life: Rather than offering to “help” your loved one, ask them to come with you to the movies or invite them to go shopping. Make sure they are the ones in control and that they don’t feel pitied or weak.   
• Find out what works for them: When someone tells you they’re depressed, don’t say “what can I do to help?” This is too vague, and most people won’t take you up on your offer. Be more specific instead. Say, “Is it okay if I text you every day to check in?” or “I’d like to come and see you once a week, would you like that?”
• People can be depressed and okay at the same time: Just because someone has depression, that doesn’t mean they can’t talk about anything else. While some people need immediate and life-saving help, the majority of people living with depression want to connect with others in meaningful ways without having to pretend they're "fine."

Knowing how to deal with someone with depression is key to maintaining close and meaningful relationships. It’s estimated that 15% of the adult population will experience depression at some point in their lifetime, making it all the more important to know how to deal with a depressed person compassionately.

See Also:

• How to Help a Boyfriend, Girlfriend with Depression
• How to Help Your Spouse, Partner with Depression

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Ever wondered how to help a depressed husband or wife when they don't want it? This is a tough question and one where several factors must be considered. If you believe your partner to be a danger to themselves or others, for example, you may need to override their wishes and contact a professional who can provide the help they need. But aside from emergencies, is it ever OK to force help on someone who doesn't want your involvement? Let's explore how to help a depressed husband, wife or spouse who rejects your support.

How to Help a Depressed Husband, Wife or Partner: Should You Confront Them?

Desperate to know how to help a depressed husband or wife when they don’t want your support? Whatever the situation, depression can hurt your relationship or make your relationship incredibly difficult. Your partner may reject your emotional or practical help and insist on doing things on their own. This can be incredibly bothersome when you’re worried about your partner, and dealing with someone with depression can be frustrating. Understandably, this frustration often leads to confrontation, which is rarely helpful to either partner.

Just like when someone has an alcohol or drug addiction, it can be difficult to make your spouse see how their depression is affecting your relationship and home life. When you're dealing with an addict, however, confrontation rarely motivates them to seek help. Studies show that conflict and confrontation actually increase an individual’s resistance to change and make them more likely to carry out problematic behavior, such as drinking, gambling or drugs.

Helping a Husband with Depression: What Can You Do?

Knowing how to help a depressed husband or wife involves using strategic methods, but if confrontation doesn't work then what will? Conversely, empathy and understanding are the keys to helping someone who doesn't want to be helped. Sure, you can force your partner into treatment, but if he or she is not prepared to accept help, the chances of them getting better are slim.

Your partner needs to make an active choice to get help – to take his or her medication every day or show up to therapy sessions. The road to recovery from depression is sometimes long and winding, so your husband needs to be in the right headspace.

Knowing how to help a depressed husband is not the complete picture. Sometimes, people just aren’t ready to seek help and there is very little you can do to persuade them otherwise. As long as you’re aware where your responsibilities end and where it’s up to the other person to act, there are some things you can do:

• Provide consistency: Routine is great for people with depression, as it helps them ground their sometimes unpredictable moods. Try to provide consistency by sticking to a routine (such as eating breakfast and going to bed at the same time each day), even if your partner doesn't follow suit.   
• Stay calm: If you want your partner to trust you enough to seek your help and advice, you need not to take their depression personally or start an argument every time they refuse help.
• Be empathetic: Your partner may have good reasons for not wanting to accept help. He or she may want to keep the depression separate from your relationship, or they may be worried about losing their job or children if they were to get treatment (even though this only happens in extreme cases). Don’t blame your partner for their illness just because they’re reluctant to seek help. Instead, show that you understand their concerns and are prepared to help navigate them.
• Set boundaries: It is not OK for your partner to talk down to you or become verbally abusive, no matter what they’re going through, so be sure to set boundaries if your relationship starts to suffer. You may also need to stipulate what you’re prepared to put up with if their depression involves heavy drinking or other problematic behaviors ("Depression and Relationships: When to Say Goodbye").
• Give them hope: Hope is the greatest enemy to depression, so try to offer glimmers of it where you can. Remind them of trips you want to take or plans for the future and keep telling them that they can and will feel better in time.
• Offer gentle reminders of help: Keep reminding your partner of the kinds of support that's available, such as an appointment with their doctor, a telephone call with a mental health helpline or therapy sessions.

Knowing how to help a depressed husband, wife or partner is not always easy – especially if they don't want your support. The small efforts you make can add up over time, however, so know that you're doing the best you can and that it is ultimately up to your partner to make the next move.

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Understanding depression isn’t easy thanks to the frustrating, discouraging nature of depression. Depression does have a definition and a set of symptoms and features that specify its duration and intensity. Here is a clinical description from the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5):

    “[Depressive disorders involve] the presence of sad, empty, or irritable mood,
    accompanied by somatic and cognitive changes that significantly affect the
    individual’s capacity to function.” (p.155)

This description provides an intellectual conceptualization of depression, but it really doesn’t do it justice. A clinical description can’t explain depression’s depth, what it feels like to live with it, or what it does to someone’s life. To truly understand depression, it’s necessary to go beyond the clinical criteria and descriptions. It is the only way depression can be explained.

Depression Explained: What Depression is Like and What It Does to People

Everyone experiences some of the characteristics of depression from time to time. Negative thoughts and emotions, low mood, and fatigue are part of the human condition. Sometimes we react negatively to people, situations, and events. We feel upset and down. Sometimes, we might even use the word “depressed” to describe how we’re feeling. This is not depression.

Words like “sad,” “tired,” “lethargic,” and “unmotivated” are sometimes used to explain depression. These words aren’t wrong, but they fall short. They don’t help anyone understand depression. Perhaps that’s because depression is a state of being that is beyond adjectives.

To understand depression, it helps to empathize with those who live with it, to imagine what it’s like to go through what they are experiencing. Depression causes people, against their will and contrary to what they’d normally choose, to:

• Withdraw from life, turning away from their family, friends, activities, and interests
• Cease or minimize engagement with people, work, school, home, and the responsibilities and pleasures that go with them
• Blame themselves for many, many things and hate themselves for them all
• Feel worthless, like a failure who doesn’t deserve happiness, friendships, love, or other good things in life
• Think negative thoughts and believe those negative thoughts
• Shut down out of sheer exhaustion and feeling utterly overwhelmed by themselves and life

To help understand depression, think of it as a prolonged, crushing despair. Depression is more than that, though. It’s chronic pain of mind and body: psychological pain involving feelings and thoughts as well as physical pain involving any part or system of the body. This makes perfect sense, as some regions of the brain are involved in both physical and psychological pain, causing overlapping agonies. The pain of depression makes it nearly, if not completely, impossible to live life fully or participate in being you.

What someone experiences with depression is real. It’s not made up for attention or an overreaction to a problem or a personal weakness. People go through what they do for a different reason.

Depression Understanding: Depression Is a Genuine Illness

Depression is an illness like any other physical or mental illness. While its effects are felt throughout the body, it’s the organ we call the brain that experiences problems that manifest as depression.

The biological illness is due in part to imbalances in the brain. These chemical imbalances throw off the body’s natural rhythms and behaviors. Appetite is off-kilter. Circadian rhythms important to sleep functions are disrupted. Rhythms that govern sexual functioning aren’t functioning correctly, either. These key biological functions experience imbalances that result in eating, sleeping, and sexual behavior changes that then further throw off the brain’s neurochemistry. Depression has begun and continues to spiral downward.

Another dimension of illness suffered by the brain is its electrical nature. The brain, like the heart, is a bioelectrical organ with continual rhythms and cycles. One understanding of depression is as an arrhythmia of the brain. Arrhythmia causes misfiring and malfunctioning, one result of which is depression.

Understanding depression as an illness is a very good thing. It’s proof that it’s not a character flaw any more than having diabetes or heart disease is a character flaw. And, like any other illness, depression can be treated and improved and the person living with this illness can get their life back.

Among recognized illnesses and diseases, depression is one of the most prevalent. It ranks fourth on the list of the most common diseases in the entire world (neuroCare, n.d.). This means that if you are living with depression, you are far from alone. There’s a world of people who can empathize with what you’re experiencing.

Because there are so many people living with the illness that is depression, understanding depression is important. And when depression is explained humanely rather than clinically, we’re all better equipped to open our hearts and help those suffering from depression know that they are worthy of kindness, understanding, and healing.

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Do you know how to help a depressed spouse? Sometimes it can feel like you can’t do or say anything right, and you may wonder why your partner isn’t getting better. Depression is complicated, however, and it can affect people in different ways. While the majority of people feel better within a few months of seeking depression treatment, others can try a whole raft of solutions before they find the right treatment, so loving someone with depression requires a high level of patience and understanding. To help make that road a little smoother, here are some tips on how to help a depressed spouse or partner with depression.

How to Help a Depressed Spouse: What to Do

You may not know how to help a depressed spouse or partner or if your efforts will even pay off. The small things you do and say can make a big difference to someone with depression, however. Here are some tips to help you get it right:

• Understand your partner’s triggers: Every depressed person has good days and bad days, and studies show that 50% of people who recover from depression go on to have at least one more depressive episode. Understanding how to help a depressed spouse means understanding their triggers and depression symptoms. It’s important to be aware of the signs that your spouse or partner is slipping into depression so that you can encourage them to seek help before it becomes severe.
• Provide practical support: People with depression often struggle to keep up to day-to-day tasks such as cooking or cleaning the house. Helping a spouse with depression means providing as much practical support as you can and never making your partner feel guilty.   
• Offer words of encouragement: Tell your partner that you believe in them, that you think they’re strong for dealing with this illness. Make sure they know that your support is unconditional, however firmly their depression takes hold.
• Give your partner space: Depression is exhausting, and your partner may be easily overwhelmed. Sometimes, the best way to help a depressed spouse is to respect their need for space and don’t take it personally. Let them pull back when they need to but make sure they know you’re there when you need them.
• Offer loving reminders: People who are depressed often feel like they are a burden on their loved ones. This can lead to thoughts of everyone being better off without them, and even suicidal thoughts. If your partner shares these feelings with you, don’t undermine or minimize them. These negative thoughts may be caused by depression, but they feel incredibly real to those affected.
• Set boundaries: If you want to help a partner with depression, you also need to be prepared to help yourself. Self-care is vital when you’re taking care of someone else, so try to be open with your partner about what you can and cannot do to help.
• Encourage pleasurable activities: Try to encourage your spouse to do one thing every day that brings them even the smallest amount of pleasure. This might be journaling, lighting a special candle or going for a walk. Never bully or offer advice, however. If your partner doesn’t want to do something, accept that they are not feeling well enough that day and don’t push it.
• Remind them that there are places to get help: Ultimately, you are just one person, and you can’t make your partner better. Remind your spouse of all the places they can turn to for help and make getting that help as easy as possible for them. You might leave the number for a mental health hotline next to the phone, for instance, or offer to drive them to see a doctor.

See Also: How to Deal with a Depressed Wife and How to Deal with a Depressed Husband

Helping a Spouse with Depression: What NOT to Do

Understanding how to help a depressed spouse is also about knowing what NOT to do. Here are some words and behaviors to avoid:

• Don’t tell your partner to think positive: Telling your partner to "look on the bright side" doesn’t help them feel better. Neither does reminding them they have it better than other people. Depression is a mental illness. It's not something the person can help or just "get over."
• Don’t tell your partner what they “should” do: While advice may come from a good place, it is often unwelcome when someone is experiencing depression. If you want to help, offer invitations such as, “Do you want to come out for a walk with me?” or “Maybe we could join a yoga class together?” and accept your partner’s right to decline, however frustrating that might be.
• Don’t blame yourself: You can't single-handedly cause someone's depression, just as you can't cure it. What's more, you won't be able to help your spouse with depression if you're always turning the problem inward and blaming yourself.

Ultimately, there is only so much you can do to help a depressed spouse or partner with depression. Depression is highly treatable, but it is not your job to treat it. One of the best things you can do if you’re wondering how to help a depressed spouse is to encourage an open dialogue. Your partner needs to feel like they can open up to you, however awful they’re feeling, and that they won’t push you away.

If you’re concerned about someone with depression, you can call the NAMI helpline at (800)-950-6264 for advice and support. If you believe your partner is acutely suicidal, The Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) or contact the emergency services immediately.

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So, you want to know how to help a boyfriend or girlfriend with depression? Mental illness is complicated, but there is plenty you can do to show your support. The first step, however, is realizing that you are only one person. You’re not a superhero, and it’s not your job to fix your partner or cure their illness. Depression is a clinical condition that must be treated by doctors and mental health professionals, and it’s not up to you to provide the answer. Once you realize this, you free yourself up to become a vital part of your boyfriend or girlfriend’s mental health support system without sacrificing your own needs in the process.

How to Help a Boyfriend with Depression

If you want to help a boyfriend with depression, it’s important to know that men and boys often find it difficult to talk about their emotions for fear of appearing vulnerable or "unmanly." Thankfully, the culture surrounding this stigma is slowly changing, but people of the male gender still face pressures that are difficult for girls and women to understand. As a result, you may find it hard to get your boyfriend to open up about his depression, which can feel frustrating if you know he needs help. On the other hand, you may be the only person your boyfriend feels he can open up to if he struggles to talk to his friends or family about his illness. Or maybe he doesn't want help for the depression. This can put an enormous amount of pressure on any relationship – particularly when you're young.

It’s also important to know that the weight of your boyfriend’s depression is too much for you to carry by yourself. The best thing you can do to help him and protect your relationship is to encourage him to develop a support system. This might mean involving his parents in his mental health struggles or reaching out to a counselor at his school or workplace. It can be frustrating to deal with his depression, but you don't have to do it alone.   

Other things you can do to help a boyfriend with depression include:

• Don’t take his depression personally: Your boyfriend’s depression is an illness – it’s not about you, even if he may get frustrated with you at times. Mental illness causes people to behave differently toward the people they love, but it’s important not to take this personally. Just remember that it’s never okay for a boyfriend to be verbally or physically abusive, depression or not.  
• Encourage him to see friends: Your partner needs support from lots of different people, not just you. Even if his friends have no idea what he's going through, spending time with them will help him feel more "normal."
• Spend time with his family: Try to encourage your boyfriend to confide in his family about his depression and spend time with them together as much as you can to promote unity against the illness. If this isn't possible, gather your community of friends or people from support groups to carry you both through the challenges of depression in your relationship.
• Don’t get sucked in: When someone we love is depressed, it's easy to get sucked into the mental illness, but it's important to remain on the outside as much as possible. Continue your own life as much as you can, and your partner will see that the world is still spinning despite his depression.

How to Help Your Girlfriend with Depression

If you want to know how to help your girlfriend with depression, you need to understand the unique challenges she is facing. Girls and women experience many different hormonal shifts at certain points in their lives that can increase risk factors for depression. Some women also experience premenstrual dysmorphic disorder, which causes extreme mood changes around the time of their period. Despite this, depression in women doesn’t always come down to hormones or even genetics. Clinical depression is a recognized medical condition that affects 10-15% of women in the U.S. every year, but the exact cause is often unknown.

Here are some key points on how to deal with a depressed girlfriend:

• Don’t make it about you: If your girlfriend develops depression while you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to think that you’re somehow to blame or that you must have done something to cause it. Asking her why she's unhappy will only make her feel guilty and misunderstood, as depression can have no apparent cause.
• Listen: You don’t always need to provide an answer. Sometimes, just showing that you’re prepared to listen is enough to lessen those feelings of isolation that depression brings. If you don't know what to say, offer your girlfriend a hug and tell her that you're there, that you're trying to understand and that you'll support and accept her through this illness.  
• Don’t minimize her experience: Don’t tell her it’s all in her head. You may mean to make her feel better, but this will only minimize her experience and make her feel less understood.
• Know that it’s not always about depression: Sometimes, your girlfriend may feel upset with you or be in a bad mood after a stressful day. People with depression experience regular moods like anyone else, so try to treat each feeling she expresses as a separate issue rather than chalking it all down to depression.

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Don’t know how to love someone with depression? Sometimes it can feel like everything you do or say is wrong, or that depression has somehow stolen your partner away. Relationships can be challenging at the best of times, and certain issues become more complicated when one of you has a mental illness. You will need to find new ways to communicate and support one another, which isn’t easy. Loving someone with depression means adapting to your partner's needs while making sure yours are also met. Here are some ideas to help you make it work.

How to Love Someone with Depression Without Sacrificing Yourself

Loving a depressed man or woman means knowing and understanding their unique struggles and doing your best to support them. If you’ve never experienced depression, however, this can be tricky. Learning how to deal with someone with depression can be frustrating because people with depression can seem extremely negative about themselves and the world. They may also present as angry or irritable. On top of this, depression can cause physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches and stomach issues, all of which can be difficult for the depressed person to handle.

When you love someone with depression, you want to do everything in your power to make your partner feel better. However, it can be hard to meet your partner’s needs without neglecting your own. So how do you love someone with depression? Here are some tips to help you love your partner while also loving yourself.

1. Practice compassion toward yourself
   
   Compassion is the key to helping someone with depression feel less alone in their struggle. As the adage goes, however, "You can't pour from an empty cup." This means you need to practice compassion within as well as toward your spouse. Be patient with yourself. Understand that there are certain problems you can't solve, and depression is one of them.
    
2. Know that it will get better
   
   Depression makes people think that they will never feel well again. It is easy to buy into this rhetoric when your partner is feeling particularly hopeless, but it is not the truth. Most people DO get better from depression. According to The National Institute of Health, 80% of people with depression that seek help say that it helps them feel better within 4-6 weeks.
   
   Never give up hope that easier times are on the horizon, and your partner will draw strength from your optimism.
    
3. Don’t offer advice
   
   When thinking about how to love someone with depression, while it may help to encourage your partner to seek help, try to avoid giving any advice – that is a job for the medical professionals. Isa Nakielny, from The Elephant Journal, endorses modeling behavior rather than advising certain activities, as this can lead to feelings of inadequacy or hopelessness in your partner if they fail to take your advice. By all means, extend an invitation for your partner to join you in going to a yoga class or taking a walk, but allow them to decline without responding with disappointment or judgment.
   
   Accepting that there is only so much you can do to help someone with depression can be a relief. Your job is to provide encouragement, compassion and support rather than come up with all the answers, so take the weight of trying to “fix” your partner off your shoulders and cut yourself some slack.
    
4. Schedule in “you” time
   
   People with depression are often dependent on their loved ones, especially when they’re going through a particularly rough patch. It’s important to try to retain your independence wherever possible, however, so try to schedule in some “you” time each week where you don’t have to think about anyone else.
   
   If your partner is anxious about spending time alone, arrange for a close friend or family member to be there in your place. Explain to your partner that it’s important for you to keep up your own life and hobbies for your mental health, as well as for the benefit of the relationship.
    
5. Talk openly
   
   It can feel like you're treading on eggshells when talking to someone who's deep in depression, but clear and open communication is vital if you want your relationship to succeed. Hiding your true feelings and concerns from your partner will only cause a divide between you, so honesty is always the best policy. Always be respectful, courteous and caring when you talk to your spouse, but don't shy away from how you're feeling. You're in this together, so learning to hear and meet each other's concerns is crucial if you want your relationship to succeed.
   
   Relationships are tough – and loving a depressed woman or man can be even tougher. However, learning to love yourself first is always key to a healthy relationship, and ignoring your own needs won’t benefit either of you. If someone you love is depressed and needs help, you can call the call the NAMI helpline (800-950-6264) for advice and support.

See Also:

• How to Deal with a Depressed Spouse: I’m at the End of My Rope
• How to Deal with a Depressed Husband: 3 Things You Must Know
• How to Deal with a Depressed Wife: Will She Ever Get Over This?

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