A math learning disability can cause significant difficulties and distress in the lives of people who live with them. Officially known as specific learning disorder with impairment in mathematics or as dyscalculia, this learning disability isn’t as well known as dyslexia, a reading learning disability. Yet dyscalculia affects about five to seven percent of students in the United States (Frye, n.d.). Math learning disability involves all things related to calculations, concepts, and processing. If you are concerned about your child, how can you tell if it’s just common math struggles that will improve with practice or if it’s a math learning disability? Let’s look at some information that will help you spot a disability.

Know what You’re Looking for: Math Learning Disability Symptoms and Signs

Even if you don’t use math in your job or your idea of doing math is using the calculator app on your phone sometimes, you use math skills all the time. So do kids, including those with dyscalculia. Having to use math in and out of school can be highly frustrating and can make these kids avoid all things math or have meltdowns when faced with doing math and math-related activities.

In addition to this emotional frustration, there are other signs and symptoms that point to dyscalculia learning disability. Your child’s teacher might notice these school-based math difficulties:

• Struggles with counting
• Problems memorizing and recalling basic math facts, such as addition rules or multiplication tables
• Having a hard time putting numbers in the right columns to calculate them
• Difficulty grasping mathematical symbols (that “+” means add, for example)
• Problems with understanding fractions
• Trouble making connections between numbers and amounts, symbols and directions, etc.
• Using fingers to count long after classmates moved past that tool
• Hard time reading clocks, telling time
• Difficulties grasping the concept of time
• Money trouble, as in difficulty understanding the concept of amounts of money, giving a clerk at a store the right amount of money, problems with counting change
• Problems measuring distance, size, amounts
• Hard time knowing left from right
• Difficulties recognizing patterns and sequencing numbers
• Can’t fully grasp concepts like more and less, bigger and smaller, first, second, third (also known as number sense)

At home, where math reasoning and conceptualizing continues, you might notice your child struggling with things like:

• Memorizing and recalling phone numbers, including their own
• Memorizing their address and understanding the meaning of an address
• Knowing how much their allowance money is
• Judging distance, such as how far they will ride their bike from home to the park they’ve been to many times
• Conceptualizing how much time something will take, what “Be home by 7:00” means, or how to “Come down for dinner in 10 minutes.”
• Finding it hard to remember directions to a friend’s house
• Making measuring mistakes when baking with you
• Disliking number or counting games or games that need constant scorekeeping

Math involves so much more than doing worksheets in school. It’s part of everyday life, and not being able to grasp necessary concepts, concepts that most people take for granted, can cause significant anxiety.

Math Learning Disability and Anxiety

Kids with learning disabilities often feel pressured to keep up with classmates, or they feel judged as “stupid.” They can be very hard on themselves, demanding a level of performance that learning disabilities block. Often, this causes anxiety in kids.

Anxiety often creates more of itself. A child experiencing continued poor math performance develops anxiety, which interferes in their learning and leads to continued poor performance, which creates more anxiety.

Anxiety itself can worsen the effects of dyscalculia because anxiety negatively affects attention, processing speed, and memory, all crucial skills that are already compromised. Treating both anxiety and the math learning disability will help ease frustration, improve self-esteem, encourage perseverance, and help build math skills.

Math Learning Disability Treatment

An important treatment goal for any child with dyscalculia is to create a secure, steady base to build more skills. Having emotional stability and a reliable plan established in an individualized education program (IEP) will reduce anxiety and increase math-related skills. This is accomplished through patience, realistic expectations (neither too high nor too low), and individualized instruction.

Other techniques for math learning disability treatment include:

• Allowing the student to use their fingers for counting without shaming
• Permitting scratch paper
• Pairing the child with a classmate for help
• Using manipulatives as tools
• Applying rhythm and music to math problems
• Allowing daily practice on a computer

Last, but definitely not least, encourage your child. Point out their strengths, and help them see that they do have math skills and strengths. A math learning disability doesn’t mean an inability to do math or use related concepts.

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Defining a special needs child involves specific categories of impairment. The term “special needs” is broad and involves multiple types of disabilities. In general, special needs children face similar issues. These children face more intense challenges than their peers. The difficulties experienced by kids with special needs significantly disrupt daily life and last for an extended period of time, perhaps even throughout their life. It’s important to define a special needs child because knowing precisely what is categorized as special needs will help you get the right help and services for your child.

To Define a Special Needs Child, Use These Criteria

Children with special needs have been evaluated and determined to have requirements above and beyond what’s typical for kids of a similar age and developmental level. The requirements may include extra time to complete certain tasks, special attention in certain areas, or regular support from doctors, physical therapists, mental health therapists, special educators, or professionals in other areas of impairment.

A legal definition of special needs helps ensure that these children and their families are guaranteed certain rights so they can qualify for and receive special education services, benefits from the government to help with cost of care that can be extreme, and various forms of assistance to ensure wellbeing and proper growth and development.

Legally, a special needs designation for children refers to foster care and adoption as well. Older children, kids with medical, physical, or mental health challenges, siblings that need to remain together, or children who are multi-ethnic or biracial all have lower chances of being placed in foster care or of being adopted. An official designation as special needs gives these children extra protection and care.

A broad definition of a special needs child is: Special needs children have life-limiting impairment in one or more areas of functioning. Challenges may negatively impact any aspect of a child’s person and ability to complete necessary tasks. Their requirement for extra support has been documented to ensure that they receive their needed assistance.

Types and Examples of Special Needs

Four main types or categories describe the special needs these children may have:

• Physical (medical, health)
• Developmental
• Behavioral and/or emotional
• Sensory impaired

Physical needs include chronic or terminal illness. Children with muscular dystrophy, multiple sclerosis (MS), chronic asthma, epilepsy, cystic fibrosis, cancer, diabetes, or other serious health issues are considered as special needs children and are eligible for services.

Developmental needs are impairments like Down’s syndrome and other intellectual disabilities, learning disabilities, autism spectrum disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and other disorders related to neurological development.

Behavior and/or emotional needs also considered mental health needs. Challenges in this category include any type of anxiety disorder, depression, reactive attachment disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or acute stress disorder (ASD), oppositional-defiant disorder (ODD), conduct disorder (CD), and any other disorder involving emotional crises, extreme mood swings, anger, defiance, etc.)

Sensory needs involve sensory impairment such as visual impairment, blindness, auditory impairment, deafness.

Each category has unique needs that, when recognized and met, help special needs children succeed and have positive experiences every day. The right support is crucial for kids with special needs; therefore, defining special needs is an important part of their physical, mental, developmental, and educational requirements.

HealthyPlace has useful information about a variety of special needs children in the categories of developmental needs and behavior and/or emotional needs. Find articles about children with disorders like:

• Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
• Anxiety
• Autism spectrum disorder (ASD)
• Conduct disorder (CD)
• Learning disabilities
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
• Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)
• Reactive attachment disorder (RAD)

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Children need to know right from wrong. Learn how to give your child constructive criticism.

Introduction

We have an obligation to teach our children how to conduct themselves properly in the world. Part of this duty requires us to correct their mistakes in behavior. One of the ways we do this is through giving our children constructive criticism.

First, we need to stress that to give this criticism to our children is not an option, it is an obligation. As parents, we have a duty to redirect our children. It is not in our children's best interests nor do we do them any favors if we do not guide them properly. When we see things that come up in their daily lives that they do wrong, we must correct this behavior. How can we, as parents, redirect our children's behavior in such a way that it does not get in the way of the healthy parent-child relationship?

How to Give Criticism Constructively

There are a number of things we should remember when redirecting our children that will make our criticism more accepted and more effective.

1- Children Have Feelings

This is probably the most important thing to remember when criticizing our children. It is obvious to everyone that children have feelings. Yet, very often, it is something that we as parents forget.

Children, particularly when they are small, are completely in our control. It is easy to forget that they are little people. They have feelings that can be hurt and self-esteem that can be crushed if we criticize them in a non-constructive belittling way. We must try to relate to them as we would like others to relate to us.

2- Have Your Message Clear

The goal of proper criticism is to get your message across to your child. That means you have to have a message. If you don't have an idea you are trying to convey, then all you are doing by criticizing your child is venting your own anger and frustration. You will do nothing positive for your child, and your child will not change his behavior in the future. Remember, your goal with criticism is to educate, not to punish or embarrass or to seek revenge against the child. When you criticize you must have something you are trying to teach.

3- Deliver Your Message Properly

You must give a rebuke. It is your obligation as a parent. You have an obligation to raise your child properly. The point is that it should be given in a positive manner. To do this you must satisfy a number of conditions.

a. Criticize the behavior, not your child

This is critical. Direct your criticism toward your child's behavior. It has to be clear to your child that it is the behavior that upsets you, not him.

b. Don't label your child

Children get their sense of whom they are from what others tell them. When a parent gives a child a label, this label will eventually stick, with disastrous consequences.

I recently heard the following story:

A teenager came to consult with a well-known educator about the problems he was having with his parents. Here is how the conversation went at the start of their first meeting.

"I don't get along with my father. We're not anything alike. My father- he's driven. He gets up early in the morning. He works all day. In his free time, he's involved in a bunch of charity organizations. He is always taking classes. All the time, he's on the go doing things here and there. He never stops. And me..."

"Yes?"

"I'm a lazy good for nothing bum."

So what actually happened? The father of this boy grew up in the depression. He was extremely poor. Through tremendous hard work, he pulled himself out of poverty and is now quite wealthy. But all his life, he maintained the same work ethic that delivered him from poverty.

The son, on the other hand, grew up wealthy. He has a new car, a pocket full of credit cards and anything that he wants, he can buy. What does he have to work for?

So the father, even on his days off, gets up early and is always doing something. The son, a typical teenager likes to sleep late. So the father watches the son sleeping, 9 am, 10 am, 11 am, and he's frustrated. He can't get his son to do anything.

Finally, he goes to his son and tries to get him out of bed.

"Get up! Get up already! Get up you lazy good for nothing bum!"

This went on for a year or two.

The father was trying to convey to his son a message. "Don't sit around and waste your life. Get up and make something of yourself."

This is a great message, but it was lost. The message that went in was "you're a lazy good for nothing bum." This label went in so deep that on the first meeting with a complete stranger, this is how the boy introduced himself.

The bottom line is don't label your child. It will almost certainly have negative results.

c. Give your rebuke privately

It will be hard enough on your child to have to bear your criticism. You should do everything you can to spare him the embarrassment of having you rebuke him in front of others.

d. Don't dwell upon the past

The only valid criticism is for the future. What the child did is over. You should acknowledge the mistake but make it clear that the reason you are speaking to your child is so that he can improve in the future.

4- Offer an Opportunity to Correct the Wrong

Your child has to know what he did was wrong. He should also be given the opportunity to redeem himself by correcting his mistake. You should have suggestions on how the child can correct the wrong. This will give your child the message that he can't hurt others and just walk away. He must say he's sorry or do the victim a favor. It gives him a chance to take responsibility for his actions. It also allows him to put the misdeed behind him and go on.

5- Deliver the Criticism with Love

This is vital. Criticism is a gift. It is a gift of knowledge, it is a gift of values. But it is an unwanted gift. Still, it is a gift nevertheless. No one wants to hear criticism. Our goal when we give criticism is to do it as painlessly as possible so it will be received properly.

It must be clear when you deliver your message that you are doing it for your child's sake. If your child knows that what you are saying is because you love him, the message will be better received.

If you are angry, all the child will hear is the anger. What the child will hear is "You don't like me." Nothing else will be heard. You must make it clear to your child that you are criticizing because you care about him. You cannot let the message get blurred out by the static of your emotions.

This is not easy. It is easy to write about it and to read this when no one is around and things are calm. It is much harder to apply this idea when there is a tumult going on and the tensions are high. Still, we have to acknowledge at least the proper way to do things. Or else we will never be successful.

6- Try to See Your Child's Point of View

We, as parents, are not faced with the same challenges as our children. This leads to a very reasonable response, at least in the mind of the child, to think, "Who are you to criticize me? How do you know what I am going through? You don't understand me."

This is a legitimate response. Your child doesn't see you as a former child. Your child sees you as a stable adult. Now, you may understand your child perfectly, but your child doesn't know that. It helps when you give criticism to visualize things from your child's perspective and couch your words is such a way that your child knows clearly you understand him.

7- Sometimes it is Better to Delay the Criticism

We have a knee jerk reaction to respond immediately when we see our children do something that we don't like. This is a normal reaction. However, you should always try to think if this is the best time and place to rebuke your child.

When your child does something wrong, he will be expecting the criticism right away. When the child is expecting the reaction, his guard is up he will react by defending himself and fighting back. He will not hear what you say and he will be defending himself.

Sometimes it is better to wait until things quiet down. Then you can discuss with the child rationally and the child will hear it. You will also be calmer and be able to deliver a better message to your child.

8- Sometimes no Criticism is the Best

The purpose of criticism is to correct future behavior. If it is clear to the child that he did something wrong and if the child feels bad about what was done and he is not likely to repeat it, there is nothing added by acknowledging his misdeed.

Mistakes When Giving Criticism

Under the best circumstances, it is very hard to give criticism properly. However, there are a number of factors that make it that much more difficult to constructively address your child's wrong behavior. Usually, you will not be able to control these factors. However, if you are aware of them, it will put you on your guard to be extra careful when rebuking your child.

1- If You are Close to the Situation

It is very easy for me to remain unattached when someone else's child misbehaves. When someone else's child opens a box of crayons and starts drawing on the walls of the department store, I must confess that it really doesn't bother me at all. I might even find it amusing. However, I am sure the parents of that child don't view the situation the way I do.

As a parent, you are automatically involved in the situation. This makes it hard to think clearly and logically. It also makes it much more likely that your response will be wrong.

2- If the Problem Affects You Directly

Often one of my children will do something to his sibling. It is not hard to stay detached and respond appropriately when that happens. However, when I am the victim of the misdeed, it is much harder to view the action objectively and respond correctly.

3- If You Need to Respond Immediately

It is always better if you have time to think out and plan your response. However, we don't often have that luxury. Usually, our child's behavior must be addressed immediately. You should know when this happens, it is much more likely that you will make mistakes.

4- If the Child did Something to You in Public

We are all very concerned about our public image. When our children embarrass us in public, either through an inappropriate behavior or a direct attack, it is very hard to give an unattached appropriate response.

The only way I know that you can always be successful in these four scenarios is if you anticipate it ahead of time and plan out your response. This is not easy to do. I know from personal experience that my children are much more creative than I, and I can't usually guess what new things they are going to do. Still, every once in a while, I do get it right and when I can't prevent their misdeed, I can at least respond to it appropriately.

Conclusion

I want to point out that the principals that we have discussed apply when you need to rebuke anybody. The difference is that for anyone else we usually can choose whether or not to get involved. As a parent, we do not have that option. We are automatically involved.

We have an obligation to correct our children's behavior. Our children need our guidance. It is a terrible example when parents let their children do what they want without direction. The children may act like they like the freedom, but these are the children who grow up not knowing right from wrong and not realizing that there are consequences for bad actions. Eventually, these children feel that their parents really don't care about them. Often they are right.

It is hard to be a parent. But the more effort you put into steering your child on the proper path to adulthood, the more happiness you will have when you share in your child's successes through his life.

Anthony Kane, MD is a physician, an international lecturer, and director of special education. He is the author of a book, numerous articles, and a number of online courses dealing with ADHD, ODD, parenting issues, and education.

When a child has a specific learning disability, they struggle significantly with certain learning areas and tasks. Teachers will notice if a student is performing at a level much lower than what is standard for their age. Parents see their child struggling with homework (or avoiding it altogether), or they notice that their child hates, and does poorly with, reading or games and activities involving reading, writing, or math. Whether it’s mild, moderate, or severe, a specific learning disability interferes in academic performance and affects a child’s self-esteem, emotions, behavior, and friendships.

Two terms are used for the learning problems that hinder kids. “Specific learning disability” is a technical description used in the educational and legal systems. “Specific learning disorder,” a new diagnosis introduced in the DSM-5 in 2013, is the medical term used in officially diagnosing someone with a learning problem.

There’s a bit of difference between the two official terms, but outside of education, law, medicine, and psychiatry, many people use them interchangeably. Therefore, this article uses both terms to refer to the same concept: a substantial set of difficulties that disrupt the learning and life of a child.

What Is a Specific Learning Disability? Definition of Specific Learning Disorder

To understand what a specific learning disability is, it’s helpful to know what it is not. It isn’t an intellectual disability (formerly called mental retardation). Intelligence isn’t a factor in the inability to learn certain things. In fact, most people with a learning disability are of average or above-average intelligence. The issue with specific learning disabilities is that kids can’t acquire certain academic skills.

A specific learning disorder definition is academic underachievement that is unanticipated. A child is doing poorly in school, and at first this is surprising to teachers and parents. When a kid’s potential is strong, but their academic performance is weak, specific learning disability is often at work.

Some factors that describe what a specific learning disorder is include:

• Low scholastic achievement despite potential
• High levels of support needed for average achievement
• Fewer academic skills than agemates
• Deficiencies not explained by developmental disabilities, intellectual disabilities, neurological disorders, sensory disorder, or motor disorders
• Unrelated to external circumstances like poverty or a lack of education in the child’s family
• Persistence—learning problems don’t improve with time

A specific learning disability, then, is a permanent disorder that disrupts the ability to learn and to keep up with classmates. It has a negative impact on a child’s learning and life in general. There are multiple types of specific learning disorders that interfere with academic learning and progress.

Specific Learning Disability Types

After thorough testing and other assessments, a child might receive a diagnosis of specific learning disorder. Then, at least one subtype will be specified. The three subtypes in the DSM-5 are

• Dyslexia, a reading disorder
• Dysgraphia, a writing disorder
• Dyscalculia, a math disorder

Disabilities in reading, writing, and math are the most common specific learning disorders, but they aren’t the only ones. Other types of specific learning disabilities include:

• Auditory or processing disorders affect how the brain interprets and processes sounds and visual input
• Language processing disorder, a component of auditory processing disorder, disrupts a child’s ability to make sounds meaningful
• Non-verbal learning disorder creates problems with interpreting facial expression and body language which in turn can cause poor social skills

Specific learning disabilities can cause problems in all areas of learning. However, there isn’t a science or social studies or other learning disorder because the problems in these areas are caused by dyslexia or dysgraphia.

Specific learning disability types cause significant problems for a child. What causes these learning disorders?

Specific Learning Disability Causes

Specific learning disorder is complex, and the cause isn’t straightforward. Nonetheless, some causes have been identified: genetics or heredity and environment.

Learning disabilities have a strong genetic component. If a child has a parent with a learning disability, the child’s risk for having a specific learning disorder is much higher.

Sometimes, exposure to toxins like lead can cause or contribute to the development of a specific learning disorder. Studies have shown, too, that prenatal poor nutrition or exposure to toxic substances can cause specific learning disorder.

A specific learning disability, or specific learning disorder, is a deficit that negatively impacts a child’s ability to learn.  With understanding and support from parents and teachers, kids can learn and thrive despite learning disabilities.

See Also:

What Causes Learning Disabilities?

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Learning disabilities statistics and prevalence inform us all that learning disabilities are surprisingly common. This means that kids with one or more learning disabilities, and their parents who are by their side trying to figure things out, aren’t alone. Because there are others, there are learning disability organizations and groups and researchers who are working to help lessen the impact of a learning “disorder” and replace it with “learning” and “thriving.” A peek into the numbers in these learning disabilities statistics will illustrate just how many kids are impacted by learning disabilities.

A note about the terms before proceeding: “Prevalence” refers to how common something is (in this case learning disabilities), or how many people live with learning disabilities. “Statistics” highlight the numeric extent of a learning disorder or related concept.

Learning Disabilities Prevalence

• Learning disabilities are considered to be high incidence disabilities.
• Over 4 million kids in the US have at least one learning disability.
• One in 59 kids, or 1.69 percent of kids live with one or more learning disabilities.

Statistics for All Learning Disabilities

• One in five children, or 20 percent, have learning and attention issues.
• US kids receiving special education services for a learning disability number more than 2.5 to 2.8 million.
• The 2.5 to 2.8 million kids in special education for a learning disability make up 47 percent of all kids receiving special education services.
• Approximately 33 percent of children on an IEP for learning disabilities or other health impairments (OHI) like ADHD had to repeat a grade in elementary school.
• Kids with learning disabilities are 31 percent more likely to be bullied than their classmates without a learning disability. About 45 percent of parents indicated in a survey that their child had been bullied.
• 7 out of 10 children with an IEP for a learning disability or OHI spend 80 percent or more of their school day in their regular education classroom as opposed to a special education classroom or resource room.
• Boys make up about two-thirds of students identified with a learning disability even though research shows that boys and girls have equal rates of learning disorders.
• On standardized tests for reading and math, only 12 to 26 percent of students with learning disabilities scored in the average- to above-average range compared to half of non-LD students.

Specific Learning Disabilities Statistics

• Of kids with ADHD, 11 percent of them also have dyscalculia, a math learning disability.
• Dyslexia is the most common learning disability, with 20 percent of children in special education for a learning disability estimated to have dyslexia.
• Approximately one-third people with learning disabilities also have attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Learning disabilities prevalence information and learning disabilities statistics can help paint a picture of the scope of learning problems. This leads to the creation and maintenance of programs to help and support students with learning disabilities.

While the numbers are important, it’s important to think of them as reliable estimates rather than rigid facts. More studies are being conducted to keep the information updated and more thoroughly representative of the learning disabilities picture. In the meantime, current statistics and prevalence rates increase understanding of the impact learning disabilities has on kids.

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Parenting marriage, a concept first coined by licensed therapist Susan Pease Gadoua, is an alternative to traditional divorce arrangements. Sometimes called platonic marriage, it develops out of love and dedication to a couple's children." While there is no longer a romantic relationship or a sense of couplehood between two parents, there remains a strong sense of parenthood. Two people who aren’t in love and are moving on in their personal lives live in the same house to act as a team for their kids. A parenting marriage is similar to a partnership or business arrangement with healthy, happy, well-adjusted kids as the positive outcome.

The love and support from a parenting marriage can come in other arrangements. When many couples divorce, they no longer live together but do co-parent together. Is living together in a parenting marriage healthy for children? It has pros and cons. We’ll look at both so you can begin to decide if this type of arrangement is right for you, your former spouse, and your children.

Benefits of a Parenting Marriage

For some people, a parenting marriage is an excellent fit for their family. What this new relationship lacks in romantic and sexual intimacy, it makes up for in parental love.

This deliberately forged family relationship can be quite healthy for children. Kids can blossom because of:

• Continued family bonding
• Activities are done with both parents present
• Consistency
• Stability
• Reduced tension between the parents
• Equal affection from both parents together
• Kindness and respect between parents (and an end to strained, conflicted interactions)
• The ability to have one home, one that feels like theirs as opposed to “mom’s house” and “dad’s house”

Divorce and physical separation can be hard on kids. A parenting marriage can avoid these pitfalls:

• Difficulty adjusting to seeing only one parent at a time
• Parental difficulty spending an entire day or days without seeing their kids, a struggle that can make kids feel guilty or otherwise upset
• Effects of single-parent stress can be felt by kids

When a married couple stops loving each other, it’s hard on parents and kids alike. For some families, creating a parenting marriage is the best option. In these cases, this arrangement is positive and healthy for kids.

Platonic marriages aren’t right for everyone, however. Some people find more drawbacks than benefits.

Parenting Marriages Aren’t for Everyone

Even when parents dedicate themselves to creating a cohesive, supportive home for their kids, they still will experience conflicts and difficulties. Living together, but emotionally and physically distant, can cause negative feelings and thoughts that interfere in positive family interactions.

It can also be a challenge for parents to watch each other move on, building a life with different friends and eventually dating. Children watch and listen to everything, and they can pick up on the tension. Some parents don’t want to subject themselves or their children to this; therefore, they decide that a parenting marriage is the wrong arrangement for them.

Parenting marriages are unhealthy in other ways, too. Sometimes the most well-meaning parents find it nearly impossible to keep negative feelings out of the way. Even subtle tension that continues to creep in can harm kids in multiple ways:

• Decreased academic performance
• Increased behavior problems
• Feeling trapped, anxious, and guilty if parents inadvertently create an emotional tug-of-war to win the status of the favorite parent
• Risk of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem when they must become the peacekeeper of the family (and find that it doesn’t work)

Trying to maintain a parenting marriage, if it isn’t right for you, can damage both parents’ and children’s mental health. 

If you’re intrigued by the benefits of a platonic marriage and want to avoid the drawbacks, the following tips can help guide you in building a healthy parenting partnership.

Tips for Creating a Successful Parenting Marriage

Building a parenting marriage that works for you and your kids takes planning, work, and the joined effort of both parents. If you’re successful in planning, your likelihood of success is high. Use these tips to build a strong foundation for your home and family:

• Discuss and plan all aspects of your arrangements, including values, parental goals, parenting style, discipline, financial responsibilities, and more
• Establish ongoing open, honest communication
• Formally agree to give each other the freedom to pursue other relationships
• Consider working with a couples or family therapist to keep yourselves and new relationship healthy
• When your plan is established, have an open discussion with your kids so they understand the family dynamic and continue to trust you.

A parenting marriage can be mentally healthy for children when you establish open communication among family members. Approach interactions as a unified team. Finally, keep in mind your ultimate purpose: the wellbeing of your children enhanced by having both parents present in one place every day.

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Some children are determined to get in the last word, or the last sigh, or the last gesture in every discourse. By the last word, I mean a child's entirely unnecessary remark made at the end of a parental statement on what the child should or should not do. The remark hits parental ears and sends shock waves through the nervous system, much like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Why Kids Want the Last Word

A struggle for separation

Usually by the age of seven, children discover that their parents are not as powerful as they once thought. Kids also realize that they themselves are not as powerless as they once felt. They are getting good at language skills and find that words can have a powerful effect on parents. Children are announcing their independence when they start using words in the struggle with parents. Parents don't have to like it, but it is a sure sign that the kids are growing up.

They all do it.

We can take heart in the knowledge that the behavior is perfectly normal and our child is not the only one doing it. Dr. Joan Costello of the University of Chicago has said that children use verbal harassment for one of three reasons:

• to bluff themselves and others
• to convince themselves that adults are really not so great and that they can survive without them,
• and to test the limits of socially tolerable comments.

Too tough for tears

By getting in the last word, children may be bluffing -- trying to cover up any feelings that they have. When parents have said "no", it is better to get in trouble for "talking back" than to cry. Crying is not acceptable to a ten year old; smart aleck remarks that keep one from crying are preferred.

Parents aren't so smart after all.

As children assume more control over their lives, they also discover that their parents are not perfect. Children reason that since their parents are obviously not perfect, they must be incompetent. The kids then set out to prove how incompetent adults really are. This is all a normal part of middle childhood. As children realize that their parents cannot control their thoughts, expressing those thoughts takes on new significance. Parents are tempted to react defensively when challenged by their children and the challenge can easily become a power struggle.

Mouthy kids

Verbal harassment is a form of testing. The kids need to find the limits of socially acceptable behavior. We can understand why they are doing this but we do not have to sit back and allow verbal abuse. Just as the kids are experimenting by trial and error to see what will fly and what won't, we have to do some trial and error parenting.

How to Handle It When You Give Your Child the Last Word

Avoid power struggles

And how do we handle it? I'm still working on that one. There is no way I can tell you what will work in your family. For some families, this problem comes and goes rather quickly. In others, it becomes a way of life. Some children have a personality that makes it impossible for them not to challenge their parents at every turn. Some parents have personalities that seem to engage their children in such conflicts. Every family is different and every situation is unique. The one certainty is that power struggles are hopeless.

Don't re-act, act.

I think the key to handling each situation is the parent's attitude. The parent after all, is the one person in the verbal exchange who has some degree of maturity. It is useless to feel defensive and threatened by the young child's verbal harassment. It is time for reasonable, consistent consequences. If we can keep in mind what is going on for the child, we will be better prepared to deal with the situation.

Suggestions

It is best not to take a child's actions too seriously or they may begin to believe in their own power. There are times when the best response to a child's last word is to completely ignore it. If the child is out for power, being ignored is a defeat.

On the other hand, some things should not be ignored. We can acknowledge the child's feelings,
"I can see how angry you are with me;"
but we can also limit their actions,
"I will not allow you to call me names."

Decide now what the rational consequences will be for verbal abuse. Let your children know what you will not tolerate and what the consequences will be. When they cross the line, do what you said you will do. If you think through this before it happens, you will find yourself in control instead of angry and defensive.

Personally, I have discovered my own limits of tolerance. I don't mind my kids having the last word as long as

1. They do what I want them to do anyway,
2. The last word wasn't a personal remark about my character, intelligence, or parentage, and
3. Their last word has never appeared on a restroom wall.

Every parent needs to establish their own rules.

Learning disabilities resources are available so that no parent has to navigate the often-overwhelming world of learning disabilities alone. Here you’ll find learning disabilities organizations, discover information for working with the school system and special education, how to connect with other parents, and how to help and support your child at home. Click through these learning disabilities resources to find help.

Learning Disabilities Organizations

Learning Disabilities Association of America is a leading advocacy group which works to help people with learning disabilities thrive. The organization provides a wealth of articles that parents may find helpful.

Understood.org is a learning disabilities organization for parents of children with learning and attention problems and disorders. Understood is the combined forces of 15 non-profit organizations and thus has many resources and lots of information to offer parents for their children.

Center for Parent Information and Resources is the hub linking almost 100 parent centers nationwide. The hub itself has a plethora of information for parents of a child with a learning disability, such as articles and webinars, and from this hub you can locate parent centers near you.

While LD Online is directed primarily toward educators, parents can find helpful, relevant information here, too. Their LD topics page contains links to articles and resources designed for educators and parents for assisting children with learning disabilities

Learning Disabilities Parent Resources: General Information, Working with the School/Special Ed

LD/ADHD Basics is a collection of articles from Learning Disabilities Association of America (LDA) providing parents with practical information on learning disabilities in kids. Learn legal information, details about requesting a special education evaluation from the school, and general tips for parents.

Federation for Children with Special Needs (Parent Training and Information Center) assists parents in navigating the world of special education. You can use a call center to ask questions about special education, read related information, and even receive training regarding special education laws and procedures.

National Association of Parents with Children in Special Education provides learning disabilities resources to parents. It includes information on all disabilities, including learning disabilities, and gives parents needed information to deal with special education.

Top Resources for Supporting a Child with Learning Challenges is a collection of articles compiled by Scholastic and Understood. Find articles to deepen your understanding of your child with a learning disability.

Learning Disabilities Support Through Connection with Other Parents

Parent to Parent USA is an online resource and community with a growing physical presence throughout the US. Parents in the organization connect with parents just beginning to tread the path of learning disabilities (or other disabilities) with their child.

HelpGuide has information about learning disabilities and, especially, helping your child at home.

Find parents to connect with via online and local support groups for learning disabilities through the MeetUp service.

Learning disabilities resources for parents abound. Investigate what’s available to find exactly what you need for yourself and your child. Life with learning disabilities presents challenges, but they don’t have to stop your child or you as the parent. Equipped with information and support, you can thrive.

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Signs of learning disabilities in children can appear very early, sometimes during toddlerhood or the preschool years. These signs don’t indicate the presence of one learning disability over another. Of the multiple types of learning disabilities, any disorder can make an early appearance. Symptoms of a learning disorder can appear from the time a child begins to talk, or they might not appear until elementary school. The appearance of learning disabilities in children varies greatly.

While it’s true that any learning disability can show up when kids are very young, early Indicators of dyslexia seem to appear most frequently, although not because dyslexia is the disorder that appears earliest but because dyslexia is the most common learning disability.

Overall, learning disabilities in children appear at different times. When a learning disability appears varies for several reasons:

• The more severe the disorder, the earlier the signs will be evident
• The stronger a child’s abilities, the longer the delay in the appearance of a learning disability
• The presence of other disorders like ADHD, autism, or anxiety can cause early symptoms

Hints of learning disabilities in children can appear in the toddler years, but full onset, recognition, and diagnosis usually happen in elementary school when learning to read, write, and do math begin in earnest. Still, spotting signs early can lead to helpful interventions sooner rather than later.

Earliest Signs of Learning Disabilities in Children

Sometimes, the first signs children with learning disabilities exhibit are behavioral. Toddlers and preschoolers who struggle with language skills can become easily frustrated. They might frequently throw tantrums, exhibit oppositional behavior, or act helpless, wanting parents and caregivers to do things for them.

This behavior isn’t unexpected for their developmental age, and it can look like normal “terrible twos.” When a child is so young, it’s impossible to discern whether a learning disability is driving the behavior. Simply monitoring it and noting how long it lasts is an appropriate response.

In addition to behaviors, there are other early signs of learning disabilities in very young children. Noticeable developmental delays in one or more critical areas can sometimes be a disability showing itself:

• Gross motor delays (like pulling up to standing and walking)
• Fine motor delays (grasping objects, using fingers to eat)
• Talking later than normal
• Cognitive skills (problem-solving, such as fitting different shapes into a puzzle)
• Social/emotional delays (inappropriate behavior when interacting with others)

As kids grow into preschoolers and kindergartners, you may see different signs of learning disabilities.

Early Indicators of Learning Disabilities in Children in Preschool, Kindergarten

The following early signs of learning disabilities in children can point to a budding disorder. However, no child will exhibit all of them, and every child has the potential to have some of them. Learning and growing aren’t straightforward, flawless endeavors, so the presence of some learning disorder signs in preschoolers and kindergarteners typically isn’t cause for alarm. If a child has many of these signs, though, paying cautious attention is reasonable.

These learning disability signs might appear in children ages three through five:

• Difficulties learning and reciting nursery rhymes
• No interest in playing games with language sounds like repetition and rhyming
• Mispronouncing words
• Trouble learning and remembering names of letters, days of the week, numbers
• Unable to recognize, write letters
• Problems connecting letters to their sounds
• Unable to write own name
• Frequently baby-talks
• Poor concentration, short attention span
• Difficulty following directions
• Can’t properly grasp crayons
• Struggles with buttons, zippers, and tying shoes
• Poor physical coordination

Even when many signs of a learning disability are present beginning in early toddlerhood and continuing into preschool and kindergarten, professionals are reluctant to diagnose a learning disorder until a child is in grade school; in fact, waiting until third grade is common. Here’s why.

Why Learning Disabilities in Children Aren’t Diagnosed Until Elementary School

Indicators of a potential learning disability can be signals to pay attention to, but it’s nearly impossible to diagnose a very young child with a learning disorder. Young children are just beginning to develop skills, and the brain is far from full maturity. Therefore, to conclude that a toddler or preschooler has a learning disability could be harmful.

Additionally, while all children pass through the same developmental stages in the same order, each child’s rate of development is unique. Sometimes, people use the phrase “late bloomer” to describe a kid who matures more slowly than their peers. Before concluding that a child has a learning disability, it’s important to consider whether a child’s developmental delays are true delays or if that child is a “late bloomer.”

If struggles become more pronounced with time and other learning disorder signs appear, evaluation may be in order. Children with learning disabilities can do well, especially when you pay attention to early indicators and have your child assessed; as structured and fast-paced learning begin in early elementary school.

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The term “learning disability” is a blanket term that refers to multiple types of learning disabilities. In general, learning disabilities are brain-based disorders that disrupt someone’s ability to process and use information. Different types of learning disabilities interfere in different aspects of someone’s life, including school, home, family, work, and social interactions. Exactly how one’s life is affected depends on their specific learning disability type.

Before looking at the different learning disabilities, it’s worth noting two disorders that are not learning disabilities despite common belief. Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and autism spectrum disorder (ASD) are frequently mistaken for learning disabilities. There is overlap between learning disorders, ADHD, and ASD. They share some symptoms and effects, and it’s not unusual for someone to have more than one of these conditions. Yet the three are quite distinct from each other, and ADHD and autism aren’t among the different types of learning disabilities.

Autism and ADHD aren’t learning disorders. The following conditions are types of learning disabilities.

The Most Common Types of Learning Disabilities

Children with learning disabilities aren’t alone. It’s estimated that between eight- and 10 percent of US kids under the age of 18 have a type of learning disability. The learning disabilities diagnosed most frequently are the three that negatively affect reading, writing, and math:

• Dyslexia
• Dysgraphia
• Dyscalculia

A whopping 39 percent of students with an Individualized Education Program (IEP) for special education services have one of these three learning disabilities (The Understood Team, n.d.).

Among the three most frequently occurring learning disabilities, dyslexia is the most common. Sometimes called a language-based learning disability, dyslexia is a reading disorder. Kids with dyslexia have difficulties understanding what they read, distinguishing between sounds in words, rhyming, and spelling. At its core, dyslexia is a language processing disorder that makes reading and comprehending feel impossible.

Dysgraphia is a writing disability that interferes in the act of writing and the quality of written expression. It involves problems with fine motor skills, clarity of thought, thinking and writing simultaneously, and other aspects of written language processing and understanding.

Dyscalculia means difficulty with calculations and math functioning. Kids with this math disability struggle to learn their numbers, counting, memorizing math facts, and solving problems. Measurement, telling time, and counting money can also be part of dyscalculia.

Dyslexia, dysgraphia, and dyscalculia are the most common learning disabilities types, but they’re not the only types.

The Different Types of Learning Disabilities: List and Descriptions

In the American Psychiatric Association’s catalogue of all known disorders of various types, the DSM-5, only one learning disorder is listed as the official diagnosis to be used: specific learning disorder. That has subtypes to describe the learning disorder more specifically. However, in the world outside of the manual, people still conceptualize learning problems by type.

In addition to dyslexia, dysgraphia, and dyscalculia, different learning disabilities types include:

• Auditory processing disorder (or central auditory processing disorder); unrelated to hearing, this disorder affects how the brain interprets and processes sounds
• Language processing disorder, a component of auditory processing disorder, disrupts a child’s ability to make sounds meaningful
• Visual processing disorder means kids have problems processing, understanding, and using visual input. It’s unrelated to sight and instead causes issues with seeing the order of words, interpreting images, using visual cues for coordination (visual motor problems), and other visual processing deficits
• Non-verbal learning disorder creates problems with interpreting facial expression and body language which in turn can cause poor social skills; kids with this a non-verbal learning disorder have issues putting visual cues together to make predictions or understand the bigger picture.

When a child is tested for a learning disability, they are given a diagnosis of one of the different learning disabilities. That way, their symptoms and the effects of their learning difficulties can be targeted and treated. Knowing the different types of learning disabilities leads to better, personalized treatment for kids.

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