Getting Through a Day Paralyzed by Anxiety and Depression
Living with mental health issues means there will be days where you feel paralyzed by anxiety and depression. Because comorbid depression and anxiety are so common with different mental illnesses, nearly everyone who struggles with mental health will have to get through a day feeling paralyzed by anxiety and depression. I had one today, and man, it was rough. But, the good news is, I got through it.
I'm pretty good at planning my day with anxiety disorder, but today was exceptionally hard. I felt utterly paralyzed, like I couldn't even move. I felt wired and tired. The combination of being wired from anxiety, and tired because I just wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear created an awful push-pull feeling throughout mind and body. I wanted to move, but I couldn't. I didn't want to move, but I had to.
My Day Was Paralyzed by Depression and Anxiety, but I Got Through It
So, how did I do it? It took pretty much everything I had, but I was successful because I achieved two main goals: I didn't beat myself up over it, and I was at least minimally productive. I kept pushing forward despite how I felt.
I have low self-esteem, like almost everyone with depression. One of the things I have to do to keep it at bay is to be productive every day in some fashion. Of course, productivity is a relative thing. I had 10 things on my to-do list today, but I only accomplished two of them (writing this blog post was one). So, my productivity was only 20 percent of what I had planned, but at least I did something. Doing something -- even doing it badly -- is always better than sitting paralyzed and doing nothing.
The other thing I did right was to not attack myself for having a bad day. (We all know that beating yourself up when you already feel bad makes everything so much better, right?)
Everyone has bad days. There will be some days when I'm too overwhelmed to function very well. That's just reality, and accepting that and getting on with life anyway is a big part of me living successfully with anxiety and depression.
Tomorrow is another day, and that means I get to start over. Even though getting through a day paralyzed by anxiety and depression is not a pleasant experience, I'm grateful that I was able to practice my skills. The fact that I got through it without harming myself shows me how far I've come. I'm much stronger and more skillful than I generally give myself credit for, and my guess is that you are, too.
Weber, G. (2015, August 12). Getting Through a Day Paralyzed by Anxiety and Depression, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, July 4 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/treatinganxiety/2015/08/getting-through-a-day-paralyzed-by-anxiety-and-depression
Author: Greg Weber
I think many of us are in this state of mind where we can't seem to come up with something that can alleviate these physical or psychological feelings that arise when life gets challenging or maybe they pop up out of nowhere. These two issues impact my life significantly and I have lost friends and jobs from these complications. I am honestly trying my best and have even been on top of my procrastination but it just tends to creep up on you suddenly out of nowhere and that feeling of paralysis can last a day, a few days or weeks. I am just going to keep trying and failing but the latter is a hard pill to swallow as I just want to be a normal functional human being. Take Care
I enjoyed your post, it helped me today, thank you!
I read a majority of these comments and literally as I’m typing crying because I felt every single thing all of you wrote. I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for years now, especially anxiety from a very young age. I am 21 years old and nothing has been easy for me. Everyday I find myself not wanting to do anything and just be alone because that’s what feels better than dealing with the outside world and being around people overthinking to myself that people are judging me. I put on this fake impression that everything is ok where in reality it’s not, I’m depressed, sad and angry at myself for feeling this way and not knowing why and how I can stop these feelings. Like one of these ladies said, it’s like a vicious cycles that takes over you, every morning I wake up in the hopes of things will be alright and happiness will naturally come. But the fact that I have to think about it and force it takes a toll because now I’m playing a role of something that’s not genuine for hours long in a day. Things like this makes you just want to be alone and hide because that’s the place you feel safe to just be you and cut the act. My relationship with people have decreased, and my communication with people are barely there now to a point where I think a lot before I speak and don’t want to talk at all. I’m scared that my relationship with my current boyfriend will crumble because of my lifeless personality that’s taken over me. I’m always randomly depressed and he asks what’s wrong and just to not sound crazy ( so I feel ) I have to make up little stories to explain why I seem unhappy. But I try! I try to make him laugh, I try to bring good vybz even though I know I don’t at times without noticing, and I try to bring love even though I feel lifeless and dead... I still know I love him for certain. I just want to live a normal life like a lot of the people I see, I always find myself studying people and their behaviors and compare it to myself which is terrible because I’m practically beating myself up. The simplest daily life activities feel like weights and somehow never get done with me, starting with just getting out of bed smh, with all these things I overthink everything I’m doing. I haven’t had a job in months and haven’t gone back to college which is killing me and I know I need that and more distractions to get the ball rolling and keep me away from depression and anxiety but I can’t even start it up, I try the process and don’t have with energy for it and to even think of interacting with people at these places makes it worse. Happiness one day I hope will come to me and all of you lovely people ? because this is the hardest thing to go through and a lot of people don’t understand. Seeking help is the first step and I sure will go counseling. Peace love and happiness guys!
Last year, I was the victim of domestic violence. I left. I was angry, anxious and depressed. My plans for my life (including marriage, children and stability) were falling apart. Leaving provided me with clarity. I examined my heart. I had loads of reasons to be happy externally (high income, nice possessions, decent travel, etc.), but I wasn't happy at all. My passion for life was gone, and the absence of this passion made me more vulnerable to mental and physical health issues. I am healing now, because I am changing things. In the beginning of my transformation, I functioned like a robot - void of any attachment to the day's activities. I lost my taste for food. I slept all the time. I cried daily. I couldn't find the energy to perform activities I loved. I knew what I needed to do to change, but I was paralyzed by fear. I learned to stop listening to the negative self-talk in my head, and take ownership of my own happiness. Anything that doesn't serve me, I release it.
The state of anxiety nearly always goes hand in hand with the term dread and I often connect the two terminologies together.The below quote by Joseph Heller describes the state all too well.
"Something did happen to me somewhere that robbed me of confidence and courage and left me with a fear of discovery and change and a positive dread of everything unknown that may occur.” ―Joseph Heller
I am glad I found this blog - not happy that so many others are struggling too. I was inpatient a few weeks ago with MDD and anxiety issues. Honestly I didn't get much from the 5 day stay. My meds were just slightly changed, and it takes time to see what is actually working.I think I feel worse than when I went in. My days are low - functioning at this point still. I wake up feeling an instant wave of anxiety as I come out of sleep each morning.I have emotionally upsetting dreams nearly every night. It makes the day start off wrong when dealing with it, It takes a few hours to feel somewhat better.I am trying to avoid taking benzos,i don't want a dependancy issue on top of what I am already dealing with.I am taking Vistaryl a few times a day, which is not an addicting med but doesn't, of course, give as much anxiety relief as the benzos.It is what it is...When I am not doing well I always feel like I am letting my family down, even when they say I am not.Its just some guilt I have, because I want to feel better.I will go for long stretches of time doing well and then because of stress and dwelling on passed issues,i just get overwhelmed...I start thinking obsessively about things that have happened in the past.I can be my own worst enemy!I know it would help to see a therapist,but I don't have the money for it right now. I am a 54 yr old wife,mom and grandma.I thought I would be over this struggle by now..guess not.Its a bitch, it is...But it helps ( in a weird way) knowing I am not alone and need to stop being so hard on myself for having mental illness. But I empathize with others who wish they didn't have this God - awful condition. Everyone hang in there, you aren't alone..there are many others dealing with the same stuff. You aren't a bad person, and people who don't understand or TRY to understand mental illness need to educate themselves and be a support to those who do..It would help alot....
For me it's the vicious cycle... The anxiety grips my throat, my chest, my whole body. I wake up in the night and I swear I need to be admitted somewhere. Other days the depression has me glued to the couch, using television to ground me and try and distract. I fear what I can not do, The anxiety builds, I'm paralyzed... I put something off and then the consequences build. I know that I need help, therapy. I had one, she moved and wont take financial aid or my insurance; we had a great 8 year relationship. I'm in recovery and the last year and a half was the worst of my life. My husband drank and was abusive and I would run. I relapsed. Our oldest was killed in Feb. I've ended contact with my narcissistic father, I'm about to turn 50 and other family members, who he treats like gold, are shocked as they never saw the brutal, vicious side of him reserved for me.
I'm a stepmom, the kids mom is also a narcissist and with one special needs kid who isn't getting what he needs-the opposite-Imy heart breaks for the kids.
I've become more and more isolated and getting to meetings is so important, yet so hard....
The scariest is waking repeatedly at night in such a state I really think I'm losing it and literally need to go somewhere.
I have a chronic illness and react badly to many medications; I've had horrible reactions to a couple of aniti depressants (and many meds) Id love the help, but really fear their side effects. I've been hospitalized for the side effects...
I'm searching for anything from acupuncture to therapy to sayings that will help with the deep anger and resentment I have that is poisoning me with my father. II was passive aggressive w my husband yesterday; I know he is upset and will talk to me when he gets home.
I arrived at the page the same way as most of you-- by googling depression paralysis. Nicole, your post is very recent, and I hope you have found a place to stay. I cannot imagine if I had to move right now. I'm a teacher on summer break and I have spent day after day after day in bed, only going downstairs to eat. I have gotten up and out for a few things I was obligated to go to - a funeral of someone close and a couple of important family functions. I have gained a lot of weight and I cannot be bothered to exercise or eat anything except processed junk food- it takes my all to get up and go to the bathroom. I only shower every 3rd day or so or when I must absolutely go out. Parts of my house (bedroom) look like a hoarder - I have zero energy or motivation to clean. Making phone calls completely paralyzes me. I need to find a handyman to do a couple projects on my house but the thought of talking to someone seems impossible. I barely even respond to texts. I can lie in my for 48-72 hours getting up just to get food and go to bathroom. I stay on the laptop all day, mindlessly surfing the internet. I have family visiting from out of state in 2 weeks, and I must clean the house - it is so daunting. And, I am so frustrated and dwelling on all the time I've already wasted where I could have accomplished a lot already by just doing a little a day. Honestly, it has taken a lot out of me just to type this- I feel physically exhausted from doing so. I hope everyone gets to feeling better or somewhat feeling better. Depression is absolutely debilitating.
I'm exhausted from the extreme depression I've experienced since March. Not my first fight with depression but it's been debilitating this time. I almost sabotaged my business in it's entirety just because I couldn't cope with tending to students "personal care and attention" I always give so freely. And losing my home and then an unwanted pregnancy. Have to move within 2 days. Still don't have a place to go because I have my dog. But she's the only thing that's kept me alive so I'm not going anywhere without her. All my money from this recent session went into catching up and into saving my business. Even worse I got a roommate for financial reasons and I'm paralyzed anytime they are home. Hiding in my room with anxiety because I just want to attempt to be productive my 50x a day by myself. Broke down in tears a bit ago and started googling my problem so I can Try to fix it and found this. Thanks to all of you and the author for sharing and thank you for witnessing me. Not all days are bad but all days have at least a bad moment wholly teething to get courage to participate in life. Even worse everyone looks up to me. I'm tired of my self limiting illness.
Small things to big things can bring worries in life and can result in anxiety. Things may remain tense for longtime in our system due to anxiety. thanks for sharing this info with us. Keep up the good work.
I just Googled "making plans paralyzes me." This page came up. It was strange thinking that there were people just like me, laying in bed Googling to find ways to stop being paralyzed.
I want to be a good wife. I want to be a good mother. I want to be a good grandmother. But I can only operate spontaneously or if someone else NEEDS help.
It is somewhat comforting that I am not alone.
this is literally me. I cannot move unless it's for someone else. Its crazy. I feel stuck in my own body/trapped by myself. Cowardly and scared by my responsibilities. I know I just have to like - do it. suck it up and do it but even after working - the minute I take a break I freak out about starting again. i'm 20 and in university now. it's killing my productivity. I cannot study for any of my tests at all on my own or do my submissions on my own. Often- if I have nobody to study with me- I end up walking into tests completely unprepared although I sit paralysed infront of my books for days before my tests. I DONT KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. there has to be some secret to functioning like a normal person that I do not know. its by god's good grace that I have made it this far - but I cannot keep this up for much longer.
It sounds like you're handling a lot all at once! Everything will be alright, and if you would like here are some resources you can use if you're feeling overwhelmed at the moment: https://www.healthyplace.com/suicide/suicide-hotline-phone-numbers. It can take time to work through challenges to productivity, but things will get better. Sending good wishes your way,
Where to begin?...This mental question seems permeated in my mind as one who is plagued by an anxiety induced paralysis. Each day is yet another of what untouched stack of things or undone chore could I hope to begin? I arrived to my condition after some earlier periods of emotional stress smacked right into a serious accident which led to a now 2nd decade of chronic pain. I am unable to tolerate meds of most any kind (took torturous experiences to discover.) How long I've told myself I'll regain at least a part of my old self if I try hard enough, be stubborn enough...If not tomorrow then next week, next month, next year. In truth I am my own harshest critic. So many years of seemingly climbing the sides of many steep, rocky cliffs only to fall back to the bottom time & time again all bruised and battered from the effort. Perhaps it's time to just make myself comfortable at the bottom of the cliff where it could be concluded that I'll be staying put. Daily I feel entitled to nothing including the air I breath as I fail to achieve something of a standard from my unrecognizable self. I feel for the most part, completely invisible as I've come to never leave my home outside of an absolutely necessary medical appointment. This is partly because my chronic pain becomes more intolerable with sitting upright or standing for 10-15 minutes or more. Quite some years ago, anxiety became so heightened that the smallest of daily tasks became insurmountable. Years ago I began giving my doctors my own opinion of how I saw my condition as a whole...That I'd be a happier and more productive person if I were able to switch bodies and places with a healthy prisoner who was perhaps serving a life sentence than living as what I feel to be "living dead." My strength to move through another day by God only. I certainly realize that I'm not first nor the only suffering soul as many suffer and some far greater than I. Neither will I be the last while humans tread. However, the battles of anxiety's daily mental noises suffocating productivity so that it becomes as a museum worthy episode...Makes each day a marked challenge. So each day and each moment of that day is heavily branded upon seemingly each of my brain cells with the thought of yet one more yesterday of missed opportunities...Where do I begin?
I hear your frustration and despair through your words. I'm sorry you are experiencing such a rough time that you seem to feel is not changing. Finding our way back or even initially to ourselves can feel so daunting when we're in such a challenging mental space. So, I hear you. You mention that you rarely leave your home. I wonder if you might look into online therapy as a way of receiving support in the comfort of your home. You may find some relief with some of the cognitive behavioral therapies and mindfulness. Mindfulness practices can be invaluable when it comes to managing pain. Seeking professional help would be a good place to begin.
I'm grateful for your kind and experienced response. I've not familiarized myself with the avenue of online therapy. However, I remain open to options of any source offering hopes of improvement. Therapists office visits which I've experienced in the past while not a total loss offered very little in the way of noticeable progress of which I appreciate the tiniest. Many of my pain physician specialists have been forthcoming in explaining of how long term chronic pain can actually remap the brain as pain travels the very same biological pathway links that anxiety, depression, etc. utilize triggering either or. I understand it to simply mean that all are competing for intricate neurological circuitry space and the synapses firing becomes a bit (or much more in some cases) misguided and perhaps even congestively exhausted. Throw into the mix the unwelcomed visitor known as insomnia and the snowball effect provides even more ammunition to the enemies. How I wish I could improve upon my own condition and find some way, if but only a small one to help (even if only one) of the many other(s) who feel parked on a treadmill in an isolated space with no off switch. I've so many years of physical therapy, specialists, multiple surgeries, hypnosis, psychological tests & exams (to convince myself that "I" wasn't becoming part of the problem), and all both in & out of state. I very much appreciate your input Melissa and I'll make special effort to locate a hopefully tried & true reputable source for further exploration of online therapy.
*Wishing well to all that are affected by anxiety, chronic pain or any other debilitating condition or disorder.
This is me exactly, Susan. Every carefully thought out word is perfect. How do we get help when we know the way out but are incapable of forward motion. Faking my way through anything that doesn’t offer the comfort of a buffer of anonymity like me keyboard leaving me feeling electrocuted with panic. If it wasn’t for a keyboard, I wouldn’t be able to form sentences. At least what I write and post online I can proof read a thousand times and ultimately delete if I can’t bring myself to allow it to ‘just be’. I want some kind of life. I don’t deserve any kind of life. Do I want help? Am I just a spoilt brat? What about people with real life threatening problems? And I’m over here complaining about how I’m too scared to end it all. Would my kids rather a bedridden mental health nightmare for a Mother over being free from me forever? I’m not suicidal. I know the stats for children with a parent who has committed suicide. I don’t drink, or use any illegal drugs to cope. I can CDT/DBT like a Mother $&cker and do the steps to small victories and I feel absolutely nothing. No relief. Just more of the same. If I lay really still and busy my mind with news articles and be given the gift of some sleep in the day I am thrilled. Then the guilt sets in. What an haven’t done. What I can’t seem to do. Why can I not stay fixed. More anxiety. Fortune telling. All or nothing. You name the distortion, I’ll provide you with examples. When there is a way to fix a broken brain with a broken brain, I would like the opportunity to try please.
Me too! You summed it up beautifully!
Hey Susan, Cee, and May, I thought I'd share a mini story with you that I hope can offer a glimpse of light in your moments of despair. I've been caregiving part-time for a woman who just turned 78 and has been bound to her chair for six years since her stroke. Recently, she indicated she wanted to build her strength and learn to manage her pain better with mindfulness. I put together a short series of exercises for her (very simple things she can do in a chair), along with some yogic breath work. Her primary caregiver has been doing them with her daily. Last week she told me that she can now lift her hand and arm for the first time in 6 years. She showed her husband and me and we were stunned. I asked her how she figured out she could do it and she replied, "I don't know. I just tried one day and asked my arm to cooperate and it did. She said her pain has been diminished as well. I'm not sharing this to suggest that people can will their way out of agony, anxiety, or depression. I'm also not suggesting that yoga is a magical cure. However, I wanted to ask you guys if you've tried any kind of mindfulness or somatic (body) work. I've been astounded at some of the healing I've watched over the years--people being able to love their bodies and heal painful trauma. These are some of the small things that can give us meaning in life.
So I am not alone in this. At a wits end moment I googled "I am paralyzed by fear." I've recognized this fear before from childhood..only there was something to fear back then. My dangerously abusive brother who beat me savagely up until I was pulled from the home after I attempted suicide. That fear was recently rebooted when I was faced with this man at my older brothers funeral. I wasn't aware that HE would be present as he is in prison. But he was there, and made threats as well. This has seemingly put me back to being a little kid, paralyzed hidding under the porch steps again while he stalked me so he could beat me. But there isn't anything stalking me. I lost my job, I look up jobs think I could do that, but am panick struck when I need to act on it. This isn't fun, feelings of being a failure or weak are like cement in my chest and a weight over my body. What is wrong with you!!?? I say to myself. Reading the post and comments I think has helped me pin point this. I've repeated a mantra in my head saying no to fear but it isn't working. I don't want meds, I just want to control my own shit. But powerless to do so. I'm going deeper into depth, deeper into dispair. I don't see away out. I talk to no one about this for fear of ridicule or judgements because I thought no one would get it. I think this helped but really clueless as to what to do. If I can't depend on myself I think that's a game over situation. Which leads me to understand now, why some people do what they gotta do. I don't have that option though. So the long hard road out of hell is what I seek. Anyone got directions?
You certainly are not alone, Johnny. I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing such a rough time. I imagine you may be experiencing both grief from the loss of your older brother and a trauma response from encountering the brother who was abusive. I highly recommend finding a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma. Seek out someone who uses mind-body techniques. You may want to find someone who uses Eye-Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR). Here's an article that describes it: https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/traumaptsdblog/2016/01/ptsd-treatment-what-is-emdr-and…. You might also check out my tapping article/video for a free resource in managing fear/anxiety: https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/tag/tapping-tool-to-calm-anxiety/. Keep in mind that healing is indeed a process.
This is my everyday even for things it should be exciting. I should be packing for my vacation, but what am I doing?? Laying here paralyzed, trying to get pass the wall I have built in my head, I'm exhausted and I just got up not that long ago. I know the only way to fight it is to get up and just do it.... But it's pretty damn hard even with Xanax. I hate living like this everyday it is exhausting. My therapist and I are working on it but I wished there was a shortcut. I don't want to be like this and I'm sure no one else does either.
I just read your comment and I just want you to know that I know what you are feeling, maybe not to its entirety but I can definitely relate. That's all I wanted to share. You are not the only one and I'm not eirher.
This is a lovely and helpful, well-written article. I get those paralysis days about 40% of each year. They make me hugely unproductive. I'm trying so hard to find a way to get rid of them, but as you say here, the only way is to push gently through and do something.
One trick I make myself do is write an 'At least I' list before bed.In it I list every small thing I actually did do, from getting showered and dressed to cleaning a washbasin or emailing a client. Once you make the list of the tiny movements forward that you made on a bad day, it's easier to be kinder to yourself for having spent most of the day asleep or online.
Thank you Belinda for your comment. I'm glad my comment was helpful.
Thank you for writing this article. I am 53 and in the midst of the hormone roller coaster called "perimenopause." It's kicking my you-know-what! Last week I was as focused, competent and productive as I was at 30. For the last three days, I have been inert, depressed, indecisive and today, paralyzed. I try to flog myself mentally - to no avail. I eat sugar, drink caffeine, take "mental energy" herbs...all to no avail. I know that this will simmer down in a few days and I'll just be at my "normal" level of depression, but I'm in the abyss right now. Thank you, too, to all of you who have so bravely shared your comments. It means a lot to know I'm not alone.
You guys can talk and talk about it but we all know nothing will change. If it was that easy we would all be healed. Living with the pain and accepting it is the only way, until we take our last breath in life. Hang in there folks.
Thank you for making me feel human again.
Logically I know its ok to feel like a failure sometimes but when your at the bottom its harder to spot the sun.
Thank you for being brave enough to show us its ok.
For all of us, Amy. I suspect the "trick" is to compliment yourself for even tiny steps forward.
I am currently having a horrible time and I am finding it difficult to move. I try to do a task every hour but I have failed at this today. This paralysing depression has robbed me of so much. I have ended up living in squalor and losing my home because of it and still I lie here struggling to get up and brush my teeth. I am worried I will lose my teeth as well. I already have toothache.
I have just been verbally abused by someone who is a hypocrite who insulted me about the state of the house while she added to the squalor. It makes me so angry. She is such a nasty person and I think this has de-motivated me. I hate being alive but I will try to battle on for the sake of my pets.
You're doing the best you can. Keep it up and don't give up! You can get through this. Don't Let others opinions get you down. They don't matter. Only you getting better matters.
Wow! Melanie! What a splendid idea - to try to do a task per hour! I'm going to immediately apply that in my situation. That's really helpful - thank you very much! And PS - I come from a verbally abusive home and I know it's hard to let it roll off your back. My secret weapon as a kid was to plan every day (from age 11 on, when I first recognized the depravity) plan how I was going to get away from her. It worked! I was able to escape to college at just 16 years old! May I recommend you consider furtively making plans to move somewhere else?
This may sound like a horrible thing to say but it feels like such a relief to see that there are others who are experiencing exactly what I've been experiencing. Sounds cliche but yes when you go through this the intense isolation makes one feel like you are the only person in the world going through it. And selfishly I take comfort in knowing that I am not the only one suffering like this which also gives me hope that I can deal with it. I've been dealing with it for many years on and off. But this bout has been exceptional. Let me say that one of the solutions I believe is to not isolate oneself. I feel better when I'm in the presence of someone not a lot of people that would irritate me like strangers, but one or someone that doesn't completely discussed you or irritate you. Being productive in some way is rewarding. And I just took one ride with lift and made 10 bucks woohoo 10 whole box smdh but the fact that I got in my car and drove makes me feel like less of a complete loser. At 46 even though I lie and tell everyone 36, I feel most times of late like a complete waste of space. I know I'm not but there is this little nagging voice that says yes you are what have you accomplished? You do nothing but be sad complain and be depressed all day you lay on the sofa now that you have one because I was homeless last year you get yourself together and then you put yourself back in a situation to lose it all again. It's a vicious cycle. And I am fighting this demon call depression tooth-and-nail with my full spirit. If there is anyone in the West Georgia area Douglasville who would like to form a small support group with me where we meet for coffee please let me know
Thank you for your comment, Natasha. You're right about how important support and connection is. It is really easy to feel like we're alone if we don't have that. We all have the negative critic that comes out at times and it sounds like you are taking some steps to counter it. You might check out meetup.com to connect with people in your area with similar interests. All the best.
got through the day. not sure I will get through the night
Thank you. I'm reading this while paralysed in my bed but you helped me to realise even though I fee this was and I am slightly beating myself up for all those things I'm supposed to be doing today. I have succeeded in doing some writing and I won't beat myself up as like you in my writing. I know tomorrow is another day and I'm getting through today without harming myself too. A massive step forward for me also. Thank you.
I too at home in bed paralyzed. I haven't taken my clothes off from yesterday and I can't force myself into the shower even though it is mid afternoon. I have lost almost everything but I still can't move. I need to deliver paperwork to a nearby town in order to see a free therapist. I have a graduate degree in sciences and engineering but it doesn't help me move or function. I have lost my children, teens, because of the extreme depression and circumstances. My words have been twisted and now despite them loving and caring about me immensely, we can only spend a few hours together and that must be supervised by mother who is a "puck yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality regarding depression. My car is on a repo list and is hiding. My home I rent is overdue with rent payments with an eviction notice given and the date is a mere two days away, yet I'm hopelessly stuck. I have no income, no support system, and have lost over 40 pounds in a few months. I've tried every antidepressant combo and even self admitted myself a few months ago but nothing, absolutely nothing works. I'm not suicidal because I don't want to leave my children, but I am numb. All I can do is read posts hoping someone had it worse and recovered ...even just a bit. This disease is horrific. Please don't ever judge anyone as we all have different struggles, different coping mechanisms and different pasts that affect all of our being. My greatest hope is my children will never experience this, no one should.
This is not a new struggle, but rather a manifestation of a struggle of more than a decade. Lastly, I have never posted on any site though I have begged for help from family and friends. 'm hoping this will be a step in the right direction and maybe strangers can be better equipped to offer advice than those in my almost nonexistent circle. I long for the old me, or even a resemblance of me.
I sincerely hope you find some understanding, support, and help soon. You may want to check out one of the resources we've listed on our "Mental Health Hotline Numbers and Referral Resources" page. Something there may be able to help you in your current circumstances.
I know it’s been a long time since you posted this and I truly hope you are ok. Your post hit me pretty hard because I’ve gone through almost the exact same thing. I was in the same place a year ago. My situation was also a culmination of events from the past several years. So many things had happened and I became paralyzed by it all as well. I got on some meds that helped me to start putting one foot in front of the other. It’s been a hard road of pushing myself each day to do something to get my life together. The best thing for me was getting a job. I needed it so badly that I knew I had to get up and go every day. Mornings are still hard for me and sometimes I don’t know how I’m doing it, but I am. Being busy and being around other people saves me. I’m forced to act like I’m ok, to smile and talk to people. At some point almost every day I realize that I’m no longer forcing myself and I have a reprieve from the darkness. Missing my children is crushing, but I am getting better and taking steps to get them back in my life. Weekends are tough, especially being alone on my days off. I’m having a relapse of that paralyzed feeling today and I looked up “being paralyzed by depression” and found your post. I’m so glad you posted because I thought I was the only one who has gone through this much. “This too shall pass” and “fake it till you make it” sound cheesy but it helps to remember sayings like that because I’ve found that they’re true and so important to remember. Things do get better. Don’t give up on yourself, things can get a lot better. I haven’t had a bad day in a while and maybe today served as a reminder of how far I’ve come.
Money is such a huge stress, especially when we have tried to fit in with work and crap. I know I'm going down yet I can't seem to function at all. It's very scary and overwhelming. I'm 51 now and lost all motivation when I used to try so hard to keep going.
I am 2 years into depression caused by perfectionism ... I hate how I make my parents worry and feel but I can't tell nobody else to help my ... today I got to the point that I'm paralyzed , I always tried to prevent this since I'm in college... I need to work work work study study study ... and now I'm just exhausted I'm always forcing myself to live ... all I want is to live and function properly.. to study with love and not fear ... I skipped scoial gathering today , I just can't go ... I can't seem to speak just this
I've battled perfectionism, too. I know how difficult it can make life, especially when combined with mental illness. Please consider taking a look at some of our listed mental health numbers and resources: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer….
Duha, we are really sorry for the late response to this comment. I am new to HealthyPlace and saw your comment. I hope you managed to get through your exams. Negative self-talk can be really debilitating and feel challenging to turn around sometimes. One suggestion I have for you when these thoughts arise is to create a phrase like, "Even though I feel anxious right now, I fully accept myself." Name whatever feeling your experience in the phrase and practice self-acceptance. At the same time, use two or three fingers to gently tap just under your collarbone while repeating the phrase. It might seem like an odd technique, but it helps me to reframe my experience and redirect my focus to something else. Of course, if anxiety is affecting your life in a big way, please look into getting professional help.
First I'd like to say I totally understand what all of you are going thru, and I love every single one of you. I have anxiety/depression/obsession/compressive disorders thru the roof of the Empire State building!! I have had this since starting with depression at 8yrs old and building throughout the rest of my life. Beginning with a mother who rejected me at birth, leaving me to be handed from one family member to another until I was 4, and then back to her. Whereby she left to care for myself, until my sister would get home from school, until my dad would get home from work. Went from that to a marriage I THOUGHT was going to be a Heaven-made one; walked out of one nightmare into another of the same. But loved this man with all I was made of, and stayed. Had a child, girl, she turned out just like him and his wretched family. Made my life Hell. Loved and cared for her as I did him. Had a still-born son. Was always very sick after that with one major illness after another, usually requiring hospitalization, 11 surgeries thru the years. Were'nt always poor, but did struggle several several times, had to file bankruptcy once. Now, I am 60yrs old, disabled but do not qualify for disability, my husband (who came to finally love me and was my prince) died suddenly 6 months ago. The company he worked 41 yrs for gave me HALF of his pension to live on(because he died at 59, not 60). And left me without medical coverage, including for my meds. One med alone is $753.00 PER MONTH, that's the one that stops my severe and crippling anxiety attacks. Help? I have ABSOLUTELY NO ONE and NO KIND. The ONLY way I was able to get thru getting my Husband buried was because I was 'walking' thru it in such a state of SHOCK that I didn't realize what I was actually doing until 3 months later. NOW.... while I own our home and cars .... I am a quivering ball of human terrified broken-hearted crippled and devastated confused and totally lost mass of flesh that hides under my blankets in my huge Ortho health chair in my living room. I do not know what is going to happen to me.
That's a lot to go through. I'm sorry you've been struggling. Have you checked in to medicaiton assistance programs? Those might offer some help in at least that area. Our Free or Low-Cost Prescription Medication Assistance article is a good place to start. https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/prescription-assistance-programs/free-or-low-cost…
Thank you for writing this post Greg, and thank you so much to everyone who commented. I can relate to every one of you. I have read many blog posts but never responded to one before. Here goes. I just really want to say thank you for your honesty and sharing. I have been feeling lower and lower each day, and decided to google "feeling paralyzed by depression" and here I am. Since there is no quick fix to coming out of the blackness, at least we can reach out to each other and find comfort in total understanding. I am actually feeling better enough now to type at least! I feel like you, Alexandra. I can't stand how this is a vicious cycle. I am the Queen of beating myself up for my behavior. An old therapist told me that I am a perfectionist. I asked how that could be, considering I am so far from perfect. She said the fact that I never accept myself for the good that I do -- that I only see myself as flawed -- makes me a perfectionist. It is so true that I am never satisfied with myself. She asked me once to list 5 good features about myself. Crickets chirped. I was SO embarrassed to say anything positive about myself. I felt like I would be bragging, plus there was nothing to list anyway. Lol! I felt like a grade schooler on the gym stage during a spelling bee -- that fear of criticism and self-doubt and failure, and the reason why every year I purposefully misspelled the final word asked so I wouldn't qualify to go on stage in the first place! I still can't speak that list comfortably so I have to work on self esteem. I beat myself up for unjustifiably beating myself up! Vicious cycle! Anyway, my goal for tomorrow (well, today since it's 1:30 am now - my horrible sleep schedule) is to not berate myself and to try to keep believing (dreaming?) that I'll make some sort of progress today. I have to get up early to bring my boys to their soccer games so that's the definite push I need. It forces me to shower, too. (God, that feels so pathetic to say.) I lost my job back in November and have lost all interest in looking for a new one. I can't stop, though. Unemployment is running out. Real life is crashing in on me. I've been closing my eyes to it, pushing scary reality off to "later." Checking my bank account and telling myself I'm still doing ok. This is why I have come to rest in the blackness. It is so embarrassing. I can't stand reading all of those "feel good," encouraging quotes posted on Facebook by my friends. They don't apply to me!! I'm waiting for when one will apply to me! One I can confidently agree with! I know "Life is a gift; Don't waste it," but it sure comes easy to waste right now! These inspirational quotes came to mind because the only one I DO like right now is the one accompanying this blog post! "Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress, which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once." In the picture, I am the little bunny reaching to get back to earth. "Baby steps." "Fake it 'til you make it." They're not kidding! I am going to stay up now to attempt to get my sleep schedule back to normal, and think about you all, and how we're all fighting this @#%@#% fight together. Somewhere out in the world, I know there is someone else awake feeling like me.
Mary I hope almost a year on you have found some peace. I myself searched for 'Depression and feeling paralysed'. I feel unable to do anything however I don't give myself credit for getting my 2 young boys ready for school, for doing homeworks and for making dinner, for reading them stories every night and for hugging them even though I feel nothing. I've had severe depression & anxiety for over 20 yrs. I had finally found the solution through essential oils however my mum died 8 weeks ago and I'm worse than ever. Back on dreaded meds and unable to feel that I will ever get better. Depression sucks!!!
Mary I would like to be your friend. Your words sound like my thoughts. My Husband doesn't understand. I am a Christian and thankful for the Lord. Sometimes all I can do is reach out and pray and ask God to help or read a psalm when I don't know what to pray. My disability is running out but I have been so paralyzed...I haven't even been able to do my laundry let alone finish my resume and look for a job. The thought of going on interviews and trying to say the right things and convince someone that I am worthy of a job is just so overwhelming to me. I am very skilled and good at what I do, but I also am a perfectionist. If my house isn't clean and organized, I don't get enough sleep or whatever the reason I get very overwhelmed and I tend to shut down. I'm trying to fight it. It just is so silly and yet I can't get past it. I used to be such a go getter and get so much done. I don't know how I did it. I wish I could get that version of me back. Anyways, just wanted you to know that someone out there feels exactly as you were feeling when you wrote this post. I hope you are doing better. It is no fun being isolated, even though we often isolate ourselves. It just makes the issue worse. I recently started taking amino acids as a desperate attempt to change the way I feel. I've tried just about everything. Hopefully it helps. If you'd like, you can reach me email@example.com
God Bless you all that are struggling with this! ?
Wow I can't believe I can even type seeing that this feeling I have had me feeling so stuck I can't breathe without consciously taking a deep breath! I too have God in my life and do not understand how a once vibrant girl who friends called a cheerleader for life can be sitting in the house while there are many things going on around me with family and friends?! I do suffer from a chronic illness and had a dr apt this am....have had severe stomach problems since last night (well all the time but I had to be close to a rest room for this kind) but I can't blame my physical illness because I ha e been much more sick and gone out or had people over and I want nothing to do with any of it! I. Lames the winter at first then I blamed menopause,now I am blaming the heat wave....well today is 78 and gorgeous and I am in my room shaking every time there is a sound like one of kids home or my husband?! This is bad that is why I googled it! Idk if it's cuz it's becoming my norm or what but I HATE IT!! I need to move my feet but NOPE,I am laying here! I want my life back please someone help ?! Any suggestions I'll take em! I already journaled and read psalms I don't know what's up? Ty and I pray ur doing better! God bless Kerry