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Coping with Depression

Depression can drain you of a lot of things: motivation, self-esteem, focus, decisiveness. The list is long (Why Live When You Feel Like Dying?). The very worst of these is when depression drains you of your will to live. I know. I've been there.
For as long as I can remember, I've felt sad and defective. So when did I realize that I needed help? I didn't always know I had depression. I actually didn't have a clue what it was until after my doctor gave me my depression diagnosis.
"You're so sad all the time! I can't stand it! Why can't you just pull through it?" I stared at my 20 year old, 6 foot, 2 inches tall son, crying and yelling at me because I'm sad all the time. And here I thought I was a pro at hiding my depression.
One of the most difficult symptoms of depression is a lack of motivation. It's not that we don't want to feel better, we just lack the physical motivation to move and the emotional motivation to care if we move. Everything seems so difficult. Everything except staying under a warm blanket, hand on the remote, doing nothing, thinking nothing, feeling nothing. Depression and sleep always seem to go together, but laziness is not the cause of the lack of motivation depression brings.
My name is Erin, I’m 29-years-old, and depression is as much a part of me as my bones and organs. I’ve felt depressed my entire life, but until I finally reached out for help at the age of sixteen, I didn’t realize that I had an illness at all. I thought life was just extremely painful but that I felt pain deeper than most. I felt like I was terrible at coping with things everyone else found to be so easy. I felt bad and wrong and hopeless.
While there seems to be no definitive, medical evidence that links laughter with improved serotonin levels (the lack of which is said to play an integral part in depression), laughter is definitely the unsung hero when it comes to alleviating depression symptoms.
Having depression has taught me many things. I've learned how very debilitating depression can be, but I've also learned how resilient people with depression are - myself included. I've learned about stigma but I've also learned about acceptance. I've learned about brain chemistry and depression medications, about cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, prayer, positivity and other treatments.
I have had one hell of a week. It has been a week of emotional lows with very few highs. It has been a week where I have had to use all of my coping with depression skills.
Talking about depression can be scary. It was... is... scary for me, too. But I did it anyway. We all must talking about our depression, for ourselves, for our children, and for our children's children.
Post-vacation depression (or, post-vacation blues, as it is sometimes called) has often plagued me. I was hoping that this time it would be different. I just got back from a vacation in the sun. And now, it is all I can do to keep those depression demons off my back.