Depression Can Drain You Of Your Will To Live
Depression can drain you of a lot of things: motivation, self-esteem, focus, decisiveness. The list is long (Why Live When You Feel Like Dying?). The very worst of these is when depression drains you of your will to live. I know. I've been there.
Depression Drained My Will to Live
I think about that day a lot, less than two years ago, when I almost killed myself. I sometimes wonder if I would have gone through with it. How much lower would I have needed to be? I was pretty low - holding the lethal pills in my hand. I felt so desperate, so sad, so lost and alone.
At the very lowest moment, I had one, very brief moment of clarity in which I asked myself to think about just one thing that I was looking forward to.
And then I lived.
The 'Just One Thing' That Stopped Depression From Draining My Will To Live (And More)
From that moment on, that technique of finding just one thing has become my saving grace. When I lack motivation, I tell myself to get up and do just one thing, like vacuum the rug. When my self-esteem is low, I remind myself about just one thing that I am good at, like writing. When my focus is blurred, I pick just one thing to concentrate on, like reading. When my depression threatened to swallow me whole, when I nearly took my own life, I thought of just one thing to stay my hand: my daughter's wedding.
Can Something So Small Stop Depression From Draining Your Will To Live?
It is a very rudimentary, yet powerful, technique I learned during cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). People scoff at psychotherapy, calling it ineffective. When partnered with other treatments, psychotherapy and CBT can save your life.
Today, my particular battle is with this unbelievably long, brutally cold and snowy winter (What is Seasonal Affective Disorder, Seasonal Depression?). I'm trying very hard to think about just one thing I appreciate about the winter besides my love for wearing warm, cozy sweaters; the just one thing I appreciate about the winter is that is always ends (eventually), and it always ushers in the spring!
When depression is draining you of you will to live, of all those things that make you who you are, try, if you can, to think about just one thing that can help change your state of mind. Try it. It works!
Scott, L. (2014, March 16). Depression Can Drain You Of Your Will To Live, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2021, July 24 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/copingwithdepression/2014/03/depression-is-draining
Author: Liana M Scott
I've lost my will to live. I think about suicide 24/7 for the last two years. I've tried to end my life, but I always back out at the last minute. Hanging is very painful, and I feel like I'm going to aspirate the contents of my stomach. Therapy and meds have not helped. I honestly don't want to go on. I don't want to justify why I feel this way, or get help to go on. I just want relief. I want someone to help me end things peacefully. I don't want to traumatize anyone with a brutal exit. Why can't society understand this? I have not wanted to go on living for almost two years. I'm not afraid of regretting an early exit, as (obviously), I wouldn't be around to do so. Does anyone else feel this way? It's unbelievably tragic, but that's the way I feel, and realizing this, everyday, is absolute torture. Please someone, tell me I am not alone. That suicide can be a rational decision in the mind of the person who experiences this level of mental anguish, every minute of every day.
Thank you for reaching out, and I am sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. For intervention, connection and support, please see HealthyPlace's list of resources and hotlines to contact: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer…. I know it can be difficult, but please seek help.
HealthyPlace Comment Moderator
Thank you Mary-E, please say a prayer for me. I've exhausted therapy and therapists.
Of course, I can do that.
Is there help for someone whom has no will left? Someone whom is living simply out of fear of the fabled punishment interwoven into their childhood from the altruistic and lOvInG gOd...
Someone whom has tested the all mighty big pharma and the infallible state regulated behavioral health vendors for over 20 years...
Someone whom has no monetary worth...
Is there help for them?
Thank you for your comment. I'm so sorry that you're experiencing difficult circumstances. Please see our resources and hotlines page for ways to get help: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer….
I know it's hard, but please reach out.
Hello, Bakeractevasion. I'm Jennifer, the current co-author of the Coping With Depression blog. I'm glad you reached out here. I want you to know that you have worth. You yourself are of great value. I am sorry that you are experiencing so much pain. I encourage you to reach out to a local support group. Look into finding a therapist with whom you click. Sometimes it takes a while. Don't give up. You are not alone. There is help available.
I know how he feels. I don't want to get out of bed 98% of the time. I was clean off of illicit drugs, and complied with therapy and psyche meds for 6 years. All that got me was wildly horrifying auditory hallucinations (on top of my normal ones) for more than 11 months when I lost my insurance and my SSRI was dropped immediately. most of the time now I do some kind of stimulant to try to accomplish the things needing done around my house.
Hi, I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles. Have you tried free mental health services in your area or online? I hope you're being careful with the stimulants you're using...
Hello, Piper. I'm Jennifer, the current author of the Coping With Depression Blog. I'm glad you reached out to us. First of all, please speak with a healthcare professional about your feelings if you haven't done so already. Secondly, when trying to find your "one thing," think about anything you enjoy or look forward to doing - no matter how small. Recall things you're good at. For me, I think about how much I enjoy certain holidays and reading and writing. I also love to cook and bake and find those to be nice distractions when I feel like harming myself. I remind myself of my gifts in writing and teaching. You, too, can find your one or more reasons to keep going. Hold on. I know it's dark now, but there are brighter days ahead. Never give up.
How do I find this one thing? I need it to stop myself from attempting to hurt myself
so how am i supposed to carry on after my girl (age 20)
was found naked.dead in a ditch after being missing for 5 weeks.
killed at the hands of a so called HUMAN BEING!!how would any1 else
on this site like to cope with the guilt/knowledge that it couldve been prevented?i carry on for my son but hes not on
speaking terms with me+supposing he never speaks again?
i have tortured thoughts of girl s last moments.what did IT do
to her?what were her last thoughts?was she tortured?why am i alive
+she isnt?please dont say TIME HEALS.ITS BEEN 11 YEARS +im
feeling WORSE.dont mention religion, that means nothing to me.
no beliefs at all,and never will have.i force a smile each day,
but inside im DEAD.1 day i will be ,then these tortured thoughts
Hello, Tina. I'm Jennifer, the current author of the Coping With Depression Blog. First of all, I am so sorry about your daughter. I know the pain you're in is beyond what most of us can imagine. My heart aches for you. If you haven't seen a therapist, that is my first suggestion. I've dealt with loss and trauma in my life, and attending therapy has truly made a huge difference for me. Also, I want to remind you that your reason for living is you. You are worthy. You are of value. I know there is darkness now, but I promise you there can be light again. Please reach out. Speak with your healthcare provider about what you're feeling. Don't give up.
one very simple reason really i am sorry to be so blunt as i am going through a very tough patch of life as well at the moment because your daughter is with you and she would not want you to also remember that your daughter was much more of a human being than the person or people who ever carried out this act will ever be and she would not want to lose you if roles had been reversed
I am also taking anti depressant drugs and I to think they do not work as the way I feel hasn’t changed I married quite hastily and had my first child the first year of my marriage. I did not realise how drastically my life would change I am now a wife and a mother a home keeper but I am no longer ME! What happened to me the me that had a sense of humour the me that was up for anything fun the me that loved living. I died and now only a wife and a mother a home keeper goes in day by day.
I have just come across this and I still feel the same as Craig I’m only going on because of my three beautiful children they are my saviours because if they didn’t exist I wouldn’t exist and everyday they are the reason I wake up.
I am a middle-aged man turning 50 this year and I found I have no will to live my life anymore. I just migrated to a new country 3 years ago, thought it would be a new beginning for me after getting myself burnt-out by 17 years of work in stressful consulting world. The last three years before the move was a final blow as I also lost my father due to his recurring kidney failure. I found life was so fragile and meaningless, it is too much to bear, so much hurt, so much pain and so little hope. After my relocation to a new country, I find out tings were not turning out as good as I imagined. Even they are worst, for one I could not find a job, I dis not enjoy the life in the new country and was left in cold loneliness everyday at home whilst my wife working and my two kids study at school. I found it difficult to accept this reality. I know I should be strong, grateful and accept the reality and move on. I try to seek God for peace, hope and guidance but I could not find what I am looking for. I am depressed and torn between the two worlds of returning back to the life I used to hate or adjusting to a new life I find meaningless to cope. I have been taking anti-depressants for 3 years but they are not helping. I am sorry for all my whinings and complaints. I think I need to stop, life is just too much for me and my depression has taken the will to live from me ...
Suffer from severe depression. I have been on numerous different meds and not one has worked. My desire to no longer live is stronger than my desire to live. I have children and love them more than anything and do not want to cause them pain, but my desire to no longer live is even stronger than that.
Thank you Jennifer. I am still suffering but was glad to re-read your words. Haven’t found my motivation but have tried volunteering which is good . Your blog is a great help.
Hello, Noel. I am Jennifer, current co-author of the Coping With Depression Blog. This particular article was written by Liana, but I thank you for your comment and your kind words about our blog. It is wonderful to hear that you are volunteering. I understand the struggle of trying to find motivation. It is a challenge for those of with depression. It sounds like you are working on it, though, and headed in the right direction. I appreciate your encouraging thoughts!
My name is Jen. I lost the love of my life. She was everything to me. Yes, I am very depressed. 28 years together. 5 days away from legally married. I am devastated. So to all of you, hold, hug, kiss, the ones you love because you just do not know what my happen tomorrow.
Hello, Jen. Thank you for your comment. I am Jennifer, co-author of the Coping With Depression Blog. I am so sorry for your loss.
I had brain surgery in 2009. After the surgery, I experienced massive seizures multiple times a day. I was fully conscious with each seizure. I lost my job, could no longer play with my kids, driving was out of the question. Over the years my seizures have gradually subsided. It seems that my doctor finally found the right cocktail mix of drugs. Each drug had its own set of adverse side effects.
After 8 years, the seizures finally stopped completely and I started looking for a job again. I worked in the software industry and quickly realized that my previous skill set was no longer relevant. After months and months of trying to find a job that was close to making what I was making 8 years ago. I had no success. That's when the depression came.
I felt worthless. My wife didn't understand and just thought I should "snap out of it". After more than 20 years, my marriage was on the brink of collapse. Suddenly the word "divorce" started coming up more and more frequently. We went to counseling. I started seeing a therapist on my own then I went to a psychiatrist who prescribed more drugs. Nothing seemed to work. I was tired and wanted my life to be over. Suicidal thoughts ran through my brain from morning till evening and all through the night. I just wanted to escape from it all.
That's when a friend turned me on to a natural vitamin supplement called focus essentials. I know it probably isn't appropriate to plug a product on this blog and that really isn't my intention. But I was desperate to try anything. I still wanted to live. My suggestion to anyone facing deep depression is to try anything that will help. For me it was this vitamin supplement, for you it could be something different. Now my marriage is slowly getting stronger each day. I found a good paying job. And my kids now have their dad back.
Just don't give up, it's a battle worth fighting for!!
Hi Ryan, I feel your pain... 2014 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Back then I was married, 2 children. I had a double mastectomy and was told that everything would be okay; they've lied...2015 during my breast reconstruction my father was also diagnosed with cancer and died 3 months after he found out. By the end of 2016 the breast cancer was back, this time it came back aggressive. Another surgery, radiation for 3 months, painful injections to force me into menopause. Nine months on those shots I decided that was enough and the doctors removed the remaining organs that made me a woman. I was surgically in menopause with all the side effects that comes with it, hot flashes from hell, severe depression, pschytrist, counseling, medication... nothing worked. I was only 41 when all that started. After 20 years of marriage instead a "hand" to pull me out of the "hole" I got the boot. It only took 2 months for the divorce to be finalized... I'm here now thinking if it is worthy to live. I've been a fighter my whole life, dedicated and sacrificed myself for my family and that what I've gotten at the end. I am glad you are doing fine now, really. I guess I had no more "use" to my family , for them I just a burden... the meds I take for cancer gives osteoporosis, I've just broke my foot ,had surgery again to put plates and pins and best of all, no health insurance... I accept my " challenges " but it's just becoming overwhelming.
I am here a lot on this site. It’s almost unbelievable seeing all these pages of comments and replies today. It’s so very saddening. I’m so sorry for us all and hope each and every one of us finds a reason, to get us through each day. I’m 57 and have been through a horrific marriage, separation,, long drug our divorce from a man I deeply loved. The only man I’ve ever loved. Could not have had worse judgement, ignored many red flags, believed lies for years. Narcissist along with my mother who will be 93 this Monday. I’ve not spoken to her, or my grown daughter from my first marriage out of high school in nearly 6 years. I have 3 beautiful granddaughters I’ve not seen in all that time either. The rest of my family disowned me, I’m on disability for depression and anxiety and was diagnosed with C-PTSD during my separation, divorce and post divorce that I’m sure the judge would have given him my blood if he’d remembered that one last thing. I was discriminated and humiliated and bullied by the court system to where I can’t even drive by the courthouse. I’ve isolated myself to the point it’s desperate that I do leave at times. My ONE THING is my dog. My almost 9 year old Golden Retriever, I’m already worried about losing too soon because two before her died young. I literally get out of bed each day just for her. I let her out and I stare out my back door crying and begging that someone sees my pain and helps and also mortified that someone will. I’ve been so hurt and devastated and destroyed by lies for so long I’m beginning to wonder again if things weren’t all my fault as my ex tried pounding into my head for too many years. I am so lost and empty and unloved that I’ve nobody to list as an emergency contact. I’ve had emergencies where I had no one to call. No one to drive me to the ER when I couldn’t drive. I look at my dogs beautiful face, covered in white now with her years of wisdom as her groomer as so sweetly said before. She is my life. But I also need a human being to hug and hold and touch. I’ve thought so many times of how to end it, but I’m a coward and I can’t make the mistake of messing this last thing up. If I were to try and fail it would be so much worse. My family would see it as a weakness and embarrassment and shame to them. That’s the mother I’ve known all my life. She’s never once asked me how I was when my marriage was falling apart. My home of 24 years in foreclosure because my spouse left and never saw a cent from him again even after the divorce. Contempt of court for maintenance. He threatened me many times with harm if I ever tried to collect. I don’t want to ever see him or hear his voice again. He’s the devil on this earth and the reason my daughter disowned me. We were so close. I was so proud because my own mother and I never were not for a minute. Yet she blamed me for being uncaring and unloving. I honestly don’t think I have any love for my mother and I don’t feel guilt over it. She’s done nothing but say I was a disappointment all of my life to her.
It’s a holiday weekend here in the US and as weekends go they’re the worst for me but a holiday weekend makes me feel so much more empty and dead inside. I just want the pain to end and live somehow but there’s nothing to motivate me and nowhere to go that I feel I fit in anywhere. People have people. People need people. I’ve got no one at all who even cares if I’m alive or dead so why am I here other than my sweet beautiful dog? Even she deserves better than me.
Hello, Nancy. Thank you for taking the time to reach out here. I am so sorry that you are going through these painful things with your ex-husband and family. Ask your health care provider if there are any local support groups that you could join. There you can find others who will encourage you while you do the same for them. I notice you said that you do want to live. I am happy to read that. There are many things to live for, one of which is your dog that you mentioned. Also, there are people who care about you. I am one of them. Please speak to your doctor about the thoughts you are having and ask him/her for information on support groups. Hold on. You are worth it.
I feel your pain. My mother too starved me of love. Dad loved me. We thought the same, so much alike. Which caused my own mother to be venomous towards me... behind everyone’s backs!
I too lost my four children to me being bullied out of their lives. They see it as I abandon them!!!
They believe the lies and deceit.
I don’t want to live anymore. But I too am too scared I’ll stuff it up!!!
I hear your pain. The courts over children and inheritance crap has left me knowing how corrupt the legal system is!
How easily they can ditch you! How easily they forget who you truly are! Those who are not out toturn the world against you!
I hear your pain. I want mine over. Now.
CBT works for me. It has done me more good than any other type of therapy I have had. It has made my depression more manageable.
I hate CBT. I've had it numerous times and it doesn't help. Doctors are obsessed with it so it must be the cheapest form of therapy.
I couldn’t agree more heather, CBT is a lame treatment for many and doctors rely too heavily on it. It is not the cure not even remotely close for someone’s depression.
CBT is a common and well known treatment. It's not the only treatment, but for many it has worked. CBT didn't work for me so my doctor is working on ACT with me. If CBT isn't working for you don't complain about, let your doctor know and see if you and your doctor can come up with a new treatment plan. Over coming depression is not easy and won't just go away, it takes a lot of hard work, so don't give up, work with your doctor to make a treatment plan that will help you.
I also don't want to live anymore but for the time being. I know I would be willing after a few days. Currently my one of my closest cousin sister doesn't accept me as brother. I have tried every thing in all the ways to persuade her. I tried to visit her by travelling 3000+ Km journey but she refused to talk even. I have discussed some of the things with one of my friends and he suggested let her go to hell. All other would say similar thing and laugh on me.
One of my Aunt said, "hey! you forget everything and start worshiping God"
I am unable to understand to whom should I say my concern in order to get a solution. I feel I should have alcohol and to be in unconscious state. But my ethics doesn't allow to have this.
I have tried enough. Now she has such strong hatred feeling that she doesn't even want to be connected over social media. Please Please Pleasee help me.
Thanks in advance.
I'm one of the current authors of the 'Coping with Depression' blog. I'm glad that you reached out and I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I can truly understand this feeling where someone doesn't accept you and it's all you can think about. Consider this: how would you feel if you were able to stop thinking about this? What would it be like if this wasn't even a concern? Would you feel freer? Happier? More joyful? It's not easy at all to let these things go, but when you think about how you would feel without this burden, sometimes, that helps to let it go. Also, what activities can you get involved in to take your mind off of this? I would also recommend reaching out to a trusted professional if things don't improve. And, if you are feeling suicidal, please get help immediately. https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/suicide/suicide-suicidal-thoughts-and-behaviors-t…
I wish you all the best and hope that your heart will feel better soon.
Thank you Michelle,
But similar suggestion was given by one of my closest friend; however the more I get these kind of the suggestions the more stronger bond I feel towards my sister. Also, I have a watch that was given by her this always makes me remember her. I tried to remove it from my hand but It's impossible. Once I had a thought to break down the watch on a stone but couldn't do rather I put my opposite side of the hand.
I have given her calls through my friends cell phone just to listen her voice. Literally don't understand as what's happening to me.
Almost all the people would say to forget her keeping self respect in mind, but my heart says otherwise. Also Please do not share any solution which talks about forgetting her or may hurt her in anyways.
I'm a consultant in medical college. I would recommend you to get away from her and let the your thoughts pass through you.
I sill feel very guilty for attempting suicide last year. My depression has still plagued me and part of it is related to ambivalence about staying in my marriage. I am obsessed with my indecisiveness. Since I retired I feel no purpose. Wondering how to overcome feelings that I am a loser for trying suicide.. I have three children and know it was wrong to have almost put them through the pain of losing their father.
Hello, Noel. I am one of the authors of the Coping With Depression Blog. I am sorry that you are feeling guilty. I want you to know that you are absolutely not a loser. I myself attempted suicide at the beginning of last year, so I completely understand the pain and mental anguish that a person feels upon reaching that point. Your focus now needs to be on the present and the future. You are still here. You do have a purpose. You mention your marriage and your children. Those are starting points. Since you've retired, look for volunteer opportunities and also take time to discover what your interests are. There are so many possibilities. I encourage you to speak with a professional about your feelings of guilt. While therapy doesn't work for everyone, it has certainly helped me to find ways to cope with my depression and has also given me tools to effectively win the battle over my negative thoughts. I'm glad you reached out here, and I want you to know that it can get better, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.
Thank you for your empathy and thoughtful response..
Grateful for your reaching out to theirs with your blog
I've been wanting to kill myself for the past 3 years now and have tried mutliple times but I'm too afraid to seek help from my friends and family, I'm afriad of what they'll say if I tell them I want to die. Nothing makes sense to me anymore, I don't even have a will to eat or drink anymore.
I'm one of the co-author of the Coping with Depression blog. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Please reach out; help is out there. If you are thinking of suicide, please get help. Here are resources: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/suicide/suicide-suicidal-thoughts-and-behaviors-t…
Your friends, family, as well as I want you to get well. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you can get better.
Hello, I'm Jennifer. I am the other co-author of The Coping With Depression Blog. I echo what Michelle wrote. I know you're scared to ask for help, but you must do it. Your friends and family love you and will want you to get better. Please get immediate professional help if you are feeling suicidal. There is hope for a brighter future.
I also don’t want to live. I can’t put things into words that make sense to anyone. I’ve just given up. I have 4 kids and I know in my heart I’m hurting them being here and would hurt them being gone. I hate my life. It feels like the largest chore just to be awake and survive.
Hello, I am a current co-author of the Coping With Depression Blog. I am so sorry about the pain that you're feeling. I understand and am glad you reached out here. If you haven't spoken with a professional, then please do so. There is hope, and there is help available. If you are feeling suicidal, then it is imperative that you seek professional help immediately. There are people, myself included, who want you to get better.
I have been thinking of killing myself for the past 2 years now. However, everytime I am about to, I stop. Sometimes because I am afraid of the physical pain I would have to go through for hours before I succumb to the injuries. Sometimes it was my parents I thought about. How would they feel when they see my dead body. And sometimes, a voice from somewhere that said. Wait there is happiness just around the corner. Only if you walk a little more.
But somehow I am not able to reach that place. Not able to get the happiness I want. I dont know how long I can hold on. I am tired now. I just want someone to just take away all my emotions and feelings. This feeling of being unhappy, expectations, want of being valued, respected and being loved.
And if nobody can do that, then just take away my soul.
I am a current co-author of the Coping With Depression blog. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way and I can completely understand. If you're feeling this way, please speak with a professional. There is help out there. And if you are feeling suicidal, please get help immediately. https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/suicide/suicide-suicidal-thoughts-and-behaviors-t…
I'm glad you reached out and please continue to do so with those around you. They want you to feel better and we want you to feel better as well.
Namita, I am sorry that you are going through this. I'm Jennifer, the current co-author of The Coping With Depression blog. I can see from your post that you are hurting and in need of hope. I would like to encourage you to seek help. You said that your parents are one of the reasons that you have chosen to stay in this fight for life so far. Reach out to them. Also, listen to the voice that is telling you that there is happiness out there waiting for you. There is. I know that you're tired. I've been in that place before myself. If you haven't sought professional help, please do so. There are many treatment options available. I'm glad you chose to reach out here. Please don't give up hope. Your life is worth living.
I can't find one reason to stay alive. I wish it was that easy. I have no family, no friends, I've been battling a terminal illness for years. I don't leave the house for weeks at a time, sometimes months. I live in extreme physical pain. For the last 2 years, I have added mental pain to that. People think that suicide is a cowards way out. I totally disagree! Every day I want to kill myself, but I don't have the guts.
Debra, we all have a purpose. I struggle, too, but I know that we are all here for a reason. Each of us has something to contribute. Try and think of the last time you experienced joy and maybe you can build on that.
Debra, hello, I am Jennifer, the current co-author of the Coping With Depression Blog. I am so sorry you are dealing with this illness. I can hear your pain in the words that you wrote. I assume you've sought medical help for your terminal illness. You need to tell your healthcare provider about your suicidal thoughts immediately. Don't wait. Your life matters. You matter. I know it's hard. I almost took my life this past January, but my husband arrived home from work early and prevented me from doing it. I was then able to get the help I needed. While my depression is still here, my life is good. Throughout this past year I've been under the care of a psychiatrist and therapist, and together we've found treatments that have been successful. You and your medical providers can do the same. Don't give up. I know it's hard, but life is worth living. I am glad you reached out here for support.
Sure, I find little things here and there that bring me a slight level of pleasure and keep my mind off of how much I want my life to end, but I still feel hopeless about my long term prospects in life. I am 41, single, childless, and living at home. This is nothing like the life I desired. My inability to properly manage diabetes ruined my life over a ten year period. Now I just feel stuck. I am basically unhireable in my old industry (accounting) because I haven't done it in so long. The best paying job I can find around here is pizza delivery, which I had to leave because I couldn't stop eating the damn food.
I feel completely lost in life. I have no idea what direction to go to next or how on Earth I'm going to find a way to build enough value that someone is actually.going to pay me enough to get back on my own again. Ive been back living at home for two years now and I feel worse than ever. I tried turning my focus to God and that hasn't seemed to help. I feel a deep inability to connect with people anymore, which has led me to despise my local community and even my own family. No one seems to understand the difficulty of my situation. Diabetes destroyed my ability to focus and my psychological health. I had so many dreams in life of being successful and making a difference in this world, and now I just sit at home counting the days till my death. I realize people say suicide isn't the right answer, but in my situation I just see no hope in things ever getting any better, because I simply dont know how to make them better, and nobody else seems to know either. After all that hard worling getting good grades for daddy in high school and working hard to get a college degree in a major that daddy approved of and working to get a masters while working full time so daddy would see that i wasnt just a lazy bum, I still am here, a complete loser in life, because that is what society has dictated. A man who has no children who lives at home at 41 is a loser. Why would I want to keep living if I'm a loser?