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Anxiety and Eating Disorders

The fear of weight restoration is one of the most frightening and challenging mental blocks to conquer in eating disorder (ED) recovery. When you are malnourished from starvation or binging and purging, the first step toward physical healing is to stabilize your weight in a healthier range. This can also be the scariest part of the whole eating disorder recovery process because gaining weight means surrendering that intense and desperate need for control. It means rejecting the illusion that being the "skinniest person in a room" equals success, worth or beauty. It means being forced to accept that you're more than a body, and you are lovable no matter what the scale reads. Without the buffer of weight manipulation to cower behind, you feel exposed in a way that is often uncomfortable and unfamiliar. But shedding this layer of defense is not just a life-saver—it's a turning point to freedom. Here are some practical interventions for conquering the fear of weight restoration in ED recovery.    
Your eating disorder has its own personality. In fact, if you have spent any length of time under the possessive, domineering influence of an eating disorder, you know the illness can turn you into a different person altogether. You have probably felt the sensation of watching your actions as though from a distance, ashamed at the erratic behavior, yet helpless to regain control. You have likely experienced the reckless thoughts and wild emotions that breed impulsive choices and abrupt reactions. You can detect when the eating disorder hijacks your brain and all of a sudden, you are operating from a place of anxiety and fear. You are no longer, well, you. Your eating disorder personality has taken over.
The lies your eating disorder tells you will prevent your recovery. The eating disorder masquerades as your closest friend and trusted confidant, but it is a fraud, and the lies your eating disorder tells you saturate your brain and hold you back from eating disorder recovery. The more entrenched those lies become, the more fearful you are of envisioning a future that doesn’t revolve around the eating disorder. You’re trapped in a vortex of wanting to escape its death-grip but wondering if you’ll have a sense of purpose or an identity without the eating disorder. The eating disorder is a persuasive storyteller—I believed it for decades, and am often still tempted to again. But those lies that your eating disorder tells you to hold you back from eating disorder recovery aren't worth pursuing once you know the truth.
Why can the loss of control cause an eating disorder? When you lose control in certain areas of your life, this can spiral into the "perfect storm" for an eating disorder to emerge. From unhealthy relationships to unstable environments to unforeseen circumstances, feeling out of control is a turbulent emotion that can provoke you to engage in frantic and reckless behaviors. In the effort to regain a sense of equilibrium, it's common to fixate on the one aspect of yourself which seems controllable—your body. But while this coping mechanism provides a fleeting distraction from all the chaos around you, the truth remains that as you plunge deeper into the eating disorder, you're not in control anymore—it's now controlling you.
Feeling your emotions in eating disorder recovery can be unsettling at first. Eating disorders strive to brush uncomfortable emotions aside—to ignore the tension and medicate the suffering—but deep-rooted anger, insecurity, fear, grief, loneliness, rejection or similar emotions must be named and felt in order to achieve sustainable eating disorder recovery. Instead of masking the pain with harmful behaviors, it's crucial to acknowledge, identify, express and feel your emotions. This practice of tuning into your own emotionality creates space for self-awareness, compassion, acceptance and, ultimately, healing.
We need eating disorder recovery tips for the holidays because, despite its festive spirit and upbeat mood, this can be a stressful time of year. The tension becomes even more palpable for those in recovery from an eating disorder. Between complex family dynamics, hectic scheduling demands and increased financial commitments, this season often feels more nerve-racking than relaxing. But with the added pressure of an eating disorder, one facet tends to cause more anxiety than all the others combined—food. Since the holidays center around cooking, baking and sharing meals, this can present a serious obstacle for those healing their relationship with food. Therefore, it's crucial to prioritize eating disorder recovery tips for the holidays over these next two months.
Eating disorders not otherwise specified (EDNOS) are frequently stigmatized and misunderstood in mainstream culture, like most forms of mental illness. Many who lack firsthand experience tend to label eating disorders as a rich and thin white woman’s issue, but the reality is that eating disorders affect people of all backgrounds and demographics. They transcend racial, gender, and socioeconomic barriers. They are diverse and non-discriminating. In other words, anyone can be an eating disorder sufferer, even those who don’t “fit the mold.” And that’s one reason eating disorders, especially EDNOS, are so dangerous—they're often a challenge to detect.
Eating disorder recovery is filled with realizations; some are happy finds and some are painful ones. But we need both types of realizations to accept our imperfection and move forward in it. For over a year now, I’ve been committed to writing the Surviving ED blog for this community. I’ve loved it and it’s time for me to say goodbye. But I'm not leaving without passing on a firecracker of my most stunning realizations in eating disorder recovery.
Are the effects of trauma tempting you to withdraw into your eating disorder? Are you all too familiar with that bone-deep torment, roused by memories you didn’t choose to recall but might never forget? Can you feel the aftershocks surging through your body, invading the corners of your mind? Do you numb out from the world, from the pain, from yourself? Have your methods of coping turned into behaviors that you can no longer control? Did you know this struggle involving trauma and an eating disorder is not yours to fight alone?
Do you know the relationship between eating disorders and body dysmorphia? I remember the first time I stood in front of a mirror, scrutinizing every square-inch of my reflection. My thighs were not lean enough. My arms lacked definition. My stomach looked bloated underneath my shirt. My face registered the deep, gut-level disappointment I felt about my entire appearance. If I could just tweak those “problem areas”—shed a pound here, tone a muscle there—surely the mirror and I would become friends, or start tolerating each other at least. During the most critical and self-deprecating phases of my eating disorder, I had no idea this mirror-image was not reality, but a false representation of my distorted beliefs. I had never heard the term “body dysmorphia” or that it affects an estimated one in 50 people.1 Moreover, I did not make the connection I was one of those people, but eating disorders and body dysmorphia often go together.