My Anxiety Is More Debilitating Than Schizoaffective Disorder
Anxiety affects me much more than schizoaffective disorder. You see, schizoaffective disorder is a combination of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I have schizoaffective disorder, so I have symptoms of schizophrenia and symptoms of bipolar disorder. Then there’s a bonus--generalized anxiety disorder. Bipolar disorder is often accompanied by anxiety disorders. And it's my anxiety symptoms that affect me the most, even more than schizoaffective disorder.
Anxiety Is More Debilitating Than Schizophrenia
I often have breakthrough symptoms of schizophrenia, such as hearing voices, and breakthrough symptoms of the mood disorder component of schizoaffective disorder. All this occurs even after complying with a medication regimen that includes mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, and antidepressants. But the symptom of mental illness that is the most debilitating is my anxiety.
For example, I’m afraid of the rain so I carry an umbrella everywhere, even on sunny days, “just in case.”
I’ll try to explain it. My home is really cluttered—we simply have too many things in our apartment taking up space. So there isn’t a lot of room to lay out clothes to dry. And we don’t have a washer and dryer, so that makes drying clothes difficult. I don’t feel I have a spot to dry my clothes if they get wet. That’s my main rationale for being afraid of the rain. And the thought of cleaning our messy apartment totally lays on the anxiety.
I’m afraid of other things, too. I’m afraid of taking a bath or a shower if my husband isn’t home. Now, this just makes no sense to me. But when the fear takes over, it takes over. I’m also generally afraid to wash my hair. I have some hazy notion about being incapacitated when I have wet hair. If I were skinny, I’d get a short hairdo, but I’m not (thank you antipsychotic medications) so most of the time I have long hair that I’ve waited way too long to wash and I pull it back in a messy bun.
Medications for Debilitating Anxiety Aren't Cures
My antipsychotic medication and an anxiety medication I take as-needed help a lot with my anxiety. But, as I’ve illustrated above, they help far from completely. Some things happening right now in my life trigger more anxiety. A close family friend who was like an aunt to me just died. I’m trying to lose 10 pounds. And summer is generally a hard time for people with bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder. Our President of the United States, Donald Trump’s, erratic and bizarre behavior—along with his threats to cut healthcare and social security for people with disabilities—doesn’t help, either.
I guess it’s just a bad time to be me right now. But I’ll get through it. I always do. And I hope knowing how someone else is struggling will help you through your tough times. Like the sign I keep on my wall says, “I can’t do this but I’m doing it anyway.”
Caudy, E. (2017, August 3). My Anxiety Is More Debilitating Than Schizoaffective Disorder, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, September 16 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/creativeschizophrenia/2017/08/when-anxiety-accompanies-schizoaffective-disorder