Psychotic Poetry from the Troubled Mind of Schizophrenia

Thursday, January 5 2012 Dan Hoeweler

My psychotic poetry reveals what 'being insane' feels like. Read this if you want to know what psychosis is like for schizophrenia, bipolar or other illnesses.

In my exploration of the psychotic mind, I use poetry as a tool in conveying the terror, irrationality and subtle complexities of psychosis in schizophrenia. Some of this poetry has ended up in the confines of horror magazines, literary journals and street papers. These words are derived not from fictional tales nor lost love, but from true horror deep within my own mind. I bring you to them now in this article, dedicated to the millions with schizophrenia who are haunted by these terrors daily.

Monsters

There is a world
Beyond our own
Where monsters live
Waiting for me
I know they are real
For I live in their world
And not in yours

They say that monsters
Don’t exist
But I have seen them
From inside my brain
Feeding
Feeding
Am I insane?

Transferring thoughts
Reading my mind
Inserting ideas
Inside my head
These monsters are evil
I wish them dead

Monsters exist
You may not see them
But I am like a ghost
Wandering this earth
Till I die
And am given
Second birth

They are all around me
Like spirits in the night
But I am dead
And can see
That they exist
And cause me misery

To experience death
A thousand times
Before I die
Is a burden upon me
My soul is wary
And tired
And tortured
With pain
That no one
Can see

I am alone, sir
With monsters
Around me
I am alone, sir
Why are you
Mocking me?
I am alone, sir
With company
I am alone, sir
With monsters
That feed on me

Parallel Universes

The universe I live in
Is different than yours
I will show you some day
And you will believe
In places
Where death stalks all
Where trickery takes place
Where deception is king
Where demons rule
Where everything is cruel

I came here one day
Through a black hole
Called Knowledge
And viewed the world
In a different light
When traveling through
I saw the demons
That rule everything
Everywhere
All the time

I see them here
In this parallel universe
That you cannot see
That you cannot hear

They can see
Those that are not blind
They track everyone
Who can see the light
They control me
They hear me
They see all

I want to be ignorant again
Just like you
But poisoning my mind
With strange pills
Which brainwash me
Will not let
Me be free

I wish I was blind
And could not see
This world is a curse
To everything
That I breathe

One day you may discover
This parallel world
And find yourself in
A lot of trouble
With demons
That see and hear
Everything that you do
With voices
That will torment you

Stay away from the voices
Stay away from the light
Don’t listen to them
Don’t think they exist
They will lead you here
Where I am now
With voices
And demons that I fear

Reading Psychotic Poetry Video

For more poetry and live recordings you can visit my site at The Schizophrenic Writer

Author: Dan Hoeweler

View all posts by Dan Hoeweler.

Psychotic Poetry from the Troubled Mind of Schizophrenia

Beth
says:
January, 5 2012 at 5:21 pm

My son has bipolar with very treatment-resistant psychotic features. He just went through a period of severe psychosis in October-November and he was living in the land of monsters most of that time. Sometimes I worry that he will not be able to return.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Dan Hoeweler
says:
March, 6 2012 at 10:07 am

There were times when I thought I would never return, but I did. I know a lot of people with mental illness have problems around the winter time, I know I do. I can imagine these diseases are hard on families, because the behavior can be erratic. I hope he will get better.

Debbie
says:
January, 6 2012 at 5:25 am

I love your poetry. It has helped to give me an understanding of what my 27 year old son is going through. I will show him your blogs, maybe it will make him think that maybe something is wrong and he should again try some new medications. Again, thank you. It gives me hope :)

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Dan Hoeweler
says:
March, 6 2012 at 10:04 am

Hello Debbie,
I wish your son the best, and I hope that someday he will find a better solution to his illness. I have been there and know what it is like, and hopefully someday he will find himself slowly getting better.
-Dan

madison
says:
July, 31 2012 at 8:02 pm

A glimpse into the mind of a genius, great work.

Joseph Ridgwell
says:
January, 5 2013 at 10:34 am

is it any wonder man turns to the arts michael fitzgerald

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Dan Hoeweler
says:
January, 5 2013 at 12:57 pm

Art seems to work well with mental illness.

James Alderman
says:
March, 6 2013 at 3:54 am

I suffer from schizophrenia also and I really liked your poetry. I write poetry myself as it is my way of self-medicating, I know where you are coming from. I used to go to the hospital every 4 to 5 months because I would quit taking my medicine and I didn't really give them a chance to get help. About 20 years ago I decided to take my meds mainly because I went to the hospital and decided to stay until I got well. It is very hard to have someone tell you that the things that I see and live with real or not. Or that my beliefs aren't valid or that I am delusional. I was asked if I hear voices and I told them that I was hearing voices and eventually after about 13 years I tried to have them hear the voices that I was hearing talk to them. However they couldn't, but about 2 years ago I decided to hear the voices and I gave them a place, because I feel that they were my own and after I acknowledeged them and they quit. I think they are a way of healing and that I hear them for a reason. I think that I was hearing them because I was crying to be accepted by society and not be isolated, and family and friends, because I don't have very many friends even now. I have always believed that my illness is a blessing and that it helps me cope with everyday life. Schizophreia is a disease of the mind, but I feel that the disease is also a physical one because I have had a history of head trauma, and they are finding in their research that people with a history of head trauma at an early age is one of the reasons that people develope schizophenia. I also feel the reason that I hear the voices is because that is what I am dealing with my illness and that the delusions or beliefs are a part of the healing process of my own way of asking for help or even my own mind or body's way of healing. James

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Dan Hoeweler
says:
April, 11 2013 at 8:06 am

I think poetry and art are the perfect forms of expression for our illness, and is a constructive way of expressing out beliefs and emotions. It is difficult to channel that energy towards positive means, but it is not impossible. Keep up the poetry. I think art is the perfect profession for people with issues. A lot of famous artists suffer from mental illness, and I think it is less a barrier in artistic professions as opposed to working in a business environment.

Atari
says:
April, 9 2013 at 7:56 am

Your poetry feels so much like home to me. Thankyou.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Dan Hoeweler
says:
October, 11 2013 at 6:20 am

Awesome site!

Kelly
says:
May, 23 2018 at 4:57 pm

I really liked your poems. I have turned to writing poems a couple of times but I like to read poems more. I have 2 I would like to share with you and I think you can see how the illness affects us.

Hate is such a tiny word, when your thought are driving you insane, rage is felt in the heart where once there was love, reasoning is lost and time is distorted, someone blinks and suspicion jumps, you ache to be sane, it may be temporary but realistic it acts, gripped in the insanity of racing thought, I WILL SURVIVE.

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