Sometimes people don't know what to say to someone with depression. Those of us with depression typically have family and friends who want to encourage us; however, all too often we find that even well-meaning people end up saying the very things we don't need to hear. When this happens, it can leave both the person who spoke the words and the person to whom they were spoken feeling quite discouraged and possibly angry or upset. While I'd like it if all people could somehow know what to say to someone with depression, that's not realistic. Instead, we need to give them suggestions and guidelines. I've come up with some things that I would like to hear as someone with depression.

Keeping friends when you have depression can be difficult. Often those of us with depression exert a great deal of energy in simply accomplishing daily tasks, practicing self-care, and caring for our families. It can feel like maintaining friendships is the last thing we have time for; however, keeping friends when you have depression is an important part of learning to cope.

  I have been feeling overwhelming depression for the past couple of weeks. Living with a mental illness can make anyone exhausted, turning simple daily tasks into daunting and dreaded foes. My responsibilities loom before me like an abysmal darkness that I cannot escape. Practicing self-care feels impossible. Even thinking about housework or errands exhausts me. Welcome to the hard days of overwhelming depression.

Relationships require communication around depression self-care. I have to remind myself constantly that my depression self-care and mental health goals are mine, and mine alone. I do not share the same goals as others with similar brains, and I should not expect others to have the same goals. One of my uncles told me recently that, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.” Applying that idea to the intimate relationship I maintain with my partner, I realize that I have a lot of expectations regarding depression self-care and mental health, and that I need to communicate my depression self-care needs appropriately in order to successfully care for myself and maintain a healthy relationship.

Depression can make it difficult to set emotional boundaries with people in your life. Many people I've met who suffer from depression, including myself, suffer from difficulties being assertive enough to look after their own emotional wellbeing but setting emotional boundaries is important in depression.

Distress tolerance is important for depression sufferers and depression caregivers. These skills can be vital in showing a depressed person that they are accepted even when they are suffering. Here's why distress tolerance is important for depression and why we need distress tolerance skills.

I'm scared for this winter. It's not simply the vicious cold and the almost daily dump of snow that I'm dreading, but the annual worsening of my depression. While I haven't been diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder, I know that winter affects my depression symptoms.

In childhood I really believed the phrase, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I learned to smile all the time so that people liked me. I rarely ever complained, since I knew that so many people in the world had things in their lives far worse than I could imagine. It's no wonder that my family and friends only learned about my depression symptoms and feelings when I became actively suicidal.

While there seems to be no definitive, medical evidence that links laughter with improved serotonin levels (the lack of which is said to play an integral part in depression), laughter is definitely the unsung hero when it comes to alleviating depression symptoms.

Talking about depression can be scary. It was... is... scary for me, too. But I did it anyway. We all must talking about our depression, for ourselves, for our children, and for our children's children.