When I sat down to write my blog this week, what came to mind is that I’ve been having trouble mood-wise lately – depressed mood, low energy, anxiety – and how this seems to go against what we commonly associate with the beginning of a new year. But I have to live life, even when I'm depressed.

My depression is making me feel numb about New Year's. I actually went to bed at 10:30 p.m. on New Year's Eve, an hour before my usual bedtime. When hundreds of thousands of households partied and cheered to welcome 2015, when the clock struck 12:00 a.m., I was sound asleep.

Depression makes the holiday season especially difficult, especially when there's so much pressure to be happy. Cheesy music blasts through store speakers, telling us that it's the "most wonderful time of the year" when depression rarely takes a day off, no matter what the calendar says.

Thanksgiving is upon us today in the United States and, with it, a call to express gratitude for all that we have. This got me thinking about the relationship between gratitude and depression. Can expressing gratitude help depression?

Recently I found out that my work duties have been cut back significantly, leaving me feeling lost and also looking for new work. Job loss can be a significant trigger for depression. This has led me to seek out coping skills to deal with this new reality in my life.

One of depression's main symptoms is feeling alone, like no one in the world could possibly understand your situation, your pain, or your experience. You feel cut off from other people, like there's a glass wall between you and the rest of the world. The feeling of being alone can can make you want to isolate yourself from friends, family, and other people who care about us. Isolation feeds depression.

Lately, I have found myself with some extra free time on my hands. Which isn’t a bad thing, except for the fact that when I have free time I tend to ruminate, and when I tend to ruminate, depressive thoughts and symptoms often come up. This left me searching out new ways to deal with my depression symptoms and discovering writing as an outlet.

As I continue to recover from a recent depressive episode, I’ve noticed that I’m better able to deal with my inner critic, as well as be more in the present moment. For example, recently, I found myself unsure how to proceed with a project at work. If I had been feeling more depressed, my inner critic would have taken this as an opportunity to try to push me down further. I was able to fight this by being in the present moment.

Lately I've been caught in a trap of worrying about everything I need to do, instead of simply doing the things I need to do. This causes a big increase in my depression symptoms. I look around my apartment and the whole place is a giant mess. Dirty dishes lie everywhere, pretty much every piece of clothing I own needs to be washed, and instead of dust bunnies lying on my floor I have what my mom calls "dust wolves." Instead of just gathering up my dirty dishes,  I lie down on my couch. I start thinking in negative spirals, about how I mess up everything in my life. I think about all the times I've failed at things, and my self-doubt starts building. I can't even keep a one bedroom apartment clean! How am I ever going to have a house one day?

Being broke and having depression go hand-in-hand. I'm really sick of it. Even if money can't buy happiness, it can buy basic necessities like food and shelter. It's pretty hard to be happy without those things. I need more money, but my symptoms of depression make finding a job really difficult. While the average person in their twenties focuses on building a resume, I've been focused on surviving my depression. Instead of attending post-secondary school, I've been in depression treatment, learning about my own experiences and how to cope in everyday life. Living with depression is a full time job.