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Fear of Losing Someone You Love

Fear of losing someone you love is a common fear. (Or something happening to someone you love.) These fears comes from a great love. The fear is love. But once you realize the love, and take action on that, there is no point to the fear. Fear is immobilizing, love is energizing.

Remember, the biological reason for fear is to get us to act, after the action, the fear is pointless. (Worse than pointless, as it hurts you.)

In this article, I am going to share something that will hopefully change this fear. At first, we fear losing something because everything is impermanent. Everything changes. But there is one thing important we neglect when we fear impermanence. Here it is:

Even Loss is Impermanent

This, too, passes.

Fear of Losing Someone You LoveOld friends reconnect, forgive. A late mother’s adages are remembered. Memories of connection come to our minds. And many of us believe in an afterlife where we will join our loved ones again.

In this tangled web of life, we are all connected. Our minds, hearts and souls are in sync with the world around us. When we are not connected to that world–when we feel separate–it is often expressed in mental health problems.

Anxiety, anger and depression come from a sense of disconnection. Anxiety makes us afraid of where we are are going; that we could lose something, miss an opportunity, or be inadequate. It makes us fear losing someone we love. We have to think we are separate, or different, to feel this way. Depression makes us feel bereft, isolated, left out, unloved and like we don’t belong anywhere–separate. Anger comes from a sense of injustice that happened to us–it stems from an “us-them” mentality.

All of these are in our mind. We create a world where we are separate and don’t belong, and victimized and then we feel worse and worse. Where, in reality, this makes us blind to the love we do have in our lives, blind to the people who care about us, and blind to our own contributions in life. This is lose-lose.

Take Action. Reduce Fear

There are many ways to take action instead of being immobilized by fear. For example: spend time with the person, tell them you love them, show them you love them, keep them company, offer them help, and thank them. All of these actions will help you feel more connected and lessen the fear.

Fear of Losing Someone You Love

If we remembered that we are connected, our hearts would warm and our grief would ease. When we bring to mind the unbreakable bonds between us and a loved one, as well as the influence those have had on our life, the fear of loving someone you love would decrease.

People are afraid it is too late. It is never too late. Even if someone dies–the relationship–the influence goes on, and so we can do something. As long as the “relationship” is there, we can mold it, and make new meaning around it. (Meaning that includes connection rather than loss. Meaning that includes positive self identity of love and caring.)

This makes all the difference in how we feel: bereft or connected.

Have you been immobilized by the fear of losing someone you love?

I blog here: Heal Now and Forever Be In Peace
and here: Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog,
share here: Twitter@JodiAmanGoogle+
inspire here: Facebook: Heal Now and Forever Be in Peace,

172 thoughts on “Fear of Losing Someone You Love”

  1. I lost my mom suddenly 6 months ago. She was in the hospital, but was doing well, about to be discharged. I was talking to her on the phone that morning, and a couple hours later a nurse was asking me what my mother’s last wishes were. She was gone in the next 10 minutes as I dropped to my knees begging God not to take my Mom. We had plans to see each other with in the next month, T Thanksgiving and Christmas were coming. My granddaughter, her great granddaughter was about to turn 3 and was talking like crazy. She was about to meet her one month old great grandson for the first time. How can she be gone? I miss her so much it hurts. I middle thru most days, push down the tears, seem happy most of the time. But some days, like today, i can’t hide it and i cry uncontrollably. How can i get thru the rest of my life without seeing her if 6 months is this hard? My granddaughter is 3 , and anytime I’m not with her, if she goes vto her other Grandmothers or goes shopping with my daughter in law, I have this fear that something awful is going to happen, a car wreck, a stranger taking her, something awful. Then I’m paralyzed with fear and worry thst the last time I saw her will be it. Did I play with her enough, was I patient enough with her, does she know how much I love her, that I would do anything to protect her and keep her safe………i worry and grey till I know she’s ok. I’m drained, anxious, depressed, and don’t know what to do. I want to call my mom and I can’t. I feel like I have no control over anything.

  2. I have always feared of loosing my best friend . I have no idea how to deal with it . She no doubt loves me alot but whenever she makes new friends i m like why she is talking to someone else . I have never been so closed to someone else except her . I dont even like to socialize after I have met her. I hate talking to people for long time . I want her whole attention all the time but obviously this is impossible . Please tell me what should I do to overcome all this

  3. I have a paralyzing fear of losing my family. Three years ago my dad passed 5 days before my birthday. He was my best friend and had a friendship as well as a father daughter relationship and also the birthday before that, I turned 25, and I specifically told them it was the best birthday I had ever had. They were both happy and came to see me, my husband was there and e erything was perfect so my birthday is always blah..ugh..sad. so I went on a downward spiral and had just taken baby steps to leading a semi-normal life and this was 3 years after his passing! I’m still all to hell. In June of this year I got the call that my cousin passed away, I was again broken. As if it wasn’t hard enough my precious, amazing grandmother passed away the day before we buried my cousin. My heart is now in pieces and I’m trying to lead a normal life when another death! I got my baby, puppy, Winni, when I was 15 and I am now 29. I have went from a little girl promising her mom she would take care of it and pay for her all by myself to a 29 year old woman who is married and lives in a totally different city and zip code. My Winni, was my ONLY constant in the crazy life I have lived and now she is gone. She was my child, not my dog. I have had 2 miscarriages and Winni was right there, she was my therapy dog. She got me out of bed, she gave me a purpose, especially in her older years. She was my girl, my ride or die, my soul mate, my baby, the love of my life and she is gone. I literally don’t know how to live without her and now I won’t have her at my weakest times. I’m so scared and so lost. My family is taking a beating and I’m terrified for what is next.

    1. I also have been diagnosed years ago with severe anxiety and depression and it has gotten unbearable with these deaths. I have trichotillomania, which means that I pull out my hair. I started after dad, three and a half years ago and it has gotten so bad that I won’t answer the door or even walk out of my bedroom without makeup on and my eyebrow colored in. It has progressed into skin picking and I have now scarred my face, especially my eyebrow, a lot will never come back. I have very thick eyebrows so it is very noticeable. This OCD, fear of losing everyone I love and to pain we go through has been too much for me and I’m honestly scared I will become an agoraphobe. This is not a life to live. I’m sorry, I felt I had to add that.

      1. Dear Sally,
        I hope this article helped you. I know it did help me. I hope that you felt the same peace that I did when it wrote about all of us being connected. We are all just energy. We are made out of molecules that are balls of energy and it is in our brain where we separate ourselves from one another. You said that your way of life is not a way to live. You should be happy that those people in your life are a part of you and influenced and molded you. Their legacy lives on in you. Energy cannot be created or destroyed and you cannot lose the part of you that is them. I hope this brings you peace. Try not to be afraid and go out and spread more love with your husband and new friends! I will pray that things look up for you, Sally.
        Much love,

        Someone who cares

      2. I too have trichotillomania and had my eyebrows tattooed on ($400) by a process called microblading. It has been one of the best decisions I have made. Do research your research before choosing. I would advise meditating.

    2. Sally I am so sorry. I can completely relate to you, as i have had a very similar series of events. My thoughts are with you, i promise you will be okay. Sending lots of love your way

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