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Fear of Losing Someone You Love

November 28, 2012 Jodi Lobozzo Aman, LCSW-R

Fear of losing someone you love is a common fear. (Or something happening to someone you love.) These fears comes from a great love. The fear is love. But once you realize the love, and take action on that, there is no point to the fear. Fear is immobilizing, love is energizing.

Remember, the biological reason for fear is to get us to act, after the action, the fear is pointless. (Worse than pointless, as it hurts you.)

In this article, I am going to share something that will hopefully change this fear. At first, we fear losing something because everything is impermanent. Everything changes. But there is one thing important we neglect when we fear impermanence. Here it is:

Even Loss is Impermanent

This, too, passes.

Fear of Losing Someone You LoveOld friends reconnect, forgive. A late mother's adages are remembered. Memories of connection come to our minds. And many of us believe in an afterlife where we will join our loved ones again.

In this tangled web of life, we are all connected. Our minds, hearts and souls are in sync with the world around us. When we are not connected to that world–when we feel separate–it is often expressed in mental health problems.

Anxiety, anger and depression come from a sense of disconnection. Anxiety makes us afraid of where we are are going; that we could lose something, miss an opportunity, or be inadequate. It makes us fear losing someone we love. We have to think we are separate, or different, to feel this way. Depression makes us feel bereft, isolated, left out, unloved and like we don't belong anywhere–separate. Anger comes from a sense of injustice that happened to us–it stems from an "us-them" mentality.

All of these are in our mind. We create a world where we are separate and don't belong, and victimized and then we feel worse and worse. Where, in reality, this makes us blind to the love we do have in our lives, blind to the people who care about us, and blind to our own contributions in life. This is lose-lose.

Take Action. Reduce Fear

There are many ways to take action instead of being immobilized by fear. For example: spend time with the person, tell them you love them, show them you love them, keep them company, offer them help, and thank them. All of these actions will help you feel more connected and lessen the fear.

Fear of Losing Someone You Love

If we remembered that we are connected, our hearts would warm and our grief would ease. When we bring to mind the unbreakable bonds between us and a loved one, as well as the influence those have had on our life, the fear of loving someone you love would decrease.

People are afraid it is too late. It is never too late. Even if someone dies–the relationship–the influence goes on, and so we can do something. As long as the "relationship" is there, we can mold it, and make new meaning around it. (Meaning that includes connection rather than loss. Meaning that includes positive self identity of love and caring.)

This makes all the difference in how we feel: bereft or connected.

Have you been immobilized by the fear of losing someone you love?

I blog here: Heal Now and Forever Be In Peace
and here: Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog,
share here: Twitter@JodiAman, Google+
inspire here: Facebook: Heal Now and Forever Be in Peace,

APA Reference
LCSW-R, J. (2012, November 28). Fear of Losing Someone You Love, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, September 18 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2012/11/fear-of-losing-someone-you-love



Author: Jodi Lobozzo Aman, LCSW-R

Nemi
says:
June, 25 2019 at 7:27 pm
I haven't thought of it like that. You've shown me a new perspective and a way to cope with my situation. Thank you very much for posting this.
Sharrie
says:
May, 19 2019 at 2:08 am
I have several afflictions, severe ptsd, severe anxiety are some. I finally found someone worth to marry and be with. He is younger than I. In the past few years I thought I almost lost him, doctors were baffled about his seizures that just started. I pushed his neurologist at the emergency room to test him sleeping. We found out he had sleep apnea which I already knew he had. Tests then shows his lung capacity is very low and oxygen levels. The last emergency room visit really scared me. I believe he died and came back when paramedics arrived. Because he had such a low oxygen level resuscitation doesn’t work. I could see the fear in the paramedics eyes when working on him...... This was Nov 2018 and now May 2019 I still don’t feel confident enough he will be ok .... his cpap machine is working but he has to wear it 8 hours a night and when he doesn’t have it on long enough I notice changes in him ... I should be feeling relieved and thankful to have him but I cannot get this fear of loosing him out of my mind. I am afraid to see him die.. I wonder if my own afflictions amplify my emotions to where I panic constantly something is wrong... Luckily he has not had paramedics or emergency room visits this year but I am still afraid... so much that I even thought about running away because I don’t think I can bare it and would loose myself.. I love him deeply and still I stay because I am also worried about him taking care of.... He loves me deeply and I am lucky to have such a wonderful husband. It’s everyone’s dream to find someone who is good and connect in a way that no one else can. I have found him ... A needle in the haystack is what he is. Why can’t I just be happy?
Nicole B.
says:
September, 3 2018 at 3:39 pm
My sister and me are going through the fear of losing our mom in the next couple of years. I've learned to embrace life and love the people around me to the fullest, but my sister is running from it. She doesn't want to face what may happen and she's letting the fear consume and control her.
Shakira
says:
August, 17 2018 at 5:45 am
Hi Dr Aman,
I have been in a relationship for 4 1/2 mos nkw. My anxiety has gotten to a breaking point of realization, that I deal with anxiety. My boyfriend has been receiving the bad part of it. I have been approaching him about this almost daily, trying to explain to him how it has taken over me and tried to show him that I am getting educated on it through self help podcasts . I continously fear that talking to him has now pushed him away emotionally and drained him . What can I do?
Shruti
says:
August, 13 2018 at 1:47 pm
Hi Jodi, please reply me.
I am a new mom of 3montgs boy. We were so happy in our 4years marriage n then being parents, suddenly everything changed. My spouse got a brain stroke after a week of my delivery. He is mostly recovered now but still has clot in brain. He is just 33 and our parenthood just started. I m always worried abt him, that I may loose him.. Can't think of living without him..please tell me how to be positive here..
Lynn
says:
May, 2 2019 at 3:25 am
Hi, I was in the same situation as yourself many years ago. My husband and father of my three kids had a stroke when my youngest son was 2. He was only 33. I should mention that I had worried about things happening to him before it did. This was just my anxiety though, you may also be suffering from post natal depression, even if it’s only mild it can still exasperate your fear. My husband stroke was bad, however he lived for years, he eventually died of something totally unrelated. Just remember that you cannot change anything by worrying. I learned that the hard way, and at the time controlled my panic by drinking too much. I am currently going through a depression and anxiety spell, I seem to get this each year around spring time. Please don’t worry, everything is as it should be. Xxx
Mariana
says:
July, 22 2018 at 7:52 pm
Hi, I am in relationship and I am afraid of losing him after we move on after completion of course : After one year. I am so afraid ... It haunts me ... because we both are not ready to commit. But it's this anxiety is just not going. I talked to my bf and he promised that we will be friends. It's just something is making me worried and I am not able to relax. I already have depression issues. Please help
Mariana
says:
July, 22 2018 at 1:01 pm
Hi, I am in relationship and I am afraid of losing him after we move on after completion of course : After one year. I am so afraid ... It haunts me ... because we both are not ready to commit. But it's this anxiety is just not going. I talked to my bf and he promised that we will be friends. It's just something is making me worried and I am not able to relax. I already have depression issues. Please help.
Julie
says:
July, 7 2018 at 10:09 pm
"People are afraid it is too late. It is never too late. Even if someone dies–the relationship–the influence goes on, and so we can do something. As long as the "relationship" is there, we can mold it, and make new meaning around it. (Meaning that includes connection rather than loss. Meaning that includes positive self identity of love and caring.)

This makes all the difference in how we feel: bereft or connected."

That doesn't make sense to me. The loved one is gone. The relationship is over.
Zeba
says:
July, 2 2018 at 3:57 am
I once had an panic attack during school because my best friend started yell I'm at me and told me she doesn't like me and doesn't wanna be friends anymore and at that time I wasn't 13 now I mean 14 and it sad because I don't remember my panic attack Just the first 3 seconds
sharon hughes
says:
June, 7 2018 at 12:50 am
Dear Jodi.i just come across this blog because I'm having great anxiety over losing loved ones,the last four years I have lost 7 people in my famiy,my grandma,my two nephews,my brother in law,my brother,then my mom,my dds passed years ago,anyway when someone I love leaves to travel I go into extreme worry and fret,i have never felt like this before until th epassing of my mom last year with cancer,its only been four years from losing all this people in my life,i ws so so close to my mom and brother,i am in grief counseling but these feelings just seem to overwhelm me and my counselor said its common to feel this separation anxiety but I am having time coping,its only for a few days but feels so scary.i am normally a level headed intelligent person but emotions are strong with this grief.thank you,shari
Jess
says:
May, 25 2018 at 11:40 am
Hello there,
So since young I have a fear of having people to leave. I have been to funerals of my dad's brother, his step mother, my grand aunt and recently to my grandmother's. Their death were all very sudden for me and I used to not know what death was to be honest. I am diagnosed with Anxiety and mild depression but I never told the doctor that I am actually just suffering from fear of losing people around me. Currently, friends and relatives have left me and its an on going cycle for me. And all I have left was my family. I realised that I began to rather stay at home than to go to school because I know my family will return home. But now, I am even fearing what if they don't come back one day. It keeps me up at night every night and caused me insomnia. I have no idea how many times have I broken down in tears this year just fearing the lost of them one day. I was so stuck with myself and could not move on and yet I am also afraid of my family having to leave me. Its like I rather die than to have them leave me but I feel so guilty when I think about suicide because I will be the one leaving my family behind. I felt like I shouldn't be thinking such things and I feel that if anything, I don't want my family to suffer but I don't want them to leave me too. I feel so horrible and lost. Please tell me what should I do or at least advise me on something.
Rylee
says:
May, 4 2018 at 10:46 pm
I’m only 11 but my mamas died last year and she took care of me, and she was a healthy happy 48 year old and then she got in a car wreck bc a semi truck stopped in the middle of the road. Now I’m terrified of loosing my papaw. I don’t even want him to drop me off at school bc I’m afraid he’ll wreck on the way to work. Idk what to do, I feel like god is mad at me for something. Can someone please tell me how to fix this?
Sharon
says:
March, 30 2018 at 5:54 pm
I lost my mom suddenly 6 months ago. She was in the hospital, but was doing well, about to be discharged. I was talking to her on the phone that morning, and a couple hours later a nurse was asking me what my mother's last wishes were. She was gone in the next 10 minutes as I dropped to my knees begging God not to take my Mom. We had plans to see each other with in the next month, T Thanksgiving and Christmas were coming. My granddaughter, her great granddaughter was about to turn 3 and was talking like crazy. She was about to meet her one month old great grandson for the first time. How can she be gone? I miss her so much it hurts. I middle thru most days, push down the tears, seem happy most of the time. But some days, like today, i can't hide it and i cry uncontrollably. How can i get thru the rest of my life without seeing her if 6 months is this hard? My granddaughter is 3 , and anytime I'm not with her, if she goes vto her other Grandmothers or goes shopping with my daughter in law, I have this fear that something awful is going to happen, a car wreck, a stranger taking her, something awful. Then I'm paralyzed with fear and worry thst the last time I saw her will be it. Did I play with her enough, was I patient enough with her, does she know how much I love her, that I would do anything to protect her and keep her safe.........i worry and grey till I know she's ok. I'm drained, anxious, depressed, and don't know what to do. I want to call my mom and I can't. I feel like I have no control over anything.
Sana
says:
March, 27 2018 at 12:36 pm
I have always feared of loosing my best friend . I have no idea how to deal with it . She no doubt loves me alot but whenever she makes new friends i m like why she is talking to someone else . I have never been so closed to someone else except her . I dont even like to socialize after I have met her. I hate talking to people for long time . I want her whole attention all the time but obviously this is impossible . Please tell me what should I do to overcome all this
Raj
says:
November, 21 2017 at 6:49 pm
I needed this article, thank you everyone for sharing your experiences. Much love and peace be with you, Godbless!
Sally Johnson
says:
September, 19 2017 at 5:52 pm
I have a paralyzing fear of losing my family. Three years ago my dad passed 5 days before my birthday. He was my best friend and had a friendship as well as a father daughter relationship and also the birthday before that, I turned 25, and I specifically told them it was the best birthday I had ever had. They were both happy and came to see me, my husband was there and e erything was perfect so my birthday is always blah..ugh..sad. so I went on a downward spiral and had just taken baby steps to leading a semi-normal life and this was 3 years after his passing! I'm still all to hell. In June of this year I got the call that my cousin passed away, I was again broken. As if it wasn't hard enough my precious, amazing grandmother passed away the day before we buried my cousin. My heart is now in pieces and I'm trying to lead a normal life when another death! I got my baby, puppy, Winni, when I was 15 and I am now 29. I have went from a little girl promising her mom she would take care of it and pay for her all by myself to a 29 year old woman who is married and lives in a totally different city and zip code. My Winni, was my ONLY constant in the crazy life I have lived and now she is gone. She was my child, not my dog. I have had 2 miscarriages and Winni was right there, she was my therapy dog. She got me out of bed, she gave me a purpose, especially in her older years. She was my girl, my ride or die, my soul mate, my baby, the love of my life and she is gone. I literally don't know how to live without her and now I won't have her at my weakest times. I'm so scared and so lost. My family is taking a beating and I'm terrified for what is next.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Sally Johnson
says:
September, 19 2017 at 6:08 pm
I also have been diagnosed years ago with severe anxiety and depression and it has gotten unbearable with these deaths. I have trichotillomania, which means that I pull out my hair. I started after dad, three and a half years ago and it has gotten so bad that I won't answer the door or even walk out of my bedroom without makeup on and my eyebrow colored in. It has progressed into skin picking and I have now scarred my face, especially my eyebrow, a lot will never come back. I have very thick eyebrows so it is very noticeable. This OCD, fear of losing everyone I love and to pain we go through has been too much for me and I'm honestly scared I will become an agoraphobe. This is not a life to live. I'm sorry, I felt I had to add that.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Melissa Edgington
says:
November, 8 2017 at 12:41 pm
Dear Sally,
I hope this article helped you. I know it did help me. I hope that you felt the same peace that I did when it wrote about all of us being connected. We are all just energy. We are made out of molecules that are balls of energy and it is in our brain where we separate ourselves from one another. You said that your way of life is not a way to live. You should be happy that those people in your life are a part of you and influenced and molded you. Their legacy lives on in you. Energy cannot be created or destroyed and you cannot lose the part of you that is them. I hope this brings you peace. Try not to be afraid and go out and spread more love with your husband and new friends! I will pray that things look up for you, Sally.
Much love,

Someone who cares

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Micky
says:
February, 19 2018 at 6:19 pm
I too have trichotillomania and had my eyebrows tattooed on ($400) by a process called microblading. It has been one of the best decisions I have made. Do research your research before choosing. I would advise meditating.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Danielle
says:
January, 16 2018 at 3:08 am
Sally I am so sorry. I can completely relate to you, as i have had a very similar series of events. My thoughts are with you, i promise you will be okay. Sending lots of love your way
J
says:
September, 16 2017 at 11:38 pm
My bf told me to order cake for his sister's birthday,I was too late and there's no cake anymore.he told me it was okay but he didn't talk to me..when I text him he replied me but was so cold...I don't want to lose him..I think he was very angry..what will I do?
Brandon Gilliand
says:
September, 4 2017 at 6:17 am
I'm worried about myself and it really scares the hell out me and what could happen please help
Audrey
says:
August, 28 2017 at 7:20 am
I chanced upon this article because I do encounter such fear recently. What I learnt help best is to be happy and to enjoy the time spent with them tremendously and dont wait until it's too late. I will seize the day I have with my loved ones and stop bickering about the little stuff. When I get anxious and fear myselfing losing that someone I love, I try to write all the happy things we spent together and are going to spend together. It helps! Try to think positive as much as you can :)
xin
says:
August, 24 2017 at 4:24 am
For many months now, I have extreme fear of losing my mum and the life I'm having now. My dad passed away for around 7 years and now I only have my mum and elder brother. I don't have a best friend and my mum has been my main pillar of support for every event of my life. I really feel like I will die without her, even as I'm typing this now. I feel suffocated and have a very uncomfortable feeling around my chest just thinking about it. I will always feel like crying and even throwing up sometimes.
Some may say if I can get pass my dad's death, I can get over this as well. But no, I know it will definitely be different from losing my dad. My dad was rather irresponsible; he smoked and slept at home all day, my mum even had to pay for his expenses apart from all the food and bills. There was a time my dad even beat my mum and brother after a quarrel over money. I definitely have a lot of resentment towards my dad, but still I took a very long time to get over his death. If that's the case, I'm not sure if I could even survive without my mum, who sacrifice so much for the family.
Right now, my mum is almost 60 but still works as a house cleaner 7 days a week to support our family since my brother is in the uni now. I'm currently working full time but my salary is not that much to support the whole family and the best I could do is reduce my mum's burden by giving her a huge portion of my salary. I will also help to do as much chores as I could to reduce her work loads. However, I feel like no matter what I do, I will still lose her sooner or later. By the time me and my brother could finally repay her, the time is going to be extremely limited. When I see that my mum is getting so much older and weaker, it just breaks my heart. I know I shouldn't be so negative and should be cherishing all the moments I have with my love ones instead of griefing over the loss of it in advance, and if I focus so much on the bad things I will not be able to enjoy anything at all but I couldn't help it. Whenever we are having a good time, I will always thought of it ending, and true enough, it ends. That greatly contributed to my fear and now this fear has really taken over my life. Each passing day is like a nightmare to me, and it's bringing me closer to the end of happiness by force. I can't sleep at night with all these thoughts of losing. I want to stop that, which is why I'm reading this article and many others related to this issue but it didn't seem to help me.
I really want to live a normal life like how I used to and enjoy every single day of my life, without having the constant fear that is haunting me now.. but I couldn't find any help..

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Nameless
says:
September, 18 2017 at 7:39 am
I know how do u feel. I live in this constant fear of losing my dad, my mom n my brother. I am so dependent on them it feels like I'm gonna die if I lose em. My parents are not from a really rich family background they worked hard to provide us a better life. My dad is getting old n live in this constant fear of losing him it's like I would completely break apart if something like that happens. Even now when I am writing this I can't stop crying I'm just working hard for them so that I could repay them with all those things that they provided us with. Even now when I am writing this reply I couldn't stop crying. When I am with them I'm all happy and smiling but when I'm alone I just couldn't stop thinking about this thing that I would lose them someday and I have no clue what would I do when it will actually happen. I don't really get attached to anybody else only because of this reason I don't get indulge into relationships only because of this reason
Visaka
says:
August, 20 2017 at 9:42 am
I have had fear of loosing my near n dear ones from when i was a kid.These days its started to bother me a lot.I am afraid if something might happen to them when they r travelling or going somewhere with other people.I dont fear my death but i am more worried if something would happen to them.Every time i hear about a death , I tend to imagine myself in that situation and start to worry a lot.It takes away half my happiness and am always worried.I have no idea how to overcome this fear.
rt
says:
August, 13 2017 at 7:03 pm
Im in a relationship of 7 month with my bf we love wach other i had a night out where i was drunk msg d my ex bf felt so guilty told my bf he was very understanding but since im having anexiety and panic attacks bas thoughts i dont wana lose my bf but in same time as hes far away i m afraid to see him and know that this love is gone , confused of having any feeling left to my ex which is never truly had and im the one who ended it plz help what is that im having horrible panic attacks
Myra
says:
July, 28 2017 at 6:10 pm
Hi. My bf and I moved very quickly in our relationship,. We haven't even been together 4 months... but in those 4 months, I started college, my grandma died, and my mom got diagnosed with leukemia. I've had so much pain and he's been here with me through it all. I think the craziness is what made our relationship move on. The thing is, all of the craziness is making me feel like he might want to run. How do I mange these feelings? Should I express my fears to him?
Eman
says:
July, 28 2017 at 4:03 pm
I am afraid of losing my family. This fear started about two years ago. Now, even thinking that my big sister is gojng to marry and leave us bring me to tears. It's not about death anymore. But I'm sure that death is the biggest problem. Thinking about how my grandma is so old, and that she might die soon breaks me, literally. I unconsciously imagine dad after losing his mom and my aunts as well, I imagine grandma's siblings after the loss. And the greater, I put myself in that time, like, imagine what would it feel like if she actually died. I don't know if my words make sense, but this fear is just becoming unbearable.
tabby
says:
July, 11 2017 at 2:35 pm
Am tabitha i met this guy five months ago we started chatting and became soo close but afraid of meeting him gave many excuses cz i was afraid and did trust him fully cz of my past experiences though he was so sweet and good to me , so i devide to visit him and and had a good time there was a strong connection between us . Later i told him i lied so he got so mad at me that didnt want to see me does text me or call what can i do am depressed angry at myself inreally want him back
Arpita
says:
July, 5 2017 at 12:29 pm
I have a boyfriend.i always thinking about him and suffuring from scared of loosing him.l have done some mistake in my life and he know everything very well.It made me so sad as he never trust me.because of these thing i am always feeling dipressed,scared,breathing problem and crazy like a psycho person. I just don’t want to be without him but he want to leave me i am feeling like i am going mad abot him.please suggest me how can i deal with this situation or any medicine for this problem.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Patrick Spruill
says:
July, 5 2017 at 11:43 pm
If you're focusing on being scared of losing him then you've already lost him. Focus on keeping him repairing what you have broken but if he doesn't trust you then maybe it's time for you both to move on because for love to work it has to be based on a secure foundation.. so it's 50/50
Repair the trust that he lost in you or just let him move on so yaw both can be free.. @ the end of the day you have to find securefor yoruself
Madhavi
says:
June, 23 2017 at 6:19 am
Even I have same fear of loss of my parents from my childhood..now my husband and daughter..some one suggest how to stop this..I thought am the only person thinking like that..
Sidra
says:
June, 6 2017 at 4:36 am
I don't deal well with death of loved ones. I just had to put my much loved 14 to 15 year old cat to sleep due to health problems I didn't see comming and I feel like I'm having bad anxiety and blaming myself for her death. I don't think I will cope with my mothers death. She is in her 60's I depend on her for so much. I'm scared to loose more loved ones pet/family/friend. I'm scared to die and scared to see loved ones die. I can't cope.
Nathalie
says:
May, 12 2017 at 3:49 pm
My boyfriend is afraid of loosing me and it's driving me nuts. I love him and although I tell him and show him, he is still afraid. I do not agree that showing me more and telling me more, will help him. It will only drive me even more nuts. ;) I can feel the fear when he talks and he is always making concessions. Too many, that I am afraid he will regret it later. I believe the best thing to do is learn to relax and accept that you may loose the person, but it's not the end of the world. Don't make him or her the centre of your life. Keep busy if she or he is busy. Anyway, my 2 cents. ;)
Laura
says:
April, 16 2017 at 8:03 pm
Hi Jodi sinc the age of 15 I have had major issues with the death of family members I have been on anti depressants since the age of 15 I am now 32 and have a young son. I have always struggled with the anguish of death but since I've had my son it has amplified ten fold! I have dreams of his death and other vile things happening to him that I'm powerless to stop I feel utterly useless and terrified all of the time to the point where I don't sleep through sheer fear I see a councillor and have upped my dosage of anti depressant but nothing works there is so much wrong with the world and I feel like I'm going mad thinking of ways to keep him safe and me sane.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Christine
says:
April, 21 2017 at 3:47 am
I want to thank you for bravely sharing. I lost my sister to suicide when I was 19. It devasted me, but at the time I could not see how much more devasted my parents were. I am now 42 and the loss still haunts me. I have a young daughter and like you, I often feel so much fear of losing her. It terrifies me. She is my whole world. My husband had a nightmare some months ago that she died and I am haunted my that. I am now expecting another child, 7 weeks pregnant. I'm probably the oldest lady in my town to have another child. And I realize I partly wanted a second child to feel less vulnerable, but it has in fact made me more vulnerable. To love is terrifying but then I think, it's what makes my life beautiful at the same time. I don't know what to say to help, but I wanted to share my story and hope that it will bring comfort to know you are not alone in this fear of loss. I felt comforted in this way by your post and I thank you for sharing.
Jerry B
says:
September, 12 2016 at 12:42 pm
Thank you for this post. My fear of losing someone I love is centered around my parents. I have 2 half brothers and a half sister all of whom are older than me and who have their own children and grandchildren. I'm 43, my mom is 73 and my dad is 68. They are divorced (since I was 10 years old) and I live with my Dad two hours away drive time from my Mom. I love both of them dearly. I recently have overcome a year's worth of health problems and I am on the verge of being 100% restored to perfect health. Not only have I overcome the health issues thanks to great healthcare and wonderful caring parents, but I have also quit smoking cigarettes and several other bad habits I had. It seems that now that I am coming out of that clouded period of time, I feel the joy of being reborn, but at the same time I realize how desperately I need my Dad and Mom. Not for financial support, but emotional support. I have no spouse or children, and probably never will at this point. I don't want to exist on this planet without my parents. They know how to soothe my anxieties and their voice has the power to resolve all my mental problems. Yet, knowing that they will leave this earth before I will has me periodically worried to death about them. Usually, around this time of year, the autumn, my birthday, I start feeling "Sad" which I have come to believe COULD be seasonal affective disorder. I'm not sure about that, but it seems to fit the pattern. It's not every year, just some years. Especially now, my Mom's oldest brother (my favorite uncle) just had a stroke and is recovering. He was a picture of health prior to this. His wife, my favorite aunt, died in 2012 after breaking her back while also having liver cancer. I'm still not fully over that loss. I love my family so much. They are all that I have in this world and ALL that I want too. They are magnificent people, yet I am so far away from most of them. My Dad and I moved to our current city 21 years ago. I've lived half my life here, 2 hours away from the rest of my large extended family. All I want to do now is spend all my time with my Mom and Dad. Reconnect to all my family. I also had to resign from my last job to deal with my health issues because it was my job which led me to bad behaviors (drinking lots of soda and other things for energy to do 4 people's jobs by myself) which caused my health issues. Now I'm here at home alone, scared, tired of being alone, wanting to turn around and see my non-existent spouse who should have been with me my whole life by now, see our non-existent children who I'm too old to father at this point, and know that I have done what my life was created to do. But since that is not possible, I see a world that is unfamiliar to me, though it barely ever changes. I lost my grandmother in 2013. My grandfather in 2005. My other grandmother (my mom's mom) died when I was in 7th grade and I never knew her husband, my mom's father. I just don't want to be without my Mom and Dad. I won't know what to do with my life without coming home from work to see my Dad, and calling my Mom to see how she and the rest of the family is doing. What will my life be for without love? I don't know how to deal with this anxiety, though I have experienced anxiety my whole life. I don't want to lose my parents.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Lyn
says:
May, 21 2017 at 11:54 am
We have same sentiments. Losing our parents is the hardest. I lost my dad during 8th grade. And my mom is now 65 with health issues. I randomly feel fear anytime of the day thinking losing her. Just want you to know you are not alone
Allison
says:
September, 1 2016 at 10:51 pm
I am 17 and a senior in highschool. Today we lost a kid at my school that I didn't know well- he was in a dirt bike accident. I didn't like him and he isn't the point of this. I never would have thought he was going to die and it made me realize how scared I am to lose anybody around me. It made me realize that anybody can die at any point in my life and I don't get a say and it's really messing with my head. I have an ex friend and girlfriend whom I still love very much even after a year of not talking. I'm still so scared I'm gonna have to live in a world where she does not exist one day. I'm scared I won't ever get to see her again- I don't want to live where she is not. I always want to make sure she is okay and she is happy and I don't want her to die. I don't know what to do because I cannot live in a fear of losing someone I've already lost the rest of my life. I'm so scared
Krizia
says:
June, 14 2016 at 10:37 am
Hi! I am very glad i bump on this site! Thank heavens i found some people who faces the same scenario that i have. I am in a very happy relationship rigjt now..i feel like it's too perfect it scares me. I never felt this happiness that it scares me always or out of nowhere i feel like something bad will happen to him. Im too happy and inlove to the point it's scaring me! I even wanted to buy some medicine to help me get over this. It's been 2months i am loke this especially we juat traasfered now in a different country and i only have him! I kept on oraying and pryaing that i hope i can go back to my old self. I know this is a very old post but i just felt like i really want to post this as well!

Thanks hope after reading this i will feel much better!
henry
says:
June, 11 2016 at 5:02 am
A very topical subject to everyone. Great contribution.
Daniel
says:
June, 5 2016 at 11:45 am
Hello everyone. I'm 18 years old and I think I also have a mental problem. I have such a lovely girlfriend for 2 years now, we have been happy for the entire period of time except a few months in a row due to a health problem. Im very attached to her (she is a little less to me) and I fear that I might lose her. I'm a jealous person in a weird way (I'd be the happiest if she was only mine, if she talks, goes out or do other normal things with her friends I get kind of angry and also I'm afraid because I don't know what's going on there). This jealousy causes harm to our relationship I'd say and I'd love to deal with it better because it just takes over me and I'm not able to do a thing. Lately, I've had a wrist injury and I can't really do much, only study and be with her, and it's been driving me crazy, sad and sometimes depressed. I just need her around me so I can be happy. And for the last month or so I've been worrying I could lose her. This feeling comes out of nowhere I think, everything fine between us (if I'm not acting jealous ).To summarize I love her so very much and I've been jealous everytime she's been out without me, I can't really deal with it, lately I've been worrying I could lose her because that would be unimaginable for me. I would be greatful for any sort of mental help, tips and advice what should I do everytime she's out with friends. Also to make me more comfortable and lose the fear of losing her. Thank you, Daniel.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

nancy
says:
May, 23 2017 at 8:29 am
I have a boyfriend exactly like you. It made me so sad as he never trust me that I love him so much. No matter how I explain he still feel the same....so now may I know how's your relationship with your GF recently?
Sheryl
says:
April, 25 2016 at 9:07 pm
Ever since I was a little girl (now 28) I would randomly have nightmares of one of my parents dying, one dream of my father who loves his motorcycle sticks out in my mind, I remember waking up screaming for my mom and just balling my eyes out hysterically believing my dream was real. These dreams continued randomly up until this point. I am now a single mom of two and the fear of losing one of my kids, my parents or my brother makes me sick to my stomach. I almost feel like I have premonitions or very vivid thoughts/dreams of something bad happening and I can see myself and my reaction to it all happening. I cannot handle it, I imagine myself in bed not sleeping or eating for days. On the edge of life myself from grief and overwhelming pain. I am also one of those people who will get out of bed in the middle of the night to make sure my children are still breathing. Sometimes it's bearable and I can push the thoughts from my mind, other times they at overwhelming and terrifying. Reading these stories and telling my own has me crying uncontrollably, I'm sad I'm not alone and glad all at the same time. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and your ways of coping with these thoughts.
michelle
says:
April, 19 2016 at 9:38 am
Due to the unexpected loss of my father my senior year in high school I have lived with the anxiety of losing everyone around me. I distanced myself from my father's parents (the best grandparents a kid could ask for) because they had him cremated before anyone could see him and left us without reasoning and closure. Here I am 5 long years later and after losing my mother's father (my other grandfather) I am just finding out my dad's dad has cancer again for the 4th time. My grandparents have been together so long that if one loses their fight.. the other one will shortly after as well. My day to day life and emotions leave me overwhelmed, full of anxiety, hate, and depression and at times I question why people were even put on earth. I have an 8 month old son, who I love dearly and I feel he shouldn't see his mother crying and an emotional mess some days. Some days I can't even get off the couch unless I force myself. I just feel a heavy weight on my shoulders every day because I never know when the next person will leave my life unexpectedly.
Beiseia
says:
March, 28 2016 at 11:56 am
But what if i can't tell the person that im afraid to loss that 'i love you'!!?!? what shall i do? i get mad in silly things, sometimes i don't even want to have a conversation . We sat quietly instead. Im tired of this. Meanwhile, even tough this things are happening we still hold hands. I dont know what to do. please help me....
MyLove
says:
March, 24 2016 at 3:04 am
My husband was diagnosed with a tough cancer. He underwent a grueling chemo but has been in remission for 7 months now. He's so brave, so strong. We have been married 45 years. We have a son who has been battling the effects of a benign brain tumor for 26 years now, our only child.
I was so devastated when my husband was diagnosed. He really has been my rock. He has seen me through my tears of our sweet son, my life support episode,a broken leg, a hip replacement and my knee replacement.
He has gone on and said he's not worried at all. He's so sweet and loving to me and helps me so much since I have a hard time walking.
I SO fear losing him. he has a five year prognosis of 67%. I can't even begin to imagine life without him. I am an emotional wreck. I don't sleep well, I have anxiety attacks,depression and cry at the drop of a hat. I am on Meds for anxiety and depression and am looking into counseling. But nothing seems to help I am so scared.
Kellie
says:
March, 14 2016 at 3:49 pm
I never used to be afraid of losing a loved one until my brother was found dead from a heroin overdose two years ago. I have tried to accept it and heal and move on and some days I am ok and some days I am definitely not. I was dating a man at the time who played games with my head, cared about me one minute and broke up with me the next. I was a mess and was on antidepressants for a year and a half. After my brother died, I realized what was truly important in life and I left this man for good.
I have been with my incredible boyfriend for a year now. He is caring and supportive and doesn't play games or hurt me in any way. He makes my bad days good and my good days better. In turn, I am insecure and riddled with anxiety over losing him. I don't want to push him away but I don't know how to help myself. Besides my brother being gone, my life is very good and I should be very happy but sometimes I am so depressed I can't get out of bed. I hate being so insecure and pathetic.

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