sexual fantasies

Consider the kinds of things that people report thinking about in their fantasies. This is more relevant to the sexual nature of men and women than comparisons of actual sexual behaviour, because fantasies are less constrained by partner preferences and social expectations. In 1987, sex researcher, Glenn Wilson, PhD, reported a survey in which large numbers of men and women were asked to describe in written, narrative form details of their favorite sexual fantasy. Since they were invited to do this anonymously there was little likelihood of conscious inhibition of responses.

When a content analysis of these self-reported fantasies was conducted (Table; columns total more than 100 because categories are not mutually exclusive, from Wilson, 1987a) it became clear that the typical fantasies of men and women were quite different. By far the most common element in male fantasies was group sex or sex with two other women; for example, 'being tied to a bed with six or more naked women licking, kissing and fellating me'. Thirty-one per cent of men included elements of group sex in their fantasies; the equivalent figure for women was only 15 per cent (Wilson, 1987a).

The second most common theme in the male fantasies could be described as visual or voyeuristic, referring to clothing such as black stockings and suspenders, sexy underwear, leather, or nurses' uniforms; for example, ''A sixteen-year-old virgin dressed in a short-skirted school uniform and who wears a hairband all the time'. Eighteen per cent of men had fetishistic elements like this in their favourite fantasy, but very few women did.

Other primarily male elements, perhaps related to the visual emphasis, were details of anatomy, reference to the age or race of the partner, and description of the sexual activity that was engaged in. Only very occasionally would women refer to anonymous physical characteristics such as the size of the man's penis, the hairiness of his chest or his ethnic origins.

The most common element in female fantasies was inclusion of the husband or current loved partner (21 per cent). Only 14 per cent of males admitted their wives or current partners into their favourite fantasies. The second typically female characteristic was reference to exotic, romantic settings such as islands, beaches, forests, fields, flowers, waterfalls, moonlight, space and heaven (15 per cent); for example, 'My man making love to me on a quiet beach in the moonlight with the waves lapping over us'. The partner was usually present in these settings, and several women mentioned freedom from distraction, often from children or telephone, as an important aspect. Only 4 per cent of male fantasies included romantic settings such as this.

Another common female element was that of rape or force (13 per cent), although very often this meant being raped by the husband, partner or somebody already desired; for instance, being 'raped by somebody I love'. A much smaller proportion of men (4 per cent) said they would like to be raped by women, and a few fantasized being totally submissive to a female partner.

Although some people might think that women are more reticent with respect to their sex lives, there was no gender difference in willingness to answer this question about sex fantasies. It appeared as part of a larger questionnaire with no compulsion to complete all items. Twenty-one per cent of men left the question blank, compared with 19 per cent of women. However, more than twice as many women as men (12 per cent compared with 5 per cent) stated that they had no sexual fantasies; for example, 'I don't need fantasies because I am perfectly happy with my man and my sex life.' Three per cent of men, but no women, claimed to fantasize about 'everything'.

If sexual fantasies were scored for 'masculinity-femininity' in the manner that Eysenck scored sexual attitudes and preferences, a similar pattern of overlapping curves would be obtained. The fantasies of men and women have some things in common, but there also tend to be clear differences.

Many other differences between men and women in sexual fantasy patterns can be detected. If fantasies are classified into those that are 'active' (taking the initiative in some sexual activity) and those that are 'passive' (having something done to oneself) it becomes clear that men are much more likely to have active fantasies overall (Figure; Comparison of men and women on active and passive fantasy scores, from Wilson and Lang, 1981); men also report slightly more passive fantasies than women. Nevertheless, the ratio of active to passive fantasies is much higher for men than for women (Wilson and Lang, 1981).

There is an interesting difference in the connections between fantasy and reality. Those women who report exploratory fantasies seem to have no difficulty in translating their fantasy into actual behaviour. The correlation between fantasy and activity is very high (Wilson, 1978). The men are not so lucky; those who fantasize about having a lot of different partners are no more successful with women than those men who are less variety-orientated in their fantasies. Supply and demand in the sexual market-place works in such a way that for women an activity is little sooner desired than done, whereas men often have to settle for pornography and masturbation as outlets for their redundant libido.

Another striking difference between the fantasy life of men and women concerned their connections with sexual satisfaction . Generally speaking, those men who reported a great deal of sex fantasy had no partners or were in some sense sexually unfulfilled. Women who engaged in a great deal of fantasy were usually also having an active and satisfying sex life with a loved partner. Thus it seems that men's fantasies often signify sexual frustration, while women's fantasies are awakened or liberated by sexual activity.

Glenn Wilson, The Great Sex Divide, pp. 10-14. Peter Owen (London) 1989; Scott-Townsend (Washington D.C.) 1992.

next: Sexual Fantasies Friend or Foe

Find out how a struggle with major depression or serious mania can lead to significant spiritual growth.

I. Introduction

This essay is an outgrowth of "interest groups'' on depression and bipolar disorder led by myself and my then wife Barbara at the InterMountain Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) in Durango, Colorado in 1990 and 1991. We were surprised by the number of people who attended these groups, which we take as evidence that depression and bipolar disorder affect a far larger number of people than is commonly supposed. I have written down some of the material we discussed in those groups in the hope of being able to reach a wider audience. Unfortunately many extremely important, and often quite moving, exchanges occurred only in passing in the discussion among the participants in the groups, and were not recorded; they are lost. But I hope that the material presented here will encourage other individuals and groups to begin to explore on their own, or together, the many dimensions of these complex illnesses, and to create their own metaphors as they struggle to understand and explain the world they live in. I have updated the original essay, on the basis of 10 years additional experience with the disorder.

By any measure, the misery of deep depression is one of the most devastating experiences known. Untreated, it can destroy a life, or even lead directly to death (through suicide). Similarly, mania can change an orderly life into a series of cataclysmic events that lead to complete chaos. But thanks to remarkable progress in medical science, there now exist a large number of medications which are very effective in the treatment of these illnesses. Some references addressing the physical/medical aspects of treatment are given in the Bibliography at the end of this essay, and they are also discussed in its companion "A Primer on Depression and Bipolar Disorder". I shall not say much more about these issues here other than to emphasize that the success rate in treating these disorders medically is very high once adequate treatment is started.

The main purpose of this essay to discuss, from an unabashedly Quaker point of view, how a struggle with major depression or serious mania can lead, seemingly paradoxically, to significant spiritual growth by the victim of the illness. This transition has many facets. We will touch on psychotherapy, suicide, a spiritual model for healing and wellness, the role of mystical experience, the role of the Meeting, and the nature of spiritual growth during and after a severe episode of illness.

At first sight it may seem odd to couple such a grim experience as major depression to spiritual growth or the wild roller-coaster ride of serious mania; yet the fact is that as one emerges from the clutches of these conditions, one can find incentives and catalysts for the development of greater spiritual depth. In 1986 I passed through a year of major depression; and in 1996, my anti-manic medication failed, and I suffered a year of substantial mania, leading to an automobile accident and hospitalization. These experiences are recounted in more detail in the companion essay mentioned above. They are easily the worst experiences of my life. Yet, as a result of each, I have experienced great spiritual growth, and ultimately reaped incalculable benefits from them. The crises I went through changed my view of the world radically, and I am much better for that change. My life now opens out on peaceful paths and breathtaking vistas I never before knew existed.

next: A Manic Depression Primer: Preface
~ back to Manic Depression Primer homepage
~ bipolar disorder library
~ all bipolar disorder articles

There are no miracle cures for ADHD. Here's a list of some ADHD treatments that have NOT been proven to work.

You may have heard media reports or seen advertisements for "miracle cures" for ADHD. Carefully research any such claims. Consider whether the source of the information is valid. At this time, there is no scientifically proven cure for this condition.

The following methods have not been proven to work in scientific studies:

• Optometric vision training (asserts that faulty eye movement and sensitivities cause the behavior problems)

• Megavitamins and mineral supplements

• Anti-motion-sickness medication (to treat the inner ear)

• Treatment for candida yeast infection

• EEG biofeedback (training to increase brain-wave activity)

• Applied kinesiology (realigning bones in the skull)

Always tell your pediatrician about any alternative therapies, supplements or medications that your child is using. These may interact with prescribed medications and harm your child.

While there are no signs of a cure at this time, research is ongoing to learn more about the role of the brain in ADHD and the best ways to treat the disorder. Additional research is looking at the long-term outcomes for people with ADHD.

Source: American Academy of Pediatrics

back to: Alternative Medicine Home ~ Alternative Medicine Treatments

Early Years Action is designed to identify pre-school children who may have special educational needs.

Early Years Action happens if the child's rate of progress is well below what is expected for children of a similar age and it becomes necessary to take some action which is additional to or different from that usually used.

The triggers for Early Years Action are when a child:

• makes little or no progress even when different teaching approaches have been tried
• continues working in certain areas at levels well below that expected of children of a similar age
• has emotional and/or behavioural difficulties which are not helped by the behaviour management usually used in the pre-school setting
• has sensory (hearing, sight, smell, taste, touch) or physical problems which do not improve even with the help of specialist equipment
• has difficulty communicating and/or socialising and needs special individual help in order to learn.

The Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator (SENCO) and other staff should collect information about the child and ask for any further information from the parents. Outside professionals from health, social services or the educational psychology service may already be involved with the child.

Nature of Support

This could be:

• individually or with a group of children
• extra adult time to plan and monitor the support
• occasional advice from Local Education Authority (LEA) support services.
• training for staff in useful strategies

Parents should always be consulted and kept informed about the actions taken to help their child and the result of the actions.

The numbers in brackets relate to the section and paragraph number of the Special Educational Needs Code of Practice.

Early Years Action Plus

Early Education Action Plus happens when, after talking with parents at the meeting where the Individual Education Plan (IEP) is looked at again, a decision is made to ask for help from outside agencies. When Early Years Action Plus takes place, advice should always be asked of specialists.

The triggers for Early Years Action Plus are when a child, despite receiving support under Early Years Action:

• continues to make little or no progress in certain areas over a long period
• continues working at Early Years Curriculum levels well below that expected of children of a similar age
• has emotional or behavioural difficulties which regularly interfere with their own, or others education even though they have an individual behaviour programme
• has sensory (hearing, sight, smell, taste, touch) or physical needs and additional equipment or regular advice/visits are needed by a specialist service
• has ongoing communication or social difficulties that stop the development of social relationships and makes learning very difficult.

When a pre-school setting asks for outside help, those services will need to see the child's records to know which plans have been made and which goals have been set and reached.

Outside agencies (Local Education Authority and others) will usually see a child in their place of education so that they can advise on new and correct goals for the child's IEP and all plans which go with it.

The numbers in brackets relate to the section and paragraph number of the Special Educational Needs Code of Practice.

Early Years Individual Education Plans

Plans to help a child make progress should be written in an Individual Education Plan (IEP).

The IEP should include information about:

• goals set for the child which can be reached within a short time
• the teaching plans
• the equipment to be used
• when the plan is to be looked at again
• the result of the action taken.

The IEP should only have in it anything that is additional to or different from the differentiated curriculum, which is in place for all children.

The IEP should be brief and have three or four goals.

IEPs should always be discussed with parents/carers and the child.

IEPs should be looked at regularly and at least three times a year. Parents/carers views about their child should be asked for as a matter of course.

The numbers in brackets relate to the section and paragraph number of the Special Educational Needs Code of Practice.

Early Years: The Role of the Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator

Those who provide early education will need to have a member of staff to act as the special educational needs co-ordinator (SENCO). Where accredited childminders are part of an approved network, the SENCO role may be shared between individual childminders and the co-ordinator of that network.

The SENCO should have responsibility for:

• making sure communication between parents/carers and other professionals take place with regard to children with special educational needs
• advising and supporting all other staff in the setting
• making sure appropriate Individual Education Plans (IEPs) are in place
• making sure that all information about individual children with special educational needs (SEN) is collected, recorded and updated.

The SENCO should take the lead in:

• further assessment of the child's particular strengths and weaknesses
• planning future support for the child in discussion with colleagues and parents
• checking, and then taking another look at, any action taken.

The SENCO should also make sure that correct records are kept including a record of children at Early Years Action and Early Years Action Plus and those with statements of SEN.

Parents should always be consulted, and kept informed about the action taken to help the child and the result of the action.

The numbers in brackets relate to the section and paragraph number of the Special Educational Needs Code of Practice.

Album Description

Introspective songs performed on acoustic guitar. Some tracks feature multiple soothing layers of guitar while others highlight the beauty of a solo performance. This CD is intentionally formatted for use as a tool for relaxation, meditation, and massage. Sit back, relax and enjoy an hour of uninterrupted musical stress-relief.

About the Artist

Michael Smith first found his love for the guitar in 1978. After spending several years playing in a variety of rock and roll bands he studied music theory and improvisation with a private instructor. This experience brought out the songwriter in Michael. He began to explore the endlessly beautiful palette of sounds and emotions that could be produced by one solitary guitar. During this time he also discovered artists like Michael Hedges and Larry Carlton. These artists reinforced Michael's desire and motivated his spirit to create acoustic music. Since this discovery, Michael has written many acoustic pieces as a way of expressing his emotions and healing his soul.

Listen to samples

The Awakening

Only One

Time and Again

Music as Healer

Since the dawn of civilization music has been employed to communicate, enhance rituals and celebrations, entertain, and produce altered states of consciousness. In ancient Greece, Apollo was the God of medicine and music, and in the mystery schools of Egypt both sound and healing were considered to be sacred sciences. During the rein of Queen Elizabeth the First, physician, poet, and composer, Thomas Campion treated depression and similar psychological issues through the use of his songs in the early years of the sixteenth century.

Today a substantial body of research exists that validates what man has known since before the time of recorded history - music is a powerful ally in healing, impacting both our psychology and physiology. Soothing, repetitive, and complex rhythms alter our heart and respiratory rates, as well as our circulatory, endocrine, and immune systems. In the fourth century Plato asserted that music heals our souls, in the twenty first century modern man has firmly established the role that music plays in facilitating the healing of our minds and bodies.

To achieve maximum benefits from listening to music, it is recommended that you prepare the physical setting first. Find a quiet place where you are unlikely to be interrupted, dim the lights or light a candle, and make sure that the thermostat is set at a comfortable temperature. You may also want to have writing implements close by in the event that you choose to journal during or after your music session as music stimulates the spontaneous flow of thoughts, feelings, memories, and creative energy. Next, take off your shoes and make yourself physically comfortable, either lying down or sitting in a reclining chair that completely supports your weight and ideally includes arm and leg support. When you're settled comfortably, spend a few moments relaxing the muscles in your body, from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Take a few deep breaths, inhaling through your nose, and exhaling through your mouth. We recommend that whenever possible, play the CD from beginning to end, listening actively rather than passively by allowing the music to both touch and lead you. As the music plays you may begin to experience visual images, movement, memories, drowsiness, physical sensations, and or an intensification of your emotions. There is no perfect or correct response to the music, just allow yourself to experience and respond to what ever comes up for you. When the music stops, it is suggested that you stay still for a few moments, simply absorbing the silence and allowing yourself the opportunity to integrate the experience.

As a therapist, I've learned that there are so very many experiences that language cannot begin to convey and feelings that there simply are no words for. During those times, I have often found myself playing a piece of beautiful music while sitting with a client in respectful and humble silence, hoping to touch those places where only a loving heart or music might reach. And so my fellow traveler, I invite you now to relax, breathe deeply, and allow the music of Michael Smith to touch your own sacred and secret places.

Many Blessings to you on your musical journey...

Dr. Tammie Byram Fowles, LCSW, Ph.D.

next:A Mother's Darkness

interview with Flemming Funch

Flemming Funch is the founder of the New Civilization Network and the "World Transformation website." He's a man with many missions - he's a counselor, a writer, a programmer, and a visionary. He likes thinking about big things and sometimes manages to make them seem simple. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and two children.

Tammie: "Have you always been an "idealist and incurable optimist," and what experiences in your life have most helped to shape your positive attitude?

Flemming: Actually, I've gone through a number of transformative experiences along the way. As a young kid, I was very shy and withdrawn, but was very imaginative and was writing science fiction stories and thinking about how the world might work. Then when education started teaching me to not going around imagining silly stuff, I became a shy and serious teenager. Certainly, nothing like an optimist. Rather, somebody who didn't believe in anything, and who didn't have any hope that he might leave much of an impression of the world.

I started waking up around the age of 18 or so. I started pursuing personal growth and studying metaphysics. I had several mystical experiences that pretty much changed me overnight. Like, I had the sudden realization that it was much less painful to face my fears, rather than hide from them. After that, I started to methodically pursue subjects I otherwise was afraid of, like public speaking, acting and other people-related activities. And I found that my calling very much was in dealing with people, rather than in hiding from them. I can't quite pinpoint when my pervasive positive attitude appeared. There's the intellectual realization along the way that things simply work better that way, but that doesn't quite explain it.

Tammie: You've been asked to describe the New Civilization Foundation many times before, but would you briefly describe it again and also, what needs of your own led to it's creation?

Flemming: The New Civilization Network and the New Civilization Foundation, for me personally, grew out of my realization that I needed to expand my activities to work with groups. At the time, I was successful as a counselor, getting great results working with individuals on their personal growth issues, and having written up my techniques in a couple of books. It seemed like the next challenge would be to facilitate growth and transformation for groups and for society at large.

In the early 80s, I embraced the vision that it was possible to do something to make a whole planet work better, and that it has something to do with including all that is needed to make a world work: education, energy, food production, economy, social interaction, etc., and I really got that it was necessary to weave in all the vast diversity of human preferences and experiences. It was in the back of my mind for years that I wanted to do something with that.

The New Civilization Network is essentially a space for this kind of activity. It is a very open, very tolerant place, open to anybody who is working on anything constructive that might be part of the puzzle. It is particularly open to alternative, locally empowering, innovative, collaborative, holistic kinds of pursuits.

Tammie: You describe personal change as a journey of discovery, can you tell us a little about your own unique journey?

Flemming: As I mentioned above, my own life has changed quite dramatically along the way. An assortment of spiritual awakenings along the way have turned me quite upside down. From being a completely intellectual and materialistic person, I became somebody who orients myself mostly by what I feel and what I perceive that goes beyond the physical. From being an arrogant status-seeking know-it-all, I became much more humble, much more appreciative of the vast mysteries of the universe that I don't have much of a clue about. I began to become conformable with moving through a mysterious universe into an uncertain future. I also started doing it with greater confidence, though, and greater conviction that it all is going to work out very well.

Tammie: Do you believe that pain can be a teacher and if so, what are some of the lessons your own pain has taught you?

Flemming: I often try to pretend that I'm motivated only by positive stuff and nice possibilities. However, I must admit that it is more often the unpleasant and painful experiences I learn the most from, and it is often painful necessities that drive me to change and act. I have learned to appreciate that more. I've learned that pain, uncomfortableness and fear often hide the biggest gifts. I mean, if there's some area of life you're avoiding, there's something new to learn right there.

Tammie: You've maintained that each of us are creators of our world. Would you elaborate on that?

Flemming: You're in the center of your own life. Your actions shape what is going on around you. The way you experience things shapes the picture you have the world and how you respond to it. It is all connected. The beauty is that it doesn't matter if we look at it in terms of the physiology of brains or we look at it metaphysically. The filters of our perceptions ensure that we all experience a somewhat different world, and we act based on our perceptions, and our interpretation of those perceptions, not based on how the world really is. And it is all something that can change, something we can master. Anything is possible. How we think and feel and act will shape the world. What we expect and what we project around us is generally speaking what we get. The tricky part is that it also includes all our subconscious stuff. We will often create the stuff we fear. We need to become more conscious of all parts of ourselves so we can be more in alignment with ourselves.

Tammie: What's a holon?

Flemming: It's a word coined by Arthur Koestler. Essentially, it is something that can be regarded as either a whole or as a part of a whole, depending on what perspective we take. Like, a body consists of organs that consists of cells that consists of molecules, etc. Each one would be a holon, and the structure they form is a "holoarchy". We could study a cell as a whole, or as a part of something bigger. This kind of stuff is part of the study of whole systems - understanding more about how life and the universe works, without having to cut it all into separate little pieces.

Tammie: What would your definition of wholeness be?

Flemming: Embracing all parts and aspects of what is. Not having to sweep anything under the carpet. Wholeness is beyond polarities. As long as we have to exclude anything, we're not talking wholeness. There's a simplicity and peace that comes from discovering wholeness. Wholeness is the natural state of things. Stuff only gets complicated and confusing and conflicted when we humans deny the natural wholeness.

Tammie: If your life is your message, then what message do you see your life being?

Flemming: Well, I'm not quite sure yet. I'm still living it, so it is hard to step back and analyze it in the middle. It might very well be something quite different from what I thought it was, once everything is said and done. At this point, though, I'd like to think that my message is one of embracing all perspectives, of honoring the diversity of life, of finding freedom in individual creativity, and comfort in the inter-connectedness of all things."

next:K.j. Reynolds on "The Spirit"

List of triggers that may cause switching of personalities in Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Training Instructor Bethesda PsycHealth Institute 1990

• something someone says
• past perpetrator
• people who look like past perpetrator (someone that holds same kind of job as perpetrator same location or venue (similar) mannerism or laugh is similiar)
• certain times of the year
• objects
• things
• colors/textures
• smells
• sounds
• pulling memory too fast in therapy
• while in therapy, and working on memory
• lack of sleep
• poor diet
• touch
• not having enough balance (fun vs. processing)
• drugs and/or alcohol

Stress: Daily Living Stressors: This is a major cause. Here are some examples:

• fighting with spouse or friend
• observing a fight
• having sexual intercourse
• paying rent
• problem solving

next:  Tips for Managing Triggers When *YOU* Choose to Process

Shame, guilt, anger, denial over a suicide attempt prevent many families from getting the help they need to navigate the crisis.

When a child attempts suicide, these emotions hit families like a Mack truck. Some family members bury their feelings deep inside and refuse to accept the stark reality. Others spring into action and vow never again to let the child who attempted suicide out of their sight. But no matter how a family deals with the aftermath of a suicide, they are forever changed by it.

"The repercussions from a suicide attempt can go on for years," says Daniel Hoover, PhD, a psychologist with the Adolescent Treatment Program at The Menninger Clinic and associate professor in the Menninger Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences at Baylor College of Medicine Houston.

Guilt and shame over a suicide attempt prevent many families from getting the help they need to work through the crisis, Dr. Hoover continues. An estimated 30 percent of families of children who attempt suicide seek family therapy, according to a study published in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry in 1997, and about 77 percent of families referred to treatment after an adolescent attempts suicide drop out according to a 1993 Journal study.

Many families don't pursue treatment because they deny or minimize their child's suicide attempt. Teenagers who attempt suicide may also not admit they tried to kill themselves.

"Even when you see a young person in the emergency room right after he or she completed an attempt, very quickly the denial kicks in," Dr. Hoover says. "She may say, 'I never meant it,' or 'it was an accident,' or denying she even made an attempt. Families do the same thing because of the intensity of the suicide issue."

Complicating matters, teenagers may attempt suicide while in treatment for mental illness, such as depression or substance abuse. Families are reluctant to put their trust in the mental health system again--feeling it failed them.

That's unfortunate, Dr. Hoover says, because families desperately need support and direction after a child attempts suicide. Depression, which leads to suicidal thinking, affects the entire family unit. To move past the tragedy, families must address the issues that the suicide caused, and continues to cause, in their lives. Chief among the issues is the family's increased sense of responsibility for the child who attempted suicide. Worried about a repeat suicide attempt, family members, and parents in particular, feel that they have to watch their child constantly—in some cases, sleeping at the foot of the child's bed every night to make sure he or she won't attempt suicide.

"Parents feel a huge obligation to watch over their child," Dr. Hoover says, "At first it may seem somewhat comforting to the child, but then the parents become so intrusive in the child's life he or she thinks, 'I can't live like this anymore."

Helping families reach that middle ground between protecting and smothering their children is the main goal for family therapy at the Menninger Adolescent Treatment Program, which treats adolescents age 12 to 17. Patients in the inpatient treatment program struggle with family, school and social difficulties because of depression, anxiety, or other psychiatric illness or substance abuse. Some patients also have attempted suicide once or multiple times.

Dr. Hoover recommends individual therapy as well as appropriate psychiatric medication for children who attempt suicide, as most are quite depressed and feel hopeless. Their parents and other children in the family may also benefit from individual therapy, especially if they found them after the attempt.

"Often siblings are just as stressed out as the parents because they find the brother after the overdose, or they are the ones in the background while Mom and Dad and the brother are having all of the conflicts," Dr. Hoover says. "So they have been traumatized by it and they need their own help."

Working with therapists at Menninger, patients in the Adolescent Treatment Program learn to develop agency, or the ability to take action and exert control, over their mental illness and suicidal feelings. They learn skills to cope, ways to self-soothe and to seek out sources of support other than their parents. They also learn to share their thoughts and feelings with their parents, and to communicate with their parents if they are feeling suicidal.

Parents, in turn, learn how to listen and not overreact.

"When parents witness that their child is handling his or her feelings better, and knows when to seek help, it lowers their anxiety so much," Dr. Hoover says.

Family therapy immediately following a suicide attempt may not be productive, Dr. Hoover says, because emotions are raw, and the suicide attempt is still fresh in the family members' minds. Once the child who attempted suicide learns how to deal with his or her hopelessness and depression, and the parents begin to deal with their own anxieties and guilty or angry feelings, then they may be ready for family therapy. Family therapy helps family members learn how to communicate better with each other and express their feelings more constructively.

more: Detailed info on suicide

Sources:

• Menninger Clinic press release (4/2007)

A meditation course designed to help implement
the philosophy based on the book by Adrian Newington

In enabling the reader of this topic to gain a more complete understanding, it is important to have a good understanding of "the Sense of Self". Rather than entangle this discourse with extended definitions of the "sense of self," it is recommended that you consider reading the short discourse on "Defining the Sense of Self". This will be most helpful if you feel that the references to the "sense of self" on this page are unclear in your mind.

Table1: The levels of Self Identification.

Through the various stages of a person's human, social and spiritual development, the sense of WHO a person is (that is, the inner identification where self-fulfillment, and the recognition of self-worth emanate from), should progress to new meanings as the individual experiences life more completely. I purposefully use the word "should" to indicate that many people do not necessarily progress to a more refined view of their existence beyond a basic sense of self-identification aligned with the physical or mental levels.

From the table above, we can examine each level of being and see how the human psyche matures in life. Each level of existence re-defines and matures the sense of self through relative experiences, associations, comparisons and other qualifications. These can all serve us by ultimately allowing a revelation, that one day we can cast aside the need for external qualifications and rest in the knowledge that we exist because we exist. Such an attitude is devoid of comparisons and analogies, since we see ourselves as forever being complete. Our true self is a spiritual being and to paraphrase, "we are spiritual beings on physical journey".

Let us walk through each section of the table and briefly expand on its meaning.

Physical

From day 1 of human existence, an individual grows up in a 3-dimensional world, initially learning about spatial relationships and the conditions of environment,

Examples:

• The understanding of Up, Down, In, Out, including Distance.
• The sense of the physical body reaching out and touching something.
• Things that threaten physical safety and survival.
• A sense of what is physically pleasing and comforting.

These impressions are fundamental to the understanding that "I am a living being" because my body and its sensations validate my experience as a living entity.

In various stages of life, a person can derive a sense of personal power as well as feelings of fulfilment and competency from positive physical achievements like sports and athletics. On the other hand, a negative use of physical attributes like "Bullying" may also bring about a sense of personal power or self. However, to continue the use and cultivation of on'es personal power in this way will lead to problems, as one day such a person may encounter someone stronger and more assertive. Here, the person's personal power, or sense of self, would be taken away.

Mental

As a person grows physically and develops mental faculties, a more refined view of existence evolves as powers of perception and reasoning mature. To gain the understanding that Self-identification can be obtained through intellectual pursuits, advances the person into a more meaningful understanding of one's humanity and potential.

Once again, in various stages of life, a person can derive a sense of personal power and feelings of fulfilment and competency from successful use of logic and intelligence. But mental abilities can fade, or people with grander capacities can be encountered, possibly leading to feelings of inadequacy. Such a thing could also take away personal power, or a sense of self.

Emotional

Having experienced 2 distinct aspects of human development, the encounter of emotional involvement and attachment to both people and objects further defines and matures the sense of self in the individual. From the experience of joy derived from something simple, like a favourite toy, to the deeper connections to living things like a pet or more importantly people, a still higher sense of self arises from the experience of: "I know I exist because of the feelings I have for things and people, along with the feelings that people have for me". A person's sense of self matures into something higher.

Further to this, the experience of love and more importantly un-conditional love brings a degree of release to the "sense of self" derived from the physical and mental experience linked to external dependence. From the experience of true or un-conditional love, the need for external validation from physical attributes greatly dissipates.

Yet again, in various stages of life, a person can derive a sense of personal power and feelings of fulfilment and competency from the experience of being loved by another. This, too, is vulnerable should the love or other emotional support of others not be forthcoming anymore.

Spiritual

Finding a "sense of self" from the spiritual experience is the goal of humanity. YOUR GOAL!

It is here that the noblest attainment of the inner human experience can be found. Serene and confident. Compassionate yet assertive. Self assured but humble. Wise and profound yet simple of heart and uncomplicated.

How can such an attainment be secured?

By purposeful contemplation of our spiritual nature.

And now, The Meditation

In this meditation course, we strive to cultivate, nurture and permanently attain a sense of self which has an identification in our spiritual nature. It is not the purpose of this exercise to deny the "sense of self" built up from an identification of our physical, mental and emotional nature rather, we proceed to embrace them and bring them to unity with the spiritual nature. So long as we do not distort these identifications and allow them to be nurtured or maintained by external circumstances, we will not become dependant on them. They will not lead us, but rather we will lead them... we will lead them to wholeness.

The fundamental principle of this Meditation is based on the technique of Mantra Repetition, but with the cultivation of a high degree of awareness of its meaning.

"I am the Heart"
"I am the Heart"
"I am the Heart"
"I am the Heart"

Over and over, but always cultivating remembrance for the meaning of the phrase. This is absolutely vital for without that remembrance, the Mind will find no real motivation to seek and explore an elevated level of consciousness. It is vital that your understanding of the phrase "I am the Heart" has been prepared in your mind by the reading of my book, "I am the Heart".

This book is purposefully rich in metaphor and parable and delivers a lengthy yet absorbing discourse to prepare you for the journey of self discovery.

The word Mantra means, "That which protects the Mind". The ancient and time proven technique of mantra repetition serves to keep the individual focused on the object of the Mantra, (that being a conscious awakening to the true self). This leads to mental purification and elevation, from the utilisation of concentration empowered by the higher ideal of love of self.

The "protection" afforded by mantra repetition serves to assist in the elevation of consciousness into a more clearer and illuminated realm. This illumination is the ability to perceive spiritual realities which come in the form of insights, inner knowing, and more importantly, the goal of this meditation, the revelation of the intimate connection with God we all have, and that "God dwells within you as you"

It then makes beautiful sense to say "I am the Heart".

There are some other important points to keep in mind about this repetition.

• When I say that the phrase "I am the Heart" is to be repeated over-and-over, I do not necessarily mean constant and without rest, or at a rapid fire pace. Sufficient is a cycle of repetition whereby you can allow for the all important remembrance of the meaning of what you are saying.
• By all means, incorporate this form of meditation whilst into traditional forms of meditative techniques as adopted by followers of yoga and other eastern traditions.
• Even whilst walking down the street or in the park or riding on a bus, choose the remembrance of your essential nature and say,
  "I am the Heart".

Consider these also:

Are you feeling afraid? "I am the Heart".
Are you feeling lost? "I am the Heart".
Are you feeling weary? "I am the Heart".
Are you feeling sad? "I am the Heart".
Are you feeling happy? "I am the Heart".

This, and your duty, is all you have to remember.

Also, keep in mind these points.

• Do not be distracted away from what is your daily duty,
  for in duty there is concentration, and all concentration is meditation.
• It is vital to maintain a high awareness of any thoughts you are about to express, as you consider using a sentence starting with the words "I Am".

For whatever period of time (weeks, months) that you are going to practise the meditation of "I am the Heart", activate your awareness and do not say such things as "I am sad," "I am happy," "I am lonely," "I am (whatever)".

Rather than say such things as "I am sad," replace it with "there is sadness". This dis-empowers the potential of negative enforcement to swell in your consciousness, without the denial of your current state of being, (the truth that is yours for that time). Replacing such a thought with "there is sadness", protects the mind from illusive thinking. To also finish off that train of thought with "I am the heart", helps maintain the upward journey you are choosing.

Have periods of contemplation and look into yourself and gauge how you are progressing.

Do not become too anxious about your progress, but rather, know that success will be assured by your persistence. Please be patient with yourself. You are in the process of rising above a lifetime of conditional behaviour and worldly thinking. Your brave and dedicated efforts will not go unrewarded.

Pray for assistance and guidance of this mighty and very noble task.

Believe in the noble thought of wanting to attain an intimate union with God.

THIS ENTIRE WEB SITE IS TESTIMONY TO MY SELF EFFORT
AND THE PRECEEDING REVEALATIONS
THAT HAVE UPLIFTED MY MIND, HEART, SOUL...
AND, OF COURSE, MY LIFE.
I AM NEW BECAUSE I HAVE FOUND AND KNOWN MYSELF.

I NOW KNOW WITHOUT ANY SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT

I A M T H E H E A R T

next: I Am the Heart Download

By Lynn Grabhorn
Author of Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting

There are only three states of being we run around in all day long. If we could be even a little more aware of which one we're wearing during each moment of the day, we'd have a big leg up to changing our vibrations.

Victim Mode
This is the oh-dear-they're-doing-it-to-me-again-and-there's-nothing-I-can-do-about-it frame of mind where we go nowhere but around in negative circles, forever magnetizing the same old same old.

Flat-Lining Mode
In the Flat-Lining Mode, we're neither down nor up, just bumping along on second-rate gas. We're not flowing our energy to anything, and surely not attracting anything. In Flat-Lining we're not only living the results of our own erratic flowing of energy, but that of everybody else's. (Like attracts likes, remember?) Very unpleasant! And what most of us do most of the time.

Turned On Mode
Now you're up! You're on! Your high frequencies are no longer attracting the negative vibes of others. You're fueled with the pure positive energy of well-being, vibrating in harmony with your Expanded Self, flowing positive energy out and pulling positive events in while being wrapped in unsurpassed safety and security.

Victim Mode, Flat-Lining, or Turned On, we will always find ourselves in one of the three. Our goal, of course, is to make it the Turned On Mode as often and as long as we can, which is why we look to the high, high energy of appreciation.

The vibration of appreciation is the most profoundly important frequency we can hold, for it is the closest thing to cosmic love that exists. When we're appreciating, we're in perfect vibrational harmony with our Source energy, or God energy -- call it what you will.

You can jump-start it, or you can jam straight to the feeling, it makes no difference. What's important to know is that one minute of flowing the intense energy of appreciation overrides thousands of hours spent in Victim or Flat-Lining Modes.

But take care! No fair just thinking appreciation. That won't wash. Thinking is out, feeling is in. You can't just make a decision that you're going to appreciate something and let it go at that. There has to be that surge of significant emotion flowing up from the depths of your being for this to work.

But neither does that mean you have to have just been saved from a life-threatening incident by 911 rescue workers to feel deep appreciation. In fact, flowing appreciation is really no big deal. You can flow it intensely to a street sign if you want. Don't laugh, I do that all the time to stay in shape. Like any skill, flowing energy requires constant practice, and there's something so absurdly satisfying about flowing buckets of love, adoration, and appreciation to "SLOW: MEN AT WORK." I flow it to stoplights, billboards, birds overhead, a tree stump, a dead animal, a winter storm, and of course, to people.

Sometimes in the supermarket, I'll pick the meanest-looking person I can find and just open up and douse the unsuspecting soul with the highest vibration I can muster. Maybe it's appreciation, maybe it's honest-to-God love. One time I did that to an elderly lady who looked like she'd rather eat me than let me pass. I blasted her, and in that very moment, she wheeled around, searching angrily for whatever she felt hit her, while I smiled back in pure innocence.

I play a game where I envision myself and a perfect stranger on the street (or wherever) rushing into each other's arms like we were old best friends who hadn't seen each other for ages. You just see -- and deeply feel -- the two of you joyfully recognizing each other and flying together in this gigantic bear hug as profound love surges between you. I don't know how many people I've done that with while walking down a street, and watched them turn around to look for whatever it was they felt.

The vibration of appreciation is also the highest, fastest vibration we can use for attraction. If we would shoot appreciation at anything and everything . . . all day long . . . we'd be guaranteed to have heaven on earth in no time, living happily ever after with more friends, more money, more beautiful relationships, in total safety, and closer to the God of our Being than it's possible to fathom.

Reprinted from Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting: The Astonishing Power of Feelings by Lynn Grabhorn. Copyright © 2000 Lynn Grabhorn. Published by Hampton Roads Publishing Company. March 2003; 978-1-57174-381-7.

About the author: Lynn Grabhorn was a long-time student of the way in which thoughts and feelings format our lives. Raised in Short Hills, New Jersey, she began her working life in the advertising field in New York City, founded and ran an audio-visual educational publishing company in Los Angeles, and owned and ran a mortgage brokerage firm in Washington State.

Lynn's books, which also include The Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting Playbook and Beyond the Twelve Steps, have received high acclaim from all corners of the world. Her last book was Dear God! What's Happening to Us?

Lynn passed away in 2004 at her home in Olympia, Washington. We all miss her.