These articles, written by Robert Burney, deal with codependency. What makes a person codependent and how to heal from codependency.

• Stinking Thinking
• Emotional Release Technique - Deep Grieving
• Roles In Dysfunctional Families
• The Emotional Frontier Within
• Emotional Incest
• The Concept of Empowerment
• Thanksgiving
• The True Nature of Love - Part I, What Love Is Not
• The True Nature of Love - Part II, Love as Freedom
• The True Nature of Love - Part III, Love as a Vibrational Frequency
• The True Nature of Love - Part IV,   Energetic Clarity
• Mother's Day
• Father's Day
• Fathers
• Codependence and Self-Worth
• 1994 Inaugural Speech
• Romance
• Happy, Joyous, and Free
• The Amazing, Magnificent, Miraculous, Magical, Fiery Eruption of Joy & Love & Dazzling Light
• An Adventure in Love - Loving and Losing Successfully
• Union Within
• Loving the Wounded Child Within
• Happy Holidays

next: Stinking Thinking

Introduction

Research has enabled many men, women, and young people with cancer to survive and to lead fuller, more productive lives, both while they are undergoing treatment, and afterwards. As with other serious illnesses, such as HIV, heart disease, or stroke, cancer can be accompanied by depression, which can affect mind, mood, body and behavior. Treatment for depression helps people manage both diseases, thus enhancing survival and quality of life.

About 9 million Americans of all ages are living with a current or past diagnosis of cancer. People who face a cancer diagnosis will experience many stresses and emotional upheavals. Fear of death, interruption of life plans, changes in body image and self-esteem, changes in social role, lifestyle, and medical bills are important issues to be faced. Still, not everyone with cancer becomes depressed. Depression can exist before the diagnosis of cancer or may develop after the cancer is identified. While there is no evidence to support a causal role for depression in cancer, depression may impact the course of the disease and a person's ability to participate in treatment.

Despite the enormous advances in brain research in the past 20 years, depression often goes undiagnosed and untreated. While studies generally indicate that about 25 percent of people with cancer have depression, only 2 percent of cancer patients in one study were receiving antidepressant medication. Persons with cancer, their families and friends, and even their physicians and oncologists (physicians specializing in cancer treatment) may misinterpret depression's warning signs, mistaking them for inevitable accompaniments to cancer. Symptoms of depression may overlap with those of cancer and other physical illnesses. However, skilled health professionals will recognize the symptoms of depression and inquire about their duration and severity, diagnose the disorder, and suggest appropriate treatment.

Depression Facts

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects thoughts, feelings, and the ability to function in everyday life. Depression can occur at any age. NIMH-sponsored studies estimate that 6 percent of 9- to 17-year-olds in the U.S. and almost 10 percent of American adults, or about 19 million people age 18 and older, experience some form of depression every year. Although available therapies alleviate symptoms in over 80 percent of those treated, less than half of people with depression get the help they need.

Depression results from abnormal functioning of the brain. The causes of depression are currently a matter of intense research. An interaction between genetic predisposition and life history appear to determine a person's level of risk. Episodes of depression may then be triggered by stress, difficult life events, side effects of medications, or other environmental factors. Whatever its origins, depression can limit the energy needed to keep focused on treatment for other disorders, such as cancer.

Cancer Facts

Cancer can develop in any organ or tissue of the body. Normally, cells grow and divide to produce more cells only when the body needs them. But sometimes cells keep dividing when new cells are not needed. These extra cells may form a mass of tissue, called a tumor. Tumors can be either benign (not cancerous) or malignant (cancerous). Cells in malignant tumors are abnormal and divide without control or order, resulting in damage to the organs or tissues they invade.

Cancer cells can break away from a malignant tumor and enter the bloodstream or the lymphatic system. This is how cancer spreads, or "metastasizes," from the original cancer site to form new tumors in other organs. The original tumor, called the primary cancer or primary tumor, is usually named for the part of the body in which it begins.

Cancer can cause a variety of symptoms. Some include:

• Thickening or lump in the breast or any other part of the body
• Obvious change in a wart or mole
• A sore that does not heal
• Nagging cough or hoarseness
• Changes in bowel or bladder habits
• Indigestion or difficulty swallowing
• Unexplained changes in weight
• Unusual bleeding or discharge

When these or other symptoms occur, they are not always caused by cancer. They may also be caused by infections, benign tumors, or other problems. It is important to see a doctor about any of these symptoms or about other physical changes. Only a doctor can make a diagnosis. One should not wait to feel pain; early cancer usually does not cause pain.

Treatment for cancer depends on the type of cancer; the size, location, and stage of the disease; the person's general health; and other factors. People with cancer are often treated by a team of specialists, which may include a surgeon, radiation oncologist, medical oncologist, and others. Most cancers are treated with surgery, radiation therapy, chemotherapy, hormone therapy, or biological therapy. One treatment method or a combination of methods may be used, depending on each person's situation.

Get Treatment for Depression

At times it is taken for granted that cancer will induce depression, that depression is a normal part of dealing with cancer, or that depression cannot be alleviated for a person suffering from cancer. But these assumptions are false. Depression can be treated and should be treated even when a person is undergoing complicated regimens for cancer or other illnesses.

Prescription antidepressant medications are generally well-tolerated and safe for people being treated for cancer. There are, however, possible interactions among some medications and side effects that require careful monitoring. Therefore, people undergoing cancer treatment who develop depression, as well as people in treatment for depression who subsequently develop cancer, should make sure to tell any physician they visit about the full range of medications they are taking. Specific types of psychotherapy, or "talk" therapy, also can relieve depression.

Use of herbal supplements of any kind should be discussed with a physician before they are tried. Recently, scientists have discovered that St. John's wort, an herbal remedy sold over-the-counter and promoted as a treatment for mild depression, can have harmful interactions with some other medications. (See the alert on the NIMH Web site: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/.)

Treatment for depression can help people feel better and cope better with the cancer treatment process. There is evidence that the lifting of a depressed mood can help enhance survival. Support groups, as well as medication and/or psychotherapy for depression, can contribute to this effect.

Treatment for depression in the context of cancer should be managed by a mental health professional - for example, a psychiatrist, psychologist, or clinical social worker - who is in close communication with the physician providing the cancer treatment. This is especially important when antidepressant medication is needed or prescribed, so that potentially harmful drug interactions can be avoided. In some cases, a mental health professional that specializes in treating individuals with depression and co-occurring physical illnesses such as cancer may be available.

While there are many different treatments for depression, they must be carefully chosen by a trained professional based on the circumstances of the person and family. Recovery from depression takes time. Medications for depression can take several weeks to work and may need to be combined with ongoing psychotherapy. Not everyone responds to treatment in the same way. Prescriptions and dosing may need to be adjusted. No matter how advanced the cancer, however, the person does not have to suffer from depression. Treatment can be effective.

Other mental disorders, such as bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness) and anxiety disorders, may occur in people with cancer, and they too can be effectively treated. For more information about these and other mental illnesses, contact NIMH.

Remember, depression is a treatable disorder of the brain. Depression can be treated in addition to whatever other illnesses a person might have, including cancer. If you think you may be depressed or know someone who is, don't lose hope. Seek help for depression.

next: Depression Co-Occurring with Medical, Psychiatric and Substance Abuse Disorders
~ depression library articles
~ all articles on depression

The bottom line of everything I've said so far is this: If you, or someone you know, shows signs of depression, then by God, please, please, please, get help, or help the depressed person receive treatment for depression.

For Those Who May Be Depressed: If you think you might have depression, I want you to stop what you are doing and call your doctor or a local crisis line. Even if you are not sure, it's worth it to have a professional look into this possibility. Please do not think you cannot be helped or that you are not worthy of help. Both of these are symptoms of depression, and therefore are all the more reason to look for help. I know what it's like, and even though it's the hardest thing you've ever done, I beg you to ask for help. Your doctor or crisis worker won't think any less of you because of it. In fact, they respect patients who take the initiative and look for help, for they know that the depression itself will try to hold you back. And you may think your friends and family won't understand, but they may respect the fact that you are looking for help, nonetheless, and for some of them it may be a relief to know that what is wrong with you, can be diagnosed and treated. You owe it to yourself to get help. You are worth it. Please do it.

For Those Who Think A Friend Or Loved One Is Depressed:

You may believe that a kind word or two, from time-to-time, is all that's needed. However, if someone shows the signs of depression, and they persist, they need more help than you can provide. Do your best to cajole them into treatment. Be kind about it, but firm. Depending on how well they are functioning, you may have to make an appointment for them, and actually take them to it. Having someone go with the depressed person may help him or her feel a little better about it. And take it from me: the person did not choose to be depressed and is not--consciously--trying to inflict anything on you. If he or she has said or done something hurtful, remember that it's the illness, and not him or her. The best way to help him or her, as well as yourself, is to get him or her to treatment.

next: Getting Therapy For Depression
~ back to Living with Depression homepage
~ depression library articles
~ all articles on depression

Contents in Serendipity Website:

Introduction
The Twelve Steps of Co-Dependents Anonymous
Top Co-Dependence Recovery Topics
Topics on Co-Dependency and Life
Resources

Introduction

• Serendipity Homepage

The Twelve Steps of Co-Dependents Anonymous

• Step One
  We admitted we were powerless over others, that our lives had become unmanageable.
• Step Two
  Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
• Step Three
  Made a decision to turn our will and our lives, over to the care of God as we understood God.
• Step Four
  Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
• Step Five
  Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
• Step Six
  Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
• Step Seven
  Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
• Step Eight
  Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
• Step Nine
  Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
• Step Ten
  Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
• Step Eleven
  Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
• Step Twelve
  Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Top Co-Dependence Recovery Topics

1. Admitting Powerlessness
2. Recovery Is...
3. Feeling Overwhelmed
4. Letting Go of Painful Situations
5. Healthy Relationships
6. Boundaries
7. The Heart of God's Love
8. Responding to Feelings
9. What is Co-Dependence?
10. Friends and Lovers
11. Healthy Giving
12. Adjustments
13. Forgiveness

Topics on Co-Dependency Recovery and Life

• Topics on Co-Dependency Recovery and Life Table of Contents
• Respect and Co-Dependency
• First Anniversary Celebration
• What I Believe
• A Power Greater
• Admitting Powerlessness
• Snow on the Mountain
• Walls and Bridges
• The Heart of God's Love
• Patterns
• Adjustments
• Healthy Giving
• Recovery Is...
• Every Little Thing
• The Answer
• Spaces in Your Togetherness
• Forgiveness
• Morning Meditation
• Options
• Feeling Overwhelmed
• We Can Be Heroes
• Happiness Is...
• Responding to Feelings
• The Best of Life
• Revealing Riches
• Celebrate Yourself
• Messages of Love
• Friends and Lovers
• Letting Go of High Standards
• Letting Go of Conceptual Limitations
• Embracing Love
• Recovery and My Marriage
• Letting Go of the Future
• Doing Fine
• Changes
• Single-Minded Focus
• Letting Go of Old Beliefs
• Happiness
• Powerlessness
• Letting Go of Painful Situations
• Healthy Relationships
• Milestones
• Activity and Stillness
• Choosing to Love
• Letting Go of Urgency
• Trusting God, Again
• Healthy Communication
• Embracing the Moment
• Letting Go of the Past
• Letting Go of Outcomes
• Clean and Empty
• Letting Go of Perfectionism
• Becoming Whole
• Having Fun
• Remaining Neutral
• Letting Go of Ego
• Serenity Prayer
• Attitude
• Acceptance
• Patience
• Meditation
• Being
• Responsible Recovery
• Self-Love
• Detachment
• The Calm Center
• The Twelve Steps: A Perspective
• What is Co-Dependence?
• Responsibility in Relationships
• Letting Go of Fear
• One Day at a Time
• Boundaries
• Recovery and Discovery
• Higher Power Concept
• Twelve Steps Before the Program
• Healthy Thinking
• Open-Heart Sharing

Resources

• Download the Serendipity E-book
• Co-dependency Recommended Books
• Serendipity Links

back to: Serendipity Homepage

"One of the core characteristics of this disease of Codependence is intellectual polarization - black and white thinking. Rigid extremes - good or bad, right or wrong, love it or leave it, one or ten. Codependence does not allow any gray area - only black and white extremes.

Life is not black and white. Life involves the interplay of black and white. In other words, the gray area is where life takes place. A big part of the healing process is learning the numbers two through nine - recognizing that life is not black and white".

The "stinking thinking" of Codependency causes us to have a dysfunctional relationship with ourselves and others. These are some traits of that stinking thinking:

1. Black and White Thinking:

The disease comes from an absolute black and white, right/wrong, always and never perspective. "I will always be alone". "I never get a break". Any negative thing that happens gets turned into a sweeping generality.

2. Negative Focus:

The disease always wants to focus on the half of the glass that is empty and lament, rather than be grateful for what we have. Even if the glass is 7/8 ths full the disease can find some negative to focus on. (On the other extreme are some people who focus only on the good as a way of denying their feelings.)

3. Magical Thinking:

Mind reading, fortune telling, assuming - we think we can read other peoples minds and feelings, or foretell the future, and then act as if what we assume is the reality. We often create self-fulfilling prophecies this way.

4. Starring in the Soap Opera:

Blowing things out of proportion, playing the "King or Queen of tragedy". Some of us are addicted to "Trauma Dramas" and want the excitement and intensity of dramatic scenes while others of us are terrified of conflict. It is quite common in codependent relationships to have one person who is over-indulgent and dramatic emotionally coupled with someone who wants to avoid conflict and emotions at all costs.

5. Self-Discount:

Inability to receive, or to admit to our own positive qualities or accomplishments. When someone gives us a compliment we minimize it ("Oh it was nothing"), make a joke out of it, or just ignore the compliment by changing the subject or turning the compliment back on the other person.

6. Emotional Reasoning:

Reasoning from feelings. "I feel like a failure therefore I am a failure". Believing that what we feel is who we are without separating the inner child's feelings about what happened a long time ago from the adults feelings in the now.

7. Shoulds:

"Shoulds", "must", "ought to" and "have to" come from a parent or authority figure. "Should" means "I don't want to but they are making me". Adults don't have shoulds - adults have choices.

8. Self-Labeling:

Identifying with our shortcomings and mistakes, with our human imperfection, and calling ourself names like "stupid", "loser", "jerk" or "fool" instead of accepting our humanity and learning from any mistakes or shortcomings.

9. Personalizing and Blame:

Blaming yourself for something you weren't entirely responsible for, or for how someone else feels. Conversely, you may blame other people, external events, or fate, while overlooking how your own attitudes and behavior may have contributed to a problem.

As children we learned to blame others to keep from feeling the shame of being blamed. As adults we swing between blaming and self-blame - neither is the Truth. The answers lie in the gray area, in 2 through 9, not in the extremes.

The Rules for Being Human

1. You will receive a body.

You may like or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.

2. You will learn lessons.

You are enrolled in a full time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.

Growth is a process of trial and error experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works"!

4. A lesson is repeated until learned.

A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end.

There is not part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better than "here".

When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will, again, look better than "here"

7. Others are merely mirrors for you.

You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you.

You have all the tools and resources you need, what you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie inside you.

The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this!

Source Unknown

Risking

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk.
To Love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

But, risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all.
The person who risks nothing still does not avoid suffering and sorrow because suffering and sorrow are an unavoidable part of life.

What they avoid by not taking risks it the opportunity to learn, feel, change, grow, Love, live.

Chained by their certitudes, they are a slave. The have forfeited their freedom. Only a person who risks is free.

Source Unknown

next: Emotional Release Techniques - Deep Grieving

Chapter 55 of the book Self-Help Stuff That Works

by Adam Khan:

DO YOU SOMETIMES feel tired? Listless? It might be boredom. Some tasks are just plain boring, and when your mind is bored, it starts shutting down or drifting off and going to sleep. To stay awake, you must engage your mind. Here are a couple of ideas to help you:

Move faster.
This makes your mind pay closer attention in order to avoid mistakes. This demand for increased attention wakes you up, focuses your mind and makes the task more challenging. You can speed up without feeling unpleasantly stressed: Make it like a game. How much can you get done in the next half hour? Set a target and see if you can reach it. This makes a tedious task less boring and, as a bonus, frees up more time for things you like to do.

Listen to something.
Everyone knows it's more fun to do physical work while listening to good music than it is working in silence. Music engages your mind to some degree. But there is something that engages your mind more completely: talking. There has been a virtual explosion in the publishing industry of books and seminars on audiotape. Many people who commute to work have converted that boring and otherwise unproductive time into a mind-engaging education. The amount of material available on tape is staggering. In the next few years, using only the time you spend driving and doing household chores, you can learn a foreign language, listen to countless great books read to you by the best readers in America, and transform boring routines into an opportunity to expand your mind.
There's another kind of value to tapes. Often it doesn't matter what you have learned. Even if you could recite it, some practical knowledge matters only if you have it in mind. Ideas about human relations are like that. I have pretty much memorized the principles in Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People, but when I am face-to-face with a real human being, I often forget it all. It isn't fresh in my mind - it's stored away somewhere. For this kind of knowledge, it's better to listen to a little every day. Then the ideas will be in the front of your mind when you need them.

USE THESE two ideas to make boring tasks more interesting to your mind. Move faster, listen to something, or both. A mind is truly a terrible thing to waste. Brains are made to be constantly interested. Brains aren't like muscles; muscles get tired when they are used too much. Brains get tired when they aren't used enough. Brains not only get tired, but over time, they can become smaller and more feeble.

Research is now showing that it is a myth that people lose their mental ability with age. What they have found is that people who don't continue to use their mental abilities - people who don't continue to learn and grow - lose their mental ability with age. Learning and growing is for everyone, young and old alike. Even during a boring task, you can find a way to engage your mind.

During a dull task, move faster or listen to something.

Here's a technique to use when you're having a hard time accomplishing your goals because other people seem to interfere with you.
Use What You Get

Scientists have found out some interesting facts about happiness. And much of your happiness is under your influence.

Science of Happiness

Find peace of mind, tranquility in body, and clarity of purpose with this simple method.
Constitutional Right

The questions you ask direct your mind. Asking the right kind of questions makes a big difference.
Why Ask Why?

A simple change in perspective can make you feel better and can also make you more effective at dealing with the situation. Here's one way to change your perspective.
Adventure

What if maximizing your full potential was bad for you?
Be All You Can Be

This is a simple technique for reducing a little of the stress you feel day to day. Its biggest advantage is youcan use it while you work.
Rx to Relax

next: "I Don't Know What to Do With My Life"

This depaisartment provides instructional materials to equip parents with the knowledge and skills to enable them to re healthy, happy and productive children and teens. These materials provide comprehensive information as well as very practical suggestions for all areas of parenting.

Anger Control

Everyone experiences anger but if you get angry frequently and it seems uncontrollable, this tape is for you. You can learn to express your thoughts and feelings while remaining calm and totally in control of yourself and the situation. It will do wonders for your relationships and your peace of mind. This program is excellent for teens and adults.

Buy the Anger Control Audio Tapes when you click here.

Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging, and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate

There really is a way to talk so that kids will listen. This is an empowering work, filled with practical skills that will help end sibling fights, boost children's self-esteem, and let parents handle discipline with understanding and authority. This book offers workable tools for remaining calm and in control while raising happy, self-disciplined children. Based on years of research, this empowering book hones practical, sound, and easy-to-use strategies to help you to: (1) Teach your kids to cooperate; (2) Avoid punishment and handle discipline with knowledge and authority; (3) Build your children's self-esteem; (4) Nurture sibling relationships; (5) Take care of yourself and your other relationships. Kid Cooperation will help you to get a handle on your frustrations and be the kind of parent your child deserves. 208 pages.

Buy Kid Cooperation when you click here.

Progressive Relaxation and Breathing

Being a parent can be highly stressful at times. Learning to relax and remain relaxed throughout the day is an extremely important coping skill to master. The ability to be relaxed under trying circumstances leads to improved self-control and coping ability. Relaxation can provide peace of mind, restful sleep, increased energy and thinking power. This tape provides detailed instruction and practice in the two most recommended forms of relaxation training.Being a parent can be highly stressful at times. Learning to relax and remain relaxed throughout the day is an extremely important coping skill to master. The ability to be relaxed under trying circumstances leads to improved self-control and coping ability. Relaxation can provide peace of mind, restful sleep, increased energy and thinking power. This tape provides detailed instruction and practice in the two most recommended forms of relaxation training. Being a parent can be highly stressful at times. Learning to relax and remain relaxed throughout the day is an extremely important coping skill to master. The ability to be relaxed under trying circumstances leads to improved self-control and coping ability. Relaxation can provide peace of mind, restful sleep, increased energy and thinking power. This tape provides detailed instruction and practice in the two most recommended forms of relaxation training.

Buy Total Relaxation when you click here.

SOS For Parents

A practical and comprehensive book for effectively handling common everyday behavior problems. This book provides useful tools and then provides detailed examples on how to apply them to a wide range of behavior problems encountered by parents of children and young teens. This book is extensively recommended by parent educators and health professionals. It is the most practical book available to help parents raise healthy, happy, successful kids.

Buy SOS: Help for Parents when you click here.

next: Phonics Information
~ back to ADD Focus homepage
~ adhd library articles
~ all add/adhd articles

• Watch the video on The Narcissist and his Relationship with God

God is everything the narcissist ever wants to be: omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, admired, much discussed, and awe inspiring. God is the narcissist's wet dream, his ultimate grandiose fantasy. But God comes handy in other ways as well.

The narcissist alternately idealizes and devalues figures of authority.

In the idealization phase, he strives to emulate them, he admires them, imitate them (often ludicrously), and defends them. They cannot go wrong, or be wrong. The narcissist regards them as bigger than life, infallible, perfect, whole, and brilliant. But as the narcissist's unrealistic and inflated expectations are inevitably frustrated, he begins to devalue his former idols.

Now they are "human" (to the narcissist, a derogatory term). They are small, fragile, error-prone, pusillanimous, mean, dumb, and mediocre. The narcissist goes through the same cycle in his relationship with God, the quintessential authority figure.

But often, even when disillusionment and iconoclastic despair have set in - the narcissist continues to pretend to love God and follow Him. The narcissist maintains this deception because his continued proximity to God confers on him authority. Priests, leaders of the congregation, preachers, evangelists, cultists, politicians, intellectuals - all derive authority from their allegedly privileged relationship with God.

Religious authority allows the narcissist to indulge his sadistic urges and to exercise his misogynism freely and openly. Such a narcissist is likely to taunt and torment his followers, hector and chastise them, humiliate and berate them, abuse them spiritually, or even sexually. The narcissist whose source of authority is religious is looking for obedient and unquestioning slaves upon whom to exercise his capricious and wicked mastery. The narcissist transforms even the most innocuous and pure religious sentiments into a cultish ritual and a virulent hierarchy. He prays on the gullible. His flock become his hostages.

Religious authority also secures the narcissist's narcissistic supply. His coreligionists, members of his congregation, his parish, his constituency, his audience - are transformed into loyal and stable sources of narcissistic supply. They obey his commands, heed his admonitions, follow his creed, admire his personality, applaud his personal traits, satisfy his needs (sometimes even his carnal desires), revere and idolize him.

Moreover, being a part of a "bigger thing" is very gratifying narcissistically. Being a particle of God, being immersed in His grandeur, experiencing His power and blessings first hand, communing with him - are all sources of unending narcissistic supply. The narcissist becomes God by observing His commandments, following His instructions, loving Him, obeying Him, succumbing to Him, merging with Him, communicating with Him - or even by defying him (the bigger the narcissist's enemy - the more grandiosely important the narcissist feels).

Like everything else in the narcissist's life, he mutates God into a kind of Inverted Narcissist. God becomes his dominant source of supply. He forms a personal relationship with this overwhelming and overpowering entity - in order to overwhelm and overpower others. He becomes God vicariously, by the proxy of his relationship with Him. He idealizes God, then devalues Him, then abuses him. This is the classic narcissistic pattern and even God himself cannot escape it.

next: The Opaque Mirror

When I have money, I can exercise my sadistic urges freely and with little fear of repercussions. Money shields me from life itself, from the outcomes of my actions, it insulates me warmly and safely, like a benevolent blanket, like a mother's good night kiss. Yes, money is undoubtedly a love substitute. And it allows me to be my ugly, corrupt, and dilapidated self. Money buys me absolution and my own friendship, forgiveness, and acceptance. With money in the bank, I feel at ease with myself, free, arrogantly soaring supreme above the contemptible masses.

I can always find people poorer than I, a cause for great disdain and bumptiousness on my part.

I rarely use money to buy, corrupt, and intimidate. I wear 15 year old tattered clothes, I have no car, no house, no property. It is so even when I am wealthy. Money has nothing to do with my physical needs or with my social interactions. I never deploy it to acquire status, or to impress others. I hide it, hoard it, accumulate it and, like the proverbial miser, count it daily and in the dark. It is my licence to sin, my narcissistic permit, a promise and its fulfillment all at once. It unleashes the beast in me and, with abandon, encourages it - nay, seduces it - to be itself.

I am not tight-fisted. I spend money on restaurants and trips abroad and books and health products. I buy gifts (though reluctantly). I speculate and have lost hundreds of thousands of dollars in wanton gambling in the stock exchanges. I am insatiable, always want more, always lose the little that I have. But I do all this not for the love of money, for I do not use it to gratify my self or to cater to my needs. No, I do not crave money, nor care for it. I need the power that it bestows on me to dare, to flare, to conquer, to oppose, to resist, to taunt, and to torment.

In all my relationships, I am either the vanquished or the vanquisher, either the haughty master, or his abject slave, either the dominant, or the recessive. I interact along the up-down axis, rather than along the left-right one. My world is rigidly hierarchical and abusively stratified. When submissive, I am contemptibly so. When domineering, I am contemptuously so. My life is a pendulum swinging between oppressed and oppressor.

To subjugate another, one must be capricious, unscrupulous, ruthless, obsessive, hateful, vindictive, and penetrating. One must spot the cracks of vulnerability, the crumbling foundations of susceptibility, the pains, the trigger mechanisms, the Pavlovian reactions of hate, and fear, and hope, and anger. Money liberates my mind. It endows it with the tranquility, detachment, and incisiveness of a natural scientist. With my mind free of the quotidian, I can concentrate on attaining the desired position - on top, dreaded, derided, avoided - yet obeyed and deferred to. I then proceed with cool disinterest to unscramble the human jigsaw puzzles, to manipulate their parts, to enjoy their writhing as I expose their petty misbehaviors, harp on their failures, compare them to their betters, and mock their incompetence, hypocrisy, and cupidity. Oh, I disguise it in socially acceptable cloak - only to draw the dagger. I cast myself in the role of a brave, incorruptible iconoclast, a fighter for social justice, for a better future, for more efficiency, for good causes. But it is all about my sadistic urges, really. It is all about death, not life.

Still, antagonizing and alienating my potential benefactors is a pleasure that I cannot afford on an empty purse. When impoverished, I am altruism embodied - the best of friends, the most caring of tutors, a benevolent guide, a lover of humanity, and a fierce fighter against narcissism, sadism, and abuse in all their myriad forms. I adhere, I obey, I succumb, I agree wholeheartedly, I praise, condone, idolize, and applaud. I am the perfect audience, an admirer and an adulator, a worm and an amoeba - spineless, adaptable in form, slithery flexibility itself. To behave so is unbearable for a narcissist, hence my addiction to money (really, to freedom) in all its forms. It is my evolutionary ladder from slime to the sublime - to mastery.

next: For the Love of God