Forgiving Yourself for Embarrassing Drunken Behavior
Forgiving yourself for embarrassing drunken behavior can be tough. Being drunk is one of the most common reasons behind people embarrassing themselves or being stupid. It’s pretty safe to assume that if you have been drunk, you have embarrassed yourself in some small, minor way. And if you’re an alcoholic, you might have some pretty epic stories of nights that ended in a major embarrassment to you or someone else. In some instances, those stories are laughable and can be shaken off or simply shared in jest. In other situations, these are the ghost and horror stories of our drinking days: embarrassing drunken nights never to be admitted or acknowledged in any way because the shame and embarrassment was too great. Embarrassing drunken stories that fueled me to drink more. If I drank more, it would be easy to forget my shame. It took me a long time to forgive myself for my embarrassing drunken behavior.
Now, as a sober, recovering alcoholic, I don’t have that escape anymore. I still have embarrassing moments and I still remember the most awful nights of my drinking days, but I deal with them differently. This is what I do.
Feeling Embarrassed from Your Drunken Behavior? Let Yourself Swear
If my mind is wandering while walking to my car and I remember a particularly embarrassing drunken moment, I will spontaneously start swearing under my breath. To someone walking next to me, it might be a bit alarming, but for me, it’s an instinctive action that actually makes me feel a little better. Swearing is actually good for you, as proven by a study in the United Kingdom, and helps relieve stress. You can release negative emotions and release emotional pain through swearing, so don’t resist it.
Forgive Yourself for Embarrassing Drunk Behavior by Recognizing Your Shame
Much like with addiction recovery, acknowledging your shame is the first part of accepting and recovering from it. A totally normal human emotion, shame, must be dealt with in order to learn, grow, and move forward from a haunting past.
Don’t Try to Rationalize Embarrassing Drunken Behavior
Alcoholism is not rational. If it were, there would not be so many unanswered questions about the disease of addiction. Therefore, trying to justify or explain your drunken antics is a lost cause. Especially because when active in an addiction, people often behave in ways that do not align with their own moral code. So if you’re dealing with shame, chances are you already know what you did was bad or embarrassing and no level of rational thought will make that go away.
Remember People You Have Forgiven
When all else fails, remember that at some point in your life, someone else had to ask you for forgiveness. How or why did you forgive them?
The highest form of love is forgiveness. The greater the offense, the more love is required to forgive that person. Double the amount of love required when you are forgiving yourself. This may be difficult to do, especially in early sobriety when self-loathing is usually at its peak. If you aren’t able to quickly identify five things you love about yourself, you need to adopt some daily practices to boost our self-esteem.
Shame and embarrassment are good reminders of how our alcoholism shaped our behavior, and not in a good way. But like everything, they are only good in moderation: too much shame hinders us and prevents us from living life fully. Work through the embarrassment to forgive yourself. Only then will the shame of your drunken past begin to fade to a memory devoid of pain.
Creative Commons photo attribution to mloberg.
Doyle, B. (2015, July 2). Forgiving Yourself for Embarrassing Drunken Behavior, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, February 21 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/debunkingaddiction/2015/07/forgiving-yourself-for-embarrassing-drunken-behavior
Author: Becky Doyle
I wrote my name wrong, my name is maci, I posted it around may I think, I just have gotten a lot better and I want this part of my past to be erased.
Have you been able to find my comment, it is under Maci Winderg around May.
My name is Natasha Tracy and I'm the Blog Manager here.
I don't see a comment with your name on it on this post. If you can provide me with a link to the comment you would like to be removed, I'm happy to do so.
- Natasha Tracy
Im not sure if my messages are going through :( I can’t find a direct link to the comment but it was posted in this blog post under the name Maci Windberg on May 29, 2020.
I did manage to find your original comment and it has been deleted.
- Natasha Tracy
I don't even know where to start... I started getting blackout drunk since 2014 and it got pretty bad I would wake up scared and confused to what happened the say before..it cause problems in my relationships, with my partners and friends. I feel like my friends take it less hard because they know how I am but for strangers looking at me its definitely like wtf is wrong with this girl (in my.opinion), its weird because I will be completely fine and the alcohol just hits me out of nowhere, I used to think it was the cigarettes combined with the alcohol but sometimes I don't even smoke, so idk what it is... I quit drinking about 3 years ago, I only drank for birthdays or would have a 1-2 drinks for a celebration but I avoided alcohol heavily and started to focus on myself as blacking out really plays a toll on my mental health and its super embarrassing to find out the things you've done when you were blacked out. I've been told it seems like I got possessed with another person because I don't act like myself I start wobbling and falling everywhere. Nothing I say makes any sense. I went out the other day with my partner to a house warming and I was casually drinking trying to warm up (as I don't know these people and I have social anxiety) I was sipping on coolers because I didnt want to get super smashed and I ate a shit ton of food before I got there as well...the shots started to come around and I kept saying no and then ended up giving in to them...but made them pour really tiny shots...I ended up blacking out and find out that I probably fell to the ground 6-7 times probably made a fool of myself and I'm really embarrassed as these are my bf's really close friends so what they think of me definitely matters to me...idk what to do now I'm embarrassed to see them/talk to them....I'm sad that I put my bf in that situation...I've told him when we got together that I'm a really bad drunk and That's why I don't really drink but I don't think he took it seriously when I told him...I'm feeling really shitty about this whole situation...he said he's not mad but I'm sure he is as I just made a fool out of myself in front of his friends that are just meeting me..
Hey, similar thing happened to me and I'm so so mortified! My partner and I have been together for 8 years and just moved out of the city to a country town, we're a pretty introverted couple usually and mainly stick to ourselves. Anyway this particular day we started drinking wine around midday and made our way through 2 bottles, decided it was a good idea to head to the local pub and say hello to some of the locals. We haven't really met many people since moving and really want to settle here long term. When I get extremely drunk I'm a super annoying, overly friendly person...over the years I have had some damn embarrassing moments which caused some issues in my relationship so endeavoured to cut back the alcohol. Haven't had any drunken mishaps until this particular night. I proceeded to completely embarrass myself in front of all the locals (who've lived in this town for years) and while my partner says I didn't do anything outrageous or he reckons my behaviour wasn't even that bad, I do remember a few things I said in a completely friendly way that could've been taken as flirting, because not everyone was aware my partner was there as well. But being so drunk and kissing my bf at different intervals I thought everyone was aware we were together. I also have four brothers so I usually get along with guys more. I vaguely remember saying some questionable things and made a complete fool of myself. Guh so embarrassing, it's a small town so there will definitely be some talk and I'm so ashamed because what a stupid impression to leave the locals with, my wonderful guy and his shameful gf. Bloody hell. Luckily he knows exactly what I'm like and isn't worried how it may look but How on earth do I face everyone now! So much for a smooth entry into living here long term. I won't be drinking like that again that's for sure. I'm surprised I was so happy friendly in a group of people we don't know! I'm usually so shy and quiet when I meet people! Ugh
So how are things going? Did everyone forget about the wild night at the pub or?? I need an update! Your story is very similar to mine.
i’m embarrassed. and need to get this out. last night i went out for a celebration and got a jumbo marg at dinner. i was completely fine when we left and started to feel it while someone drove us to the second location. my friend ordered a drink at the second location and i had some. then suddenly i wasn’t fine. i don’t remember paying, getting in the car, being driven home, or getting back in to my apartment. and i hate that so much. then the worst thing happened. i wet the bed. thankfully i live alone and not a soul knows this about me. i plan on taking it to the grave. i’m so embarrassed and no one even knows but i’m my worst critic. last night has me thinking of giving up alcohol. i don’t drink often and i’ve only ever been drunk maybe six times bc i have a fear of losing control (hence why i’m so SO ashamed of this incident). i haven’t cried about it but i feel like i need to. blacking out from drinking is the scariest thing for me and i don’t know what to do.
This has happened to me a couple of times and I still think about it to this day, your definitely not alone
I read this post and I have nothing but compassion for you. All of these things we did (I have a ton of embarrassing moments) were just symptoms of a larger problem. They weren't an indication of who we truly are at our deepest, healthiest level. It takes time and practice, but thinking of what a friend or someone who's been in similar experience would say to you is such a good exercise. Alcohol changes us mentally, emotionally and physically - hence wetting the bed. And if a friend was telling me this story, I would say, "I'm so sorry you were hurting. You are such a beautiful person."
I really love your response. I think so many people think a drunk night defines them. I do I've messed up so many times, however, I had a lot of trauma and disappointments in my life, (although I am in therapy and I personally believe in God) I sometimes abuse alcohol because I don't want to think about things (I want to numb myself). I threw up at someone's house who hosted my birthday party, I felt so embarrassed especially this is a group of people that are in my network. I reached out apologized and offered to pay for any damages, I had to be ok with them accepting my apology or not. (You'll be surprised that the people that judge you are actually projecting or have done worse things than you).
I love how the author says you have to give more love to forgive and I had to give that to myself. This actually became the catalyst for my change to be the "healthier me." I love how you brought up how you can understand that someone is a beautiful person and acknowledge their hurt. Sometimes that's all a person needs is love and not to be scorned for being human.
Hey y’all I’m on here this afternoon to share my story because I made a mistake about a year and a half ago that messes my mood up every time I think about it. It was my freshman year of college and I met this guy, I started liking him quick since we started hanging out and about 2 months down the road I asked if he had any alcohol cause he was of age so I knew he had something. He let me come over and get some Hennessy he had and it was one of those flask like bottles. He told me I could stay for a little bit but not over night cause he had work early in the morning. Well I thought to myself why not get too drunk so I don’t have to leave... lol. Mind y’all I’ve never been a drinker and I’ve never been drunk drunk before. I ended up drinking the whole flask in about 45 minutes to an hour and even before I did that he asked me if I’d wanna stop and save the rest for another night and I said no so he just let me do what I want. Long story short I came up to him wanting to kiss him and stuff and everything was fine until my head eventually fell over (as he told me) and he knew I was too drunk to do anything so he stopped out of respect. The alcohol started to hit me hard and I eventually couldn’t walk (could barely even get on my hands and knees). I told him I needed to use the bathroom but mind you he stayed in a dorm still and the bathroom was outside his room so he said he wouldn’t let me go till I could show him I could walk by myself cause he didn’t want someone to see me in that state. I really had to go and he didn’t wanna help me so I said “fine then I’m just gonna piss myself” and so I did on his floor.... and eventually fell to the floor (I felt paralyzed), started throwing up, and then began shaking cause I started to feel so cold. I felt so scared and I remember telling him that. I literally couldn’t control myself at that point and he had me crawl over to him so he could clean the throw up out of my hair for me. He changed me into some night clothes and put me into bed (he had an extra bed in his room cause it was for 2 people but it was an old dorm so everyone go their own room). When I woke up I didn’t remember much of what had happened and he gave me a cup of water and some bread before he left for work. I asked him what happened last night and he said he’d just tell me later (cause it was embarrassing obviously) but I insisted on in telling me and he told me what happened but then he also told me I asked him if he was going to rape me... I don’t remember saying that at all but I felt like the worst person ever cause I’d been messing around with him prior to this and I’ve never thought about him in that way. But I guess since I felt paralyzed and being raped is one of my biggest fears that’s why I said it to him. I kept saying sorry to him and he said it’s okay but I knew it wasn’t. He just told me to stop saying sorry cause it’s not gonna change anything (not in a mean way) and that he wasn’t mad. I’m thankful that out of all people it happened in front of him cause he’s a genuine guy but since then every time I see him in person or on social media I feel nervous, embarrassed, and stupid. I see what I did that night when I look at him. He’d usually has to say hi to me first cause I feel like I shouldn’t even say hi. I hung out with him like 1 or 2 more times after all that happened so he def forgave me but I still feel so bad knowing I did that in front of him cause he was actually a good dude and I tend to put people on a pedestal. I can’t say I feel fully better about it even a year and a half later and even now that he has graduated (So I don’t have to see him all the time) I feel bad and this whole thing has stopped me from wanting to let another guy in cause I’m afraid of doing something stupid again. Idk how to forgive myself.
I asked a guy to hangout I used to work with and ended up hanging out and having some drinks. Didn’t eat anything that day and got completely wasted and don’t remember anything after. My girlfriend had come to see me and saw I was wasted this day with her boyfriend and his co worker. I fell on my butt in front of all of them and then did more embarrassing things throughout the night I don’t remember. Don’t even know how to recover from this. At all. Been two days and I still can’t stop thinking about it and the stupid decisions I made.
I embarrassed myself once again last week Saturday and I can’t stop thinking about it. I was drinking wine with my friend and I lost control (again for the 100th time). I went to knock at a guy I used to have a thing with door, we live in the same building because we’re in college. I knocked so loud that everyone on his floor came out, and then when I entered his room I just started throwing up. I then left and when to knock on another person’s door but I don’t remember what happened after that. I hate myself so much that I don’t ever want to show my face to anyone . I am so embarrassed and the bad thing is that I always embarrass myself.
I have a problem with alcohol and drugs and carried a TV out of my house trying to sell it I'm so embarrassed I don't want to show my face in my neighborhood I live in apartment complex.Im going to get help tomorrow I'll do good for a few months then mess up.I pray it works this time you'll get through
I am sorry you have gone through this , and I understand the feeling of always embarrassing yourself all too well...
I myself developed a really bad drinking problem throughout my teen years and into my early adult years. Around 2018 I had a complete life crisis and was drinking basically every day and going out to clubs every weekend , which resulted in many drunken embarrassing moments as well as being victim of sexual assault and harassment many times as well, many times which I can’t even remember fully.
I have walked with my dress up to my belly button, fallen all over crowded clubs and streets.
Talked to people and grabbed them to dance without their consent
And many more countless things which still haunt me to this day and we’re almost in 2021.. and I have been clean for almost two years.
If you end up reading this one day; just know there’s always someone that knows what you feel :)
Or worse, you’re not alone and we make mistakes hopefully in time we find a way to forgive ourselves!
Thanks for sharing - I’ve dealt with feelings of shame and guilt due to binge drinking. Blacking out, flashing my breasts, hooking up with guys, not remembering the night and just an all around mess when I’d binge drink...basically complete opposite person when sober. It feels less lonely knowing that there are other people who share these experiences.
Although the flashing, hook ups and black outs were several years ago and in the past - the memory will haunt me sometimes. Thoughts of paranoia of whether or not someone recorded me, if people still remember and beating myself up over the past will happen from time to time... But I think like many have already mentioned, forgiveness is the key - I’m just trying to figure out how to get there.
You’re not alone :) I
thanks for sharing! i’ve been struggling with this as well and was wondering if you had any tips lol
Reading all these stories makes me feel so much less alone. I have had issues with over drinking since early teen years. I've been good recently since I know better than to go out but the other night I was so excited and of course over did it. It was with some coworkers and their friends. First we went to a bar and I had 3 beers and that was fine, however upon leaving my old supervisor asked me if I wanted to hang out with him and his friend afterwards. I have brief snippets of the night but I know we were sitting in his friends apartment drinking whiskey and I was talking passionately about whatever the subject was. I have anxiety and I always assume I was messy and incoherent and exposed too many personal experiences of mine but am too anxious to ask. I have felt many times like this in my life and work really hard to tell myself that in one month or two or three it won't matter but I find a few days after a drunken embarrassing night I actually speak "I hate myself" aloud. It's such a sick cycle because I know that drinking puts myself into these situations but I still tell myself I enjoy drinking.
I’ve been laying awake for two nights now just reliving the parts of last Saturday that I do remember, and immensely cringing at everything others told me about my behaviour. I moved out of a big city that I had lived in for 5 years (where my worst moments and worst addictive behaviours took place) and was finally doing better for myself in this new city. I got invited to a friends birthday back in the city that I hadn’t been to since I had moved. I debated going because I knew there would be a chance that I would see destructive people who I hung around in the darker times of my life, but convinced myself that I had grown past them effecting me in any way. WRONG. The party started out fine and I was handling my alcohol well. Unfortunately this all changed when a group of people, some of which I had prepared myself to see, and some of which not walked in. An ex of mine who I am still hung up on unfortunately walked in with the women he started seeing immediately after me. The last time I was in a situation similar to this I threw a drink at him in a bar and accused him of being a terrible person (as there was overlap between myself and her) . I was a complete disaster the last time I saw either of them face to face so even though I was shocked and upset to see them yet again I tried to convince myself that this had to be my redemption moment to show that I had truly changed. However, in true addict fashion I turned to drinking. Heavily. And before I knew it everything went black. I woke up remembering zero of it with a pounding headache but was informed that I made a huge scene, threw up 3 times, and cried very publicly. On top of that I fell a bunch of times and had terribly embarrassing conversation with about every guest there. It feels like I’m back to square one and the same person I was years ago. I’ve been trying to forgive myself but I’m so humiliated by my actions. I just needed to get this off my chest because I’m tired of ruminating alone with it. Thanks for anyone who took the time to read, I feel less alone.
Jade, you are not alone two nights ago I acted and did something very similar and I can relate.
I lived in the same city practically my entire life and then moved to a new city in a different State a few years ago.
A new beginning right ?
I thought I had left all my baggage behind.
Moved to the new city sober quit drinking and refrained from drinking all alcohol. (Until I didn’t) I can say I don’t typically drink liquor (from past experiences) if i go to dinner I can have a few beers eat get a nice buzz and go home just fine, the stress from the day melts away I go home and sleep, no harm done.
I am a regular at most places in town have dinner and go home
Well the other night I went out to dinner and for some reason I decided to have a martini then two three, four, Or more, I was over served
next thing I know everyone on the outside patio is sitting with me and we were having ourselves a party with people I had just met.
As the night continued on we were all taking pictures and I was fine. (Then I wasn’t)
Why was I hanging out with strangers ?
I was stumbling, couldn’t sit up, walk, like you I fell a couple of times upon making it home in a cab getting out of the cab and getting into my apartment. (Barely)
I’ve never been so embarrassed, ashamed in all my life I live in a small town the people at the restaurant know me since I go in often
and I’m so frightened I’m gonna see someone I saw that night in the grocery store or somewhere else in town. (And I’ve never been more embarrassed)
What’s worse is the Restraunt bar manager had to get me a cab home because I couldn’t even get into my phone to order it myself and there wasn’t any in the area at that time
Yes I made it home safely but I feel like I lost control for some reason that night, and I put my safety at risk and it was such a foolish thing to do I just can’t shake the worry and anxiety I’m now feeling and the horrible feelings I’ve since felt since that night.
I barely made it up to the many stairs into my house and sat at the bottom of the stairs and laid on the ground, until I later got up to get into the house maybe an hour later! (Who does that?)
I’ve not done anything like this before if so not in years. And it’s like I know better!!!!!!
Then to be so foolish and make such an ignorant mistake
What was I thinking ?
I’m not sure why I kept drinking? There was no off switch in my brain signaling to tell me to stop I drank so fast and the drinks were so strong that by the time i had the 4th one I’m not sure how I must have looked? Thing was I had a video and photos of how I looked so I did see myself and I’ve never seen myself look so bad. I wish I could erase this image from my mind or the entire day from my consciousness all together.
I couldn’t hold my head up and I had taken my pony tail out and my hair was everywhere. 😣
What scares me is what if something could have happened to me ?
Or someone could have turned me in for public intoxication which is a crime
I did hurt my arm pretty badly from breaking my fall and I fell on my bum which is a continuous reminder of my stupidity.
I think we all do things we are not proud of especially while drinking but I don’t think I had almost ever been this drunk in my life.
I have the worst anxiety even leaving my apartment now because I feel like someone probably saw me stumbling around Outside my house which is humiliating!
My Stomache Has been in knots since this happened and I’m just mortified at my behavior!
Honey - you are okay. You are a human being that had too much fun one night. You don't live like this is your lifestyle. You had one rough night. So have every single one of those townsfolk you are referring to. Some of them don't even have to overdrink to be immature, stupid and jackasses sometimes, I guarantee it. Don't torture yourself like this. If it really upsets you that you behaved like that, remember this next time you consume and switch from martinis which are like 100% alcohol and ask for a 4% white claw in a fancy glass with a lemon wedge and you can have fun guilt free with a slight buzz after 3 or 4 as opposed to the 3 or 4 martinis. You're a good person - that is what people will think when they see you and if they are good people too they will probably giggle with you about it. Nobody cares about the things we do nearly to the degree that it bothers us - its probably a nonissue in their self centered lives. I said some really stupid things last night when I was drunk with my girlfriends about another friend of ours bc deep down I am a bit hurt by her and it bubbled over...and then I fell off my chair. It tells me that I need to confront my friend kindly so that it doesn't get broadcasted to people not involved. But, I have seen these girlfriends do 10x worse like go home with strange men while completely incoherent, so to hold that over me would tell me that its time to find new friends.
Oh Jade, I am so sorry that this happened to you. Do not beat yourself up. You reacted how 99% of people would in that situation. You were in a traumatic surprise emotional ambush in a public forum and no way to really cope. Your real friends that were there and witnessed this will not judge you or run away - they will feel for you and realize that under very unnormal circumstances, you coped with it how you could at the time. A couple of drinks in caused you to react less rationally than you normally would, but everyone else there was guilty of alcohol consumption too. Ask any of them what their biggest fear is, biggest sadness, biggest anything walking in and clobbering them on the head and how they would handle it themselves. You are human, you deserve to have fun like everyone else, and you deserve pity instead of judgement in this scenario. Praying for your peace. Forgive yourself and put it away. You do not need to torture yourself for this my friend.
I totally relate- i went to a friend of a friends house to watch a football game and i have no memory of it. a guy there got me to do shots with him and i ended up going outside and doing things with him i have no memory of while everyone else (including two good friends of mine) were inside watching the game. it could have gone way worse, like getting raped or something, but i was in the right mind enough to ask my friend who drove me to leave. i ended up pouring a friend’s antidepressants out the car window and almost having to call an ambulance to see if i had taken any of them myself. the police were called to try and find the pills on the side of the road where i poured them out. this was so unlike me and i was in disbelief when i was told what i did. my sister had to come pick me up at 2am and i apparently screamed at her in anger. i was talking nonsense. my parents waited until i got home to see me with no pants on. i’ve been spending almost every hour since crying and feeling so shameful i can barely eat. i haven’t blacked out in 6 months because i broke my foot the last time. i don’t know why i let myself get to that point, but i use alcohol as a crutch for social anxiety. i feel so guilty for putting my friends through that and for all the stuff i don’t remember saying or doing. my friends i went with forgive me and were just worried, saying they weren’t mad at all, yet i’m furious with myself. thanks for making me feel less alone.
Oh my word Jade, I feel you.
I came in here as I just full out embarrassed myself with a new boyfriend. I was harbouring secret resentments from some things he’d revealed. Instead of asserting myself in sobriety and walking with dignity claiming ‘this won’t be for me’....I was invited to his home. His adult children there with their partners. Despite my own grieving through multiple deaths this year (including my mother, Godmother and two best friends), I reluctantly went. The new boyfriend was hardly around. My nerves got the better of me. His children were grieving as their friend had just committed suicide. I felt SO out of my depth I began drinking not one, not two but three bottles of high volume red wine, on an empty stomach whilst on meds. I vaguely remember being sat with a crying partner of my new bf’s son. Next thing I remember is waking up next to my bf. Zero recall of how I got there. Instinctively I reached out to touch him. He yelled ‘DON’T’ and got up and left the room. I’ve no idea how badly I behaved or what insults I will have slung (I know myself, it won’t be good). I got up and took
My things and left.
I’ve cried for 4 days straight for letting myself down & hurting others without cause.
I’ve finally written a short, sincere apology and his only response has been to block me.
Where I live in the UK, it’s a small town.
Additionally, the union did have potential.
Iam a notorious self sabotagor.
I think I’ll definitely try sustained therapy.
And I’m 52!!!!.
You haven't done anything that 100% of us grown ups haven't done at some point in our drinking lives. I get so sick and tired of sanctimonious assholes that will drink with you, but then judge you bc you had a different tolerance that evening for whatever reason. I find that when I stick with white claws that I don't have these same problems any more when going out bc its lower in alcohol and I still feel like I am participating. I also changed the people I was hanging out with that when a bad night does happen, they shrug, laugh, and move on from it bc they don't pretend that they have never embarrassed themselves. I mean, if people are going to go out and drink, what in the world do they think is probable to happen? Do they expect that out of x number of people that everyone is going to behave like a saint? Did you throw punches or have sex with someone's spouse? Then forgive yourself and learn to be your own best friend - would you dump any of these people from your life if the tables were turned? Probably not, so any of them that do that to you would do it eventually over a lesser offense any way.
I just had to comment on this. I know exactly how you feel. I have real bad social anxiety and am painfully self-aware. In situations where i feel nervous or if i maybe dont know some people, i drink to relax myself. There is a brief period where i feel amazing, so relaxed and gpod company but i dont know where to draw the line. More often than not, i end up having too much before acting like a complete idiot. Its like, im so controlled in sobriety that i just go crazy!!!! Noone has ever outright spoken to me about my behaviour but i have stopped being invited out/ive noticed parties arent really planned much and when they are, theres usually a generic notice sent round about behaving!!! I know when ive been badly behaved when noone asks how im feeling the next day. The silence speaks volumes.
I’m so glad I came across this today. I have been beating myself up all day on a stupid drunk night yesterday. Went out With some friends at a brewery. All I remember is drinking beer then everything went black..... I don’t remember ANYTHING! But my “friend” made sure to text me this morning and remind me of every foolish and embarrassing thing I did. I feel so ashamed and can’t. Sleep. Just keep replaying it all in my head and just so ashamed of my actions.
Ugh my neighbors had a get together and I mixed liquor, I don’t think I did anything too embarrassing, probably just talked way too much. I’m in a long distance relationship so of course as soon as I get back inside my apartment the first thing I do is call my boyfriend. I’m not sure what dumb ass thing I may have said while drunk but it triggered him into hanging up on me and ignoring every call I made to him after. Now I feel like crap because I’m not sure what I may have said to make him so upset but I do remember him saying “this is why I can’t be in a relationship”. I hope he can forgive me and I def will not be drinking again especially if it makes him this upset with me.
Ive struggled with alcohol for most of my life. There were times when I thought I had it under control, and times where I literally just wouldnt stop myself. Im currently sitting in bed with the shakes, my head foggy from last night.
Drunk me is a crier. All she does is cry. Ive had a long battle with my depression and self esteem. Sometimes i win, sometimes I lose. But drunk me ALWAYS loses.
I plowed through 2 bottles of wine and half a bottle of Malibu last night. I ended up curled up on the floor, sobbing and desperately praying to Allah, Vishnu, and a whole array of Gods that I dont even believe in. I talked about dying, and scared the crap out of my boyfriend. I wasnt blackout drunk, but I was definitely not in control of myself. I rambled on about how he deserved more than to be with someone as lost as I am in life.
I recently miscarried, and after a year of being sober Ive crashed hard into drunken spirals again. All of my drunken endeavors over the last month have ended in tears, ranging anywhere from softly crying to complete hysterics.
I feel so embarassed. I know better than to handle my emotions this way. I hope he can forgive me, the conversations ive been initating while drunk are 10/10 not drunk conversations. Im struggling to cope with everything in my life, and I just feel like I'm blowing it with this guy. No one should have to carry the things that I put upon people after ive had a few drinks.
I'm so sorry you're struggling with this! Addiction is such a scary beast, but please know, this is not your fault. Addictive behaviors can happen to anyone. I know just how difficult it is when you relapse after having a solid amount of sober time. The shame can eat you alive! Just know that you are not alone in this. Don't be too hard on yourself either. One day at a time. <3
Hang in there. Have you reached out for help? Have you gone to therapy to process your loss? I too have struggled with alcohol since childhood. After the birth of my son I lost it. Was on a bender and got physically violent. The cops were called. I got 5150d. Went to rehab and relapsed for the better part of a year. I’ve done such embarrassing shit. Screamed, raged, cried. Woke up with people I don’t know and in places I didn’t know in my youth. The amazing thing is that we’re still here!!! We gotta use the shame and embarrassment we feel to motivate us to do better. I never want to embarrass myself or my kid like I used to. I don’t want to be a crazy, violent, drunk mom. I’ve seen the devastation me and my illness has caused. I thank god I never seriously hurt someone or myself. You are so blessed to recognize you have a problem. You are blessed to know that you gotta shape up or you stand to lose something (yourself and your partner). The next step is harder. Now you have to do something about it. I’m telling you, you can. Some people have no insight to the things they do and the hurt they cause. You don’t seem like one of those people. Please get the help you deserve. You don’t have to hurt like this anymore.
I don’t want the label as a drunk who can’t control her drinking. And as much as I dont want that label. I don’t stop drinking even though I know it’s not just one drink or 2 drinks or 4 drinks nope I have to drink all the drinks until they are all gone.
Well tonight I did it I fucked up big time couldn’t drive myself home.
my friend with her 3 kids were at her sister and brother in laws house with there 3 kids. I showed up around 12pm. Brought a 15 pack with me my friend probably had 3 out of box I had the rest. Didn’t eat anything all day. Sitting out on their back porch, all the kids running around
friends brother in law Going over with his friend/ worker about what they are doing with their backyard (the friend is a guy who owns his own company who actually knows my husband Bc of my husband’s company ) while I felt the puke 🤢 coming up couldn’t more so I put my had over my mouth only to have puke go every where... everyone jumped into action trying to clean up my puke from their deck 😞
I made a huge ass of myself. I want to crawl into a hole and never come out. This isn’t the first time I have ended up like this. How do I make this up to my friend and her sister and brother in law and their 6 kids wondering why I can’t walk and puking everywhere... I’m so embarrassed 😩 I didn’t even call my husband. My friend called him to tell him I drank once again to much to drive safely home.
And that I would be sleeping here with already to many people in the house. Why? Why? Do I always put myself in these predicaments????? Bc I have to quit drinking or nothing will ever change!!
Blacking out is very much a thing, for me now. Over the past 18-24months, 75% of my nights out have ended up with me having to have a carer, either to make sure I get home ok, to stop me from doing something stupid/regretful or hurting myself or someone else.
I’m actually a person who doesn’t need alcohol and when I decide to drive, don’t miss it, but when I’m out, I’m out out and I go hell for leather.
I used to be able to realise when I was getting to the point of too pissed, then I slow down or stop. That filter seems to have gone. I go from, ok to absolutely destroyed with no warning for me or anyone I’m with.
I’ve been described as being completely vacant, losing body ability, being nasty, being pushy with people and a being completely obnoxious.
After a night out, recently. I had repeated this pattern. Fine - screwed, no warning, no clue. Now, lucky for me I can’t actually remember what happened, what I did, but others can..... it was a work party, too.
I’m very lucky in that I have a small amount of friends that I can rely on, one of them was with me and she took me out of the situation, had stern words and took me to my door. I doubt there’s many people would do this when their night out had just been shat on.
After giving her a couple of days to cool off, I approached her and apologised for spoiling her night, she give me both barrels and told me everything, telling me I needed to hear it because I needed a shock.
I wasdevastated!! Gutted!! Embarrassed!! Horrified.
I was too much.
I was told that she had considered ending our friendship, that she loves everyday me but actually hates drunk me. She has said that she won’t go out with me again but we can get past it. I’m grateful for this but she also told me she’s concerned about my drinking because she can see it’s a problem. I agreed, there’s no way I could disagree. I’ve known for a while, I’ve somehow managed to keep this from my boyfriend, I think due to the fact this happens more often when I’m out with friends.
I had a drink in the house a few weeks back, (This is common, throughout the week too), I was being snappy and my boyfriend told me that my aggression is getting worse.
I often get comments like, “oh, had a drink have we??!” And there’s an ongoing joke at work about whose turn it is to look after me.
I am now anxious about how to get out of drinking, this most recent night out, my plan was to drive - I got talked into it because, it’s Christmas, you deserve a drink.
I think sobriety is the only option I have, other wise I’m going to lose friends. I’m not sure I have the respect I had, at work. This all because once I start I can’t stop.
Um hello this may not be too embarrassing but it feels like it Is because it's my first time blacking out from drinking and I did something I wish could be forgotten and not happen. I was talking on the phone loud about something sexual and I think people heard me. I threw up four times. Twice in the bar, once outside and once in the uber driver's car. I'm really antisocial so for that to happen makes me not wanna really go back to the bar or even go outside because even my anxiety is making me think that I got filmed outside and that would just honestly humiliate me so bad....idk what to do honestly.
We had a 4 day break away in Ireland my mum who has alzheimers and two sisters. I get on well with older one but not middle one. This trip was really difficult for me and hard. But on the last night we all went out with cousins and family I ended up getting drunk and humiliated my middle sister in front of the family. I was awful and said horrible things. Which I can't remember because I was so drunk.
My other older sister isn't talking to me. And the one I had ago at wished me dead and said I am not her sister.
I have sent message of an apology but nothing. I told her I am sorry and I hate myself for spoiling the break away. Still no response.
What shall I do?
Thank you so much for commenting and sharing something so personal. I know that isn't easy. I think in a situation like this, the best thing you can do is offer your family/sister time and space. Let her know that you are sorry and that you are ready and waiting whenever she wants to sit down and discuss things with you. Remember, we all make mistakes, no one is perfect. Give yourself some grace and compassion though, so many of us have been there. I know all of this is easier said than done, but I'm sure in time she will come around.
First off, thanks everyone for sharing! I too have had experiences I cannot explain when I am on alcohol. I went years wothout drinking like 4, only drinking like 3 times... Then I got with a man, and we would drink together... Things got so horrible it ended in divorce, he was a violent guy. So I got out of that relationship started to rebuild my life, ran into my love from when I was 19. We hit if off immediately. He was coming out of a bad relationship so, needless to say we started turning some of that bad previous behavior on eachother... We were drinking. Heavily, which caused me to make an ass of myself quite a few times, him too. I get so angry at him at times, between the alcohol and all the situations, the lying and the leaving, I have felt so alone. We make up and love eachother unconditionally, but there are times when I wonder if I would make better decisions alone.
There was a time in particular I cant get over, we went out with friends for a birthday, me and my man had to have that extra bottle of liquor, after that went to the local bar, had to pee so bad I went past the door lady, and went to pee when I came out they told me I needed to leave so I cussed them out, told the owner to suck my d**k... I dont even have a d**k.. I dont know why, it was so rude, this was a year ago. I went back a couple times, the bar maid said I needed to apologize to the owner, but she wouldnt let me in... I told her ok said her name, and told her I wouldn't be back to her establishment... Today I went in during the day, appologized to the owner, explaining I know it had been a year and I had a problem with drinking to much and I was very disrespectful and I wanted to apologize. He said you had acted similar to that a time or two before that incident and the situation with me coming in there was not going to change, I said I understand, I just wanted to right my wrong, then I left. I wish he could have forgiven me, leaving it like that does hurt a little, I have been going in there since I was a girl with my family, and also where I found my love. But I did what I could do to try to make it right. Now I have to try to make my life right, stay away from the alcohol, find the joy again, and see where my life is taking me. Alcohol has always been a problem for me, drinking too much its time for it to be a lesson and not a life sentence.
Hi, let me share my story too . I went to drink with my friends ( not reallyclose) to a bar . After awhile, I was totally drunk and my friends were telling me that I was away from them for nearly 10 mins and they are were saying tht I was lying down on the stairs and etc . I cannot believe that they let me go and have a walk after I was drunk . Guess what? When I was back home, my panty was missing. I’m really embarrassed. I really don’t know what happened. Can someone please advise me and make me feel better ? I am afraid that someone would have taken pics or videos of me
I would like to share something that I can’t get off my mind.
I went to my neighbors BBQ party on a Saturday evening, I was the youngest there,most of the people there were much older.I was drinking beers,chatting with people,everything was going great until a girl asked me if I wanted some gin( I agreed). I don’t exactly remember how much gin I had but it was enough for me to run to the toilet and throw up in the sink. I tried unclogging it but it was stuck.Because of my recklessness and drunken state I didn’t know what to do so I just left it. I normally don’t drink anymore because of my mental health but I made an exception there to be more chatty. I suffer from depression and anxiety so it’s impossible for me to feel comfortable around people.Long story short. I feel awfully guilty about what I’ve done. I’m really ashamed of my actions and I’m really sorry. I have locked myself in my room laying in a bed full of guilt and sorrow unable to cope with the outside world. I feel like it’s eating me from inside.I really hope you will read my apology,I’m sorry I couldn’t do it in person but believe me,writing it here feels like it(and also it’s impossible for me to tell you that in person). I hope you understand :(
I’m feeling the same, I’m so ashamed. i was nervous at at party yesterday and I lost control of how much I was drinking i dont even remember what i said or did, im scared it feels awful
I usually have anxiety after drinking heavily. Mostly it’s because I was loud or told someone something too personal and embarrassing about myself. However, there have been times when I would have rather broken my own knee caps than deal with what happened the night before.
I suffer from anxiety, badly, and when I do something while drinking my anxiety is nearly crippling the day after, or days, or months, or years...because yes, I still get embarrassed over things I said 17+ years ago.
ANYWAYS, here is my best coping mechanism, I hope it can help anyone who needs it! Disclaimer: This is in NO way a cure-all. Doing this usually gives me about 20 minutes of relief from the anxiety until I remember what happened again. 20 minutes of concentration so I can finish my work, shower, cook dinner, sleep...anything my anxiety can possibly keep me from doing. I do want to mention that after doing this for several years now my anxiety on certain situations has lessoned drastically. Maybe that will be the case for you if you end up liking it.
First I picture the situation(or as close to it as I can remember) and then I freeze the scene, as if pausing a movie. Next, I picture the walls and ground of wherever I am turning to stone, the people around me start turning to stone as well. Imagine it’s as if the stone is spreading. Finally, I turn myself to stone. This allows me to look at the situation from an outside perspective and since everything has been turned to stone it’s quiet and peaceful. Lastly, I picture all the stone being crushed into dust and blown away. I’m left with a clean slate.
One time I started making out with my brother’s friend in the backseat of my brother’s car while we were driving. The only problem was he was engaged and told me that and I actually told him it was okay and I was just drunk and that’s why I kissed him. Another time when drunk in a nightclub I started kissing a guy who was not into and got angry at me. Ugh so embarrassing. Any other time I was drunk and kissing a stranger they at least reciprocated lol. Another time I was at a reunion and started blabbering about different things in my life situation that made me unhappy like I was dating someone I wasn’t really into and I also have no kids but in reality I never really wanted kids so I’m not sure why I was even saying it lol.
I feel obliged to share today what i did over this weekend due to my problem with alcohol.
Started the evening with some shots , moved onto many many rounds of beers, switched to whiskey at a very close friends anniversary party and that's when it all came rolling in. It seems I was so wasted that i instantly went savage mode. ( Mind you I rarely do go here ) I decided to hit on my friends mom's mate till she got really creeped out and left the party. I have the most respect for this family and I proved myself wrong again. Now I'm in self disbelief and shame , been recluse in my room and beating myself up. I have problems with alcohol and feeling loved . This caused me to chase a high I have longed for since my recent breakup. I hope that the family forgives me for my bigotry.
Takes time. I’ve been there before. I made a lot mistakes. I was laughed at belittled and forgotten. My family let me die in a sense and I was bashed on Facebook by people I thought would not even go there. I guess I deserved it. Sober since 2015. When I run into people from my past they will try to bring up things and smile then watch my face. It’s humiliating. I literally gave up on all human love contact. I forgave myself and am able to stick up for myself since I’m not thrown into panic daily. It’s sucks but move on there’s better people out there who would forgive if they don’t. Don’t sell yourself short like I did. One comment I’ll never forget. My sister says. With a smile. I’m surprised you didn’t kill yourself Casey. Hm. Was she gonna check ? No.
These stories make me feel a little less alienated in my drunken behaivor but the guilt and shame I'm carrying over what happened 3 nights ago is going to stay with me for a long time. Long story short, I got engaged on Saturday afternoon and before the night ended my new fiance was arrested for allegedly assaulting me but I was actually the aggressor and I still don't know why they didn't take me instead of him. I don't remember a lot but I know we argued after coming home from celebrating, I COMPLETELY trashed our apartment, woke the whole neighborhood up because I was throwing glass candles and picture frames out of our second story window, cut my hand open and bled over every piece of furniture, every wall...I just can't even believe I am the same person that did all of this and I am in agony over my fiance being charged with committing a crime he didn't commit (I had a hand mark on my neck when the police showed up, but the handmark was from him pulling me off of him while I was biting, clawing at his face, punching him, etc.). He did everything right; he realized it was a dangerous situation and left and then called the police to have me removed but even after seeing the damage I did (it's so bad, you guys) they took him and charged him with a felony and I feel so ashamed, so so disgusted with myself and i don't know how to fix this. I didn't realize until this point that I have a dangerous relationship with alcohol and I just cannot drink. I drink and then I don't stop drinking. At least now i know I'm not alone. I just hope and pray that the love of my life isn't permanently effected by this one incident.
I hope it did change your life permanently... in a positive way. Try to forgive yourself we all do stupid stuff.
I decided to start reading these because being a person who suffers from tremendous amounts of anxiety on a day to day basis without the embarrassing drunken behavior, I'm immensely miserable at the moment. I went sober for three days one time since November but my drinking has been pretty consistent for a year now. Anyway, Friday night my boyfriend and I attended a party with his close friends in their house... Everything went really well for a while and I was super happy but it was one of those nights were you don't know you're actually drunk until you're shitfaced. I just met these people and i'm actually very fond of them and this is the happiest relationship i've ever been in and i don't want it to end. When i'm drunk my jealousy and anger comes out but when i'm sober i'm the least jealous/angry person you'll ever meet.. Late that night at like 4am my boyfriends ex girlfriend sends him a 10 mile long text message about how she wants to get back together (she's been harassing him for a while now) and he didn't want me to see it because it would upset me. Which set off all irrationalities in my head. So after being obnoxiously drunk in front of all of his friends and being loud and embarrassing and saying weird violent things i thought were funny at the time, we lay down on the floor to sleep for the night (there were also three other people in the room) and i start talking to him about his ex and it goes on and on until i'm just being blatantly mean to him and accusing him of wanting to cheat and not wanting to be with me and saying awful things.. Then i text this girls number and send really strange detailed death threats to her and at the time it was just a funny joke to me (i guess because i was blacked out.) I woke up at 9am to my boyfriend yelling on the phone at his step dad who had just saved my ass because the ex girlfriend was about to call the cops on me because i was being a crazy bitch. I feel horrible about all of this. I embarassed myself in front of his friends, I was acting crazy and jealous, I sent his ex girlfriend DEATH THREATS like a crazy and jealous person, his parents have most likely lost all respect for me, i hurt my boyfriends feelings and i'm feeling so much anxiety about all of this i just can't get over it. Every time i get too drunk i do stupid shit and i hate myself for it. I'm afraid i can't stop drinking and my boyfriend is gonna leave me because one of these days i'm gonna fuck up and say something really awful to him. I'm gonna try to be sober from now on but it's so hard.. My life is truly falling apart i've lost my job, i'm homeless, my car is breaking, my family and friends don't talk to me anymore and i'm afraid of losing more things i love due to my drinking problem. I need help i don't know what to do anymore i'm having a hard time coping with all of this.
we all make mistakes.. you can't take back what you did but you can learn... Just try to be a good person and do the best you can with what comes tomorrow.. it's a new day! cheers.