Forgiving Yourself for Embarrassing Drunken Behavior
Forgiving yourself for embarrassing drunken behavior can be tough. Being drunk is one of the most common reasons behind people embarrassing themselves or being stupid. It’s pretty safe to assume that if you have been drunk, you have embarrassed yourself in some small, minor way. And if you’re an alcoholic, you might have some pretty epic stories of nights that ended in a major embarrassment to you or someone else. In some instances, those stories are laughable and can be shaken off or simply shared in jest. In other situations, these are the ghost and horror stories of our drinking days: embarrassing drunken nights never to be admitted or acknowledged in any way because the shame and embarrassment was too great. Embarrassing drunken stories that fueled me to drink more. If I drank more, it would be easy to forget my shame. It took me a long time to forgive myself for my embarrassing drunken behavior.
Now, as a sober, recovering alcoholic, I don’t have that escape anymore. I still have embarrassing moments and I still remember the most awful nights of my drinking days, but I deal with them differently. This is what I do.
Feeling Embarrassed from Your Drunken Behavior? Let Yourself Swear
If my mind is wandering while walking to my car and I remember a particularly embarrassing drunken moment, I will spontaneously start swearing under my breath. To someone walking next to me, it might be a bit alarming, but for me, it’s an instinctive action that actually makes me feel a little better. Swearing is actually good for you, as proven by a study in the United Kingdom, and helps relieve stress. You can release negative emotions and release emotional pain through swearing, so don’t resist it.
Forgive Yourself for Embarrassing Drunk Behavior by Recognizing Your Shame
Much like with addiction recovery, acknowledging your shame is the first part of accepting and recovering from it. A totally normal human emotion, shame, must be dealt with in order to learn, grow, and move forward from a haunting past.
Don’t Try to Rationalize Embarrassing Drunken Behavior
Alcoholism is not rational. If it were, there would not be so many unanswered questions about the disease of addiction. Therefore, trying to justify or explain your drunken antics is a lost cause. Especially because when active in an addiction, people often behave in ways that do not align with their own moral code. So if you’re dealing with shame, chances are you already know what you did was bad or embarrassing and no level of rational thought will make that go away.
Remember People You Have Forgiven
When all else fails, remember that at some point in your life, someone else had to ask you for forgiveness. How or why did you forgive them?
The highest form of love is forgiveness. The greater the offense, the more love is required to forgive that person. Double the amount of love required when you are forgiving yourself. This may be difficult to do, especially in early sobriety when self-loathing is usually at its peak. If you aren’t able to quickly identify five things you love about yourself, you need to adopt some daily practices to boost our self-esteem.
Shame and embarrassment are good reminders of how our alcoholism shaped our behavior, and not in a good way. But like everything, they are only good in moderation: too much shame hinders us and prevents us from living life fully. Work through the embarrassment to forgive yourself. Only then will the shame of your drunken past begin to fade to a memory devoid of pain.
Creative Commons photo attribution to mloberg.
Doyle, B. (2015, July 2). Forgiving Yourself for Embarrassing Drunken Behavior, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, September 28 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/debunkingaddiction/2015/07/forgiving-yourself-for-embarrassing-drunken-behavior
Author: Becky Doyle
I am really glad I found this page. It has always been so hard for me to forgive myself. I have gotten slowly better but I need to quit all together because even I'm tired of myself. I got drunk the other night and cussed out someone I really cared for. I am giving them space and have deeply apologized and respect if they never want to speak to me again. However I am hoping this was the last incident until I start AA.
Hi, thanks for your comment. To note - I'm one of the current authors that cover addiction on HealthyPlace, not the original author of this article.
First of all, hats off for taking corrective action. You've apologized for your actions and respected the other person's space to process everything. I've been in this exact situation on more than one occasion many times, and the feelings of shame and guilt can be overwhelming. It sounds like you're evaluating this with honesty and looking at taking steps to change, which is the main thing.
It's a good idea to try AA - it helps many people deal with heavy drinking and alcoholism, and most areas have at least one weekly meeting.
I have woken up not knowing how I have ended up naked with clothes everywhere ! My male friend known for years which I trust came round at 1am knowing I was drunk with opened bottle of champagne and now because had a black out I called him this morning to ask why this has happened and whether we had sex , his reply
“ no we didn’t have sex we got things going on for hour or so but u said no u wouldn’t do that without testing a guy first but we did mess around “
I have called the NHS help line to get tested to see if I been drugged as can’t remember from 1am what’s happened and don’t remember any sexual contact at all and wondered why he brought bottle unopened.
Remember playing music loud in my kitchen and windows open , so embarrassed as my new neighbours must think I am a nightmare. I got the nhs appointment tonight 7pm to take swabs and urine test to see if drugged or been any sec involved. Feeling so guilty and anxious as this is not who I am and feel so ashamed.
I’m 17 & I’ve been binge drinking ~4 times a week now for about a year and a half. I’ve been experiencing more blackouts since i had a really bad one about 3 months ago when i mixed alcohol & muscle relaxers & hit my head so bad i got a concussion, bleed everywhere & puked blood for days. i’ve had two other significant blackouts that’ve impacted me heavily since then. about a month after the first instance i fell & hit my head again except this time i just kept falling & hurting myself while my super duper amazing friends just watched. last night i went over to the house of a family friend of my best friend & started drinking, my friend blacked out & passed out on the couch about 2 hours in & i had to interact with the family where i pretty quickly blacked out. i yelled & talked back at one of the occupants of the house, got emotional over my previous sexual assault experience and all in all held the attention all night. the owner of the house called my friend’s mother (who already doesn’t have the best opinion of me, i can’t blame her) to drive 45 minutes and come pick us up. i really wanted to impress the woman who’s house we were at but we started partying with her & we did adderall along with drinking & i guess i just couldn’t stop myself. i’m so embarrassed i’m struggling fighting suicidal thoughts which i haven’t even had in over a year. i don’t know what to do i live in a small town i feel like i can never leave my house ever again.
Hi, thanks for your comment/question. To note - I'm one of the current authors that cover addiction on HealthyPlace, not the original author of this article.
Before I start, if you have any suicidal thoughts, please refer to this article http://www.healthyplace.com/suicide/suicide-hotline-phone-numbers/. It contains some excellent resources.
I know that these recent examples can cause extreme shame and guilt, but it's important to remember that you're human, and we all make mistakes. I could write a book about my past incidents with alcohol and the chaos that came with it. Instead, it's better to focus on what you have control over.
My first suggestion is to consider AA. Even though you're young, there's no age limit to heavy drinking and/or alcoholism, and it can often feel comforting to know there's a support network available, even if you don't decide to attend regularly at this time.
Second, apologising helps, but changing behaviour is the best way to make amends.
Lastly, be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. Feeling this level of regret means you're a compassionate person who cares about how others feel.
Someone once told me that if you can forgive yourself, you'll find it easier to do the same for others.
You can't change the past, but you can set a new path for your future. I wish you all the best in your journey - please come back to let us know how you're doing.
Repeat these words to yourself whenever you start to feel like you can nvr do smth: Your now is not your forever.
Its as true as it gets, both in times of grt sufferin and times of grt happiness; your now will not last forever.
When i was your age was now almost half a lifetime ago for me, as i turn 34 early next yr; and there is NOTHING about my current life that i cudve ever expected to be part of my life at 17.
My 17 yr old self cud nvr have imagined such a wonderful life as the one im now living, and that 17 yr old version of me was very soon to turn to drink myself; to deal with the pain of life at that pt, the pain that wud keep increasin as i hid it away from myself with anythin i cud use to numb myself and forget it all
It was only 6 yrs ago when my life rly started to flip around in a good way, tho thered been seeds of change sown earlier when id found out more about myself like my asexuality, aromanticality, and pan related feelings; as well as my desire for polyamory which combined with the rest finally explained to me a lot of why my younger self had always feared the life id thowt was comin back then... As id nvr been able to imagine a life where my feelings were aknowledged and my problems addressed.
At 27 tho, early in the yr just a month or so before my bday, i finally got one of the last missing pieces, when i saw another visibly nonbinary person who looked just like i wanted to look; beard and dress. On seein that, it took me 6 months to say it to anyone else i knew and only 4 months longer to come out fully, bcuz i knew i wanted my now to be that instd. And i had just finished John Greens novel where i found that quote which was rly helpin me to visualise my future as bein potentially whatevs i wanted to make it
Then the yr after that i got so drunk i grabbed a friends boob and got in a fight with her boyfriend (by that i mean i tried and failed to atk him multiple times) and ruined any chance at friendship with many ppl i cared deeply about. The next day i was talked to by the ppl involved and others around it and encouraged to quit drinkin, to which i said i had alrdy come to that decision as soon as id heard what i had done.
I did everythin i cud to apologise, take accountabilty, and change so as to make that nvr happen again. And many of those ppl nvr forgave me. And that hurt and can still hurt even now (i mean, why else wud i be here rn), but ive done all i can to improve myself and do better; all i can do now is move on, like ive been doin.
I thowt id always live in my home state too, in our small city, and mostly in the same friend groups. Its what felt right for a long time, until i found reason to leave. The yr after my worst drunken antics i rly started to also open up more about myself, first online to myself, then online to friends, then in person to friends, then in person to strangers.
I came out as a Little, am age regressor, as well, and figured out a lot about my at the time undiagnosed Neurodivergences which exacerbated things like this; like how my ADHD made me even more prone to a lack of impulse control, or how my sensory processin disorder and anxiety and general sense of overwhelm is lessened by alcohol
By bein so open, i met a person who wanted to be my caregiver and my fiance; who was happy to have me call him my mommy (gender is a funny thing sometimes heh). And nowadays i live with him and my metamour i call my sibby (they), and i have a brand new group of friends here and many new connections bein made while also maintainin many of my friends from the past
There are a lot of things i did while drunk that were embarassing, and a couple that wud even rise to the lvl of crimes, but no one here in my current now knows about that; and those from my past who do know, theyve recognised how much ive worked to improve myself and take accountability, and thus they dont care about what i did in the past when under the influence of a drink i no longer touch except to turn it to vinegar
I have a similar story. I (19) was invited to a small party by a friend I’ve known for a couple years now, though we haven’t hung out much. It was at her house and her parents were out having a good time with their friends, so they weren’t home. She (my friend) invited 7 of her other friends from both school and work, so it was 9 of us in total. We mostly just talked, listened to music, and drank (albeit, pretty cheap and sweet liquor, which was my first mistake). First I just had a bottle, which had an alcohol percentage of 4.5, not high at all. Then we all had a shot of vodka. Then there were some gummies with CBD and THC passed around, and since I never had one before I decided to eat half of a gummy. And about 10 minutes after that I wasn’t really feeling much effect of anything, so I decided it was ok for myself to drink just a *little* bit more. Mind you, I ate a couple of times before I started drinking and was nibbling and sipping water while I was drinking, too, so I thought I would be safe from getting drunk. Wrong. I thought it was ok to drink some more vodka, about 4 shots worth in the span of 2 hours. I’m a 5’2 girl (who also doesn’t drink very often and didn’t drink nearly enough water at the time), so it effected me pretty quickly after about an hour-ish. I went from kind of shy from meeting new people, to a little more like a sociable, normal person, to cool, to very outgoing, to obnoxious, to drunk rather quickly. Luckily, the obnoxious and drunk parts didn’t come till the party was almost over, so some of the people had left by then. Needless to say, though, the cheap and sweet alcohol was a very bad call bc I vaguely remember walking to the parlor in my drunken stupor, dropping my phone (which now bears a large crack on its screen thanks to my clumsiness), sitting down, saying I don’t feel well, and having a bag put in front of me, then promptly barfing chunks into it, turning to my friend saying “I’m so sorry,” then turning back to the bag to barf once more. Somewhere in between there her mom (who had at some point during my drunken haze returned home along with my friends dad) gave me some hangover cure (my friend’s Korean) and then about 2 minutes later I was picked up by my stepfather. I never told my parents that I would be drinking, so naturally my mom was fuming when I came home at 00:00 piss drunk. Though neither of them found out that I blew chunks at my friend’s house either, I’m happy about that though bc I’d never live that down and would be grounded to high heaven. I went to bed when I got home after my mom tried to argue with me (I was drunk so that wasn’t happening), then I texted my friend when I got up hours later telling her I was so very sorry and that I don’t usually get like that when I drink (though I don’t drink often, I’ve drank large amounts, but have never ended up like that), and that next time I see her family I will apologize in person. My friend said that it was ok and that she’s glad I was ok and that I had a good time, but I still feel very ashamed and embarrassed. She hasn’t texted me again since then and it’s been almost a week now, so I don’t think she wants to talk to me and I want to respect her space, so I don’t plan on bothering her. I really appreciate her as a friend and I feel that my getting drunk and barf-fest along with my annoying behavior will make her not want to see me or hang out with me again, which I wouldn’t blame her bc I can hardly stand to look at myself right now. It’s likely that I won’t see her other friends again (not that I don’t want to, but they’re her friends not mine), but I do want to still be friends with my friend, though I feel like I’ve messed it all up and ruined our friendship. Also, my mom eventually talked to me and said that now I’m older and going out on my own I need to take better care of myself and take responsibility for my actions because getting drunk was reckless as I could’ve been robbed, raped, or even arrested (which in that circumstance feels highly unlikely, since it was a very small get together and pretty low key), since I’m technically underage to drink where I currently reside. Or that I could even choke on my own throw up (which scared me when she said that bc I thought she found out I threw up, but she meant it as an example, like “if I threw up”) and have to rely on the others to help me, and that how could I be sure I could I trust any of them to help me since I knew none of them personally and wasn’t that close to my friend (though I have a pretty good intuition about people and know she is a good person, so honestly I would trust her bc she already did take care of me and made sure I was ok). She also asked, “is that how you want to be remembered, the girl who got drunk when meeting her friends and then no one will want to invite you anywhere again or even worse,” as she put it, “be invited to parties because you’re the girl who got drunk,” which she said is worse. While it hurt to hear, I think she made a good point. Ultimately, I’ve decided that I need to be more conscious of what I drink and how much of it I intake and in what span of time. I don’t want to be a burden or an embarrassment like that again, and I’ve chosen to forgive myself and use it as a learning experience for how not to behave at parties and the importance of taking things slow so as not to go beyond my limits and realizing that there is no need to rush, I am there to have a good time I can remember.
I never thought my drinking was a problem but I embarrassed myself so much last night and I feel so ashamed this morning. I went to a work party and hadn't had much food, we finished work and went straight to the pub followed by going to a bar where drinks were free. The problem when I drink is I feel completely fine until I realise I have drunk way too much and it's bad. On the tube home last night I started to feel really sick so tried to hold it in, this resulted in me spray vomiting on the tube and it going on strangers who obviously moved away and were not happy about this, I feel so bad and guilty for this. Luckily one man was so nice and gave me a bag and tissue. At this point I was covered in vomit myself and still had about 30 minutes on the tube. I was so embarrassed as was still vomiting (once on the platform even) and I could smell the sick so anyone near me could too. To end the night I left my phone on the tube which was luckily enough picked up by someone who I've managed to contact.
I'm 24 and vomiting on people in public is just not acceptable, I've never felt so embarrassed or bad in my life. I didn't realise my drinking was a problem until today as I only really socially drink but if I'm doing things like this it's not ok. I've realised today that I need to change something and be more aware of how much I drink and the states I get myself in when drunk as I never want to feel this embarrassment again. I keep thinking how I'll be the story that these people talk about and have so much anxiety over it, I'm very glad they were all strangers as at least I will never see them again but that doesn't stop the embarrassment.
My drinking has taken on a whole new level since my break up 3 years ago. I drink myself into oblivion every weekend, I have low self worth and zero confidence, I think that nobody loves me so why should I love myself?..thing is that I am a good person, when sober I am a fantastic mom, I work hard..but there's this deep rooted sense of self hatred.. I just feel like I don't belong in this world. So, on many nights of my drunken nights I end up kissing random dude(s)...I live in a small town so everyone sure knows of my antics and are definitely judging me... this last weekend was definitely the worst, I was kissing and grinding on this guy in the pub in front of lots of people, some have brought it up.. I have cried and I often wonder why guys look at me as easy, well its because of my drunken behaviour...I will remind you again I'm not at all like that on a daily basis. I'm ashamed of what I'm becoming, I feel my reputation, and that of my sons and families will be totally destroyed...
I know I need some intervention before it takes my life away..
I just recently blacked out and I have had the worst anxiety about it. I ended up peeing on the back porch at the person’s party (i’m a female btw) and a couple people saw me but i’m so embarrassed by it and i’m not sure how to deal with the embarrassment. I want to apologize to the owner of the house but him and I havent exactly been on good terms for a while. At the same time I just want to drop off the face of the earth and not drink anymore. I just want to feel better by this somehow and somehow move on from this
I'm 16 and 2 days ago I got blackout drunk for the 1st time at a fair and I don't even remember getting brought home, I hardly remember what I did but I remember enough to know I lashed out on my mom and her friend, it's shameful but I know I was screaming and crying , I really don't remember pretty much anything but from what I was told by friends and my mom how I acted was just shameful and I feel bad like really bad I remember at some point for some reason I was down the street talking to to no one very loudly I wouldn't be shocked if I woke my neighbors up
I don't remember even walking down the street or going home and what I do remember is very blurry
I lost my phone to and a few other things mostly just upset about my phone though
but I'm not planning on drinking anymore addiction runs in my fam and I know I'm going down a bad road with how much I be drinking all the time but getting black out drunk and acting like I did really just proved I'm going down a bad road
my grammar is def bad while typing this bc I don't feel like going over it lmao but end of story I'm not drinking again and even if my mom offers me just 1 shot I'm not accepting that anymore
Am in the same problem bro and am 19years old it's Alot of pain
I was in a bad mood for few weeks and I accepted to go out with a boy that I only knew for a few months. We went to the bar and I saw the people that I live in a same hostel and I go in a same school that I don't really talk to some of them. This boy invited his friends, I thought I could trust him because we lived nearby and we went out a few times and the personality I saw from him was just being nice, We ordered a bottle of tequila, he and his friend were eating food so the only one that drank the most of the bottle was me. After a few minutes I remember I was dead and passed out on the ground, He wasn't that drunk and he was a few years older than me, The only thing I remember is that he opened my mouth by force when I was passed out with the closed eyes and he kissed me in front of the people that I see more than 4 times every day, I was friend with some of the boys and girls but mostly they were boys. When I woke up I was in a hotel alone and I found out that i threw up and puked because there was vomit on my clothes. I started packing up and I came back to the hostel, I saw a few girls and boys so I asked them what happened, They told me after the kiss I was shouting and throwing up everywhere and telling my friends that I'm prettier than them. They told me the cops saw u on the ground so they took pics and we forced to bring you to the hotel because you couldn't go hostel with this situation. They told me that it's ok and this is happening to everyone. But i feel so disgusted by the boy who kissed me by force in front of everyone, I don't remember anything else what if he touched my body in front of them or what if I did stupid thing and they didn't tell me to makes me feel better. I wasn't feeling embarrassed in front of some boys and girls but I was feeling so bad and stressed with the people that weren't my friend and cleaned my vomit and carried me and saw the worst of me specially because I knew some of them were playboys and the girls who talk about you everywhere. I still overthinking and sometimes when I see them throw the window I can't go outside for buying stuff or going to school. I even sent text to all of them that I was sorry and thankful and talked to few of them. I mean they saw me kissing and throwing up everywhere, I didn't want them to think that I'm an alcoholic or someone who making out everyday and going out with older boys.
Yesterday afternoon I met up with my sisters and their friend in downtown. We got lunch but I had like two bites because I just wasn’t feeling very hungry, but I was on an empty stomach. I drank a pretty strong margarita and then had a shock top after. I was pretty buzzed and feeling good, and then I left them and walked across the street to meet up with my boyfriend and his friend at a brewery. I drank one beer at each brewery we went to, and stupidly ordered the beers with the highest alcohol content. I ended up having like 3 or 4 beers, each beer having between like 8-10% alcohol in it. Now keep in mind I was still on an empty stomach, I wasn’t drinking water though I normally do when I go out drinking, plus I’m not a very big person, I weigh about 135-140 lbs. Anyway, I blacked out before we left the bars and my boyfriend wasn’t aware I had drinks before meeting up with him and I guess i’m good at hiding how drunk I actually am, so he didn’t know how trashed I was. We drove separately so apparently I went to my car and drove to the weed dispensary (because I have my medical card) and he said he saw me driving and that I was swerving and he tried to call me but I didn’t answer. At some point he lost me on the road and I remember being at the dispensary and buying a weed pen (I can’t imagine being the person that rang me up for it.) I don’t remember leaving but I wound up at my parents house later on in the night. According to my sisters I came in and started smoking the weed pen and then I fell over and knocked a nightstand over. When I look at what time I purchased the pen and then what time I came to at my parents house, there’s 2 hours of missing time. I think I was following the gps to get somewhere to go hang out with someone, I’m pretty sure I was driving more than I remember (thank god I didn’t get into an accident or get pulled over.) I was still pretty drunk when my memory starts to come back to me later in the night, I tried to leave their house and my dad wouldn’t let me drive, then my boyfriend came to pick me up (keep in mind I hadn’t answered any of his 15 calls all night and he didn’t know where I was,) so when I finally talked to him he was pretty pissed that I wasn’t communicating with him, but he picked me up and my family all came out to the street when I got in the car and started yelling at my boyfriend, blaming him for getting me drunk and for me almost leaving to drive to his house even though he didn’t know how drunk I was or really anything that happened with me after the bars. I had the worst hangover anxiety late last night and still kinda have one today. I called out of work because I just needed to take it easy today. That’s probably the worst drunk incident I’ve ever had or ever had people seen me have. I don’t EVER act like that drunk or not. Im very embarrassed and ashamed by my behavior and I literally never wanna drink again. I feel really dumb. Hopefully I can recover from the embarrassment soon!
I've known that I was an alcoholic since I was 17 years old. I'm 36 now. Throughout the years I've been in and out of AA with some years of sobriety in between a few months of drinking. Lately I've been drinking once a week at home (without my parents and sisters knowing) and I felt I had self-control for once in my life. I convinced myself that my previous alcoholic tendencies were a thing of the past. It's probably because I'd mainly drink beer and would only buy 4-5 cans and that would be enough. I'd just eat food right after and then go to bed.
However, during the past three weeks I've been adding hard liquor like rum and the past couple of nights I finally lost control. On Sunday, after a get together with some friends (without drinking because my sister was there), on my way home I then went to a liquor store and bought a small bottle of rum. When I got home I drank, listened to music and then became so drunk that I made an ass of myself on the Twitch chat, asking if the host thought I was pretty (my god!). I always had this thing about not feeling pretty enough because my sisters look like models. Anyway, I drank at 10pm, ended at 6am and then woke up at 3pm. I woke up with a slight hangover and decided to go to a bar for one Bloody Mary for my hangover. Welp, it didn't end there! I then drank a Margarita, a Corona, a Negroni, and then a Manhattan. Before I knew it my speech was so slurred I could barely talk to the other bar patrons. They were very patient with me but also looked at me with concern. I was aware of how drunk I was but no coherent sentence would come out. I then decided to walk across the street to a Latin bar/restaurant to get some food and more alcohol. I was the only woman there besides the waitresses. I totally lost control. I invited this homeless looking guy to sit with me so I could pay for his dinner. I remember saying to one guy, "God bless your mom." Most of the guys probably felt pity for me. And then I remember talking to this guy who so happened to be friends with a family friend of mine but he was more than 20 years older than me. I could barely talk but he started touching my private area and made out with me and I tried pulling away. He even said that I'm not pretty but I'm not ugly either (I probably asked him if he thought I was pretty.) But for some reason after the restaurant closed I gave him a lift to his house. I'm so ashamed that I drove drunk on top of it all. I think I was supposed to go over that guy's house but thank god he was so fed up with my drunkenness that he hopped out of my car. I'm thankful that I snapped out of my drunken stupor enough to drive home safely, but still! I woke up a few hours later and I realized I lost my glasses and I woke up with a cold sore on my lip! I feel so ashamed and dirty. I haven't bar drank or have been physical with a guy in over three years. I felt so down and hungover that when I was buying new glasses the workers asked if I was ok. I know I can't continue on like this and I know I will get through this embarrassing event because I've been there a thousand times before. I'm just sad that I'm 36 and still haven't grown out of this behavior. My twin has been sober since she was 24 but for some reason I just can't get it.
I hope you've managed to stay sober or at least drink less, its worrying that a girl is getting to the point where fellas are taking advantage, please stay safe & i mean that with an open heart ❤
My boyfriend and I had a house party on Saturday. I was pretty stressed about the entire thing leading up to it as I’ve never hosted anything before. The night started off good everyone was having fun and it was going pretty well. By 11.30 I was completely smashed drunk, just being annoying and obnoxious, behaving in ways I wouldn’t normally sober. There was a guy at the party, let’s call him Jack, I didn’t want him there particularly, he’s never given me a good impression and has a history of acting very strangely and badly. His friend let’s call him Gordon, is friends with my boyfriend and brought him along with him. Anyway around that time in the night Jack fell over and smashed through our window and took the whole thing out. Everyone came rushing over and me being completely drunk decided to yell at him to leave and pushed him out the door. I don’t totally remember what I was saying but I just remember being pretty aggressive and mean, to the point where other people were commenting on me being really upset. Then later in the night I was hanging out with Gordon and another friend of my boyfriends and was trying to play fight them. It wasnt serious fighting but I was still trying to push them and slap them for some ridiculous reason. I remember them laughing at it but I was just being so idiotic, like that is not something I would normally do at all I’m not sure what came over me. I feel completely shameful about my behaviour, I can’t believe I acted so ridiculously. This is the worst hangover anxiety I’ve felt in a long time, I don’t know how to deal with it. I want to apologise to everyone I was being so crazy around but I’m also so embarrassed that I don’t want to draw attention to it either. I’m looking on the internet for ways to deal with this shame, and trying to find other people that have felt the same way and messed up in drunken ways before. Writing this is making me feel slightly better but if anyone has any other solutions that would be very helpful
Time helps everything. You aren’t a bad person for making a mistake it happens to all of us. Try and change the behaviour that lead to it but that’s all you can do. People are too concentrated on the own lives to dwell on one drunken mistake of yours.
Hello. Idk if you’ll see this but if you do please respond. I have recently done some really crazy stuff blacked out out this weekend. I know. Exactly how you feel.
I drove last night when i shouldn't have and my check engine light was on. And I made a stupid perchance on-line. I'm just ashamed this is away I've been coping with stress. I need to stop period before something happens. Im tired of feeling this way. I made bad mistakes 14 years ago involving drinking so that should be a indication to stay away from it. Any success in sobriety?
Ugh this is me right now! That’s why I’m reading this lol I was so out of control last night I feel like my bf is going to break up with me. I’m so embarrassed, I seriously hate myself rn lol a shameover is worse than a hangover…. Your not alone
Hey. Last night I was so drunk and hooked up with 3 different people and was trying to hook up with other people too. This morning my friends told me what happened and I have no memory of it. I have blacked out a couple of time but never done anything this messy. I’m so embarrassed about what people are saying and I hope I didn’t make anyone uncomfortable. I wasn’t even attracted to the people I hoooked up with. Reading these comments make me feel a little better. I learn from this and I’m not going to drink for a while and if I do again i will not drink a lot.
The first time I ever got supper drunk an could hardly remember the next day with a bad hangover was just a couple nights ago during the after party to our company’s Christmas party. God, I’m really ashamed to admit that I do things that could totally get misinterpreted, even with good intentions, but I know better that boundaries will have to get set from now on. So first of all one of the coworkers out of the 5 of us who hung out in the after party has expressed interest of me in a sexually way completely sober a year ago, and he is a manger. But at the time I was very adamant we remained as friends and he was way older than me, I am in my 20s, he is well into his 40s. I told a close friend and coworker about it out of concern and she’s kept an eye on me when he’s around since. Gods though, if she wasn’t sober and another coworker of ours who is nice but tends to spread rumors weren’t sober I’d be scared of being alone with him. I was stupid and for some reason the two male coworkers in our group kept talking about sex and my stupid mouth would chime in like, ‘oh yeah I’ve done that’. Wtf, I’m horrified to admit that but sober me of course was nowhere to help me that night. I only found out from the two sober chicks who eventually brought me home, but not without one of the guys trying to kiss me, and supposedly I was giving one of them a foot message and creeping up his leg? Look, I’d message a home girls foot any day but a mans?!? Ugh, worse yet it was to the one coworker I was pretty scared to be alone with because I’m pretty sure he would have tried something and my brain wouldn’t have known better. Thank god though nothing but embarrassing conversations and awkward kisses were had but work will definitely be a bit stressful tomorrow, if you’re going to be irresponsible like me, please at the very least have people who will look out for you. It could’ve been way worse than it was, this I will have to deal with now everyday till maybe I find another job that isn’t a constant reminder. I’ve given away all of my liquor in the hose since and swore to keep a clean head unless I want to continue to be miserable.
I have had a few instances where I’ve gotten blackout drunk. My drunken behavior can range from super happy silly drunk to mean to promiscuous. The other night my bf and I went to a friends house. My bf wasn’t drinking but his friend is a big drinker and offered us a drink. I had a couple of shots and was fine and then his other friend came over. I kept drinking and eventually went past the point of no return. When my boyfriend was ready to leave I begged him like a child to stay. I was very loud and obnoxious saying “please baby I never get to go out”. He refused and when he wanted me to go to the car I ran from him, jumping his friends fence (three times), hiding from him behind the kitchen counter and wrestling him when he tried to grab me. We ended up getting into it pretty bad and yelling obscenities at each other in between our wrestling match. Mind you his friend had a baby sleeping in the other room. I didn’t want to leave so badly that I was kicking and screaming when he tried to pick me up and putting my feet on the walls and door. When I got home I called his friend and said we are coming back and going to go to the beach! I was blackout drunk at that point and luckily stayed home where my boyfriend took care of me. It was very embarrassing. I woke up to bruises all over my body and filled with regret and shame. I’m worried about how his friends view me now.
Hi do you know what causes you to be blackout drunk because unfortunately I get the same?
I am also struggling with this issue. I have been drinking since I was 17 I used to binge drink a lot on weekends and was always the normal type of drunk I had never experienced issues before even I blacked out. In 2018 I had my first episode of being a rageful and angry drunk. I got my first and only DUI that night and it scared me to my core. If I drink beer or a few cocktails the whole night I am good. If I drink mostly liquor or drink on an empty stomach i end up saying suicidal thoughts out loud, cry and get angry at something that happens. It is embarrassing and I have hurt some of the closest people to me. I am fortunate that i haven’t lost anyone completely but I absolutely hate being told of my actions and the hurtful things I said. I think that as we age alcohol affects us differently and of course any trauma or pain we have experienced over the years tends to show when we are drunk and vulnerable. I don’t have a drinking problem and usually I have a drink or two of wine at night or a few drinks on the weekend. I don’t know if I will ever be a fun drunk unless I control my alcohol intake and ensure I don’t black out again.
Black out drinking has caused me and the people I love the most pain. Often I don't know what's worse, dealing with the shame afterwards and knowing people think less of you, or not being able to connect fully with the idea or what happened because there is no memory of it for you. There have been times that I have been black out drunk that have led to me doing things I didn't want sexually, drink driving, trying to make out with/sexually assaulting friends that didn't want it, yelling at friends and people and being mean, losing things and hurting myself, sometimes breaking my own bones. Although I've definitely gotten better over the years, and it;s taken years for me to recognise and change, I still think about ordering the strongest drink for 'bang for buck' and I still have a pull inside me that tugs, drink drink drink. It's a complicated act to forgive yourself and have more love and less toxic shame when there feels like there's more and more reason to hate yourself. But I do think the more I focus on caring for myself and for others, the shame that is left over can be constructive. Can help me make smarter choices. I'm going to try and be sober for life now, and a part of me feels sad about that. That feels hard and I'm trying to think of other substances that might be able to replace alcohol. I think that's telling of all of us. There's a pain we are trying to run from, and it may follow us to our graves until we face it.
Good luck to you. I really resonate with what you've shared. Thank you. I wish you the best.
I am 21 years old and moved to a new country on my own just 3 months ago. Before moving away from home, I only ever drank with my family. And never over-board. I would never go out to drink with friends. Since moving to this new country, I have been drinking past my limit. The first time I went past my limit, I was with a new friend and we shared a couple of bottles of soju. She basically had to carry me home. I didn't black out and my mind was still in-tack, but I was incapable of walking on my own. The second time I went over my limit, I was at another new friend's house and I basically just fell asleep after drinking too much. After a few hours, I was able to walk myself home. Both times, my speech was completely slurred. However, this Saturday was the worst. And it is definitely my reason for never drinking again. The day started off nice and I was not even planning on drinking at night. I had gone out with my friend (the one who dragged me home after soju fiasco) and we were just exploring the city. She then tells me that she wants to meet up with 3 other friends and asks if I want to go drinking with them. So of course I agreed because I am sad and lonely in this new country. I rather be with people than be alone. We get to the bar and they have an "all you can drink" for 90min for just around $15. I did not want to do it but for some reason I agreed. Of course, I ordered the strongest drinks on the menu. I think I had about 3 Jack Daniel's cocktails, 3 sake cocktails, one tiny bottle of sake, and like 2 other drinks that I cannot remember. I was able to go to the bathroom before leaving, even though I was a bit wobbly. Thankfully, I was taking the train home with 2 of the people who went. I thought I could walk, but I couldn't even stand straight. I guess I somewhat blacked out because I cannot remember the 15min walk to the train station. Waiting for the train, I fell on my butt and the two friends had to hold me up. I wanted to stop talking but I couldn't stop blurting things out in 3 different languages. I could feel people staring at me but I couldn't control my speech. Then, one of the friends got off on his stop and I was left with one friend. I sat down next to an old man on the train and my friend stood next to me. The second I sat down, I knew I was gonna throw up. I really tried holding it back but with the swaying of the train, it was no good. I threw up all over my hands and just looked down on it, not sure what to do. I felt bad for the guy sitting next to me and wanted to apologize but now I couldn't even speak. Some kind lady came up to my friend and gave her wipes and a bag, and my friend cleaned my hands. I then threw up again into the bag. Although I can't remember anyone's faces, the train was full of people and they were all silent. I am a foreigner living in a monocultural society, so I stand out regardless of what I do. After throwing up in a train at 11pm, I am sure they were all watching. I hope no one from my work saw me. My friend was kind enough to walk me home. I apologized to her and thanked her the next day. She cleaned up my throw up and took me home so I really do admire her kindness. When I got home, I just quickly threw water on my face, took off my contacts, and changed into pajamas. I woke up around 7 times throughout the night to throw up. I was throwing up until 9am. It was really bad. I did not know I could get to that point of drunkenness, but now I know I am not invincible to the consequences of alcohol. I just feel embarrassed, not because a bunch of strangers saw me, or because maybe a coworker could've seen me, or because my new friend saw me like this, but because I know have to live with this memory of myself. I can't imagine telling this story to my future husband. I called my mom and sister, but I didn't tell them about how I threw up in the train. Even so, they sounded very disappointed in me. It is just so embarrassing that I let myself get to this point and threw up on public transport. Today, I cried after trying to make myself feel better about what happened. It is extremely difficult and isolating living in this new country, but I now know I do not want to seek refuge in alcohol anymore. I only drink when I go out to feel an emotion that is not sadness or loneliness. I don't even really like the taste of alcohol, Coca-Cola tastes better to me than any sort of alcoholic drink. I will not be drinking again. I am making this promise to myself.
I went out with friends on Saturday. It started with a girls dinner and then we met up with our guy friends after. I had had a particularly stressful day and was feeling a bit anxious already. I started with a pregame at one friend’s house doing a couple tequila shots. We ate dinner and I had two martinis. Not the wisest decision. I also think for some reason when I’m around everyone in my friend group and we are bar hopping my mind switches to binge drink mode. That’s what we have done much of in the past. I rarely binge drink now or get blackout drunk anymore so I felt extremely anxious and hungover the next day. After dinner we went to a bar and took lots of Jell-O shots and I just randomly started crying for no reason. Not making a scene or anything but still. Embarrassing. The night is spotty though. I remember going to another bar and signing up for karaoke but it was too late. I’m thankful that we left before I got a chance to sing. After the second bar we went to a friends house and continued drinking. I remember having an u comfortable conversation with a friend and spilling too much. Getting too personal and sad. This is pretty out of character for me but I’m going to take it as a sign to reach out to my therapist. This never would have happened had I not drank so much but I was already feeling kind of low so it definitely didn’t help. Anyway I know my conversation with said friend left a bad taste in her mouth as she thought I was insulting her. I just feel so embarrassed because we were supposed to be celebrating and I really killed the mood with my belligerence. It’s been two days so I’m not feeling as much self loathing but boy was yesterday rough. Sometimes I wonder if I may have a problem because I do love a drink.
I recently just turned 21 and have been regularly drinking since 15. The last two years I have been drinking so excessively I black out almost everytime. When I do I behave horribly and seem to turn into a different kind of person. I lie badly, I get touchy with people other than my boyfriend, I get loud, start fights, scream, and just act like a fool. I’ve read that personalities do not alter with alcohol so the guilt is so great on my shoulders….
My boyfriend and I went to a wedding for his family last week. And we already got a message ab how I made his brother uncomfortable because I tugged on his pocket and lied ab us liking each other in childhood. I also talked to his mom in the bathroom which ended with me in tears and angry at my boyfriend when he had done nothing wrong…. I’m so embarrassed about my behavior and so scared of what text messages will roll in next over the next few days and weeks. It’s definitely not the worst I have behaved but it was a horribly inappropriate place to get as blasted as I did to not remember anything. I sincerely tried so hard to pace myself and drink plenty of water. But every time I promise myself and everyone around me I won’t get crazy again and every time I fail. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to say no to alcohol or why it’s so hard to not drink until obliteration. And I’m so scared that deep down I am this deceptive crazy non-committed person. I’m hurting for myself and for my boyfriend, he’s my favorite person in this world and I feel like I let him down again.
Hey, every story is different but I’ve been in a very similar situation. It took me a while to get to the point where I couldn’t have another night like that. It’s really hard to admit that you have a problem with alcohol, because the world likes to reinforce the ‘drunken mess’ narrative. But it couldn’t be farther from the truth, alcoholism is a mental illness that unfortunately can lead to some not so great behavior. Not saying you are an alcoholic that is up to you to say, but if you don’t want to black out again, you have the choice to change that. I’m 25 and I’ve only been sober 7 months, and I’m not going to sugar coat it it’s been really hard, but in a way that is so rewarding. You’ll know what I mean when you see it for yourself doll. You’re not alone at all- and there are lots of resources out there to change you’re life.
Stay strong you got this!
Your an alcoholic. Harsh but simple answer. Theres no magic fix other than to stop drinking.
You know I’ve also heard people say that substances don’t change people’s personalities, and I’ve seen enough in my life now to know that clearly that is rubbish. We are who we are in the moment, and that is always changing. People become different people when they use drugs (including alcohol) to excess. It’s important to know that sober-you is not an aggressive person. But it’s also important to know that drunk-you is, and that there is no lower “safe” limit of alcohol for people like us.
Maybe when you were young, the alcohol served some kind of a purpose to your younger self in however a dysfunctional way - maybe that young person was trying to self-medicate, or trying to be popular. But it’s OK now not to do that anymore. You’re older now and stronger in the world. You can give yourself permission to stop now.
I wish you all the very best in your health and happiness, and in the way ahead.
This is exactly what I’m going through right now. It really is something I want to get over but I’m so embarrassed about what happened. I ruined a lot of relationships by drinking but honestly I just need to stop going around people that drink because it makes me want to drink so maybe it’s a good thing I found myself in this position to cut out those people anyways
So i am 42 and been a functioning alcoholic basically my entire adult life. Usually drink anywhere from eight to fifteen beers probably about three nights a week. usually just at home on the phone with a couple single girls i know. When im in a relationship i tend to curb that down for the most part but recently me and my long term gf broke up and i have been in the dumps. Well i went out last night with a couple long term friends i hadnt seen in a while. Went to a local bar we were having fun drinking, playing pool and chatting. I was getting pretty loaded toward the end of the night but was having such a good time i decided to stay when they were going to drop me off at my house. Big mistake! I told them i would uber home and was probably there another hour and a half drinking talking to random strangers, flirting with a couple girls. I dont think i really did anything terrible while i was there because i remember about everything. But by the time i left couldnt even figure out how to work the uber app on my phone so i just figured i would walk home. about 2 miles. Somewhere on the walk home at a little after midnight i trip and hit my head on the sidewalk. I am balding so i shave my head completely. Other than that i get home fine and go to bed. Wake up with this big scrape on the top of my head and it looks rediculous. I have three days before i go back to work, praying it will some how heal by then. I feel pretty stupid today and thought this would help. Thinking of getting some makeup to try and cover the scrape before going back to work. Not how i intended to start my long holiday weekend. I really need to stop drinking to say the least. Its when i have the most fun times but always the times i put myself in the worst or imbarrassing situations. Knowing myself, in a week or so the scrape will be gone, last night will be a distant memory and ill be right back to over drinking. such a shame
I have had a quite confusing relationship with alcohol, almost like a love/hate one. I don't drink very often because i'm not that old, but when i do, i can't seem to stop. I hate it, and i feel so bad for my friends after we go out. I'm struggling a bit with something that happened one night... I got black out drunk, and idk why but apparently some guy and i kissed (when i heard the story, it sounded like i took the initiative). I haven't seen him since and i also didn't know him. I really regret it, because i also have lost my best friend because of it. (He had a crush on me before and didnt take what happened that night well at all.) But now im just feeling really confused, because he is 27 years older than me. Could have been my dad kind of old... I'm pretty sure he wasn't as drunk as me, and i feel that he is partly responsible as an adult. But i blame myself. I know that it is my fault, but i also feel like i've lost my trust in (older) men. Im 99% sure that he was the one behind a recent friend request, because i usually never get those and i didnt know the person at all. I looked up his name, and he has a family and a wife. His oldest child must be around my age. I feel like i possibly ruined a marriage... I don't know how to feel or what to do.
Drinking with my family and friend at a party, my sis and her boyfriend were there too, I have 10 years on them but the other folks are double my age so i hung out with them as a cool older brother. I cannot drink like them but i tried anyway.. shots, sh1t mixes, wine, beer. It was awful. Things were good.
But at the end of the night everything went south. we were chilling outside and i could see my sis just wanted to go to sleep, I don't remember what he said, something like "sit and stay", i immediately saw red and rushed round the table to sit next to her, i told her to go to bed and then sat in her seat. Context: she (my sis) has severe abandonment issues, self harms when hes not there, threatens suicide and has attempted it before, she is a shell of the girl i grew up with but she is getting much better. throughout the evening he was slapping her (uncomfortably hard) and barking orders at her like some animal, i just had enough. I spewed some of the cruelest scariest things i could muster from me, in an attempt to scare some sense into him, it was like i was possessed. What a mistake. He started recording my monologue seemingly just after i had sat next to him (without my knowledge) my sis then rushed out and took his side, and they both started shaming and goading me into saying some proper horrible things, even challenged me to a fight which i am SO glad i walked away from, when she came out and jumped in with him i had no idea what to do. The next morning he sent the recording to my mother. The recording is terrible, it is the worst version of me imaginable. The whole thing is like a nightmare I can't wake up from. There is a lesson here i have yet to learn.
This past weekend, I was with my maternal family, they went to sleep, I just couldn't sleep, and therefore I drank a full bottle of whisky and some beers,,,I was so drunk to a point I couldn't walk or stand, I fell, embarrassing myself and almost hurting myself. my mum and her sisters (my aunts) were also present, I believe they are very disappointed in me, my cousins maybe a little but I don't know how will i face my aunties after this ordeal i created. some of my cousins had to pick me up and hold me to walk.
Just this weekend I had my aunt over to the house for the first time for her birthday weekend and it was a disaster. I don't usually drink vodka, but I bought it for her and I ended up drinking way too much on Saturday into early Sunday morning. My boyfriend has a habit of bringing up past issues we have had when we have company or in a group setting, knowing I don't lie it, but he does it anyway. This one story he talked about with my aunt, he already talked about with two other groups in the past month, even though we discussed it and dealt with it. I was furious and argued with him because he wants to bring these things up just to be right, he doesn't care how it makes me feel.
So I drank more because I was furious. And around 1am Sunday morning, I went to the washroom and fell back against the toilet tank and broke the tank. Water spilled out and seaped through to our ceiling below, causing some water damage. And a little dripped to our neighbors place below us.
I am taking ownership and doing everything to fix it, and have decided to stop drinking completely. But it is important for your significant other to be supportive as well. We talked about everything the next day calmly, but he stills rubs it in my face. I am well aware of what I did and feel bad about it, since it also happened in front of my aunt, who is like a mother to me. I know I did a bad thing, but I don't believe in making someone feel worse than they already do. Show support for those you love and help them through the situation. We feel bad enough as it is.
Hey y'all, reading these drunken horror stories is a bit comforting to me, knowing I'm not the only one!
I have been a hardcore alcoholic for a long time. I am 32 years old and I have lost several jobs due to drinking. I have spent time in jail for DUI, and paid tens of thousands of dollars on drinking and its consequences.
You would think I've learned my lesson, but NO! I keep messing things up! While I have improved drastically with my drinking, I've learned that complete and total abstinence is my only option now. Unless I want to die or get arrested.
I used to get drunk every single night, but now I am taking better care of myself and drink 1X per week max. Convincing myself that all my hard work and personal progress deserves a fun night at the local saloon. I mean I used to guzzle whiskey by myself, so the thought of a few beers with friends/coworkers seems totally normal, right? WRONG!
Once I have a single sip of beer, wine or whiskey, I will keep drinking into oblivion, and I have dozens of scary brownout/blackout stories. But now I would like to share my most recent horror story, hopefully my final painful lesson with alcohol.
So I do seasonal work, which means that I travel around the country to live and work for a "season", usually Summer and Winter. Each seasonal gig lasts about 4-5 months, although every place is different. Right now I am in a small town in North Dakota. Well I started off strong! Exercising instead of drinking, sticking to a healthy daily routine, getting along well with my coworkers. I hadn't felt this great in a long time, which means I let my guard down in regards to alcohol. I convinced myself that I could handle a night of drinking. That I DESERVED a night of drinking. Ugh.
Anyways, all the employees go out for "Ladies Night" on Monday nights. We go to the local saloon, where the ladies drink for cheap. Most of the workers are international people from places like Romania, Poland, Bulgaria, France, Dominican Republic and Mexico. I am one of the few American dudes here, but let me tell you, I have a thing for Spanish speaking women. And the Dominican girls are my favorite, one of whom I have a huge crush on.
So Im really excited for Ladies Night because my crush is going to be there. And since Im pretty shy and introverted, i always think that a few drinks will make me more fun. Well a few drinks turns into pregaming with a pint of whiskey. So Im pretty much wasted by the time I even get to the saloon, where of course I continue to drink.(and I don't have a vehicle. plus this town is so small that you can easily walk everywhere. so thankfully no DUI behavior) At first, I still feel pretty composed, chatting innocently with girls and guys alike. But after I start downing beer (and remember, I drank like a pint of whiskey before hand), I start losing my inhibitions. I get aggressive. I remember going straight up to my crush and saying something flirty in Spanish. But at the same time, Im browning in and out of consciousness. Next thing I know, this big scary looking Hispanic dude is giving me a dirty look. And having been working out recently, and sloshed, I feel pretty cocky and fearless. I square up with this dude, probably talking all kinds of trash, egging him on and what not.
Well the next thing I remember is waking up on the ground with blood trickling out of my month. This guy knocked me out cold, right in front of all my coworkers. Talk about embarrassing! I had some other cringe worthy interactions that night, and being blackout drunk means I don't remember most of it. I think that is the absolute worse, when you black out and don't remember. I have done insane things in this condition, like pull knives on people. I turn into a scary monster. And I fear thats what i did! SO the next morning, I called out of work, although everyone knew it was because I was hungover. I couldnt bear to show my face, which was swollen and aching at that! And the thing about seasonal work is that everyone lives and works together in close quarters. There is like a fishbowl affect in which you cannot really get away from other people. I contemplated just up and leaving, thats how bad I felt. But I decided to man up and face the consequences, look people in the eye and apologize.
Thankfully a lot of other people were pretty drunk that night too, so it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought.
But gosh, I am done with alcohol. All I do is LOSE when I drink. Whether I lose money, friends, respect, or jobs, I sure as hell don't gain anything. Just lose lose lose. And Im done
I humiliated my husband by kicking his coworkers out, whom I had invited to our home. I also accused him of cheating with one of his coworkers and calling her names… I’m so depressed right now. I hardly drink like that, but I hate alcohol ..
I am in this same scenario and continue to do this. I hate myself, I have embarrassed him too many times and I feel like he’d be a fool to stay with me.
I’m really embarrassed about the things I do sometimes while being drunk,
I have a crush on my boss’s son and he gave me ride home after I got drunk with my friends, I do not know if he has any feelings for me or not but I was all over him that night, falling, tripping on him I also got my ankle sprained and I was not letting him go from my house but he eventually left and I do not even remember about the things i told him. I was hugging him and asking him not leave. I don’t know how am I gonna face him at work now.
I don’t know if I’m ready to tell my story, but I want to get what I can, out. I just moved to a new state and met some new friends. They’re not really my type (I’m active, I don’t drink much, I don’t smoke, I’m outdoorsy and athletic) but this always happens. It’s hard for me to make friends bc I’m socially awkward and I have a lot of mental health stuff. Depression, anxiety, etc…. So I take what I can get and I mirror who they are so that they like me (I always hate myself for that) they’re very nice at least and so that makes it easier. Anyways, my son is best friends with their son, so we got invited to his birthday party at their house. They actually made it a kids party/adult party with Jell-O shots, scotch, vodka mixed drinks and beer. At first, I was smart and said no to the Jell-O shots because I knew better… but they kept on and kept on so I was like ok what the hell. So I took one and we ended up having like 6 shots. Maybe more who knows. I’m tiny, I should’ve never done that. Time goes on and I’m more social and silly but I’m fine. The kids party finally ends at 4 and I decide to sit down and relax and have some beers and talk because I had been helping my friend with her party and I was exhausted, mostly because the night before I only slept 2 hours (couldn’t sleep) when I sat, I probably should’ve eaten and had some water. It was extremely hot and humid, and honestly I should’ve just left right then and there but I hadn’t been out in so long, I haven’t done anything with anyone outside of my family in years. For a second there, I was happy and felt like my old self, when I had friends and fun. But that’s because the shots really hit me and I was drinking beer like it was water bc I was hot. The people on the porch that I was talking to, were not interesting. We had nothing in common, I don’t even know what we were talking about, I guess the music on the Alexa, and our kids? We all have kids. This girl Melissa was there and she was very chatty and I was pretending to be interested in what she was saying but I wasn’t. I’m more of a deep person, and when I’m around like minded people, we don’t have small talk. So I was in a weird headspace having to dumb myself down for a few people I knew weren’t for me. I blacked out. I don’t remember anything after Melissa left. Nothing. I have little flashbacks, but I don’t remember a thing. Apparently I sat outside and talked to some ugly scrawny dude for hours about who knows. He was drinking the worst scotch and literally not my type at alllllllll. He reminded me of an old high school buddy of mine, maybe that’s why I was drawn to him. Everyone there was inside and I guess talking about me. I guess saying I was hot and they wanted to “hit that” but then people said I was married and blah blah. You know how guys can be. I guess they got pissed that the guy I was talking to was making me laugh and smile but I always do that and tbh, even more when I’m drunk. My son was supposed to stay for a sleepover so I guess I realized that it was late and so I just got up and left and drove home. Don’t even know how the night ended. Oh we did go on the big water slide too. So dumb. I should’ve never. Not drunk anyways. Fast forward to the next morning and it’s drama central. Apparently that guy asked about me in their group chat and said he thought something was there between us and they were like “she’s married” and I guess he said he didn’t know that. My friend told me that he was kicked out of the street bike gang thingy they’re in, idk… and My god, so dramatic. I wasn’t feeling it at all. Fast forward. I message the dude on Instagram and he seems fine. He’s like “I knew you were in a relationship. You were loyal and respectful. He’s lucky to have you” very weird. Fast forward to my sons party and I invited them to the party. While she was there, she told me that the guy told them that I said I wasn’t happy in my relationship and THATS why he did what he did (talked to me and followed me around) I don’t think I said that. First of all, I thought he didn’t know I was even in a relationship. Now all of this. Anyways, I told my partner everything. I always do. He didn’t care. But I’m mortified. I’m embarrassed. I feel so much shame and guilt. I had conversations with people and don’t remember ANY OF IT. I told some girl that I thought I was a bad mom??? Why would I say that? Why would I put my kids in danger like that saying stuff that isn’t true. Having strangers worrying or idk. Idk how to feel or what to think. Apparently I told one girl that I thought she was judgmental and that upset her. I have no clue what happened when the adult party really started. I was smoking cigarettes which I never do unless I’m blacked out, and ugh. I hate myself. They all hate me and probably think I’m a flirting lying whore that thinks she’s a bad mother who also calls people names “judgmental” who I don’t even know. It’s so embarrassing, that’s not who I am. I am calm and sweet and playful and fun mom to some awesome kids that are truly my whole life. I am not a flirting cheating dumb bitch. I didn’t cheat, but they all have me feeling like I did by talking to that guy, and I know maybe that’s not my friends intention, but that’s what it feels like. They live up the street and our boys are best friends, and I wish we could just move states lol but we are here forever, so I’ll forever have to live with this embarrassment and awkwardness. I’m afraid that people will always talk about me and always wonder if I’m a bad mom and a cheater. I feel like I embarrassed my partner and my kids, and I don’t know how to stop the thoughts and feelings of dread that I’m having. I just feel so low and alone and depressed. I’m never drinking again. Alcohol ruins lives and friendships. Period. I know my story isn’t as bad as the others, but I can not shake this depression I have from whatever the hell happened. I guess I’ll never really know. I feel like my friend isn’t telling me all the stupid stuff I did bc she wants to protect my feelings because she knows I was drunk and she knows I’m a good person, but idk….. I just feel so alone and like the world hates me.
Hey, I get it!! I have no suggestions, just to let you know you are not alone If it is to be rationalized, there is a saying "it is better to be alone than in bad company." Maybe go for a run, bike ride, or hike...and you may meet like minded people. Give yourself a break, it is not easy to move and make new buddies. It takes a while. Good luck!!!
I and my husband move another country. I started to learn another language. The other day, there was a fest. And all of the neighbors were there. I was hungry and I drank too much beer. I talked with everyone about the things I cant remember. And there was a guy who is younger than me. I try to talk with him but I cant remember what we were talking about. Last minutes of the conversation he swear me in amother language. I think we were talking about languages and he said "I know Chezch, prostitute!" And everyone heard it. Some girl translated it to me. IDK why he said like this but I cant remember any of it. My husband were emberassed. I wont drink alcohol anymore. I am so sorry. You are not alone. Maybe I told the guy on party about silly sexual jokes IDK. It is really emberassing. Now i cant leave the house because I dont want to see my neighbors.
I have a problem with over drinking. Last night I was on Twitter posting about running for political office in my state. I love politics, and the whole idea of helping people, but I was banging on about running and trying to encourage other people to run. While drinking I fail to remember that most people including myself have zero political experience and funds to actually participate in an election.
Not the most embarrassing story in the world but I'll have a hard time letting that go for a while. I've since deleted the tweets and deactivated my account, I'm on there too much anyway.
I figured I'd share my story to let others know that you're not alone and this happens probably far more frequently than we can imagine.
Hopefully this makes you feel better by me saying this but I laughed. I totally understand your embarrassment as I can relate to posting stupid things online while under the influence, but this one is funny. Sometimes it feels better to laugh at yourself instead
Like everyone else here, I'm overwhelmed by reading all of these experiences. I'm terrified by what happened to me this weekend while blackout drunk, and this hasn't been the first time I've found myself in such a situation. I got off of work early and had a few glasses of wine at the bar I work at, as well as the bar next door. I was alone and after drinking more than an entire bottle by myself I was feeling friendly so I popped into the Irish pub on my walk home (this was my big mistake, I should have just gone home). There was only one man sitting at the bar, and he recognized me as he was in the bar I work at earlier in the evening. He greeted me enthusiastically and told me to sit next to him, which I did. I quickly downed a Manhattan which was a mistake (liquor is what gets me in trouble) and when he suggested grabbing an uber to go to a bar a couple of miles away I complied enthusiastically. My memory is spotty from then on but I remember him kissing me at the other bar, I think I wanted to get away from him because I ended up outside sitting on a picnic table at a food truck with a group of sketchy men. I don't know how I was acting or responding to these men but I'm quite sure a few of them were trying to taking advantage of me. Next thing I remember is BOLTING down the street into some neighborhood trying to get away from the man I came here in the uber with. My final memory is being passed out on the sidewalk with these strange men touching me inappropriately and taking full advantage of my helpless state. Thank GOD they left me alone, as I woke up on the sidewalk with the sun coming up and I was able to walk the 20 minutes home with the aid of my phone which I'm so lucky I still had. I cried the whole walk home, partly because I was ashamed and terrified but mostly because I was grateful I made it out of that situation in one piece.